your advice is welcome

[sweetvee]

ok, my boyfriend has totally distanced himself from me lately. we talked tonight and he says that he loves me, is in love with me, misses me, and cares about me, etc., but that he is very afraid of getting hurt. we've kind of broken up and he's not sure what he wants because he is so afraid of getting hurt (all of his exes have cheated on him in the past). so how can i show him that he has nothing to be afraid of and that i would never hurt him? i only want him to be happy...

any and all advice is very, very welcome, because i really don't know what i should do...

 

[MysteryJKR]

*hugs* goodness... Im always afraid of getting hurt too. I end up hurting someone else I think because of it..

I dont know what you could do really. Its his inside emotions ya know.. Its hard to get him to think otherwise after its hit him so many times...

maybe some poetry, a nice evening just the two of you.. lots of attention given to him in a lovy way.. anytime you see that he is being distant or something give him something.. just some little thing that he might find special and you can get cheap. lol. maybe cards with funny but nice things in em.. ya know just to show him you care and arent going anywhere.. i know it sounds stupid... but some people really appreciate that stuff.

I know I would. any of that I would..

 

[beckbabe]

I would reassure him that you care for him, but I don't like the undertone that you are the one needs to prove yourself. Assuming that you are faithful, and he is the one who has distanced himself from you, I would be looking for the real problem. This seems like a convenient attempt to dump any blame onto you. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I think it still has a chance of ending up well. If you love him, try to work it out.

 

[Weird Harold]

we've kind of broken up and he's not sure what he wants because he is so afraid of getting hurt (all of his exes have cheated on him in the past). so how can i show him that he has nothing to be afraid of and that i would never hurt him? i only want him to be happy...

Marriage counseling isn't just for married people.

I don't know that there is any way to break through his fear of commitment and lack of trust. If there is a way, a marriage counselor would be able to find it.

Don't push too hard though. If he's been hurt before, then he's not going to react well to overly agressive attempts to make him see reason.

 

[sweetvee]

thank you all for your advice, i really appreciate it

 

[Andra_Jenny]

Get a new boyfriend. That makes the old one shit or get off the pot.

 

[Mr.curious]

Hey sweetvee, I do know what he's feeling and it's not for you to prove yourself. Try makin him feel confident in himself. If he has that then I believe he will have confidence in your relationship.
I know this from experiance.

 

[sweetvee]

how can i do that?