Writing the setting

[BlackSnake]

Usually I jump right into the action, but I was looking to do something very different. I am looking to write a series of stories in a common setting.

What do you think?

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Hannaburg Estates lay in the suburban heights of Choctaw, Georgia north of Atlanta. Its majestic landscape was fortified with tall pines and oaks tress. At the entrance stood two tall brick pillars with stone gray planters overflowing with large bud red roses connected to a ten-foot brick wall professing the name in iron crafted gold colored Old English styled letters. It had sixteen single-family homes in five popular designs: the Athens, the Columbus, the Augusta, the Millridge, and the Eckerd.

The Athens homes dramatic floor plan featured a three-car garage, two stairways, a first floor study and family room with balcony overlook. The second floor includes three full baths and a luxurious master suite with den.

The Columbus homes had an open and exciting floor plan featuring a main floor study, spacious kitchen, family room with a vaulted ceiling and a second stairway. Other special features included a uniquely angled three-turn stairway and spacious master suite. The classic columns between living and dining rooms capped off the inspired design.

The Augusta luxurious homes featured a dramatic three-turn stairway and private first floor study. The sunny kitchen and breakfast area opens to a soaring two-story, family room with a second stair. The second floor included a spacious master suite with separate sitting area. A standard three-car garage completed the award-winning floor plan.

The Millridge homes featured a distinctive double-turned staircase that complemented the dramatic two-story foyer. A second front entry led to the kitchen and laundry area. Both the first and second floors featured nine-foot ceilings. Featured on the main level were an inviting family room, private study and well-appointed kitchen and breakfast area. Upstairs, the expansive master suite included a den, two spacious walk-in closets and a luxurious private bath. Three additional bedrooms completed the second floor.

The Eckerd home’s uniquely angled floor plan includes a private study, deluxe kitchen with breakfast area, and two-story family room with fireplace. Upstairs, the focal point was the magnificent master bedroom with dramatic architectural columns that led from the master den.

Six feet miniature pines huddled tightly together marked the property boundary lines between the magnificent homes, and provided ample privacy in the back for sun bathing by the pools and nightly fun in Jacuzzis.

All the homes surrounded an island garden park that stretched a half mile from end to end. Two large water fountains with big pools that doubled as a wishing well and gold fishpond were the main attractions. Rose bushes of every imaginable color lined the brick walkway through the park. Small lights outline the four gazebos and the brick paths at night creating a most auspiciously romantic atmosphere.

Large oak trees lined the sidewalk creating a canopy across to the park. Evergreen colored lawns stood nearly four inches and perfectly manicured in front of each of the homes, cared for by money paid to the homeowners association.

Families living in the estates were from both old and hard-earned monies. The mix made for plenty of conversation around park benches. Oddly enough, the youngest residences were in their late teen years. There was not a single high school or soccer bumper sticker on any of the families’ vehicles, which rested quietly in the garages in the evenings. The oldest residents were just crossing the threshold into their sixties.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Sorry, BS, but in my opinion it reads like a real estate brochure.

---dr.M.

 

[Lord DragonsWing]

Sorry but I agree with the Doc. I was always taught to grab the reader from the start. To grip them and pull them into the story. That made me yawn and want to exit after the first few paragraphs.

 

[snooper]

It makes a good setting. The "left hand on the mouse" brigade won't finish it before they hit <back>, but does that worry you? In my Kobekistan series I have lots of intro and it hasn't hurt sales. For an example see A hunting we will go.

One technical point to make it universal is to leave out the first and second floor words. In most countries other than the US these are ground and first floors respectively. What you do to get round it is say something like: As the visitor enters the front door there is a study off the spacious hall to the right and immediately to the left is the main staircase ... Then later on you say ... at the top of the stairs were seventeen bathrooms but only one bedroom ... or whatever.

Edited to add a few more bathrooms.

 

[BlackSnake]

It doesn't worry me that I will loose some readers. Not concerned about that.

Sounds like a real-estate ad....maybe it was because I was watching buy owner on TV when the idea came to mind.

I want the setting to be a place where people would want to live.

I figured with sixteen homes and an attractive playground, I could induce many plots and sub-plots.

I want to sell the readers who would stay past the introduction on the community as a whole.

I grew up in a small suburban neighborhood call Magazine, Al. A lot of things went on, because everyone knew each other.

I think it's a good setting. I want to get opinions from everyone else.

Snooper, making the description more universally acceptable may a long way. Thanks. I want to do something very similar to my series as you did with yours.

 

[BlackSnake]

I see some great minds aboard....any thoughts?

