Wizard
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 30, 1999
- Posts
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I myself thought this was so well put. I found it on yet another website and let me post a link to it.
http://www.castlerealm.com/library/chains.shtml
Chains of Love
A Woman's Look at the D/s Lifestyle ©1996
What is D/s?
After spending some time online and seeing the listings on the web as well as listening to talk on IRC, it might be easier to say what D/s "isn't." It is not about whips and restraints, nor pain and humiliation. It isn't even about a leather or latex fetish. Although all these things can be incorporated into D/s and be quite nice enhancements, they are not what forms the foundation of the D/s lifestyle. D/s is not about abuse or force and it pains me greatly to know that the majority of people outside this lifestyle tend to have this view. What it "is," is a relationship between two or more people who have come to grips with their natures as Dominants and submissives and entered into a power exchange. The submissive, who by nature desires to serve, willingly relinquishes his/her own personal power to a Dominant, who by nature wants and needs to accept the gift of this power. Without this willing exchange, there is no true D/s relationship. One often sees BDSM used as an interchangeable term for D/s. BDSM (bondage/discipline&sadism/masochism) is not necessarily a part of D/s. Both can exist independently of the other; however, you are most likely to find some elements of both in each lifestyle. Each person's definition is different, just as each person's nature and needs are individual.
There are many variations on this theme, but I can only speak from the perspective of a female submissive in a monogamous relationship with a male Dominant. Just as there are many variations in the partnerships formed, there are even more levels in the depth and intensity of such relationships. For some, it's only an occasional bedroom scene; for others it's a 24/7 situation, meaning full-time. Some require strict and rigid rules; others find satisfaction in a less-defined role. Each couple must decide what works best for them and live within the constraints of their own existence. Many D/s couples enter into a contract (see samples) before beginning this lifestyle to save needless hurts and disappointments later on and I feel it's the wisest thing they could do. Knowing before-hand what is expected within the partnership is the only way a D/s couple can hope to form the type of bond required for it to be a mutually-beneficial relationship. When it works, it's one of the closest bonds known in our society. ©1996 Castle Realm
What makes a D/s relationship work?
There are several things that make a D/s relationship work and just as many that will cause it to fail miserably. Trust and communication are probably two of the most important. Within a D/s relationship there must be much more communication than is found in most conventional "vanilla" partnerships. The health and success of a D/s relationship hinges on both the Dominant's and the submissive's ability to voice not only their dissatisfaction and disappointments, but also their pleasure and satisfaction with things within the partnership. The trust required of a D/s couple is difficult for people outside the lifestyle to comprehend. This trust could be compared to the trust of a child who jumps happily from a high place, knowing that the loving parent below will safely catch them. Should that parent fail, the child would be injured and that child's trust destroyed for a lifetime. So it is with a D/s couple. One must literally put one's life in the hands of another. Such a step should never be taken without long consideration. Respect is another prime ingredient. Mutual respect must exist between the Dominant and submissive in order for each one to completely fulfill their obligation to the other. One is not more important than the other, for neither could exist alone. They are halves of the whole, each fulfilling and completing the other. Without submission or surrender there is no D/s relationship. Without trust there can be no surrender. Without respect there can be no trust. Without communication there can be no respect. So you see, it becomes a "chain" of things that make it work. Each link of this chain is held together with love and, in my heart, there can be no surrender without love. But I have heard it argued that it's not that way for everyone. Each person must find fulfillment for their needs in their own way. I have found mine: He is my Master. ©1996 Castle Realm
My own feelings on being a submissive female.
I'm not weak, nor am I incapable of controlling my own life; I simply chose not to. I have found a better way, a safer and gentler way, for me to live my life. I've entrusted my care and well-being to the hands of another, my Dominant. In doing so, He has become all things to me: my protector, care-giver, lover, teacher and my master. I look to Him for guidance and support because I know He has my best interests in His heart. He has earned my trust and respect by being who and what He is and, in turn, has lead me to discover who and what I am. His guidance is gentle but strict, wanting only the best I can give and settling for a little less than perfection because He knows I'm not perfect.
