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CD "Purging" (?) Do Other Gurls Do It?

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gailwright

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Aug 7, 2016
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The question mark indicates that I don't even know if I'm using an appropriate term for what I want to discuss. (I still can't get over how wonderful it is to be able to talk about sexual and gender matters with precisely the right people!!!)

Anyway, I have been "dressing" to varying degrees (always in the privacy of my home--alone, or sometimes for a man) for several years. I like to dress in heels (classic pumps, generally 3"), thigh-hi's (generally nude), thong or panties, short skirt or capris, some sort of top, and wig. I have very little makeup experience--other than lipstick and mascara. (I mention that only to give you a sense of the limited amount of feminine stuff I tend to acquire.)

When I dress, I feel amazingly feminine--and want to much to pleasure a man!!!
But, what I really want most of all is to have a man love me and want to feminize me to be his girlfriend (or more). That, of course, has never happened. :(

Instead, I wind up feeling degraded and stupid--like a guy who dresses in women's clothing! (Duh!!! :D) I then decide I never want to engage in that farce again and I "purge" by throwing away (discreetly) every single remnant of femininity I had acquired.

I then feel better, go a few months looking for a girl for myself, followed by a gradual reemergence of my urges for femininity, dressing, and (to be indelicate about it) cock! I resist these urges, but finally give in and begin to acquire feminine things again, only to repeat the process following some particularly upsetting experience.

My first question is, do other gurls do this--especially, do they do it OVER AND OVER???!!!

Second, any opinions/analyses regarding what this ought to be telling me? :D

The only other thing I can add is that I drool over stories in which a man falls in love with a feminine guy and compels him to femininze (always at the lover's expense) to become the female love of his life.

I really appreciate any input you might care to give. Feel free to Private Message anything personal to you!!!

Thanks!!! :)

Gail
 
I've went through the "purge stage" before. It was a painful process in a very trying time. I felt like I was throwing away a piece of me, a piece of my self identity; a piece of my soul. I went 2 years without anything feminine while serving in the US Army. The very day I got outta the service, I started buying the clothes again and growing my hair back out full length. That was back in 1994. My dressing effeminate is as close of a relationship with me as my shadow. It goes where ever I go and can't be severed from me ( a choice I have made) I'm happy keeping my identity. But, I will not lie and tell you I'm not a man underneath the clothes and makeup. I am just as content with the man as I am with the feminine image I project. I can't relate on the cock issue you are mentioning. I lost my taste for dick About 10 years ago( another choice I made because of outside factors)đź‘ đź‘ đź‘ Kant
 
gailwright said:
The question mark indicates that I don't even know if I'm using an appropriate term for what I want to discuss. (I still can't get over how wonderful it is to be able to talk about sexual and gender matters with precisely the right people!!!)

Anyway, I have been "dressing" to varying degrees (always in the privacy of my home--alone, or sometimes for a man) for several years. I like to dress in heels (classic pumps, generally 3"), thigh-hi's (generally nude), thong or panties, short skirt or capris, some sort of top, and wig. I have very little makeup experience--other than lipstick and mascara. (I mention that only to give you a sense of the limited amount of feminine stuff I tend to acquire.)

When I dress, I feel amazingly feminine--and want to much to pleasure a man!!!
But, what I really want most of all is to have a man love me and want to feminize me to be his girlfriend (or more). That, of course, has never happened. :(

Instead, I wind up feeling degraded and stupid--like a guy who dresses in women's clothing! (Duh!!! :D) I then decide I never want to engage in that farce again and I "purge" by throwing away (discreetly) every single remnant of femininity I had acquired.

I then feel better, go a few months looking for a girl for myself, followed by a gradual reemergence of my urges for femininity, dressing, and (to be indelicate about it) cock! I resist these urges, but finally give in and begin to acquire feminine things again, only to repeat the process following some particularly upsetting experience.

My first question is, do other gurls do this--especially, do they do it OVER AND OVER???!!!

Second, any opinions/analyses regarding what this ought to be telling me? :D

The only other thing I can add is that I drool over stories in which a man falls in love with a feminine guy and compels him to femininze (always at the lover's expense) to become the female love of his life.

I really appreciate any input you might care to give. Feel free to Private Message anything personal to you!!!

Thanks!!! :)

Gail
Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing this, Gail. This is a very good place for you to share you thoughts and feelings without fear. There are many good people here.

Please don't feel stupid about what you're doing. Dressing up makes you happy and it makes you feel feminine so keep doing it. The people you run into through craigslist might not make you feel like what you're doing is right but don't let them drag you down.
PM me if you want to. I would love to talk more about this with you later.

Take care
 
Oh yes, I have purged a few times. The last was when my wife found my stash, so a sort of forced purge. That was six months ago and here I am starting to buy a few things again. As Kant said, it is a part of me that cannot be stripped from me. There is a peace inside of me when dressed that isn't there at any other time.
 
I was going to say I felt sorry for you guys but that would sound patronising. Nevertheless I feel your pain. Maybe the purging is part of process of understanding yourself: pushing it away so that you can re-examine things at arms-length?

