You want to suck my WHAT???

[sincerely_helene]

Those who know me, know I dislike the dating game. I'm the sort of person who's perfectly content to just sit at home by myself with a bag of bugles, a glass of white, and a decent Colin Firth flick. However, there comes a time in every single woman's life when the pressure from family and friends gets to be too much, and you finally find yourself saying yes to the persistant bachleour across the street who keeps leaving mushy, long-winded messages on your machine.

He seemed like an ideal choice. A Doctor; romantic, handsome, sense of humour, the whole package. Dinner was amazing, and he even showed up with a half dozen tiger-lillies (my favorite.) He pulled out my chair, held the door open for me, and was able to watch me try to eat lobster without laughing. After sharing a tender kiss at the front entrance, I threw caution to the wind and invited him up to my messy loft.

Anyway, we continued on with casual conversation, occasionally pausing to gaze lovingly into each others eyes and gently caress a cheek. This isn't so bad after all, I thought. A fairy tale come true, in fact. Just as I was really starting to think this one could have some real potential, he grabbed hold of my hand and said those three little words which for as long as I live I will never, ever forget: "Suck my...

TOES?????"

Ok, ok. I know that it is a popular fetish, and I don't mean to sound "unhip," but these are the same toes that had worked up a moist sweat on the dance floor, and stepped in a pile of dog crap on the way inside the building. Talk about awkward. I don't care what my family says, I'm never dating again.

Anyone else ever have any disaster stories to share?

Edit: Sorry, Sweetnpetite. I didn't see your thread on the same subject until just now.

 

[millennium_bard]

A few years ago, I allowed my friends to set me up on a blind date.

I was reluctant to go out that evening because I wasn't feeling well at all.

But I had given my word, and so off to the date I went.

I was supposed to meet this girl "Sandra" at a local restaurant,
I arrived a little early, flowers and all.

But as soon as i stepped inside, who do I see but my somewhat psychotic Ex girlfriend Sandy.

She was ranting at me at top volume, claiming that I had somehow found out about her upcoming blind date and had shown up just to ruin it for her.

She then snatched the flowes from my hand and stomped them.

Of course as soon as I saw Sandy there, I knew that my friends were evil, viscious bastards, or they had sccrewed up beyond belief.

When she finally shut up long enough for me to say something, I told her that she was just as insane as I had remembered, then I turned and left.

When I got over to the home of the friend who had been the main planner of the blind date, I clobbered him.

 

[sincerely_helene]

When I got over to the home of the friend who had been the main planner of the blind date, I clobbered him.

Deservedly so!

I hope you have gained a better class of friends since.

 

[shereads]

A fairy tale come true, in fact. Just as I was really starting to think this one could have some real potential, he grabbed hold of my hand and said those three little words which for as long as I live I will never, ever forget: "Suck my...

TOES?????"

This is worthy of becoming a story. Or an episode of Seinfeld...

The Soft Talker...The Woman Who Ate Peas One At A Time...The Woman Who Insisted He Taste The Pie...The Man Who Didn't Use Exclamation Marks...and the little-known classic, Toe Fetishist With Dirty Feet.

If the moment is right, and the toe is attached to the proper person, I could develop a hunger for the big toe. But it hardly seems like a first-date request. Plus, there's the dog business...Ewww.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Re: Re: You want to suck my WHAT???

This is worthy of becoming a story. Or an episode of Seinfeld...

The Soft Talker...The Woman Who Ate Peas One At A Time...The Woman Who Insisted He Taste The Pie...The Man Who Didn't Use Exclamation Marks...and the little-known classic, Toe Fetishist With Dirty Feet.

If the moment is right, and the toe is attached to the proper person, I could develop a hunger for the big toe. But it hardly seems like a first-date request. Plus, there's the dog business...Ewww.

I would be more suprised if "Sex in the City" hasn't already gotten dibs on this gem.

I wouldn't even suck on my own toes, and I know where they have been. Life of celibacy, here I cum (or not.)

 

[impressive]

Re: Re: You want to suck my WHAT???

If the moment is right, and the toe is attached to the proper person, I could develop a hunger for the big toe.

Attached is definitely a prerequisite, but I ain't doin' it after it's been stuffed in socks and shoes for hours. Ask me in a jacuzzi.

 

[oggbashan]

This thread has reminded me that I still haven't written a story for my most specific audience - a Yahoo Group for men who like Kerala women with hairy armpits.

It has thousands of members. What is sexy about hairy armpits? The members seem to have a preference for sweaty ones. A short blouse sweat-stained at the armpits is a common theme of their picture area. A woman raising her arm while sweat glistens in her armpit causes ectasy.

I still can't get in the mood to write a story for them.

I've tried most other fetishes, hair, vinyl, silk scarves, panties, but sweaty armpits I can't do yet. Then I have to be specific. She must be from Kerala.

This is still my ultimate challenge. One day...

Og

 

[Guest]

So you are going to see him again, right?

 

[pop_54]

On the subject of blind dates and evil bastard friends. Many years ago before I wed, some friends who have some strange ideas of what constitutes fun fixed me up with a blind date, with another friend of theirs they obviously wished to piss off.

We were both coerced into agreeing to meet at a certain time and place, a private sort of location where there could be no mix up over what we were both doing in that place, and so we would both know that we were the dating partners, thus of course avoiding embarrassing mix up's.

I duly turned up as promised, all spruced up and keen to seduce said blind date... So did the other fucking BLOKE!!!!

It wasn't a toal disaster however, we soon saw the funny side of it all and decided to go for a few beers to plot our revenge on the wayward friends, we picked up a couple of hot tarts in the pub and both got laid after all.

 

[sincerely_helene]

So you are going to see him again, right?

Shhh... you'll wake him.