 

[snooper]

I see some great mines aboard....

BOOM!

 

[cantdog]

There's a difference

As long as you don't put a reader through that, it's a great notion. Keep the clear image of this place in your head. Descriptions of it can leak through where they become useful in the particular story. If you have a 10,000-word story or so, a fair idea of the kind of place it is will have been communicated, just because people had to go past the playground or meet each other across the fence. Plot lines may even come to you because you know the layout of the place so well.

Put the name of the place in your subtitle each time, maybe. Joanna Dreaminganother Hannaburg Estates story, for instance. But if you do the tour each time, the advantage you gain from a clear idea of the place of action will be lost when no one reads it.

You have to do the same thing with personal background. Unless it's relevant, don't mention it; when it is, stick it in subtly, without interruption of the story for a lot of exposition. But you as an author can use the information, just the same.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I was serious about what I said, not just trying to be cute.

The reason that this reads so much like a real estate brochure is that your setting is devoid of people and human life (until the very end, when they’re dismissed with a line or two) In my opinion, the most effective descriptions of place are those that set an emotional tone or mood—a little cottage set in the woods, a forlorn castle on a craggy peak, a shabby apartment on a sun-baked city street--so that we have an idea of what the place feels like. Your description doesn’t do that all. It’s very objective and clinical and almost forbidding. As I said, and I wasn’t trying to just be clever, it has all the attractiveness and interest of a real estate ad, which is to say, none.

Personally, I don’t much care how these houses are laid out inside, and I can’t believe anyone else would either. There’s no way I’m going to remember that this model has an office on the first floor or that that one has a second-floor laundry room, or even what they’re called. And anyhow, is that information going to be useful to me in giving me a picture of the people who live there or in understanding the coming story? If not, it souldn’t be there.

When you pull up to a friend’s house for the first time, do you get out of the car wondering whether they have a fireplace in the master bedroom? I don’t. I get a general emotional impression of the house. “Geez! This place doesn’t have any signs of life around it: no bikes, no toys, everything perfect. Must be a very uptight and unfun family” or, “This place has a very relaxed, lived-in look about it. The people who live here must really get along well with each other. They love each other” or even, “Uh-oh. Dad has a drinking problem and mom’s probably screwing around with the lawn-boys.”

I’ve seen descriptions of place that can give you a feeling for it just by describing the shadows as warm and welcoming. Two words and we know where we’re at. In this one, even after taking the grand tour, I still don’t know where I’m at or what I’m in for.

I wish you good luck with this, but as for me, if I were reading this story, I’d click on out of there half-way down.

---dr.M.

 

[steve w]

I would have to agree with the Doc. I think your desire for setting and background is admirable, but I would query how you've gone about it in this instance.

I would be inclined to give a brief general overview of the estate, relying on keywords like rich, exclusive, self-contained, etc. That sets the general mood for the reader and enables us to form a general picture. We know what the landscape will look like - it's the Augusta National without the golf carts, right?

After that, elements of the description should seep into the action and/or the characters - these should add depth to the initial description you gave. For example, if there's a fireplace in the master bedroom, we should find that out because a character hates it and thinks about removing it, or someone fucks in front of it, rather than having the floorplan explained.

I felt, reading this, that the description came "all at once" and, like the Doc, felt that it included elements that didn't add to my understanding of the story or characters, or the emotions you'd like me to feel.

 

[snooper]

... it's the Augusta National without the golf carts, right?...

Just to make a tiny point, my reaction to this posting was "fine, I agee" until I came to this clause. Then I wondered why an airport would have golf carts. Don't assume too much knowledge in the mind of the reader.

PS I looked it up and I understand it's some sort of golf course where they have a "grass growing" competition that golf fanatics think matters.

 

[doormouse]

A thing that comes to mind is a post on the 'How to'.

Pick four main points and stick to them. You can add more during the story.

If that was the start of a story, I'd more than likely back click and i'm a really patient person, giving a story time to develop.

IF, however, you'd created the plot and then added that, I'd keep on reading.

Your descriptions are great, if not too detailed. (says me Queen of over-doing it LOL)

Nobody wants to read about a house unless it's the central focus of the story.

I'm writing one named Ghost Story, where the house is the main topic, but, i still can't get it right. Who wants to read about a house?

I'd get the story going before adding that.

 

[Guest]

Blacksnake, I have to agree with what others have said here.

The good Doc. said it best for me - the entire passage is completely devoid of any human emotion. To be completely blunt, I found it very boring to read and you would've lost me before the actual story begins.

