(Not to be confused with "Writing Advice" thread, which I only just noticed as I went to post this.)
Somebody posed a question here the other day that got me thinking about how to aproach various tasks in writing. What came to mind immediately was a variety of ideas on how to undertake the effort -- all of which, upon any examination were extremely bad ideas.
But this then suggested a something different: How about collecting as many thoroughly bad tips, tricks, and methods of writing as possible? Perhaps in some strange way it can have a positive effect.
Surely this thread must have existed before, therefor #1 is a wonderful starting point:
Writing tip #1: Repetition and overuse. Don't be afraid of words, if one works well in one place, why not use it everywhere? And "Cliche" is a cool sounding word so why not make wide use of them? Do you realize how much money some best selling authors make using the same plot over and over again?
(More follow easily)
#2 Use all of your available time to write: Times when you're drunk, or very tired, with a high fever, or driving are not always productive, why not get more from that time by using it to write? And better still if you're doing all of these at once.
#3 Use physical condition as a means to enhance your writing. Actors do it, right? So, to generate that sense of urgency to your writing, drink a pot of coffee and hold it all in, then write while your leg shakes and refrain from relieving yourself until you finish your story. Try replacing your foot rest with a steel leg trap to emote the proper anguish.
#4 Apply personal experience. Everybody talks about it, but who really has enough? It's hard to get just right the proper, exciting dread of being chased by police, so why not rob a bank before you attempt that next Bonnie and Clyde type story. And, for the vampire story writers out there,... well, how 'bout we move on...
#5 Repetition and overuse. Don't be afraid-- what? Oh.
#6 There can never be enough academic exercises: Try writing your next story without the use of the letter 'E'. (It may be easier if you do it in second person future tense.)
#7 Alternative eroticism. For those of you tired of the repetition and overuse of sexual language and terminology: Get out Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body and use all the correct medical names for everything.
#8 Atmosphere. Try writing in the dark.
#9 Listen to what you're writing sounds like. It's hard to get a third person perspective on your own writing, and some can't hear themselves when they read out loud, so why not get that wonderful text to voice software that Stephen Hawking uses and use it to listen to your stories (pay special attention to your sex scenes.) If that software is not available, try reading it aloud to your dog. (If you're up for the challenge, cats are more critical.)
#10. vary your use of punctuation, and feel free to make up words and tenses. Infact, combine this with #6 and write your next story with words that do not appear in the OED; concentrate on the erotic aspect.
#11 To achieve proper brevity, try writing your next story by assuming first that the reader has already read it. Graduate to writing your story as though your reader actually wrote it in the first place.
#12 Why not put the climax of the story first? If it's good enough in the first couple paragraphs, doesn't it follow that the reader will want to continue through the next several pages?
#13 Dialog, who needs it? It's anoying anyway for american two finger typists to hit that shift key to get the right quote. (And where the hell is the left quote on these dang keyboards?)
#14 Make up a new tense. If that's too taxing, write in English using Bantu grammar. (And please, try not to sound like Yoda or Jar-Jar.)
#15 Read Shakespeare in its original french.
#16 To get your gears moving, pull out a ditty by a favorite author and start typing it -- from the ending backward.
#17 Make extensive use of lists and pound signs.
#17 If you're attempting fantasy, science fiction, or newspaper journalism, make up names. Be sure to make them unpronounceable or at least not intuitively pronounceable (like the one that is actually suppose to sound like koo-d-loo). Use multiple apostrophe's throughout the names and/or for no aparent reason, and never allow any name to be less than 8 letters. It's best if the spoken name has more syllables than the printed name has letters. Heck, who's to say any letter can't be silent?
#18 If you really want to undertake dialog, study George Lucas.
Somebody stop me... Feel free to add your own so's I can add to my quiver...
Somebody posed a question here the other day that got me thinking about how to aproach various tasks in writing. What came to mind immediately was a variety of ideas on how to undertake the effort -- all of which, upon any examination were extremely bad ideas.
But this then suggested a something different: How about collecting as many thoroughly bad tips, tricks, and methods of writing as possible? Perhaps in some strange way it can have a positive effect.
Surely this thread must have existed before, therefor #1 is a wonderful starting point:
Writing tip #1: Repetition and overuse. Don't be afraid of words, if one works well in one place, why not use it everywhere? And "Cliche" is a cool sounding word so why not make wide use of them? Do you realize how much money some best selling authors make using the same plot over and over again?
(More follow easily)
#2 Use all of your available time to write: Times when you're drunk, or very tired, with a high fever, or driving are not always productive, why not get more from that time by using it to write? And better still if you're doing all of these at once.
#3 Use physical condition as a means to enhance your writing. Actors do it, right? So, to generate that sense of urgency to your writing, drink a pot of coffee and hold it all in, then write while your leg shakes and refrain from relieving yourself until you finish your story. Try replacing your foot rest with a steel leg trap to emote the proper anguish.
#4 Apply personal experience. Everybody talks about it, but who really has enough? It's hard to get just right the proper, exciting dread of being chased by police, so why not rob a bank before you attempt that next Bonnie and Clyde type story. And, for the vampire story writers out there,... well, how 'bout we move on...
#5 Repetition and overuse. Don't be afraid-- what? Oh.
#6 There can never be enough academic exercises: Try writing your next story without the use of the letter 'E'. (It may be easier if you do it in second person future tense.)
#7 Alternative eroticism. For those of you tired of the repetition and overuse of sexual language and terminology: Get out Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body and use all the correct medical names for everything.
#8 Atmosphere. Try writing in the dark.
#9 Listen to what you're writing sounds like. It's hard to get a third person perspective on your own writing, and some can't hear themselves when they read out loud, so why not get that wonderful text to voice software that Stephen Hawking uses and use it to listen to your stories (pay special attention to your sex scenes.) If that software is not available, try reading it aloud to your dog. (If you're up for the challenge, cats are more critical.)
#10. vary your use of punctuation, and feel free to make up words and tenses. Infact, combine this with #6 and write your next story with words that do not appear in the OED; concentrate on the erotic aspect.
#11 To achieve proper brevity, try writing your next story by assuming first that the reader has already read it. Graduate to writing your story as though your reader actually wrote it in the first place.
#12 Why not put the climax of the story first? If it's good enough in the first couple paragraphs, doesn't it follow that the reader will want to continue through the next several pages?
#13 Dialog, who needs it? It's anoying anyway for american two finger typists to hit that shift key to get the right quote. (And where the hell is the left quote on these dang keyboards?)
#14 Make up a new tense. If that's too taxing, write in English using Bantu grammar. (And please, try not to sound like Yoda or Jar-Jar.)
#15 Read Shakespeare in its original french.
#16 To get your gears moving, pull out a ditty by a favorite author and start typing it -- from the ending backward.
#17 Make extensive use of lists and pound signs.
#17 If you're attempting fantasy, science fiction, or newspaper journalism, make up names. Be sure to make them unpronounceable or at least not intuitively pronounceable (like the one that is actually suppose to sound like koo-d-loo). Use multiple apostrophe's throughout the names and/or for no aparent reason, and never allow any name to be less than 8 letters. It's best if the spoken name has more syllables than the printed name has letters. Heck, who's to say any letter can't be silent?
#18 If you really want to undertake dialog, study George Lucas.
Somebody stop me... Feel free to add your own so's I can add to my quiver...
