Quiet_Cool
Learning to Fly
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2001
- Posts
- 5,897
So I know this girl, I work with her, and she's about ten years older than I am. We've been hanging out on and off for a while now, about eight months. SHe's involved with this guy, who she's been with for about six or seven years. The guy has his problems, in fact, both do (as everybody does, no judgment intended), and she tells me, and a mutual friend on repeated occasions that she wants to leave him, that she isn't happy and won't be until they're apart.
Recently, she begins to do things that she insists and I believed were steps to separate herself from him. A long-term relationship leaves loose ends, so I understand that it's not as simple as saying "I don't want to be together any more." Lately, say over the past three or four weeks, we started talking more often, on the phone (she got my number from the mutual friend) and in the break room at work. She calls me when she's drunk on the weekends, and insists I come over. SHe begins talking about her problems while we're on the phone, and I can't say no to a friend, but when I get there, she behaves differently, which makes sense given that the two of us aren't alone. She's too touchy, she's too advancing, and I chock it up to she's had too much to drink.
Finally, she calls me and insists she wants out of the house, to have fun without the boyfriend around, and I agree to go, trying to help out. WHile we're out, we start drinking and things pretty much click, though I know that the boyfriend isn't in the Know that we're together this night, and I know her intentions. I go along with it, basically trying it on to see if it fits. When we get back to her place, the boyfriend is asleep on the couch, and she wakes him. The three of us talk, her making up lies to cover why I was there and where we've been and what happened. him trustingly listening. Things felt very wrong then, and i decided I wasn't interested. The two go to bed. I sleep on her couch, not a new thing.
That's last weekend. Last night, she has a party, his birthday party actually, and i haven't told her yet. We haven't spoken all week, as I was on vacation. She even has the mutual friend call to invite me. (The mutual friend is actually why I go, given that we haven't seen each other in almost four months, maybe longer.) I figure, she's come to the same conclusion as I did, but when i get there, she shows other intentions. I can't contradict her in front of everyone, especially not with him there. No open remarks are going to get across. I make attempts to subtly deny her advances, w/o being rude, knowing I eventually have to tell her. But in this case, there isn't really a good time, so I wait. Eventually, the mutual friend and I are alone, and she asks me about what's been going on, saying that the girl already told her about last weekend. I tell her I like the girl, but that I want to be friends. i'm plain and direct. "I don't like her like that," is my wording, and mutual friend gets the point.
The two talk about what I said, then, while the party continues inside, the girl takes me outside to talk. I reiterate; I confess that I shouldn't have led her on. She agrees that I shouldn't have, but makes no mention of anything she's done. The lies are apparently my fault to her. I ask her if we're still friends and she agrees that we are, then begins to tellme about her kids and her mother, making the conversatin about something it's not about, a pattern I've noticed in her behavior before.
We go back inside, and things seem alright, but she begins being a little cold toward me, first asking me if I want to eat, which I agree to do out of courtesy, as she's made it clear in the past that she becomes offended when people don't eat at her parties, then making plates for the other guests and requesting I make my own (no big deal, but, the effort to offend was there, i assure you), then giving me the cold shoulder when a minor conversation led to me joking around with the mutual friend.
So she disappears for a few minutes, and when she returns, the door is apparently jammed. After a few others failed to open it, I tried to lend a helping hand and pulled it open. She's outside, pointing at me and insisting, aggressively, that she "don't want you, I want" the boyfriend. I tell the boyfriend she's requesting him, and he goes outside to talk with her. naturally, a few minutes later, he's trying to bust in, angry, and she's holding him back. They're physically fighting now, her using headlocks and shoving and yelling for him to "stop it!" and him just trying to get past her, not wanting to hurt her, but wanting inside. Naturally, my thoughts are that she told him and he wants to fight. I was disgusted by this point, and I left, not afraid, but not wanting to fight.
Now, I have to wonder, what was the point of all of this? And how much of this was my fault?
