You're beautiful...

[Ask For More]

For the life of me, I can't figure out why the HELL parents speak to their kids in anger, tell them they're stupid, and tear them down before the kids even have a chance to develop a self-esteem. In that same amount of time, they could easily tell them they love them, give them a hug (or 3), and tell them they're smart, good at something, or if nothing else, KIND. Hate, extreme anger, and violence are not innate; they're learned behaviors.

Babies - kids - are blank slates. What we write on their slates during their infancy and preschool years is permanent and it will determine the directions their lives will take. For God's sake, choose encouraging words.

*Disclaimer* This is just the rambling of a very frustrated mother and woman who sometimes sees the worst in human nature. It is in no way intended to be directed at anyone here.

I think that mostly comes from how the parents were raised themselves. Parenting is important and its very challenging to be a good parent if you were not the recipient of good parenting yourself.

 

[BradBigBrain]

I usually don't comment on the thread, but Beachy's words really hit home.

So here is my story, I was raised in an alcoholic household. Both of my parents were alcoholics. My father because he was a war hero in WWII, liberated camps, had PTSD and my mother turned to drink just to survive, I believe.

I used to say that my father was a great guy, except for the times when he was drinking and he was only drunk twice last week - once for 3 days and once for 4 days.

The last time I spoke to my father was about 8 months before he passed away. I was living in Maryland and he was in Buffalo. I told him he could come to visit if he was not drinking. He told me he wasn't, but he was. And he did.

He spent the whole weekend berating me and telling me how stupid I was. As y'all may know, I'm not a stupid man. In grade school I tested out at the genius level and did OK in school despite the lack of academic support I was provided by my parents who had 3 years of high school combined. At the time of his visit we were both government workers and I outranked him by about 4 grades.

Growing up I heard this a lot. I heard how I wasn't living up to my potential and that I wasn't as smart as everyone else told me I was. Because they were alcoholics and because of the era, I was hit a lot. My father beat me up a few times, but nothing was worse than the verbal abuse I got. At the age of 30, I got it. I knew he was just projecting.

When I went to his work to clean out his locker, I talked to all of his work friends. They told me all about me. I surmised that my father actually bragged about me to his colleagues. That made me feel better that he actually did have pride in me and what I had accomplished. My only wish was that he had done that when he was alive.

I was not blessed to have become a father. It wasn't in the cards for me. I like to think I'm a great uncle and godfather to the many nieces and nephews and other young adults I have touched and influenced. I do know that if I had been lucky enough to have been a father, I would have done everything in my power to make my children successful and that would have been due to positive reinforcement.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit on my own thread.

 

[BeachMomma]

Thanks for your kind words, everybody. I can't tell you what brought on those ramblings. Let's just say that I hope the specific case that inspired it turns out to be like Brad - a kind, gentle soul who can rise above his upbringing instead of falling victim to it.

Brad, I love ya to pieces. I've told you that before. I've also told you that you're the big brother I've never had. (For those of you who don't know us as well, my nickname for him is Papi. I think of Brad and his wife as my honorary parents even though they aren't that much older than me. They are that much wiser than me.)

We've talked about this before. Wally had his own demons to fight. After everything he saw and took part in, it had to change him. Now that you're older and wiser, you know that he was projecting his insecurities onto you. YOU were the things he couldn't be, and I think he hated himself for it. I believe Wally couldn't help himself, and it only exacerbated his problems when he behaved like that towards you.

You're one of the sweetest, kindest men I've ever known. Yet at the same time, I am confident that if the need ever arose to protect me, you'd do anything you had to in order to do so. You're one of my dearest friends - online and in real life - and usually the first person I go to when I need to talk to somebody. If I hadn't been so brain dead last night, I probably would've shown up on your doorstep - emotionally and mentally exhausted with tears streaming down my face. You're that kind of man; I know you'd drop everything for a friend in need.

Honey, Wally *is* proud of you. He just didn't know how to show it. He wasn't talking to you all those times. He was talking to himself.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Thanks, honey.

I know Wally had his issues. And we talked about it before. He couldn't help himself.

But coming back to the post...I just wish he had had the cpacity to compliment me instead of denigrating me.

 

[BeachMomma]

I wish he did too, honey.

It's not the same, but you're one helluva good guy. I'm proud to be your friend, and I love ya!

 

[heartlessbytch]

https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/599769_10202173271232161_2124981124_n.jpg

Sometimes coming here sends my moods high then back down again, not exactly sure where it is with this, other than make me wish all people had good in them and were able to change. I work daily with the results of the worst people can be to children, there are people in this world who are just not capable of kindness, caring or love for themselves or anyone around them. I do know this, no one is responsible for your behavior except you, you can blame others all you want the choice is always in your hands.

