Writing something you haven't experienced.

[Phantom300]

So. I have a scene that I need to write that involves a sexual act that I have zero first-hand knowledge of.

I have never had anal sex. None of my partners over the years have ever expressed interest, and it is not something I have ever been all that fussed about trying. I believe that I am familiar with most of the basic rules and guidelines of How to do it... Lots of lube, get her warmed up first, nice and slow, maybe do some prep beforehand to ensure things aren't overly messy, things like that... But I've never take that ride.

My issue & ultimate question is... How does it feel for him to be inside her? Is it an overly tight sensation, is there pressure in specific places? How can I describe it and it not sound blatantly unrealistic?

In the story, the female character has doner this before, and presents herself wearing a plug. In my head, removing it right before makes the initial penetration easier. Is this a correct assumption?

I like writing what I know, or can reasonably extrapolate. The character of the female here is the sexually adventurous wild child, and it seems like the natural next step for her and the more conservative MC, I've hinted at it once already and would like to pull the trigger finally.

This feels like a stupid thing to need help on, but here I am. Help? Ideas? Scrap the whole thing?

 

[Djmac1031]

I unfortunately am no help. Never had anal either. Same scenario, never been with a woman even remotely interested.

I'd be curious to try it, but I've never pressed the issue.

And yeah, I've never written an anal sex scene for the same reason.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Well, i have never had tentacular sex with a heptapd either but it worked out okay. Just read a few highly ranked stories in the niche and wing it.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Incredibly tight, so you can't tell his/her heartbeat from your own, but you can feel the heartbeat. That's the sensation I recall most, that tightness, her grip, holding me inside her body. It's a long time ago now, but if I have a kink (other than long hair) it's anal. When I first did it, it was still a huge taboo, and that was part of it.

We never used plugs, just lube and slow penetration, and her being hungry for it, in the right mood.

I write about it, here: Memory and Loss, Part 2 - this might be useful. Ignore the long pre-amble, it's only necessary for the longer story arc.

Search on "anal" in tags, and go find some realistic stories, not porny ass-fuck stuff, which is probably mostly made up.

 

[Lifestyle66]

My wife sometimes decides she wants it. But as EB said above, it's a mood thing.

When in the mood, she's incredibly tight. And, yes, plenty of lube and a series of plugs to stretch her slowly beforehand helps (depending on your size) and go slow.

And as Chloe said, I haven't yet had a tentacle up my ass either. But "never say never".

 

[Escierto]

As was said previously, the key characteristic is the tightness of the sphincter muscle. You can be semi hard and still get your cock in a woman’s pussy. To get into the anus, you gotta be hard because that tight little opening isn’t going to give you any help.

Once you get your cock in, the feeling beyond the sphincter muscle is heat. It feels physically hotter than a pussy for some reason.

For me fucking a woman in the ass is the ultimate act of intimacy. You are going where few men have gone. I have had the most incredible orgasms of my life in a woman’s ass where I have cum so hard and long that I felt like I was pissing in her ass.

 

[Phantom300]

Thank you for all the replies. This is has been very helpful.

 

[EmilyMiller]

So. I have a scene that I need to write that involves a sexual act that I have zero first-hand knowledge of.

I have never had anal sex. None of my partners over the years have ever expressed interest, and it is not something I have ever been all that fussed about trying. I believe that I am familiar with most of the basic rules and guidelines of How to do it... Lots of lube, get her warmed up first, nice and slow, maybe do some prep beforehand to ensure things aren't overly messy, things like that... But I've never take that ride.

My issue & ultimate question is... How does it feel for him to be inside her? Is it an overly tight sensation, is there pressure in specific places? How can I describe it and it not sound blatantly unrealistic?

In the story, the female character has doner this before, and presents herself wearing a plug. In my head, removing it right before makes the initial penetration easier. Is this a correct assumption?

I like writing what I know, or can reasonably extrapolate. The character of the female here is the sexually adventurous wild child, and it seems like the natural next step for her and the more conservative MC, I've hinted at it once already and would like to pull the trigger finally.

This feels like a stupid thing to need help on, but here I am. Help? Ideas? Scrap the whole thing?

I feel your pain. I started out writing only about stuff I had experienced. I think the watershed for me was writing my Futanari Fantasy (Something Has Come Up). For that, I had to imagine what it was like to have a cock. What it was like to have it touched or sucked. What it was like to push it into someone else’s body (male and female).

