You absolute...

[Fivemagicbeans]

You absolute bilge drinker

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute NES cartridge.

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute plum duff

 

[jonnoback]

You absolute Sinclair C5

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute otamatone.

 

[Wandering_Sen]

You absolute vintage Martin alto saxophone.

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute utility belt.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

You absolute penny short

 

[Taegul]

You absolute plethora of piñatas.

 

[Wandering_Sen]

You absolute day late.

 

[cheekygirl75]

You absolute computer warning scam

 

[ScarletDaisy]

You absolute snoring dog

 

[jonnoback]

You absolute farting dog

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute single Japanese yen.

 

[Meekly_Anna]

The only "you absolutes" I've known so far is
You absolute bell-end.
Bloody hell, so many great ideas. I absolutely must visit the UK soon. How much does a solicitor cost if, let's say, you find yourself facing a friendly but firm constable for somewhat rude behaviour?

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute mangled roll of cling film (saran wrap)

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute computer warning scam

Stop watching the porn or update your antivirus

 

[dommastermark]

You absolute wheelie bin hugger

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute wheelie bin hugger

This is good

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute can of Spam

 

[dommastermark]

This is good

Very UK!

 

[ScarletDaisy]

You absolute fried bologna sandwich

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute rail replacement service

 

[Taegul]

You absolute sticky adult theater floor.

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute fluffer