Looking back, I can't say there was anything admirable about my behavior, but how much of the negativity is my fault, not just that which already happened, but that which will almost definitely happen this upcoming week when i have to deal with her at work?
Can anyone give me a clue here?
Recently, she begins to do things that she insists and I believed were steps to separate herself from him. A long-term relationship leaves loose ends, so I understand that it's not as simple as saying "I don't want to be together any more." Lately, say over the past three or four weeks, we started talking more often, on the phone (she got my number from the mutual friend) and in the break room at work. She calls me when she's drunk on the weekends, and insists I come over. SHe begins talking about her problems while we're on the phone, and I can't say no to a friend, but when I get there, she behaves differently, which makes sense given that the two of us aren't alone. She's too touchy, she's too advancing, and I chock it up to she's had too much to drink.
Finally, she calls me and insists she wants out of the house, to have fun without the boyfriend around, and I agree to go, trying to help out. WHile we're out, we start drinking and things pretty much click, though I know that the boyfriend isn't in the Know that we're together this night, and I know her intentions. I go along with it, basically trying it on to see if it fits. When we get back to her place, the boyfriend is asleep on the couch, and she wakes him. The three of us talk, her making up lies to cover why I was there and where we've been and what happened. him trustingly listening. Things felt very wrong then, and i decided I wasn't interested. The two go to bed. I sleep on her couch, not a new thing.
That's last weekend. Last night, she has a party, his birthday party actually, and i haven't told her yet. We haven't spoken all week, as I was on vacation. She even has the mutual friend call to invite me. (The mutual friend is actually why I go, given that we haven't seen each other in almost four months, maybe longer.) I figure, she's come to the same conclusion as I did, but when i get there, she shows other intentions. I can't contradict her in front of everyone, especially not with him there. No open remarks are going to get across. I make attempts to subtly deny her advances, w/o being rude, knowing I eventually have to tell her. But in this case, there isn't really a good time, so I wait. Eventually, the mutual friend and I are alone, and she asks me about what's been going on, saying that the girl already told her about last weekend. I tell her I like the girl, but that I want to be friends. i'm plain and direct. "I don't like her like that," is my wording, and mutual friend gets the point.
The two talk about what I said, then, while the party continues inside, the girl takes me outside to talk. I reiterate; I confess that I shouldn't have led her on. She agrees that I shouldn't have, but makes no mention of anything she's done. The lies are apparently my fault to her. I ask her if we're still friends and she agrees that we are, then begins to tellme about her kids and her mother, making the conversatin about something it's not about, a pattern I've noticed in her behavior before.
We go back inside, and things seem alright, but she begins being a little cold toward me, first asking me if I want to eat, which I agree to do out of courtesy, as she's made it clear in the past that she becomes offended when people don't eat at her parties, then making plates for the other guests and requesting I make my own (no big deal, but, the effort to offend was there, i assure you), then giving me the cold shoulder when a minor conversation led to me joking around with the mutual friend.
So she disappears for a few minutes, and when she returns, the door is apparently jammed. After a few others failed to open it, I tried to lend a helping hand and pulled it open. She's outside, pointing at me and insisting, aggressively, that she "don't want you, I want" the boyfriend. I tell the boyfriend she's requesting him, and he goes outside to talk with her. naturally, a few minutes later, he's trying to bust in, angry, and she's holding him back. They're physically fighting now, her using headlocks and shoving and yelling for him to "stop it!" and him just trying to get past her, not wanting to hurt her, but wanting inside. Naturally, my thoughts are that she told him and he wants to fight. I was disgusted by this point, and I left, not afraid, but not wanting to fight.
Now, I have to wonder, what was the point of all of this? And how much of this was my fault?
Looking back, I can't say there was anything admirable about my behavior, but how much of the negativity is my fault, not just that which already happened, but that which will almost definitely happen this upcoming week when i have to deal with her at work?
Can anyone give me a clue here?