So I borrowed a bit. I’d had strap-ons used on me by girls. I’d used strap-ons on guys. I know enough anatomy to realize that boys and girls are a variation on a theme, not different things.

And then I asked three kind Lit guys to help me. I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time.

What I found was that the three guys were sufficiently different in what they told me, that making up shit would be OK.

Try playing with your own ass a bit. Talk to other people. Read some stuff. Worst case, PM me and AMA.

It’s a story at the end of the day.

Em

 

[KeithD]

Do what research you can and then use your imagination and your sense of the erotic. Hard to have to say it, but if you can't do that with experiences you haven't experienced, you should take up something like "just hit it toward the hole 'til it goes in" golf rather than writing.

 

[PapaRomantic]

I've done a lot of "interviewing" people on Lit who have done things I've never done so I could write about them. I have given them credit in my stories before, and even included one man and his hotwife in the scenes. One of the great things about Lit is that people will OPEN UP about their experiences, especially if they know you are using their thoughts in your stories. It's been a great learning experience for me and I feel good now about writing things I've never experiences in person before.

 

[SimonDoom]

I remember John Updike describing it, I think in Rabbit is Rich, in a way that seemed right on to me. The entrance, the sphincter, is very tight, but beyond that it's not. 90% of the pressure is right at the beginning. There isn't the same snug pleasure along the entire length of the passage as in the vagina. It's also not as smooth, or as lubricated in just the right way. I thought it was harder to come that way. To me, anal is like an alternative meal, fun to do to get variety, but not as good as the main course. It's also fun for its quality of greater deviance, if you're into that sort of thing.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I remember John Updike describing it, I think in Rabbit is Rich, in a way that seemed right on to me. The entrance, the sphincter, is very tight, but beyond that it's not. 90% of the pressure is right at the beginning.

Interesting - with my girl, her ass gripped my whole length, tighter than any pussy, tighter than any hand. If she didn't want me going anywhere, I wasn't. She'd "release me" after I came, which would also be intense. I guess there are asses, and there are asses!

 

[SimonDoom]

Interesting - with my girl, her ass gripped my whole length, tighter than any pussy, tighter than any hand. If she didn't want me going anywhere, I wasn't. She'd "release me" after I came, which would also be intense. I guess there are asses, and there are asses!

Variety, that's the thing.

 

[DeLaFaye]

To answer your question regarding the plug, the anal sphincter will more or less accommodate/get used to something being there. That's what the plug kind of does, preps the area, excites, arouses, etc. Pop her out and depending on size differences, they may just need a bit of lube and they're good to go.

It's really not supposed to be all that painful. Not if done "correctly." She needs to calm and unclench her bum bum. This can be done with a plug, playing around, etc. There's a tension, yes, but an enjoyable one. If there's friction y'all need more lube.

Definitely NOT a stupid thing to need help with! I had an old roommate that needed to be walked through it all with his girlfriend after they tried it WITHOUT lube. No surprise, she wasn't going to let him try again on his own. So knowing to NOT do that to your characters, you're already a genius. And this guy works as an engineer for NASA now, not that that means all that much, but .

Best of luck and happy writing!

 

[SimonDoom]

On the general theme of "writing something you haven't experienced," I don't think any writer should be deterred. An infinite well of information is available to you on the Internet with a few finger taps. There's no need to get it perfect. A little information goes a long way. Get a few important details right. Fudge the rest.

 

[ElectricBlue]

. And this guy works as an engineer for NASA now, not that that means all that much, but

Which just goes to show, it's not rocket science...

 

[CyranoJ]

So. I have a scene that I need to write that involves a sexual act that I have zero first-hand knowledge of.

Anal sex does feel particularly tight, usually, from the perspective of the giver. It's different from vaginal sex because the vagina is responsive, it interacts with and responds to you in a way the anus doesn't. The anus is passive, and HAS to be for anal sex to actually work because if the recipient cannot relax, it can become painful and even bloody. (If you remember the Frankie Goes to Hollywood song "Relax," that's what that's talking about.)

For the recipient (this is what my partners have told me) the sensual benefit is intensity. It makes the act feel more vivid and if there's clitoral stimulation in the mix, it makes the orgasm much more intense. If you want that intensity to be sold as a realistic thing, there should be some build-up and foreplay. Massage oil can be a useful tool in that arena.

