whenagain
Literotica Guru
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- Jul 21, 2015
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so my random redneck bar story. sorry not a sexy or slutty one (I do have sexy or slutty bar stories though) I just thought this was funny as it goes very well with my above rambling. OK this redneck dive bar is on a highway in the outskirts of a podunk town with like 200 people. but the highway connects some bigger cities, so every once in a while there are outsiders traveling through. I don't know what was going on that night that prompted 2 groups of outsiders, but it did. One group was 3 women but one was obviously trans. the other group was 2 young men that look like the walked out of some jersey shore show. women have a table, the men are at the bar with me between them and local redneck men. The jersey boys start bitching about the trans girl, then look at me like I am supposed to agree with them. I say I am not sure what you expect me to say, I am wearing a mens shirt, mens jeans, and boys steel toed boots. they move on to it is different for women to wear mens clothing versus men wearing womens clothing, how wrong yada yada yada. i guess trying to get me to agree with them. So I am like, ok, she has more hair product in her hair than I do. you have more hair product in your hair than I do. She has more jewelry on than I do, y'all have more jewelry on than I do. She has better groomed eyebrows than I do, you have better groomed eyebrows than I do. she has that fake skin tone makeup stuff, you have that fake skin tone makeup stuff....from where I sit y'all aren't that much different. Yeah they were pissed, they rednecks on my right were laughing hysterically, didn't even pay for a single drink that night, but got to say I was kind of glad the redneck guys were there. the jersey boys really seemed pissed.
So obviously, you have to be carefully were you take me, as I might run my mouth and piss off body builders....ooops. but come on they were being assholes. I mean redneck men aren't usually fans of trans women either, but they aren't going to be dicks about it, they just aren't going to buy her drinks. they were being dicks, so I feel totally guilt free for being a bitch (and a funny one at that).
though yeah I am often jealous of men, like I have mentioned the upper body strength, then the whole being able to pee standing up/ being able to pee in the woods without worrying about your shoes. So yeah I do get annoyed when straight men are better than me at "girlie" things, because for fucks sake, yes I suck, but come on, seriously how how can walk better than me in heels for your halloween costume, and it is your first time in your life wearing them. suck my ass.
Any guys that try to pick a fight in a bar by being bitchy deserve to have a Justa slap them down, cool story, very amusing.
Flashing security cams is funny but you do it every time and it becomes boring!!!
I’d watch tv with you.
Love this! Never understood why people can’t just live and let live ffs - life’s too short to worry about how anyone else live’s their life. Never stop being you
psst - don’t be getting too jealous of men, we multi-orgasm way easier than they do - so they can keep their peeing standing up, I think we win in the battle of the sexes
they weren't even the screws that came with the product (I know by sight), likely been reusing the same screws for 30 years lol, and yeah I didnt even touch them before I saw I had a big problem and no drill.
FYI though, when women whine, they don't normally want to be told how to fix them problem. Most want sympathy and reassurance. Personally, I want "haha, sucks to be you, but hey at least your day didn't involve rats, go ahead ask about my day" then I want to laugh at how it sucks to be you too.
yeah I am fun like that. When it sucks to be you though, I will happily try to top with a funny story about how it sucks to be me.
And thank you, yes my boobs can be fun for those into the whole cartoon character massive beach ball thing.
From reading your thread you didn't strike me as the type to seek sympathy and reassurance.
So, sucks to be you, at least your day didn't involve fire ants!
thank you
Well thanks. glad I am not boring (Yeah I feel boring lol)
Yeah, I actually have a huge list of who I screw criteria that guys who work out excessively often don't meet. i mean many do, but a lot don't. I guess I am old school and out of touch, but I kind of have some strict gender roles when it comes to what turns me on and off about men. I like my men to be more masculine than me. (Yeah I am apparently self absorbed as most of my criteria, I am the base line) So I like men who are stronger than me, have more body hair than me, do not have better groomed eyebrows than me (that annoys me), do not wear more make up or hair products than me, do not take longer to get ready than me, do not want to screw men more than me, have more stereotypical male hobbies and mannerisms than me, do not cry more than me, do not bitch or whine more than me, are not more emotional than me, are not more afraid of common things than me, are not more bat shit crazy than me, do not have sluttier underwear than me, do not walk better in heels than me (that one really annoys me), do not smell girlier than me, do not get falling down drunk quicker than me, are not more into fashion than me, do not own more jewelry than me, do not watch chick flicks more than me, etc etc. In general, I expect men I screw to be tougher (or at least fake it well), less feminine than me. I wanna be the girlie one all the time I am with a man.