I presume the pressure to stop is external and the desire, internal? For people who are genderqueer there's seems more acceptance ( or resignation? ) that their sense of gender alignment will wobble about and their solution is to embrace those pendulum swings. :rose:
 
I have purged many times over the years. Back and forth and back and forth. About 10 years ago, I decided I would not do it again. I have kept the panties, bras, dresses, etc. ever since. If the desire fades, I just let things sit. I know that it will pass and I will want to wear those lovely things again.
 
Only once

I have only purged once after a big bout of guilt on my part. Threw everything away. Closed all email accounts. Stopped coming here. Eventually, i wandered back. Fairly vanilla porn to start the more and more kinky until i was back to where I had been before. I now occasionally think about doing it again but stop myself knowing that this is what i want. I still feel guilty about going behind my wifes back but this is for me. I guess I have just accepted it for the most part.
 
I've purged twice. I'll never do it again. As Kant so eloquently put it, my femininity is so a part of me, so integral to my personality, that I can no longer deny it, let alone be ashamed by it.

Gail, I can relate to your struggle, as I think many on Lit can attest. The desire to be feminine and please a man (either sexually or romantically), can be very strong for some. Myself, I'd give anything to be a wife to a man, have him completely feminize me, and love me for me (and give me all the sex he wants!)

:D

All joking aside, it's really about learning to accept and love yourself above all else. We tend to be our own worst critics, and when you throw societies arbitrary construct expectations of gender expression/performance, things can go from mildly stressful to severely debilitating.

Stay strong. You are among friends here.

Please take care of yourself!

Stacy
 
Stacy_TG said:
I've purged twice. I'll never do it again. As Kant so eloquently put it, my femininity is so a part of me, so integral to my personality, that I can no longer deny it, let alone be ashamed by it.

Gail, I can relate to your struggle, as I think many on Lit can attest. The desire to be feminine and please a man (either sexually or romantically), can be very strong for some. Myself, I'd give anything to be a wife to a man, have him completely feminize me, and love me for me (and give me all the sex he wants!)

:D

All joking aside, it's really about learning to accept and love yourself above all else. We tend to be our own worst critics, and when you throw societies arbitrary construct expectations of gender expression/performance, things can go from mildly stressful to severely debilitating.

Stay strong. You are among friends here.

Please take care of yourself!

Stacy
Click to expand...

Well said, Stacy.
 
.

Stacy_TG said:
I've purged twice. I'll never do it again. As Kant so eloquently put it, my femininity is so a part of me, so integral to my personality, that I can no longer deny it, let alone be ashamed by it.

Gail, I can relate to your struggle, as I think many on Lit can attest. The desire to be feminine and please a man (either sexually or romantically), can be very strong for some. Myself, I'd give anything to be a wife to a man, have him completely feminize me, and love me for me (and give me all the sex he wants!)

:D

All joking aside, it's really about learning to accept and love yourself above all else. We tend to be our own worst critics, and when you throw societies arbitrary construct expectations of gender expression/performance, things can go from mildly stressful to severely debilitating.

Stay strong. You are among friends here.



Please take care of yourself!

Stacy
Click to expand...

Beautifully put and the reason I love coming here.
 
I can only relate what I know of my husband's experience. He started dressing during puberty and would get a couple pairs of panties and fairly quickly throw them away, riddled with guilt, questioning himself and his sexuality. Engineer that he is (became), he studied what he could. He learned about sexual identity, gender you present, gender you are physically, what gender you desire, bisexuality, the spectrum of orientations, etc. Still his own desires and needs were a blend of things he struggled a great deal to understand. He spoke to therapists on and off after college but they were mostly unhelpful. The good ones tried to help him understand what is making him uncomfortable. If he loves to wear panties and masturbate in them, why not? Is he hurting anyone? Hurting his family? Risking his job? As long as he wasn't hurting himself or others, there was no harm in embracing what was clearly a deep seated desire.

Over several years, through college and early work life, he would spend a lot of money on lingerie, high heels, dresses, makeup, even breast forms and wigs but couldn't resist the purge cycle. Once he revealed all this to me last January (5 years into our marriage), he hasn't purged again. Mostly because it is clear he would just start again and we can't afford to keep buying him new wardrobes. :) But I also knew that he needed to explore this, embrace it in a loving environment to understand it fully. We've talked about it a LOT, almost constantly for awhile in the beginning and there is definitely risks/rewards but so far we've both enjoyed the journey.

Now, if his sissy wardrobe starts to overflow the spare bedroom closet and chest of drawers, we'll have to add on a wing to the house lOL!
 
In my experience over the last few decades, purging is exceedingly common, I would hazard a guess that at least 80% of the people I know have done it more than once, many get in a cycle where it occurs once or even more a year.

I think I am unusual in that since 1977 when I first started dressing en femme I have never purged, I still have shoes and clothes that I bought then as a teenager in my wardrobes. I have amassed a ridiculous amount over the years, when I last moved a couple of years ago there were over 4000 items of clothing in my wardrobe plus, shoes, handbags and hats, and I haven't stopped shopping since moving either.

