So, here's the context - I'm gay. Like really gay, never had any need to have sex with a man in my life. I do have some fetishes that can only be done with men, but besides sometimes fantasizing about that or watching porn related to the subject, I 've never actually wanted to do any of that with a man in real life. Also I'm young, 20.
Now, I'm going through some self-destructive phase and drinking/doing drugs wasn't enough to make me feel "bad" enough. Anyway, I've never gone through such a phase before in my life, I've always dealt with issues in "healthier" ways and considered myself to be at least moderately mentally strong.
But after a string of self-esteem shattering events I decided that fucking a man would be a good idea.
So I combined a few things I needed - a man to treat me badly and money. I went ahead and found an older, married man with three kids, and offered him sex for money. We agreed on the sum and the things that he was allowed to do, and last night we went to a hotel to do all of that.
I made sure he made me feel miserable during that, and I let him do things I usually only did with people I trust and have been in a relationship with for a while.
So, anyway, what do you guys/girls think about that? It's not like I can talk about this with my friends and family, so I can't really get their point of view - thought Lit's forum would be a good place to start.
EDIT: I'm female.
Now, I'm going through some self-destructive phase and drinking/doing drugs wasn't enough to make me feel "bad" enough. Anyway, I've never gone through such a phase before in my life, I've always dealt with issues in "healthier" ways and considered myself to be at least moderately mentally strong.
But after a string of self-esteem shattering events I decided that fucking a man would be a good idea.
So I combined a few things I needed - a man to treat me badly and money. I went ahead and found an older, married man with three kids, and offered him sex for money. We agreed on the sum and the things that he was allowed to do, and last night we went to a hotel to do all of that.
I made sure he made me feel miserable during that, and I let him do things I usually only did with people I trust and have been in a relationship with for a while.
So, anyway, what do you guys/girls think about that? It's not like I can talk about this with my friends and family, so I can't really get their point of view - thought Lit's forum would be a good place to start.
EDIT: I'm female.
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