This rant is courtesy of having to get up at 3am this morning to deal with the worst someone is capable of doing to a child. No child needs to grow up to learn hate, fear those they should be able to trust, be told they are worthless, be used as a personal toy and taught that anger is the only way to deal with life. Going back to my corner and count all the pennies I want for every time I let this stuff get to me.

 

[BradBigBrain]

I wish he did too, honey.

It's not the same, but you're one helluva good guy. I'm proud to be your friend, and I love ya!

I know. He just couldn't help himself.

I love ya, too, baby.

 

[sereneone4u]

http://ero.favim.com/orig/201105/26/bra-brunette-girl-light-love-naked-Favim.com-56031.jpg

 

[JennyNo1]

Sometimes coming here sends my moods high then back down again, not exactly sure where it is with this, other than make me wish all people had good in them and were able to change. I work daily with the results of the worst people can be to children, there are people in this world who are just not capable of kindness, caring or love for themselves or anyone around them. I do know this, no one is responsible for your behavior except you, you can blame others all you want the choice is always in your hands.

This rant is courtesy of having to get up at 3am this morning to deal with the worst someone is capable of doing to a child. No child needs to grow up to learn hate, fear those they should be able to trust, be told they are worthless, be used as a personal toy and taught that anger is the only way to deal with life. Going back to my corner and count all the pennies I want for every time I let this stuff get to me.

Those children are so lucky to have you on their side, HB. *hugs*

 

[BlackCashmere]

I usually don't comment on the thread, but Beachy's words really hit home.

So here is my story, I was raised in an alcoholic household. Both of my parents were alcoholics. My father because he was a war hero in WWII, liberated camps, had PTSD and my mother turned to drink just to survive, I believe.

I used to say that my father was a great guy, except for the times when he was drinking and he was only drunk twice last week - once for 3 days and once for 4 days.

The last time I spoke to my father was about 8 months before he passed away. I was living in Maryland and he was in Buffalo. I told him he could come to visit if he was not drinking. He told me he wasn't, but he was. And he did.

He spent the whole weekend berating me and telling me how stupid I was. As y'all may know, I'm not a stupid man. In grade school I tested out at the genius level and did OK in school despite the lack of academic support I was provided by my parents who had 3 years of high school combined. At the time of his visit we were both government workers and I outranked him by about 4 grades.

Growing up I heard this a lot. I heard how I wasn't living up to my potential and that I wasn't as smart as everyone else told me I was. Because they were alcoholics and because of the era, I was hit a lot. My father beat me up a few times, but nothing was worse than the verbal abuse I got. At the age of 30, I got it. I knew he was just projecting.

When I went to his work to clean out his locker, I talked to all of his work friends. They told me all about me. I surmised that my father actually bragged about me to his colleagues. That made me feel better that he actually did have pride in me and what I had accomplished. My only wish was that he had done that when he was alive.

I was not blessed to have become a father. It wasn't in the cards for me. I like to think I'm a great uncle and godfather to the many nieces and nephews and other young adults I have touched and influenced. I do know that if I had been lucky enough to have been a father, I would have done everything in my power to make my children successful and that would have been due to positive reinforcement.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit on my own thread.

All I will say is...I love you very much...you are a BEAUTIFUL man, and a BEAUTIFUL friend...

 

[BlackCashmere]

Thanks for your kind words, everybody. I can't tell you what brought on those ramblings. Let's just say that I hope the specific case that inspired it turns out to be like Brad - a kind, gentle soul who can rise above his upbringing instead of falling victim to it.

Brad, I love ya to pieces. I've told you that before. I've also told you that you're the big brother I've never had. (For those of you who don't know us as well, my nickname for him is Papi. I think of Brad and his wife as my honorary parents even though they aren't that much older than me. They are that much wiser than me.)

We've talked about this before. Wally had his own demons to fight. After everything he saw and took part in, it had to change him. Now that you're older and wiser, you know that he was projecting his insecurities onto you. YOU were the things he couldn't be, and I think he hated himself for it. I believe Wally couldn't help himself, and it only exacerbated his problems when he behaved like that towards you.

You're one of the sweetest, kindest men I've ever known. Yet at the same time, I am confident that if the need ever arose to protect me, you'd do anything you had to in order to do so. You're one of my dearest friends - online and in real life - and usually the first person I go to when I need to talk to somebody. If I hadn't been so brain dead last night, I probably would've shown up on your doorstep - emotionally and mentally exhausted with tears streaming down my face. You're that kind of man; I know you'd drop everything for a friend in need.

Honey, Wally *is* proud of you. He just didn't know how to show it. He wasn't talking to you all those times. He was talking to himself.

You are BEAUTIFUL too...

 

[BeachMomma]

I'm a mandated reporter. I'm required by law to report any suspected abuse whether I can prove it or not. I don't have to clear it with my boss or peers. We don't have to reach a consensus. I just have to report it.

