You're so weird

[lovecraft68]

I set a hedge on fire when I was six. While I was in in it, with the hosepipe with which I planned to put the fire out - I had it all worked out; it was just going to be a little fire... yeah.

Fires belong in fireplaces. There's a reason we as a species learned that.

They're still very pretty though.

Trying self-immolation at a young age rocks!

I used to set my action figures on fire with the old can of hairspray and lit match flame thrower. My great grandmother used to baby sit me-she was late seventies-and she'd be yelling from the other room. "Do you smell something burning?" Me...nope!

I still like the wooden matches and every once in awhile get a small box of them and light a few. My wife will yell "Stop burning things!"

"Yes, ma'am."

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

I've gotten married to multiple (different) men in multiple video games, none of which were my actual husband (who knows/knew about each of them and was/is fine with it).

I spend all day nearly every day angry. Much of my mental/emotional energy is spent keeping it in instead of unleashing it on people who don't deserve my rage.

I hate the phrase "Back in my day, we _________" because I probably know someone who back in my day died from whatever you're filling into that blank, so I go somewhere between rage and breaking down in tears over the folks who were lost and never got to survive to say "yea, but...." But I dislike arguing those sorts of things, so instead I just cry in sadness (and rage).

 

[AG31]

I've gotten married to multiple (different) men in multiple video games, none of which were my actual husband (who knows/knew about each of them and was/is fine with it).

I spend all day nearly every day angry. Much of my mental/emotional energy is spent keeping it in instead of unleashing it on people who don't deserve my rage.

I hate the phrase "Back in my day, we _________" because I probably know someone who back in my day died from whatever you're filling into that blank, so I go somewhere between rage and breaking down in tears over the folks who were lost and never got to survive to say "yea, but...." But I dislike arguing those sorts of things, so instead I just cry in sadness (and rage).

If I were to search around on AH, would I find out what your background is? I'm really sorry these things go on.

 

[lovecraft68]

I spend all day nearly every day angry. Much of my mental/emotional energy is spent keeping it in instead of unleashing it on people who don't deserve my rage.

Story of my life. I've worked hard on developing several mental tricks to be able to take a breath and let things go rather than release that anger.

To explain it to others, everyone gets angry and can lose their temper, but usually do to reacting to something happening in the now.

As for back in the day, where that affects me at times is when some celeb over doses and everyone acts like its so tragic but no one ever gives a fuck about the poor struggling every day people it happens to all the time. I'm 57 and have out lived all but two cousins, all gone in one way or another over addiction.

I've never done drugs, never so much as puffed a joint. The rage is my addiction.

People like us have it at a deep level and its always there. Its not a red hot ready to explode feeling all the time, often its an ever present feeling, its part of us. In the Avengers movie when Banner says "That's the trick, I'm always angry" I was like, "I know that feeling."

There's an odd comfort to it because its part of us. You move through the day like you're in a movie and you're this dangerous killer walking slowly through a crowd of people who have no idea how close they were to someone who's the human equivalent of old unstable dynamite.

With everything my wife's been going through everyone close to me is on high alert waiting for the call some unfortunate dipshit finally hit the right button. But she's the ultimate reason it won't happen. I swore a long time ago I'd never dissapoint her and let her see me like that. She did once years ago when I put her then brother in law through the glass doors leading out to his deck when he called my wife a nosy cunt for telling him to stop being nasty to her sister.

Now...the several times she doesn't know about? That's another story heh..

 

[Trionyx]

No straws for me. Microplastics, you know. Much prefer the germ potential.

 

[Z_TheWriter]

Serious time:
I have had super hardcore, cannot-function-on-my-own depression for a bit over 5 years now. A large part of that being the timeframe is the fact my body has very adverse reactions to anti-depressants and that psychiatric care where I live were/are underfunded, understaffed, didn't know what the fuck to do with me, and didn't understand that me seeming semi-functional underneath the drug haze was because I'm very intelligent to begin with, not because I wasn't literally disappearing as an individual.

I am off the drugs, finally got some competent help, and things are much much better now. They are also rapidly improving further, but I still have a lot of ups and downs. This may be the cause if I sometimes seem different.

