Your help is appreciated.

[Nicole48606]

Never was into writing, but wanting to tell this story. Would appreciate your opinions good or bad. Two parts approved out of eight....maybe I need to rewrite the other six or stop here.

Don't know if I am posting this correctly.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=72639

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=73162

 

[gauchecritic]

uh-oh

Unfortunately Nicole I'm afraid it's bad news. I won't go into the grammar or punctuation. I won't baldly criticise you're style or construction. I won't mention the mixture of tenses or spelling mistakes ( a spell check will only tell you if you spell incorrectly it won't point out incorrect usage) example affect for effect.

The reason I won't do any of those things is that it would mean rewriting the entire piece in order to illustrate those things.

I can however offer a couple of pieces of advice.

First (most difficult) find someone who is willing and able to rewrite your story (as closely as possible) so that you can spot the differences. (If you're not too mad at me I would be willing to undertake one chapter for you)

Second (More difficult still) Don't try writing like you think a writer writes. Try this for an exersize; Speak your story into a tape machine or whatever and then transcribe it word for word. What I mean is, write how you speak.

Imagine telling your closest friend about your latest or greatest escapade (sexual or otherwise) but in more detail. Write that down, with your own sayings, swear words, terminology.

If it doesn't look right then you can edit it appropriately.

Most of all try and have some fun with it, the only person you really have to please is yourself, if you want to arouse/please/shock/whatever other readers then that's fine too but don't try to write like you THINK it should be written, write it how you feel.

Gauche

 

[dr_mabeuse]

If that's your picture, I can forgive you just about anything.

And if you want to sit in my lap while I edit your story, I'm sure we can work something out.

---dr.M.

 

[Nicole48606]

Re: uh-oh

Unfortunately Nicole I'm afraid it's bad news. I won't go into the grammar or punctuation. I won't baldly criticise you're style or construction. I won't mention the mixture of tenses or spelling mistakes ( a spell check will only tell you if you spell incorrectly it won't point out incorrect usage) example affect for effect.

The reason I won't do any of those things is that it would mean rewriting the entire piece in order to illustrate those things.

I can however offer a couple of pieces of advice.

First (most difficult) find someone who is willing and able to rewrite your story (as closely as possible) so that you can spot the differences. (If you're not too mad at me I would be willing to undertake one chapter for you)

Second (More difficult still) Don't try writing like you think a writer writes. Try this for an exersize; Speak your story into a tape machine or whatever and then transcribe it word for word. What I mean is, write how you speak.

Imagine telling your closest friend about your latest or greatest escapade (sexual or otherwise) but in more detail. Write that down, with your own sayings, swear words, terminology.

If it doesn't look right then you can edit it appropriately.

Most of all try and have some fun with it, the only person you really have to please is yourself, if you want to arouse/please/shock/whatever other readers then that's fine too but don't try to write like you THINK it should be written, write it how you feel.

Gauche

Yes it is bad news, didn't realize the miss-spelled words. The tenses I can understand.

Appreciate your comments and will try them. I did try to write how I felt. According to you not that well.

Why would I be mad? Know I have many weakness when it comes to writing. Plus I ask for help. Now would that be nice if I were to be rude of your critque. <---Hope thats spelled correctly.

If you are willing to rewrite the first chapter would be appreciated. You can copy it and email it back to me.

Thank you
susan387@hotmail.com

 

[Nicole48606]

If that's your picture, I can forgive you just about anything.

And if you want to sit in my lap while I edit your story, I'm sure we can work something out.

---dr.M.

LMAO...

You never know what a girl may do.

 

[gauchecritic]

replies

sent it nicole but since I have had no return I'm wondering if you received it. Did you?

Gauche

 

[Nicole48606]

Re: replies

sent it nicole but since I have had no return I'm wondering if you received it. Did you?

Gauche

Got it, sent you an email...

Thank you for your time.....

 

[gauchecritic]

Must be summat wrong with Lit's mail service, but never mind. All the best for chritmas and with your writing Nicci.

Gauche