I like to "write a setting" into some stories, when I feel they need it, but I always do that by describing the surroundings through the eyes of one or more of the characters. I show the reader what that character can see, how they interpret what they are seeing and if it has any quantifiable effect on them. It makes it a much more interesting read and it not only describes the immediate surroundings, it also goes a long way to establishing some things about the character, i.e. you are working on charaterization at the same time.

For example, I'd open that passage from the POV of a person walking into the housing complex. I wouldn't do it as a flat, lifeless narrative.

As Jim entered the Hannaburg Estates he stared in awe at the impressive buildings. He took in the sight before him, counting sixteen homes as he made his way along the clean - clean to the point of sterile - streets. The pines and robust oaks threatened to consume him as he passed beneath their boughs.

Ah, that's a bit crap, but you get the idea. You can then lead the reader into the actual plot and why he is there, why that housing estate and the description of it, is so crucial to the story, and so on.

That all sounds a bit harsh, but I'm just airing my own preferences, both as a writer and a reader.

Lou

 

[doormouse]

Blacksnake, I have to agree with what others have said here.

The good Doc. said it best for me - the entire passage is completely devoid of any human emotion. To be completely blunt, I found it very boring to read and you would've lost me before the actual story begins.

I like to "write a setting" into some stories, when I feel they need it, but I always do that by describing the surroundings through the eyes of one or more of the characters. I show the reader what that character can see, how they interpret what they are seeing and if it has any quantifiable effect on them. It makes it a much more interesting read and it not only describes the immediate surroundings, it also goes a long way to establishing some things about the character, i.e. you are working on charaterization at the same time.

For example, I'd open that passage from the POV of a person walking into the housing complex. I wouldn't do it as a flat, lifeless narrative.

As Jim entered the Hannaburg Estates he stared in awe at the impressive buildings. He took in the sight before him, counting sixteen homes as he made his way along the clean - clean to the point of sterile - streets. The pines and robust oaks threatened to consume him as he passed beneath their boughs.

Ah, that's a bit crap, but you get the idea. You can then lead the reader into the actual plot and why he is there, why that housing estate and the description of it, is so crucial to the story, and so on.

That all sounds a bit harsh, but I'm just airing my own preferences, both as a writer and a reader.

Lou

Damn it Lou.

You can't get me wet and not continue....

"he made his way along the clean - clean to the point of sterile - streets. The pines and robust oaks threatened to consume him as he passed beneath their boughs..." What happens next????

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Nobody wants to read about a house unless it's the central focus of the story.

I'm writing one named Ghost Story, where the house is the main topic, but, i still can't get it right. Who wants to read about a house?

That reminded me of a conversation I had once with a guy who wanted to write a story with no characters. I said it couldn't be done, even as an exercise. Even if he was just writing about a bunch of rocks he'd have to imbue them with personalities and human characteristics, otherwise he'd just be writing a geology textbook. It's human character that makes a story a story.

Sometimes specific settings are important to the telling of the story: the layout of a murder scene, say, or the scene of a battle, where terrain determines the outcome. But most of the time we use setting to establish a mood: the peaceful town that's secretly full of corruption and passion, the wild love scene that takes place in the middle of a storm, the sad breakup in the rain. I just don;t think floor plans are going to hook many readers.

---dr.M.

 

[doormouse]

Too True DrM

I think that's why I'm having such trouble with my story.

It's about a haunted house. IT's not until the end that they find this out, but throughout the story, I HAVE too keep referring to the house.

It just makes it hard to write and make believeable without the human emotions in there.

I'm too fussy, I guess, but I'm writing it for the Halloween comp so really want to get it right.

Good advice there DR.

 

[gauchecritic]

It was Perdita I think who had a quote from Chekhov in her sig which was along the lines of "Don't tell me the moon is bright, show it to me, glinting in a shard of window glass."

Looks like we're back to the old 'show don't tell' question, which applies equally to things as well as to characters and their emotions.

Another quote (I really ought to write these down) was something like "If you're going to mention an axe in the first scene make sure that someone uses it in the second."

Three floors? have someone jump off the top. 8 bathrooms? make the character obsessive about cleanliness. Manicured lawns? what else does the lawn guy do to earn his keep?

But these are probably all different stories and need only be mentioned in each separate story. There you go, chapter headings:
the Athens,
the Columbus,
the Augusta,
the Millridge,
the Eckerd.

It's actually a pretty good setting idea, but one of those that exist only in the notes you keep for reference.

Gauche

Hey Steve W. How's it going? still hanging out at Lonnigan's? Still stuck behind that enormous antique desk? Long time eh?