yea or nay?

SuzySteve

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Jan 9, 2005
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Alan Richards found himself staring at her from across the room. He knew there was not a chance in Hell of her accepting a date, but since you only live once, he proceeded to possibly embarassing himself. As he made his way to her, he scanned her body for a wedding ring...if she had one, it would really be a mistake. Once he noticed nothing of that kind, he quickened up his pace before getting either cut off or getting too shy and turning around. Neither one happened.
He slyly sat next to her and offered to buy her a drink, but she declined, "No thanks"
Was this the kiss of death before a kiss at all? Hardly! She glanced at him, "I didn't reject you. I rejected the drink"
He smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. Before he could ask her what her name was, she gave it to him...and more.
"The name is Lynne Grant. I'm 29 years old, a supervisor for a local company, a natural redhead, and it's been over 5 years since I've been fucked"
Alan's eyes widened at that last remark. Up until that one, it sounded like a job interview.
She continued, "You think I'm joking, right? Well I am. The truth is the color is really strawberry-blonde and not red"
He nodded his head in a sort of agreement. playing this "game" was obviously something she enjoyed very much and he went along with it to the best of his ability.
She stood up from her chair and began to walk away, but he stayed right where he was until she looked back, "Well are you coming? If you don't come, how can I?
At that, he leaped out of his seat and followed her home like some kind of lost puppy.
 
Yea or nay what? should you continue it? sure, it could get real interesting. Would I go home with her? No. Not even when I was young and stupid. I would have barely had time to get interested at that point.
 
I'm currently young and stupid and to be honest someone that direct with a complete stranger would be very scary.

The Earl
 
SuzySteve said:
She stood up from her chair

Sorry, I didn't read the entire thing, but this caught my eye. The reason I post is because this is 'wordy'. Saying "she stood up" or just "she stood" is all that is required really. You don't normally stood down.. or anything else for that matter. That she was sitting in a chair isn't really necessary information, unless you are going to put in more detail about the chair itself in that sentance. (Ie: describe that it is an expensive office chair; only reason I would see to do this is to establish the item if you wanted to have the characters 'do it' on it later..)

My first critical post out of over 2000... ooh, I feel good :p
 
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