Back to silly:
I own a pretty convincing Goku costume. I have had sex in it, although that wasn't the reason I was wearing it. My hair was also bleached blonde and spiked up at the time.

 

[SimonDoom]

You and I grew up 70's/80's we consumed more germs as kids than Gen Z will in their entire lives, and we didn't have the endless allergies and other issues they have.

I completely agree. Here's the conundrum I can't figure out: You and I grew up in a generation that, in my opinion, got it more or less right with parenting. We had let go some of the restrictions and repression of the generations that came before us, and we didn't grow up with the overweening protectiveness that characterized generations after us. So, why did our generation become nuts when we became parents? I walked half a mile to school when I was 9 years old. But when my peers became parents 20 years later, many of them decided that this was child abuse. It's fascinating to me how that happened, when they had the positive example of their own childhood to look back on.

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

Story of my life. I've worked hard on developing several mental tricks to be able to take a breath and let things go rather than release that anger.

To explain it to others, everyone gets angry and can lose their temper, but usually do to reacting to something happening in the now.

As for back in the day, where that affects me at times is when some celeb over doses and everyone acts like its so tragic but no one ever gives a fuck about the poor struggling every day people it happens to all the time. I'm 57 and have out lived all but two cousins, all gone in one way or another over addiction.

I've never done drugs, never so much as puffed a joint. The rage is my addiction.

People like us have it at a deep level and its always there. Its not a red hot ready to explode feeling all the time, often its an ever present feeling, its part of us. In the Avengers movie when Banner says "That's the trick, I'm always angry" I was like, "I know that feeling."

There's an odd comfort to it because its part of us. You move through the day like you're in a movie and you're this dangerous killer walking slowly through a crowd of people who have no idea how close they were to someone who's the human equivalent of old unstable dynamite.

With everything my wife's been going through everyone close to me is on high alert waiting for the call some unfortunate dipshit finally hit the right button. But she's the ultimate reason it won't happen. I swore a long time ago I'd never dissapoint her and let her see me like that. She did once years ago when I put her then brother in law through the glass doors leading out to his deck when he called my wife a nosy cunt for telling him to stop being nasty to her sister.

Now...the several times she doesn't know about? That's another story heh..

It hurts my heart to know you know how this feels. Once upon a time, I had found a medication that helped with all that. That brought my moods back to stable. Where I could look at the hulk and say "Finally, I'm not always angry, always ready to let all that out." Then....I had to start a new one with mood side effects and it came back tenfold. I have kids and that helps me keep it all in, but I only have so much mental energy and keeping it there means other things don't gt done. It's a trade, but it's one I wilingly make.

You know, you posted in the "how other people see you" thread that you are seen as a troll - that you let those things out here, in other terms. Everyone needs, and deserves, an outlet.

If I were to search around on AH, would I find out what your background is? I'm really sorry these things go on.

I think you'd find that I used to teach at the college/university level and that I can't now because my brain/health is betraying me a little. What aspect were you curious about?

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

I have had super hardcore, cannot-function-on-my-own depression for a bit over 5 years now. A large part of that being the timeframe is the fact my body has very adverse reactions to anti-depressants and that psychiatric care where I live were/are underfunded, understaffed, didn't know what the fuck to do with me, and didn't understand that me seeming semi-functional underneath the drug haze was because I'm very intelligent to begin with, not because I wasn't literally disappearing as an individual.

I am off the drugs, finally got some competent help, and things are much much better now. They are also rapidly improving further, but I still have a lot of ups and downs. This may be the cause if I sometimes seem different.

I am glad to hear that some of that is in the past tense, but damn do I know those feelings well. People often don't understand that just like you look "fine" doesn't mean your actually functioning the way you could be - that you feel the loss of what you were. Let me know if you need to whisper in the corner some.

I own a pretty convincing Goku costume. I have had sex in it, although that wasn't the reason I was wearing it. My hair was also bleached blonde and spiked up at the time.

Oh please tell me you got the power up mid-sex. Is climax like going Super Saiyan? Okay wait, nevermind, I'm not sure I want to picture DBZ in that way...