A lot of the guys who work out excessively, also groom excessively, take forever to get ready etc etc. and whine a shit ton. It starts to read as more feminine than me, and I no longer find them attractive. of course, some men can totally do the athletic thing without crossing into metrosexual. I like sweaty hard working men, please go cut down something, build or fix something, get dirty etc etc, just yeah, if your bath products are taking up more space than mine, it isn't going to work for me (not a big fan of a mans clothes taking up more space in the closet than mine either. fuck the whole big closest is mine....fine you can have like 7 inches in the backside (I'll take 7 inches in the backside later...k ..thanks)
Yeah I totally suck, and I am a totally politically incorrect, have total double standards etc. Two women making out is hot, two men turn off. Masculine men are attractive to me, and feminine women are attractive to me. Now don't get me wrong, I have gay and more effeminate male friends and some really butch lesbian friends who i love spending time with very much, I'm just not screwing them (well 99 times out of 100 anyway). I wouldnt think they would be into me for that matter, I am likely not girlie enough.
hum, now i might share what I thought was a funny story about a night I was in a redneck bar (ok that isn't all to uncommon, but the events in the bar were interesting)
thank you
thank you
thanks,
yeah I do feel really bad for men and the whole multi-orgasm things. I mean I am surprised sex would even be all that fun cumming only once or twice. seems like a lot of effort for not so much reward. I think sex has to be way more fun for us.
Your words are pretty much an exact echo of my wife’s thought when I first met her, and they ring true to this day. Thank you for sharing.
I can multi-orgasm--sometimes. But probably only through masturbation.
so at work, bored, about to go on a noon conference calls (which was only scheduled last night, i have no idea what it is about so I don't know if i need to pay attention) usually little notice but some notice calls tend to be about why we suck (projects get more notice, emergency problems get no notice)
I have no fun ideas at the moment, so will just default to same old same old
hopefully my meeting give me ideas lol
oh my goodness gracious, how gorgeous!!
I enjoyed your security cam story, especially since I work for a company that develops software for CCTV systems. I have been on site many times, usually trouble shooting ip network infrastructure, I can tell you all control rooms have a stash of clips of people like you flashing the cams, having sex in front of cams, masturbating in full view of cams and other activities. Nice to know someone that contributes to making those guys shifts more interesting
so at work, bored, about to go on a noon conference calls (which was only scheduled last night, i have no idea what it is about so I don't know if i need to pay attention) usually little notice but some notice calls tend to be about why we suck (projects get more notice, emergency problems get no notice)
I have no fun ideas at the moment, so will just default to same old same old
[url]http://i.imgur.com/dnPdj5Tm.jpg[/url]
hopefully my meeting give me ideas lol
wow..... always a very sexy look right there
Ok, firstly, sorry to all the guys in CCTV control rooms, I have blown that whistle.
Secondly, the systems are much smarter than people know. If there is movement on a cam it will trigger an alert to the control room, so even if no one is actively watching the screens they will see the list of alerts when they come in. They click on the alert and it will play the video of you in the elevator having fun. You can set it so small objects won't set it off, but I'm afraid your boobs are way past that threshold
oh those fuckers. yeah I may be known to torch, randomly poison, or just take a scoop from one mound and move it to another just to piss them off. The first time I came down south, I learned ants could bite, before then i ignorantly believed there were only sugar ants (I was a kid). It has been war ever since (a losing one on my property). gotten them in my shoes, pants legs, ugh.
though saw one chick get them in her bathing suit bottom while sitting on the ground, the dance and screaming was not so pretty, but maybe a little funny if you are bit sadistic, so does your day beat fireants in a bikini bottom.
Ha!! Mine actually came pretty close!
I was moving my riding mower from the garage to the backyard and must have scalped a mound with the mower. Caught some movement out of the corner of my eye, and saw hundreds of them swarming up my left leg and onto my left side.
Took me about 2.5 seconds to strip to my underwear and run inside to the shower.
Got away with only 4 or 5 bites, but none in the nethers like your bikini bottom friend!
so at work, bored, about to go on a noon conference calls (which was only scheduled last night, i have no idea what it is about so I don't know if i need to pay attention) usually little notice but some notice calls tend to be about why we suck (projects get more notice, emergency problems get no notice)
I have no fun ideas at the moment, so will just default to same old same old
hopefully my meeting give me ideas lol
Haha. Sucks to be you. So question, does it make me a bad person if I would still be laughing when you got out of the shower? What about if I managed to get my phone out and a video of the scene with me laughing hysterically, of course. Then texted you the video? This is why I can only maintain friendships with certain kinds of people. But I would expect nothing less from my friends too.
I don't know. do you keep a candy dish on your desk? I already reached and leaned over all the desks whose owners keep a candy bowl to steal a few pieces (like I do everyday). well, if they keep chocolate in their candy dish, not those that keep like laffy taffy or something. I am a candy snob.
Depends on the timing- during the actual time the ants in the pants crisis was taking place I may have gotten a bit upset, but as soon as the actual threat is eliminated, it's fair game.
If you can't find the comedy in tragedy you aren't looking hard enough.
I would get into way too much trouble if you were crawling around my office like that, and yet somehow I’d be ok with that.
My candy dish has snickers, KitKats, krackle, mr goodbars and milky ways in it, feel free to grab some and take your time leaning over sitting through the candy bowl