A female character who has done this before has the "relax" part figured out. She may also have developed a kink for it: the main reason I have IRL experience to draw on here is that more than one of my IRL partners was like this. An experienced character would be a lot more willing to get into pushing things farther with accoutrements like butt plugs.

 

[CyranoJ]

Another thing to realize if you're looking for realism: comfort with anal sex can be a journey. It could be something you could structure a story around, if you so choose.

For example: there have been times with partners for me when we got into anal unexpectedly or spontaneously. But also, I was in a relationship once were we worked up to it very gradually. I won't get into the details here, but there was a lot of teasing and tempting along the way, and she dictated the rhythm. When she was ready to fully go there, we went there -- but it was a years-long process. Spontaneous discovery and slow-burn sensuality are both potential routes for delivering believable takes on "sodomy."

 

[Seadog777]

It's been a very long time since I've done it.
I remember that the immediate entry is tight.
It's hard to get in, even with lube.
Once you're in though, it's really not that tight at all.
It's snug against the base of your cock and when you pull back and thrust forward, that's the only part that is tight.

 

[jsmiam]

…I like writing what I know, or can reasonably extrapolate…

Waiiiit a minute. Are you implying I don’t successfully have threesomes and foursomes with hotties everywhere I go??? ;-)

My two observations are: 1. most of the squeezing is at the sphincter, so it creates a different sensation once further in because for most of us, our dongles get thinner near the base. So things change once all the way in.

2. Also note the lack of females saying how great it is. Over a lifetime, I’ve been with partners of the “hell no” variety, several generous “I’ll do it for you” who clearly would have rathered be fishing, a few who liked it occasionally, but more for the feeling of “I’m a naughty girl” rather than loving it, and finally, a pretty small handful who seemed to truly love it. Like so many things, reality isn’t quite as fun as my stories, where they all (I mean all three girls in my foursome, of course) love it.

 

[EmilyMiller]

[…] and finally, a pretty small handful who seemed to truly love it.

Small handful describes me on so many levels .

You are of course right that girls who adore anal are few and far between. I’ve even written anal reluctance into my stories (up to the girl saying it’s not for her after trying).

It’s like anything. What percentage of women get off on having their nipples clamped? I mean properly clamped, not the essentialy cosmetic ones you can get. A small number I would guess. The same goes for very deep throat.

But… it doesn’t mean it’s unrealistic to include girls who do like all of those things in your writing. They do exist, even if it’s < 1 %.

For example, how many girls are as beautiful as often described in literature? Again maybe < 1%. Doesn’t mean that really beautiful girls don’t exist. I know one and knew another.

Em

 

[CyranoJ]

You are of course right that girls who adore anal are few and far between.

Apparently, this isn't true. However, I could 100% see only a small subset of women being willing to admit this aloud, specifically because of the risk of judgment or shaming.

 

[jsmiam]

Apparently, this isn't true. However, I could 100% see only a small subset of women being willing to admit this aloud, specifically because of the risk of judgment or shaming.

That’s a blog, not a newspaper. The survey was administered by them (the bloggers.) Two of the four publishers are male.

I can see where 63.3 percent of girls/people claiming to be girls who frequent a site called “the bad girls bible” might respond that way, especially if they want to foster their bad girl self image. But no, not exactly representative of the worlds population.

 

[PapaRomantic]

One thing in my experience with anal sex is that anytime I gave her attention to her ass, whether it was tongue or fingers or cock, her pussy would get EXTREMELY wet, and I used to imagine it was trying to lure me back to where I was supposed to be, as if it was saying, "Wait a minute, and I not good enough? Here, let me make even more wetness for you!" She felt it also, so I don't think it was just my imagination.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Apparently, this isn't true. However, I could 100% see only a small subset of women being willing to admit this aloud, specifically because of the risk of judgment or shaming.

I probably misspoke. I thought the three categories made sense (with a little license)

1. Tried and it hurt / finds the idea disgusting / why would I want to do that?
2. Likes it occasionally either as it’s taboo and they like being naughty sometimes, or to please their partner - kinda enjoys it, but wouldn’t want it three times every day
3. Me

I think there aren’t that many women in 3. But I agree that there are quite a few in 2. Over 60% in the combination of 2 and 3 seems a little on the high side to me though. Although it’s probably more prevalent in younger people as it has become more mainstream in recent decades.

Em