The "I Didn't Get Laid Today" Thread

PheeGee said:

The hubby and I have a pretty good average but he cut me off for over two weeks after I laughed at him for accidentally tea baggin' the poodle. Well, it technically was not a tea baggin,' but more of a draping of the balls over her head. Either way, it was unfair because the brutal bout of dry heaving he went into once he realized what was going on was pretty freaking funny. I told him he should probably put the dog out of the room before we started.

Anyhow... does that count?

Oh and I might not get laid today if he realizes I shared this.

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How does one get cold nosed by a poodle and not know what is happening?

What had happened was...

bronzeage said:

How does one get cold nosed by a poodle and not know what is happening?

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The poodle sleeps with us. We were engaged in marital relations, and as I said before, I did suggest he remove the poodle from the bed, but things heated up pretty quick so we forgot about her. During a position change, I turned my head to admire my husbands approach, and I was met by the sight of his legs straddling the poodles head with his nuts draped on either side. The whole set up was perfectly symmetrical. I wish I could draw because I can still picture it in great detail.

They were both frozen still. He in and shock and she... well, she looked like she was trying to decide whether to join in and lick or to perform an impromptu vasectomy. I broke the magical spell dissolving into laughter. He started dry heaving (he loves our pets but he does not LOVE our pets) and I took her out of the room. When I came back he had the covers pulled over his head, and admittedly, I was still giggling. I slipped into bed beside him and before I could even reach over he growled "don't fucking touch me". I am ashamed to say(not really) that that just sent me into right back into hysterics.

I might have to expound on this and put it in the humor or the loving wives section. Maybe he won't kill me if I ask nicely and offer the right incentive he'll okay it without cutting me off again.

No I did not and I am not a happy person over it!

Do I even need to say it?

Especially with all the girl-trouble I've been going through. Now, to be fair, the fact that I have girl trouble at all is a marked improvement; normally my life is quite devoid of estrogen in any form. But nonetheless it's been interesting.

I met a gal on a dating site about whom I am very excited. Obviously, the Intarweb isn't something you trust; but from the sound of it, she has some truly fundamental traits in common with me, meaning we ought to get each other. Plus, she's really attractive, which is a lot more than I dare to ask for most of the time.

So we were e-mailing each other back and forth a lot, and I suggested perhaps talking on the phone would be fun. And at this point she did not reply. That's pretty much Standard Operating Procedure for women on dating sites: when she decides she's had enough, or when you've said something she doesn't like, she just cuts contact and bugs out. I find this a little bit disrespectful, not to mention irritating since that leaves me in the position of not being sure how or why I scared her off. And definitely not to mention that my deepest insecurity is fear of abandonment, so when this happens it goes straight to that wobbly core of panic in my gut. I'm getting better about it, but not by much.

In this case there was reason to suggest that I had scared her off by asking for a phone conversation, because she had mentioned in her profile that she wanted to take things at "a slow to moderate pace" (whatever that means), so there was some self-kicking, beration, swearing, etc.

After I had got a bit of distance, I talked it over with a friend, who suggested apologizing. This never works. When a girl decides she's going to cut you off, she's going to cut you off, and bugging her isn't going to make you look any better in her eyes. But I was annoyed--with myself and with her--and I decided I had nothing to lose.

SHE WROTE ME BACK. Said she's very busy and doesn't always have time to be attentive to e-mails and such. Fair enough, but I dunno, especially since the site we use lists when you've most recently been online, and she'd checked in at least once since I wrote her the "let's telephone?" message. ...But if she was trying to cut me off, why would she then answer? Out of guilt? Not likely.

The end result is that now I'm very confused because it's been made endlessly clear to me: I can't trust my own judgment. And that leaves me completely screwed, because I don't have anybody else's to use. The friend's, sure, maybe, but I doubt she's going to appreciate me consulting her on, you know, everything ever. And it's a little dismaying to realize you haven't learned anything at all.