 

[Z_TheWriter]

Oh please tell me you got the power up mid-sex. Is climax like going Super Saiyan? Okay wait, nevermind, I'm not sure I want to picture DBZ in that way...

The costume was for a variety show. The powerup happened during the pre-recorded intro video.

After the show, the girl who kept very aggressively telling me that she was not in fact my girlfriend, turned out to find the costume very... interesting. Luckily there was an unlocked classroom nearby.

 

[Z_TheWriter]

Let me know if you need to whisper in the corner some.

And same to you by the way

 

[lovecraft68]

I completely agree. Here's the conundrum I can't figure out: You and I grew up in a generation that, in my opinion, got it more or less right with parenting. We had let go some of the restrictions and repression of the generations that came before us, and we didn't grow up with the overweening protectiveness that characterized generations after us. So, why did our generation become nuts when we became parents? I walked half a mile to school when I was 9 years old. But when my peers became parents 20 years later, many of them decided that this was child abuse. It's fascinating to me how that happened, when they had the positive example of their own childhood to look back on.

Seriously, I say this all the time.

Gen Z-in general-is so damn soft and can't handle any adversity at all, and its not their fault, that's the parents, but Gen X is their parents so how did a generation of ignored latch key kids who got the "shut up or I'll give you something to cry about" and was allowed to run off in the morning and not be seen until night time and no one cared, raise these whiny little shits?

 

[lovecraft68]

It hurts my heart to know you know how this feels. Once upon a time, I had found a medication that helped with all that. That brought my moods back to stable. Where I could look at the hulk and say "Finally, I'm not always angry, always ready to let all that out." Then....I had to start a new one with mood side effects and it came back tenfold. I have kids and that helps me keep it all in, but I only have so much mental energy and keeping it there means other things don't gt done. It's a trade, but it's one I wilingly make.

You know, you posted in the "how other people see you" thread that you are seen as a troll - that you let those things out here, in other terms. Everyone needs, and deserves, an outlet.



I think you'd find that I used to teach at the college/university level and that I can't now because my brain/health is betraying me a little. What aspect were you curious about?

I'm sorry to hear of your health issues. Hopefully that improves.

I never tried medication, although it's been offered countless times.

Meditation helped a lot, my wife is the real key. I fight with myself tooth and nail to never let her down. I don't care about me, I care about her.

 

[Baztrachian]

I have had super hardcore, cannot-function-on-my-own depression for a bit over 5 years now. A large part of that being the timeframe is the fact my body has very adverse reactions to anti-depressants and that psychiatric care where I live were/are underfunded, understaffed, didn't know what the fuck to do with me, and didn't understand that me seeming semi-functional underneath the drug haze was because I'm very intelligent to begin with, not because I wasn't literally disappearing as an individual.

I am off the drugs, finally got some competent help, and things are much much better now. They are also rapidly improving further, but I still have a lot of ups and downs. This may be the cause if I sometimes seem different.

Sigh. This is where I sometimes see some accidental wisdom in the views of Scientology so far as mental health is concerned.

While I utterly loathe Scientology as the abusive cult that they are I do appreciate that one useful aspect of the group is in their desire to address and resolve mental and emotional problems instead of just loading people up with mind-numbing drugs to get them through their day.

I can't even begin to tell you how many people I've managed over the years who thought they had mental problems when all I saw was simple sleep deprivation. Dr. Baz's typical prescription is three days off in a row, get some decent sleep, and work no more than eight hours a day after that.

Sure, this doesn't resolve trauma or etc. but it takes one big problem off a person's plate and it puts them that much closer to coping on their own. Without drugs.

Keep in mind even in HMO situations that the doctors are getting back-end bonuses for prescribing certain drugs. Paid vacations to fancy places for 'seminars', luxury swag like cars, first class airline tix, and etc. They have an incentive for giving you Prozac and shit like that.

If I were to give you simple advice it would be to take a week away. Like a few hundred miles away at least. Get some sleep. Shut off your fucking phone, don't turn on the TV. Read a book. No alcohol. Enjoy a change of scenery. Get in some physical activity. Go eat some interesting local food. Reset your head.

