Your interpretation of BDSM

[MissTaken]

So, what does it mean to you?

We have had many discussions lately, concerning how we interprete and practice BDSM.

It is individualized, as cym has over and again, posted.

So, how does it play out for you?

How do you define it?

How do you get what you need?

Remember: There are NO wrong responses. Our sexuality is ours, personally and exclusively.

 

[Lancecastor]

Funny.

For me, BDSM is mostly a funny thing.

Funny:Strange + Funny:Amusing + Funny:Interesting


Funny:Strange... because the people who are most overt in preaching its codes, values, meanings, etc etc etc....seem to actually "do" the least amount of it and appear to be having a relatively low level of Fun in their sex lives, if indeed they have sex lives versus BDSM Fantasy Lives (which many do). So to me it's kinda like Dungeons & Dragons types or Goths....antisocial wierdos, mainly. But they're fun to watch interacting.

Funny:Amusing ....because for all the outward Anti-Vanilla talk here, my experience IRL in scene and non scene clubs, bars etc has been that a wide eyed vanilla chick is a thing of beauty, not derision. There's nothing more fun than hooking up with a grrl who's into it but hasn't done any of it yet.....rrrreow. Spank you all very much for your lack of interest in Vanilla People. Keep it up! Please remain inaccessible to the general public....ooops, gotta go shoot some more fish in my barrel!

Funny: Interesting.....the Forum is interesting, as the level of debate is low and the level of denial is high. I'll leave it at that, as it's Monday morning.

Good thread start, MissT!

Cheers;
Lance

 

[Guest]

IMHO: BDSM as vanilla sex should be shared by a couple. It is a connecting of the minds and hearts before it is a connecting of the bodies. Simply put it is "I'll give you what you desire and you give me what I desire" whatever that may be. From that point on we add the toys, which can or cannot include playmates as negotiated.

Complete honesty is needed for any relationship to work and there is a crucial need for that in a BDSM relationship just so no one gets physically hurt.

It is amusing to me to see people here talking about what is proper and correct in a BDSM relationship;
Please hear this loud and clear: what ever YOU {meaning the two root members of the relationship} decide is right IS right.

Wanting to know what others do in their relationships is fine but in the end it is the two of you that matter.

Preaching over; now go play.

 

[Guest]

Oops: I was editing and lost the answer to the original question in my tirade:

For us BDSM is mainly a sexual thing. We play with lots of toys:
floggers, plugs, vibrators, ropes, paddles (his favorite) and other sensation inducing objects.
He likes to be used as a toy. I use him. We both enjoy it.

 

[lovetoread]

Oops: I was editing and lost the answer to the original question in my tirade:

For us BDSM is mainly a sexual thing. We play with lots of toys:
floggers, plugs, vibrators, ropes, paddles (his favorite) and other sensation inducing objects.
He likes to be used as a toy. I use him. We both enjoy it.

That is a cool username.

Are you registered?

 

[Ebonyfire]

My opinion, short & sweet

So, how does it play out for you?

I live it and integrate it into most aspects of my life. I am currently interviewing for a 24/7 slave.

How do you define it?

I do not define it, I just do my thing.

How do you get what you need?

First of all, I defined, named, and documented my requirements. I post personal ads to that effect, and I sit back and wait. Submissives petition to serve Me.

I have never been without a submissive since I decided to be a dominant rather than be a submissive.

Eb

 

[quietwillow]

For us, BDSM is so much a part of our life in all ways physical mental and spiritual. We live it 24/7.

quiet

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Funny.

For me, BDSM is mostly a funny thing.

Funny:Strange + Funny:Amusing + Funny:Interesting


Funny:Strange... because the people who are most overt in preaching its codes, values, meanings, etc etc etc....seem to actually "do" the least amount of it and appear to be having a relatively low level of Fun in their sex lives, if indeed they have sex lives versus BDSM Fantasy Lives (which many do). So to me it's kinda like Dungeons & Dragons types or Goths....antisocial wierdos, mainly. But they're fun to watch interacting.

Funny:Amusing ....because for all the outward Anti-Vanilla talk here, my experience IRL in scene and non scene clubs, bars etc has been that a wide eyed vanilla chick is a thing of beauty, not derision. There's nothing more fun than hooking up with a grrl who's into it but hasn't done any of it yet.....rrrreow. Spank you all very much for your lack of interest in Vanilla People. Keep it up! Please remain inaccessible to the general public....ooops, gotta go shoot some more fish in my barrel!

Funny: Interesting.....the Forum is interesting, as the level of debate is low and the level of denial is high. I'll leave it at that, as it's Monday morning.

Good thread start, MissT!

Cheers;
Lance

You take the vanilla grrls and I will take the vanilla guys. Now spread out!

Eb

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: Re: Funny.

You take the vanilla grrls and I will take the vanilla guys. Now spread out!

Eb

Did you say "spread" ?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Funny.

Did you say "spread" ?

sure did! did you bring the spreader bars?

Eb

 

[Detton]

I'm new, so lets get my perspective. I dont mean just new to the Literotica forums, I mean new pretty much completely.

I'm not so much into a D/s lifestyle at the moment. Being new (and situations that have to do with living arrangements, etc..dont ask.) makes it a little too difficult for that.

So, my interests and kinks basically point more to bondage, or domination in a private setting.

So, to answer the questions:

What does it mean to you:

Expressing my control over my partner. It gives me an emotional and physical rush, and excites us both.

How does it play out to you:

Already mentioned that in my intro paragraphs pretty much.

How do you define it:

As has been said, I dont define it. It just is.

How do you get what you need:

It's a mutual exchange of pleasures. I need to be in control, she needs to be controlled.