(Much less gotten laid.)

you know, maybe she just wanted to take some time to think about your suggestion, like, how to react...

and as for those girls just suddenly not writing anymore - not that it's a nice thing to do, but the reason might just be insecurity about how to say it... it's not like girls are all plotting how to best make guys feel bad... we also get insecure and everything...

I haven't... unless 3am last night counts as today. Yet, it's only just after dinner. Maybe maybe!

Munachi said:

and as for those girls just suddenly not writing anymore - not that it's a nice thing to do, but the reason might just be insecurity about how to say it... it's not like girls are all plotting how to best make guys feel bad... we also get insecure and everything...

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Fair enough, but it's still frustrating because I'm still left holding the bag. It's absolute canon that I should not show my massive insecurities, ever, so I'm struggling against them practically every second. Now I have to deal with hers too? Not to mention that I'm still not learning much about what I did wrong--even if that thing was simply, "You contacted someone who is an insecure mess".

Dating only works if you're absolutely perfect. None of us are. Which is why dating is such a mess. >_>

Been a few days here.. neither of us have been feeling super healthy, so no lovins

CWatson said:

Fair enough, but it's still frustrating because I'm still left holding the bag. It's absolute canon that I should not show my massive insecurities, ever, so I'm struggling against them practically every second. Now I have to deal with hers too? Not to mention that I'm still not learning much about what I did wrong--even if that thing was simply, "You contacted someone who is an insecure mess".

Dating only works if you're absolutely perfect. None of us are. Which is why dating is such a mess. >_>

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well i don't think you should never show your insecurities. there's just a time and place for these things and a time and place that is not for it... but in the end, it is to be expected, that everyone has their insecurities...

and well, i suppose often either there is nothing really to pinpoint to where "someone went wrong" or the other person might feel it is rude or wrong to say so... i mean, thinking about guys i was not interested in... the reason was usually something like "you seem to desperate", "you are boring" or something along those lines (not wanting to say that this is the case with you and the girls you speak about, just trying to think about when i would not have told guys why i stopped talking to them)... we are taught that it is impolite to tell people such things... in the end, i would say it is always a case of "not interested in someone in that way"...

anyway, back home now, so did not get laid today.

Maybe one day . . .

not in quite a while now. and that even though i spent five days with the bf recently. but we were camping, and my brother was in the tent next to ours... shame...

Nope.

My novel is disintegrating, my dentist says my teeth are disintegrating, and the beloved former president of my alma mater just passed away.

My life is a cauldron of failure.

CWatson said:

Nope.

My novel is disintegrating, my dentist says my teeth are disintegrating, and the beloved former president of my alma mater just passed away.

My life is a cauldron of failure.

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Chicks really dig a "woe is me" man.

Well.. I haven't gotten laid today... but I did have some amazing anal sex last night

what is this sex thing people talk about?

Blackie Malone said:

what is this sex thing people talk about?

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It's like plunging a toilet bowl, only with more foreplay.

mynameisben said:

It's like plunging a toilet bowl, only with more foreplay.

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LOL! really, that comment just made me burst out in our otherwise quiet office.

last month the wife and I were going at it daily like teenagers. then she started her new job and it's been about two weeks of dry spell.

thank god for the stories on this site or my backlog of cum might be drippong outa my nose!

pray for rain
-- peebudy

Closing in on three years...

Nope not me

well, thursday hopefully...

Well, I had a birthday, so it's a new year.

Let's hope for a better one than the last.

no getting laid, but i only have a week of being in a ldr left, so obviously after that i expect sex every day... twice...

Nope. But I did get a kiss on Saturday--the first one since my break-up in '07. Which is progress.

And then we made plans to go on a first date today and then she had a family emergency and I can only contact her through online means and that's that. And this is after we had the bit of smoochy-smoochy but before anything official went down, and we met through a dating site and I'm 90% sure I'm not the only guy she's talking with at the moment. So I'm going to relax and enjoy my day off and sing the "don't be insecure" song to myself, because stressing out will solve nothing.

(Certainly won't get me laid.)

Friday night yes, today no, tomorrow, he'll be here but it will probbly be impossible lol