TE999
How 'bout a kiss, baby
- Joined
- May 4, 2006
- Posts
- 30,088
I'm picturing her wearing pantyhose. haha
DG
Then her ball cap would blow off.
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I'm picturing her wearing pantyhose. haha
DG
SENILITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
I'm picturing her wearing pantyhose. haha
DG
DP GOOD FRIEND, What the hell was that? I'll try to be guessing all day. hahaI have a plan, but don't think for a minute that I would ever tell you what it is. You
would steal it! Then where would I be? I'll tell you where, without a plan! All
because you stole it! What audacity! Steal my plan! I'll see you burn in Hell first.
Get away from me, you... you... you... filthy dirty rotten thief! AND DON'T FINGER ME AGAIN! I mean it! I'll know. And then I'll have to get even. First you try to steal
my plan, then you finger me. I'll find out where you live. I'll track down your family
members. I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll not tell you what I'll do, because that is a plan,
MY PLAN! You'll just have to find out the HARD WAY. Try me and see!
"Dear Civilians, "We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:
(1) The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem---kick their ass.
(2) When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest---kick their ass.
(3) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.
(4) (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.
(5) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).
(6) If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military', inform them of their mistake---and kick their ass.
(7) Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her---of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.
(8) Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party affiliation.
Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief (C in C). The President (for those who didn't know) is our C in C regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your ass kicked!
(9) 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me---stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore, could kick your ass!
(10) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's go kill those Commies!' And stop asking us where he is? Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me---if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their ass.
(11) 'Flyboy' (Air Force), 'Jarhead' (Marines), 'Grunt' (Army), 'Squid' (Navy), 'Puddle Jumpers' (Coast Guard), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. That could get your ass kicked.
(12) Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of sailors and troops far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked."
"It is the soldier, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press.
"It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.
"It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate.
"It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag."
(Please pass this on so I won't have to kick your ass!)
"If you can read this, thank a teacher"
"If you are reading it in English, thank a veteran."
DP GOOD FRIEND, What the hell was that? I'll try to be guessing all day. haha
DG
I totally agree DP. My Grandson enlisted in the Air Force last Thursday and left for boot camp Tuesday. We are all proud of him.
I went and saw George Carlin in person a couple of years back. He really was an interesting and funny guy. (Thanks Sarah)One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
-- George Carlin
A man is laying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seems to love to do.
Enjoying it, he turns and asks her,
'Why do you love doing that?'
She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'.
Does that mean you liked it or not. haha Is BWAH! Good or Bad.Just spit out my tea!
BWAH!!!!
Does that mean you liked it or not. haha Is BWAH! Good or Bad.
I'm just happy someone is reading this humor thread.
Thanks
DG