Thats putting it very briefly, but I dont have the publishing contacts to have to have it put in hard cover and shipped

~Detton, professional library troll

 

[Detton]

Okay, i'll admit, i've never quoted anything before. Bah.

~Detton, professional library troll

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Funny.

For me, BDSM is mostly a funny thing.


Funny:Amusing ....because for all the outward Anti-Vanilla talk here, my experience IRL in scene and non scene clubs, bars etc has been that a wide eyed vanilla chick is a thing of beauty, not derision. There's nothing more fun than hooking up with a grrl who's into it but hasn't done any of it yet.....rrrreow.

Good thread start, MissT!

Cheers;
Lance

As a sub:

It is sometimes, fun to introduce a vanilla Dom to the scene as well. Especially fun when they dont' realize they are Dom or that you are open to things that they don't even dare fantasize about!

 

[MissTaken]

Please hear this loud and clear: what ever YOU {meaning the two root members of the relationship} decide is right IS right.

Wanting to know what others do in their relationships is fine but in the end it is the two of you that matter.

OH yeah!!!!!


And I find that how I engage varies from one partner to the next.

Some are serious lifestylers who require all the romance and ritual of formal BDSM, my most recent and probably "most likely to succeed" Dom can be serious or can make me burst out laughing when in a scene.....and He likes it!

 

[MissTaken]

Okay, i'll admit, i've never quoted anything before. Bah.

~Detton, professional library troll

You are doing just fine!

Thank you for the input

 

[Kitte]

I really beleive that it is as individual as each of us. We share common bonds in a pattern of thought but what is good for you may be terrible for me and vice versa.

For me it is something I share with someone I love and care about and respect. I am very much a sexual submissive. I could not live in a TPE relationship nor would I want to. I dont even understand really wanting to. But it isnt for me to understand, now is it?

So, how does it play out for you? How do you define it? How do you get what you need

for Us it is still a growing and changing thing. It plays out in many different ways depending on his mood and mine.He is learning quite well how to read what it is I need and I am learning what pleases him. I am by nature a very dominant person I guess, well my ex still says Im a bossy bitch. But when it comes to sex, I live to be submissive, I breathe to please, there is a moment when we are together when I enter my "sub space" where I become the instrument for his pleasure. Whether he chooses to please himself with toys or tools or a number of things, I am his. I guess I do in a way top from below sometimes as this all began with my need to be submissive, but as we move on, he is becoming a more defined top. It works for us.

 

[zipman]

BDSM for me

I am currently enjoying a BDSM relationship with my gf. It is not 24/7 TPE and is confined strictly to the bedroom. I do not desire to dominate women outside of the bedroom. Of course, this can be challenging at times as my BDSM is intertwined with my relationship. I often think it would be easier if it were just BDSM with someone I was not in love with. Then, if you are unsatisfied, you can just find a new sub.

As for what makes it work, well Communication, Communication, Communication!! Communication is the most important thing to me and it helps me to get what I want and need from the relationship.

Hope this helps.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: BDSM for me

I often think it would be easier if it were just BDSM with someone I was not in love with. Then, if you are unsatisfied, you can just find a new sub.

But some of the best D/s relationships do not have to be based on being "in love".

I am not in love with either of my subs and I am not apt to be. But that does not mean things are easy. And that does not mean we do not have a commitment to each other. The bond between Domme and sub can be a very strong one.

I have been with sissy for over 18 months. And I have been with bitchboy 2 months now. Many dating/love relationships do not last this long.

And because of how we interact, based on trust, honesty, and communication, there is a high degree of satisfaction in the relationship.

Eb

 

[zipman]

Re: Re: BDSM for me

But some of the best D/s relationships do not have to be based on being "in love".

I am not in love with either of my subs and I am not apt to be. But that does not mean things are easy. And that does not mean we do not have a commitment to each other. The bond between Domme and sub can be a very strong one.

I have been with sissy for over 18 months. And I have been with bitchboy 2 months now. Many dating/love relationships do not last this long.

And because of how we interact, based on trust, honesty, and communication, there is a high degree of satisfaction in the relationship.

Eb

My apologies Eb if you felt I was making too general a statement. I did not mean to say that it was easy having a BDSM relationship where you are not in love with your Dom/me or sub. What I was trying to say was something I've heard you say many times, that if you can always find another sub. (what was the ratio; 20-1). For me, if she is not doing somethin I like, or submitting the way I like, I have to balance that not only against the prospect of finding a sub I do like, but against the love that I feel for her, which does not happen all that often for me.

By no means did I mean to say that it was easy for you or that you had not made any commitment.

Zip

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: BDSM for me

My apologies Eb if you felt I was making too general a statement. I did not mean to say that it was easy having a BDSM relationship where you are not in love with your Dom/me or sub. What I was trying to say was something I've heard you say many times, that if you can always find another sub. (what was the ratio; 20-1). For me, if she is not doing somethin I like, or submitting the way I like, I have to balance that not only against the prospect of finding a sub I do like, but against the love that I feel for her, which does not happen all that often for me.

By no means did I mean to say that it was easy for you or that you had not made any commitment.

Zip

Please do not apologize. I was just elaborating on what was said. A counterpoint. I did not take offense.

See many in this forum have posted that D/s without love is uncaring and unfeeling. That subs are being used without caring. So I always bring up the other side of the coin.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: BDSM for me

What I was trying to say was something I've heard you say many times, that if you can always find another sub. (what was the ratio; 20-1).

What is interesting, I think is that I have never had to dismiss a sub. I had to release one, with regret, when I moved from the Pacific Northwest to the East coast. We were and are not in love, but it pained us both nonetheless.

Eb