His control gives me freedom. No longer do I have to struggle with decisions that overwhelm me. My spirit is set free under His dominance and my heart soars above the earth with His love under my wings lifting me to new heights each day. His strength makes me strong and yet allows me to be the soft, gentle soul my inner nature demands. I no longer need to fight for a place in life for I've found my place at His feet. His guidance takes me places I would never have gone on my own and I revel in the challenges this journey has brought. His bonds have released me from the chains of fear, prejudice and ignorance that were wrapped around me by society's teachings and expectations of me as a woman. His protection gives me peace, for I know in His care I am safe and sheltered from the things I dread most. His training and teaching have given me knowledge to help me meet the demands often made of me by life, but most of all, He has taught me about myself.
In serving Him I have been honored with His gifts. In my surrender I have been set free. In kneeling I have reached the sky and danced among the clouds. In loving Him I have been loved beyond my dreams. We have formed a symbiosis of giving and taking, Yin and Yang, soulmates, and a perfect fulfillment of our inherent natures. He calls me "His treasure." I call Him "my Master."
All rights to "Chains of Love, a Woman's Look at the D/s Lifestyle ©" are reserved by the author.
Copyright©1996 Castle Realm
Words from a Dominant male.
For people who wonder about a D/s relationship and often feel it is "degrading" to the woman, this should clear that up. True D/s involves much love, respect and trust. Here is what one Master wrote and I agree with it completely. To me, it epitomizes everything that should be in every D/s relationship.
As it is often important and often even necessary for one human being to have certainty and a clear understanding of the intentions, desires, motivations, and needs of another, I offer this testimony in trust and sincerity.
I am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel I am more intelligent or wiser. I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body. I am not, nor would I want to be, dominant with all women. Yet to you, I am Master.
I am your Master only after earning your trust, and I embrace your submissiveness. I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You tell me of the needs of your heart and body. You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.
You are a woman. You are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. We are not equal. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you. You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.
We are not equal. We are halves of a whole. We compliment each other and make each other complete. My desire to dominate you is instinctive. It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine. We each recognize and accept our worth and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.
You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man. You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man. In return, you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. You submit because I have earned your trust. Because I have opened my heart and soul to you. Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life; you have given me dominance over you.
What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman give a man. You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me. Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility. I accept this from you with humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift. I recognize it is your body and soul, your heart and mind. I dominate you only because you have allowed it. I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other woman, and all the treasures of the earth. What you give freely can not in reality be bought.
(This wonderful letter was given to me some time ago. I wish I knew who wrote it so he could receive the recognition he deserves.)
http://www.castlerealm.com/library/chains.shtml
Chains of Love
A Woman's Look at the D/s Lifestyle ©1996
What is D/s?
After spending some time online and seeing the listings on the web as well as listening to talk on IRC, it might be easier to say what D/s "isn't." It is not about whips and restraints, nor pain and humiliation. It isn't even about a leather or latex fetish. Although all these things can be incorporated into D/s and be quite nice enhancements, they are not what forms the foundation of the D/s lifestyle. D/s is not about abuse or force and it pains me greatly to know that the majority of people outside this lifestyle tend to have this view. What it "is," is a relationship between two or more people who have come to grips with their natures as Dominants and submissives and entered into a power exchange. The submissive, who by nature desires to serve, willingly relinquishes his/her own personal power to a Dominant, who by nature wants and needs to accept the gift of this power. Without this willing exchange, there is no true D/s relationship. One often sees BDSM used as an interchangeable term for D/s. BDSM (bondage/discipline&sadism/masochism) is not necessarily a part of D/s. Both can exist independently of the other; however, you are most likely to find some elements of both in each lifestyle. Each person's definition is different, just as each person's nature and needs are individual.
There are many variations on this theme, but I can only speak from the perspective of a female submissive in a monogamous relationship with a male Dominant. Just as there are many variations in the partnerships formed, there are even more levels in the depth and intensity of such relationships. For some, it's only an occasional bedroom scene; for others it's a 24/7 situation, meaning full-time. Some require strict and rigid rules; others find satisfaction in a less-defined role. Each couple must decide what works best for them and live within the constraints of their own existence. Many D/s couples enter into a contract (see samples) before beginning this lifestyle to save needless hurts and disappointments later on and I feel it's the wisest thing they could do. Knowing before-hand what is expected within the partnership is the only way a D/s couple can hope to form the type of bond required for it to be a mutually-beneficial relationship. When it works, it's one of the closest bonds known in our society. ©1996 Castle Realm
What makes a D/s relationship work?