The truth is - we're all mandated reporters - ethically mandated. If you suspect a child is being abused, please report it. You could be the only champion that child has. It will be confidential. You can report it through your local 911 services all the way up to the national Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child. Here in FL, the number is 1-800-96-Abuse.

A child shouldn't have to live with hate, anger, and violence. If you report it, you aren't ruining any families. The abuser did that him/herself. It may just be a simple case of getting counseling to learn to deal with stressors, but that child deserves the right to grow up in an atmosphere free from fear and violence.

 

[BeachMomma]

You are BEAUTIFUL too...

You're beautiful too yanno. Inside and out. You're a beautiful soul.

 

[Hissub1111]

 

[BradBigBrain]

http://www.quintonreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/oresko-myer.jpg

RIP Nick Oresko.

 

[BlackCashmere]

http://www.quintonreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/oresko-myer.jpg

RIP Nick Oresko.

Rip

 

[BradBigBrain]

Rip

Until yesterday he was the oldest living recipient of the Medal of Honor. He was scheduled to go in for surgery on his femur - the one that was injured during the battle for which he received the MOH. He was 96.

 

[BlackCashmere]

Until yesterday he was the oldest living recipient of the Medal of Honor. He was scheduled to go in for surgery on his femur - the one that was injured during the battle for which he received the MOH. He was 96.

Bless him...and his family...such a beautiful picture...amazing man...

 

[imrhapsody]

I'm a mandated reporter. I'm required by law to report any suspected abuse whether I can prove it or not. I don't have to clear it with my boss or peers. We don't have to reach a consensus. I just have to report it.

The truth is - we're all mandated reporters - ethically mandated. If you suspect a child is being abused, please report it. You could be the only champion that child has. It will be confidential. You can report it through your local 911 services all the way up to the national Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child. Here in FL, the number is 1-800-96-Abuse.

A child shouldn't have to live with hate, anger, and violence. If you report it, you aren't ruining any families. The abuser did that him/herself. It may just be a simple case of getting counseling to learn to deal with stressors, but that child deserves the right to grow up in an atmosphere free from fear and violence.

As a teacher, I am often on the front end of seeing the kind of behavior that comes from abuse. I must also report it, legally and ethically. I work with a lot of title 1 kiddos and so you see the beratement from parents on a regular bases. We have to have a license to drive a car, to get married, do even have a dog. No education whatsoever to have a child.

On a great note. My wonderful young dog, with an old soul, is now a certified therapy dog, and we start at one of the lower socio economic area "Boys and Girls clubs" on October 15th. I will post a picture of him in his vest when I get the time. I am thrilled.

 

[BradBigBrain]

On a great note. My wonderful young dog, with an old soul, is now a certified therapy dog, and we start at one of the lowered social economic area "Boys and Girls clubs" on October 15th. I will post a picture of him in his vest when I get the time. I am thrilled.

That's awesome!!!!

 

[imrhapsody]

Guinness, the therapy dog
The sweetest dog on the face of the planet. Passed his therapy test the first time out (mine too), with a perfect score and received the ability to go into the most complex environments to work with people.
Wed we went and did our orientation with Gabriel' Angels and we have our first assignment. I love this dog.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/5ced462f4dd17e71bff29a45e17ac124/tumblr_mu7h8sBOxY1sow60jo1_500.jpg

 

[BradBigBrain]

Guinness, the therapy dog
The sweetest dog on the face of the planet. Passed his therapy test the first time out (mine too), with a perfect score and received the ability to go into the most complex environments to work with people.
Wed we went and did our orientation with Gabriel' Angels and we have our first assignment. I love this dog.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/5ced462f4dd17e71bff29a45e17ac124/tumblr_mu7h8sBOxY1sow60jo1_500.jpg

That is awesome!!!!

 

[Aquagal]

This is relevant to the current topic. Kids...people!...are so beautiful when grown up on the right words.

Six words you should say today

 

[BeachMomma]

Guinness, the therapy dog
The sweetest dog on the face of the planet. Passed his therapy test the first time out (mine too), with a perfect score and received the ability to go into the most complex environments to work with people.
Wed we went and did our orientation with Gabriel' Angels and we have our first assignment. I love this dog.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/5ced462f4dd17e71bff29a45e17ac124/tumblr_mu7h8sBOxY1sow60jo1_500.jpg

He's gorgeous! Congrats to both of you!

 

[Pandora73]

This is relevant to the current topic. Kids...people!...are so beautiful when grown up on the right words.

Six words you should say today

That's fantastic, thank you for posting.

This part in particular is so true, and the world would be a much better place if we all practiced it:

When simply watching someone makes your heart feel as if it could explode right out of your chest, you really should let that person know.

It is as simple and lovely as that.

Indeed it is as simple and lovely.