Zoey 1949

[WickedEve]

Thanks for the feedback, OT. I'm taking Zoey away now and storing her some place for a while.

 

[OT]

Just a couple of quick impressions ... I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so season my opinions with an appropriate serving of salt.

Zoey, Zoey, Zoey, Zoey was a bit distracting. But then on second reading it felt more comfortable and gave the piece a unique bit of character. (that wasn't very helpful, was it ? )

The second stanza feels out of place. Maybe partly because it doesn't start with Zoey? If I understood the first stanza, Zoey was bathing the little ones, so having them rise in the second seemed odd.

Although it sounds like something little boys would do, I've no clue what squirming for June toes is all about.

In the Pitching Woo section, You lost me with "Beau is bloodied by tadpole buckets". It sounds icky.

Although I was confused by a few parts, it's one of those pleasant reads that can be enjoyed sans complete understanding. It felt good to read.

 

[WickedEve]

Just a couple of quick impressions ... I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so season my opinions with an appropriate serving of salt.

Zoey, Zoey, Zoey, Zoey was a bit distracting. But then on second reading it felt more comfortable and gave the piece a unique bit of character. (that wasn't very helpful, was it ? )

The second stanza feels out of place. Maybe partly because it doesn't start with Zoey? If I understood the first stanza, Zoey was bathing the little ones, so having them rise in the second seemed odd.

Although it sounds like something little boys would do, I've no clue what squirming for June toes is all about.

In the Pitching Woo section, You lost me with "Beau is bloodied by tadpole buckets". It sounds icky.

Although I was confused by a few parts, it's one of those pleasant reads that can be enjoyed sans complete understanding. It felt good to read.

Thank you wooden bucket of tadpoles. lol Now you have given me some things to work on. I'll see if I can make things clearer in the poem instead of explaining here what's going on.

 

[WickedEve]

OT, I revised that first section and I think it tells a much clearer story now -- at least, I hope. Much of this poem is based on fact and I know the story, so I want to make sure my readers see what I see.

Now to work on the rest of it.

 

[Guest]

I can not imagine even trying to touch such a work of personal feeling.
just shut up and yell. listen to no one but your self. sit in a dark place, a bright place and gray place and then be poetic.

 

[WickedEve]

I can not imagine even trying to touch such a work of personal feeling.
just shut up and yell. listen to no one but your self. sit in a dark place, a bright place and gray place and then be poetic.

Well, I think if a work is too personal to touch then it doesn't need to be shared with the world. I believe in revisions. I've watched this piece change and grow, and it will be pinched and tweaked more.
Now I will shut up, yell, and sit in a place of some degree of darkness and brightness.

 

[OT]

Thanks for the feedback, OT. I'm taking Zoey away now and storing her some place for a while.

I barely knew her.
I was starting to like her.
I wish her well.

Good bye, Zoey.