I am an extreme example, but I do get rid of things that no longer fit or are worn out or damaged, but I have been very fortunate to always have people who support me in the way I dress, I have never had to hide or feel ashamed. I am lucky.

I always suggest to anyone that feels the urge to purge to box it all up and ask a trusted friend to look after it for you, simply because I have never met anyone who has purged then further down the line has not regretted it and the cycle starts again, at least doing it this way saves a lot of money and heart ache. :rose::kiss:
 
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Lucky U

naughtyinsilk said:
In my experience over the last few decades, purging is exceedingly common, I would hazard a guess that at least 80% of the people I know have done it more than once, many get in a cycle where it occurs once or even more a year.

I think I am unusual in that since 1977 when I first started dressing en femme I have never purged, I still have shoes and clothes that I bought then as a teenager in my wardrobes. I have amassed a ridiculous amount over the years, when I last moved a couple of years ago there were over 4000 items of clothing in my wardrobe plus, shoes, handbags and hats, and I haven't stopped shopping since moving either.

I am an extreme example, but I do get rid of things that no longer fit or are worn out or damaged, but I have been very fortunate to always have people who support me in the way I dress, I have never had to hide or feel ashamed. I am lucky.

I always suggest to anyone that feels the urge to purge to box it all up and ask a trusted friend to look after it for you, simply because I have never met anyone who has purged then further down the line has not regretted it and the cycle starts again, at least doing it this way saves a lot of money and heart ache. :rose::kiss:
Click to expand...

Glad you can hang onto the stuff, and the notions you enjoy so much. I have dated a few CD's; and almost all of them have purged, and then started back up. Just goes to show how damned difficult it is to be in this lifestyle. Esp. if you are married. Poor girls!
 
I purge my online identity every so often, although i always keep pics of myself somewhere or other, its more about getting a break and reigniting my desire for my other persona
 
i think a lot of us go through purges ,sometimes through a feeling of guilt ,sometimes a personal feeling of disgust at what we are doing which is often related to our upbringing and sometimes worry that others will find out ,
i did it several times over the years but with the support of friends i accepted what i am and i am now comfortable with myself and and understand that not everyone will be understanding of my need to dress .
we all have different reasons for doing what we do just as we have different styles of dress but i found the wish to dress never goes away and to keep throwing perfectly good clothes away is just silly when i know i am just going to buy more at some point.
 
purgiing

I've purged 5 times over 35 years. Once a lover of nylon, always a lover of nylon. It doesn't go away. As a swm, I have oppertunity all the time, wearing under my work clothes, and coming home to drop my pants, and slip on my jean skirt, over control top support pantyhose.I occasionally throw out panties I don't wear as often, to make room for new ones. I love pantyhose-have more experience than most women when it comes to buying hose. That's why I enjoy the look and feel, they don't (cheap hose). I can feel either way daily. I find myself more femine than a lot of the women I meet, or I can be a masculine male for a few days. I really don't know which, as my personality changes with the urges.:eek:
 
That idea of boxing it up and leaving it with a friend is a good one. I mentioned it to my hubby and he said it probably wouldn't work, at least for him as he recalled the past, as the urge to purge is an urge to get rid of the desires, to break away from the secrets and feeling perverted in some way. Leaving yourself an open door back to it would emotionally defeat the purpose of the purge, as difficult and counter-productive the whole purge cycle is in the first place.
 
But, having done it several times, I thought it was a great "half-measure" to resist the impulse, but give it time to see if I REALLY continued to feel this way in the future. :)
 
I have part-purged probably 3 or 4 times since I started buying my own things. the one was just before I got married, then about 9 months later I started getting things again. one thing I NEVER threw out though was a pair of boots. I got them in 2002 and I still have them.

as it has been said, it's too expensive to keep doing it. also, having a level of understanding as to why you need the things you need helps. I came to terms with my need to have sex toys. I accepted and have embraced the fact I have a strong feminine aspect to my personality. I feel a lot better about myself since researching my various gender and sexual preferences and talking with others like me about it in a non-sexual/kinky/fetishistic way. just having a normal conversation about it, ye know?
 
It must be an absolute roller coaster of emotions that lead you to going from one extreme to the other, it must be horrible to experience it.

I genuinely feel for anyone going through such a rough time and on top of that having to keep it quiet. :(

If anyone wants to talk about anything I'm always happy to lend and ear and maybe even some helpful advice sometimes.

:kiss:
 
Not having ever purged myself, I can't answer from experience, but it's my understanding that people do it for two reasons: 1) forced, as by a spouse or SO, or 2) as SatinDreamGirl said, because of self-loathing/disgust/shame and thoughts of oneself as a pervert. In both cases, it seems to me that acceptance and understanding is the key - both of oneself and by one's spouse. After all, if there's nothing wrong with it, why would you need to stop dressing and purge? And, depending on the genesis of your urges to dress, accepting yourself could even reduce the urge to do so.
 
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