There are several things that make a D/s relationship work and just as many that will cause it to fail miserably. Trust and communication are probably two of the most important. Within a D/s relationship there must be much more communication than is found in most conventional "vanilla" partnerships. The health and success of a D/s relationship hinges on both the Dominant's and the submissive's ability to voice not only their dissatisfaction and disappointments, but also their pleasure and satisfaction with things within the partnership. The trust required of a D/s couple is difficult for people outside the lifestyle to comprehend. This trust could be compared to the trust of a child who jumps happily from a high place, knowing that the loving parent below will safely catch them. Should that parent fail, the child would be injured and that child's trust destroyed for a lifetime. So it is with a D/s couple. One must literally put one's life in the hands of another. Such a step should never be taken without long consideration. Respect is another prime ingredient. Mutual respect must exist between the Dominant and submissive in order for each one to completely fulfill their obligation to the other. One is not more important than the other, for neither could exist alone. They are halves of the whole, each fulfilling and completing the other. Without submission or surrender there is no D/s relationship. Without trust there can be no surrender. Without respect there can be no trust. Without communication there can be no respect. So you see, it becomes a "chain" of things that make it work. Each link of this chain is held together with love and, in my heart, there can be no surrender without love. But I have heard it argued that it's not that way for everyone. Each person must find fulfillment for their needs in their own way. I have found mine: He is my Master. ©1996 Castle Realm
My own feelings on being a submissive female.
I'm not weak, nor am I incapable of controlling my own life; I simply chose not to. I have found a better way, a safer and gentler way, for me to live my life. I've entrusted my care and well-being to the hands of another, my Dominant. In doing so, He has become all things to me: my protector, care-giver, lover, teacher and my master. I look to Him for guidance and support because I know He has my best interests in His heart. He has earned my trust and respect by being who and what He is and, in turn, has lead me to discover who and what I am. His guidance is gentle but strict, wanting only the best I can give and settling for a little less than perfection because He knows I'm not perfect.
His control gives me freedom. No longer do I have to struggle with decisions that overwhelm me. My spirit is set free under His dominance and my heart soars above the earth with His love under my wings lifting me to new heights each day. His strength makes me strong and yet allows me to be the soft, gentle soul my inner nature demands. I no longer need to fight for a place in life for I've found my place at His feet. His guidance takes me places I would never have gone on my own and I revel in the challenges this journey has brought. His bonds have released me from the chains of fear, prejudice and ignorance that were wrapped around me by society's teachings and expectations of me as a woman. His protection gives me peace, for I know in His care I am safe and sheltered from the things I dread most. His training and teaching have given me knowledge to help me meet the demands often made of me by life, but most of all, He has taught me about myself.
In serving Him I have been honored with His gifts. In my surrender I have been set free. In kneeling I have reached the sky and danced among the clouds. In loving Him I have been loved beyond my dreams. We have formed a symbiosis of giving and taking, Yin and Yang, soulmates, and a perfect fulfillment of our inherent natures. He calls me "His treasure." I call Him "my Master."
All rights to "Chains of Love, a Woman's Look at the D/s Lifestyle ©" are reserved by the author.
Copyright©1996 Castle Realm
Words from a Dominant male.
For people who wonder about a D/s relationship and often feel it is "degrading" to the woman, this should clear that up. True D/s involves much love, respect and trust. Here is what one Master wrote and I agree with it completely. To me, it epitomizes everything that should be in every D/s relationship.
As it is often important and often even necessary for one human being to have certainty and a clear understanding of the intentions, desires, motivations, and needs of another, I offer this testimony in trust and sincerity.
I am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel I am more intelligent or wiser. I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body. I am not, nor would I want to be, dominant with all women. Yet to you, I am Master.
I am your Master only after earning your trust, and I embrace your submissiveness. I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You tell me of the needs of your heart and body. You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.
You are a woman. You are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. We are not equal. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you. You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.
We are not equal. We are halves of a whole. We compliment each other and make each other complete. My desire to dominate you is instinctive. It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine. We each recognize and accept our worth and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.
You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man. You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man. In return, you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. You submit because I have earned your trust. Because I have opened my heart and soul to you. Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life; you have given me dominance over you.
What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman give a man. You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me. Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility. I accept this from you with humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift. I recognize it is your body and soul, your heart and mind. I dominate you only because you have allowed it. I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other woman, and all the treasures of the earth. What you give freely can not in reality be bought.
(This wonderful letter was given to me some time ago. I wish I knew who wrote it so he could receive the recognition he deserves.)