 

[Guest]

Sorry....

 

[sincerely_helene]

On the subject of blind dates and evil bastard friends. Many years ago before I wed, some friends who have some strange ideas of what constitutes fun fixed me up with a blind date, with another friend of theirs they obviously wished to piss off.

We were both coerced into agreeing to meet at a certain time and place, a private sort of location where there could be no mix up over what we were both doing in that place, and so we would both know that we were the dating partners, thus of course avoiding embarrassing mix up's.

I duly turned up as promised, all spruced up and keen to seduce said blind date... So did the other fucking BLOKE!!!!

It wasn't a toal disaster however, we soon saw the funny side of it all and decided to go for a few beers to plot our revenge on the wayward friends, we picked up a couple of hot tarts in the pub and both got laid after all.

What, he didn't like pirates???

(lucky little pop-tarts.)

 

[impressive]

(lucky pop-tarts.)

Yuk yuk yuk --- pop tarts! I get it.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Yuk yuk yuk --- pop tarts! I get it.

Phew.

 

[impressive]

Phew.

ROFLMAO! I knew you were worried about that sailing over my head.

 

[Couture]

Anyway, we continued on with casual conversation, occasionally pausing to gaze lovingly into each others eyes and gently caress a cheek. This isn't so bad after all, I thought. A fairy tale come true, in fact. Just as I was really starting to think this one could have some real potential, he grabbed hold of my hand and said those three little words which for as long as I live I will never, ever forget: "Suck my...

TOES?????"

Ok, ok. I know that it is a popular fetish, and I don't mean to sound "unhip," but these are the same toes that had worked up a moist sweat on the dance floor, and stepped in a pile of dog crap on the way inside the building. Talk about awkward. I don't care what my family says, I'm never dating again.

Anyone else ever have any disaster stories to share?

Edit: Sorry, Sweetnpetite. I didn't see your thread on the same subject until just now.

Okay, I don't think he was walking barefoot when he stepped in the pile of dogcrap. So, the dog cooties stayed on the outside of his shoe.

This guy is a doctor. One day when you are older, you will be sorry you didn't suck his toes. A doctor? Girl, you should have put on your little candy striper uniform and sucked his toes like a million dollar lollipop.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Re: Re: You want to suck my WHAT???

Okay, I don't think he was walking barefoot when he stepped in the pile of dogcrap. So, the dog cooties stayed on the outside of his shoe.

This guy is a doctor. One day when you are older, you will be sorry you didn't suck his toes. A doctor? Girl, you should have put on your little candy striper uniform and sucked his toes like a million dollar lollipop.

I didn't say I didn't do it. I just said it was awkward.

 

[pop_54]

What, he didn't like pirates???

No shame about that, he was quite a pretty boy, I would have given him one up the Garry, but he wasn't into that sort of thing unfortunately

I even offered to suck something for him

Yes we did pop a couple of tarts that evening.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

You couldn't pay me enough to suck on a guy's toes. *yuk*

My worst blind date ended with me reporting the guy to the police for stalking. Inbetween the first date and my talking to the police, there were several incidents of him embarrassing me in front of my aunt and grandmother, him harassing me in the street, him calling me at odd hours, him threatening me in a library, me getting help from two pals, one of which was a Kung Fu Wizz, the other a neo-nazi... did I mention he was looking for asyl in Sweden? He left the country and hasn't been seen since.

Don't mess with the Goddess of Vice.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I've had more than a few horrid dates. None of them ever involved restraining orders(at least not right away). The one that sticks in my mind is when my boss set me up on a date with his friend from college.

I had seen this guy before and he was cute, had a ponytail and a good sense of humor. So, I told my boss to hook me up. The guy took me out to a nice dinner in a town about 45 minutes away from where the two of us lived. During dinner, he had five mixed drinks to my one glass of wine. I thought maybe he was just nervous and let it slide.

After we left the restaurant, he stopped at a grocery store to buy some beer for the ride home. In the meantime, it had begun to sleet and the roads were getting icy. He returned from the store with a case of beer and proceeded to drink beer after beer while driving us back. His car was a stick shift, or I would've insisted on driving.

Some friends of mine lived close to where we went out to dinner, so I had him stop at their house. He pleaded with me to go back to his place and I refused. My friends wouldn't let me leave and got rid of him for me. He called me for years after that trying to get another date and told everyone he knew I was a tease. Oh, by the way, he was studying to be a therapist.

 

[Guest]

 

[Vincent E]

Re: Re: You want to suck my WHAT???

This is worthy of becoming a story. Or an episode of Seinfeld...

The Soft Talker...The Woman Who Ate Peas One At A Time...The Woman Who Insisted He Taste The Pie...The Man Who Didn't Use Exclamation Marks...and the little-known classic, Toe Fetishist With Dirty Feet.

There was the episode with the woman who lost her pinky toe. And then there was "Man Hands." As well as the girlfriend who needed a nose job. But I think my favorite was the Roommate Swap.

"She's into it. And what's more, she just called, and the roommate's into it too."

"Do you ever get down on your knees and give thanks that you have access to me and my dementia?"

"What do you mean you're not going through with it? This is like discovering plutonium by accident."

"I'm not an orgy guy. I'll have to start wearing robes and using lotions, and I'll need new orgy friends."

 

[Lord Naraku]

Re: Re: Re: You want to suck my WHAT???

I didn't say I didn't do it. I just said it was awkward.

ROFL

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: Re: Re: You want to suck my WHAT???

I didn't say I didn't do it. I just said it was awkward.

Thank you. You just made me loose my appetite for tonight.

 

[shereads]

This thread title has t-shirt potential.

In fact, it could become one of the greats, alongside the classic,

LET GO OF MY EARS.
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.