Writing Tips for Authors

bluntforcemama

Aqua Vulva
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Nov 11, 2000
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I came across these (I'm sure many of you have) while I was searching for writing tips for my students. I'm sure they've been done before.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague.
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:
Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
 
Interesting. :)

While these are excellent points for writing clear, understandable text, I'm just not sure how much this applies to stories. Often a set of sentence fragments is the only way to describe a sequence of events, without drifting off into enormous sentences filled with endless conjunction and alliteration.

Also, a lot of action in stories is described from the POV of a character, which implies using the character's mode of speech (contractions, abbreviations, etc...) to draw in the reader.

Just some thoughts.
 
Myst said:
They're guidelines, not rules. Does no one see the humor in these?
Off course we do. But they're still good advice. And not always applicable. :)
 
After reading number one, I would have stopped reading. Of course, it could have been intentional, and after reading the rest of them, I see it probably was.
 
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And anyways, i always start sentences with conjunctions... you just try and stop me!
 
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