writing was more exciting then reading!

[dagny]

I have some experience in journalistic writing, but i never realized how exciting it could be to write erotica! I have read hundreds of erotic stories and poems. I will have a new appreciation for them now, as I took thoughts out of my mind, and tried to share them in a passionate way. The mind our greatest sex organ, so keep up the writing friends. Make it hot, make it passionate, and take the time to make it good. Your efforts don't go unappreciated
Here is my submission if anyone wants to take a look.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=36835

 

[rigged4dive]

I enjoyed your story. The concept is good; the sex is hot and well written.

Journalistic style is a bit different from story telling. The who, what, when, where, and why still apply, but in a story you are writing to entertain instead of inform, and you aren’t limited to half a column.

Show, don’t tell.

e.g.
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Master had called and said he would be coming over to see me. I was thrilled with the thought! He reminded me of a box he had set on a shelf in my closet several weeks ago, and said it was time for me to open it. Instructions would be in the box, and I was to prepare accordingly. I tried to persuade him to stay on the phone and visit for a minute, but he said this was not a night for talk, and that he would be there exactly at 8:00. Then he was gone.
-------------

Now try something like this instead.

I couldn’t concentrate on the book I was reading. My master had been out of town all week, but he was returning today and I was expecting his call. I dived for the phone when it rang, knocking over the glass of wine I had been drinking. Cabernet dribbled off the table and onto my new white carpeting, but I didn’t care. It was him.

“Hello, master, how was your trip? Did you get the account that you….”

“Yes, I did, but we’re going to talk about you now. Do you remember the box I gave you to keep a few weeks ago?”

How could I forget. It had been driving me insane with curiosity for the last three weeks.
-------------------

See the difference? Don’t tell what happened, or how she felt about it. Show it by her actions and what she says.

The CD player idea was really good. I’m seeing my CD burner in a whole new light.

I’m really looking forward to reading your next story. Keep writing.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

dagny,

Print and study the critique by rigged4dive, it nailed many of your strengths and weakness. UNLIKE most folks who show up on this board, you already know the mechanics of writing. LIKE most folks who show up on this board, you do not know all the mechanics of friction wrting.

Here's one expample. At the end of your story, the reader knows nothing about either character. If readers don't care about your characters, odds are they won't care about your story.


Here are a few other pieces of advice from an inchoate published fiction writer.

1. As rigged4dive suggested, learn to "show" not "tell".
2. Rememb4er, you're telling a story, not reporting an incident. (It might help to try and imagine the difference between the traditional Cinderella fairy tale and what it might sound like if the incident had been "covered" by a reporter.)
3. Don't just read and write erotic stories. Take the time to read the critiques on this site (some of them are practically mini-seminars), then read other writers work AND GIVE THEM FEEDBACK. I'm convinced that in the case of critiques, it's as helpfu to give as to receive.

Good luck and congratulations on a very readable first effort. RF

 

[dagny]

I'll admit essays are my forte. Knowing my weakness in written conversation, i steered toward the topic of my story thinking I could pull it off. She could not hear, hence no conversation. I guess it didn't work. I appreciate the comments. I will have to try it again , just so i can see if i can " show, not tell." Then again, maybe i will devote my time to doing, rather then writing. It seems to be my most satisfying expression of creativity.~dagny~

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

dagny,

Just a quick re-respone (that sounds like something the KillerMuffin might write). You wrote, "I guess it didn't work," regarding the technique you employed to avoid writing dialogue.

IMHO, you guessed wrong. While the technique wasn't perfect, the story was enjoyable. With luck however, some of the things R4D and I suggested might make the story even better.

Critiques are just the opinions (though not always given humbly) and suggestions of others. The writer is the one who must decide what to use and what to throw away. Warm fuzzies are nice, but it's the tough critiques that give a writier the most help.

Good luck. RF