I doubt like hell it will solve your problems but it will put you into a better position to deal with them.

 

[AG31]

I think you'd find that I used to teach at the college/university level and that I can't now because my brain/health is betraying me a little. What aspect were you curious about?

I wondered what had made you hurt so much.

 

[Z_TheWriter]

Sure, this doesn't resolve trauma or etc. but it takes one big problem off a person's plate and it puts them that much closer to coping on their own. Without drugs.

Keep in mind even in HMO situations that the doctors are getting back-end bonuses for prescribing certain drugs. Paid vacations to fancy places for 'seminars', luxury swag like cars, first class airline tix, and etc. They have an incentive for giving you Prozac and shit like that.

If I were to give you simple advice it would be to take a week away. Like a few hundred miles away at least. Get some sleep. Shut off your fucking phone, don't turn on the TV. Read a book. No alcohol. Enjoy a change of scenery. Get in some physical activity. Go eat some interesting local food. Reset your head.

1) I was hesitant on the drugs at first too, but they have helped many acquaintances, and my problems with them are of a severity and rarity that I literally was a desirable research subject during some of my treatment because of it. So while I support the sentiment of try without the drugs first, I do not wish to give the impression that no one would benefit from them. I'm quite a special case on that front - or so I am told.

2) Doctors do not get those kickbacks in my country. It is extremely illegal.

3) While I appreciate it, I do not need advice at this point. What I need is more time and patience to keep doing the things which are working and slowly get involved with the world again. Honestly hanging out here is actually a little bit a part of it atm.
I do not have a job, I halted my education. When I say I have (had) hardcore depression, I mean it. I currently have no responsibilities other than to try to get better, because for quite a while there just eating 3 meals a day would not happen if left to my own devices. This is a very privileged position to be in, circumstances considered, and I will never be able to repay my parents for it.

So in summary, I am not fine, not by a long shot. But I will be - and the fact that I can say that now and mean it is possibly my greatest accomplishment in life.

 

[Baztrachian]

But I will be - and the fact that I can say that now and mean it is possibly my greatest accomplishment in life.

Fuck Yeah!

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

I wondered what had made you hurt so much.

Ah, yea. That goes well beyond what I would post on the forums. If you find it here, it means something switched off in my brain the day I posted it (which isn't outside of the realm of possibilities, but wouldn't be intentional).

 

[cw5523729]

I've gotten married to multiple (different) men in multiple video games, none of which were my actual husband (who knows/knew about each of them and was/is fine with it).

Do the other video game husbands know that you're video-game-sleeping-around on them?

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

Do the other video game husbands know that you're video-game-sleeping-around on them?

Yep! And for the ones who were IRL married, all of their wives like me, too.

 

[dirk2024]

I like catsup and tomato sauce (spaghetti, pizza sauce).

I don't like tomato's.

 

[MrPixel]

I like catsup and tomato sauce (spaghetti, pizza sauce).

I don't like tomato's.

That's not so weird. I don't go for catsup on anything (too sweet), but spiced tomato sauces as you mention? All day, every day if there wasn't such a carb penalty as an excuse to have the sauce.

And I don't care for tomatoes, either, normally. It's just that so many tomatoes-as-a-vegetable - or fruit, if you want to get technical - have awful consistency and very little taste. I understand that home-grown varieties can be quite flavorful, but I have plenty of hobbies. Don't need another.

 

[NuclearFairy]

I can control the size of my pupils.

I can dry swallow surprisingly big things. And if I swallow something that is just too big, or uncomfortable, I can just reverse the direction my throat muscles are moving and push it back into my mouth.

I put ketchup on fried eggs.

Is something so yummy really that weird?

 

[Baztrachian]

I can control the size of my pupils.

THAT is an excellent skill to have during a traffic stop.

 

[NuclearFairy]

THAT is an excellent skill to have during a traffic stop.

I've never actually been drunk or high. Despite my dislike of most drinks alcoholic, I have a surprisingly high alcohol tolerance.

However! It does mean that my eyes adjust quite rapidly to changes in light. So I don't suffer blindness when going inside on a bright sunny day, nor does the light suddenly going on hurt my eyes.