You absolute...

[ScarletDaisy]

You absolute Pterodactyl.

My first reaction was, 'I wish'

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute 3-cup bra.

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute American “soccer” supporter chant

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute ping pong ball.

 

[Xerxes82]

You absolute spud

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute dry pen.

 

[Apisto42]

You absolute banana

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute rubber dart.

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute wet patch

 

[Wandering_Sen]

You absolute NERF gun.

 

[OralAllOver]

You absolute fool for fucking

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute handwritten letter.

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute fence post

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute pot hole

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute speed bump

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute panties that aren't mine.

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute mini roundabout everyone ignores and treats as a normal junction

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute panties that aren't mine.

Give em back, you absolute washing line thief

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute temporary traffic lights

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute little grey alien.

 

[Fivemagicbeans]

You absolute bucket snatch

 

[jonnoback]

You absolute relegation zone

 

[Wandering_Sen]

You absolute plot hole.

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute abandoned goal celebration after a VAR decision

 

[jonnoback]

You absolute abandoned goal celebration after a VAR decision

You can shorten that to simply...

You absolute VAR