Writing Sex & NEw Story

[johndoe2007]

Half way trhough writing several stories, I've hit a bump. How do you make sex not repetitive without resorting to a whole bunch of wierd things like fetishes and tewchniques?

Basically I'm asking for news writings styles and stuff like that and if you can point me to stories that do this than thanks.



Also I have a new story right out here

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=307692

So check it out. Don't have to comment on it though, I've been run over enough times on these forums.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Half way trhough writing several stories, I've hit a bump. How do you make sex not repetitive without resorting to a whole bunch of wierd things like fetishes and tewchniques?

Basically I'm asking for news writings styles and stuff like that and if you can point me to stories that do this than thanks.



Also I have a new story right out here

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=307692

So check it out. Don't have to comment on it though, I've been run over enough times on these forums.

You do it by making your characters interesting, making them real to the reader.

 

[johndoe2007]

Character isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about actually describing sex.

The problem is if it's a series thatn you're more than likely to have the same 2 characters doing it again and again. How do you make that seem new?

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Character isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about actually describing sex.

The problem is if it's a series thatn you're more than likely to have the same 2 characters doing it again and again. How do you make that seem new?

You're missing the point. You need to create characters and settings the reader will find interesting. You can't just rely on a celebrity's name. My advice is to read some of the contest winners, special, and monthly. Check the toplists.

Check out the Writer's Resources that Lit provides, there's a lot of good information there.

 

[fcdc]

Can I poke my head in here and try to clarify?

Johndoe's asking how you keep sex from getting, pardon the pun, dry to write, particularly when you're writing a series and using characters who would have the same preferences, kinks, and whatnot throughout the entire story series. It's nothing to do with famous people.

My advice is perhaps to vary your writing style if you have to play it safe with the characters. Concentrate on different senses. Put the people in different situations (if one character is dominant in one series, twist that - put them in a submissive position and see how they work their way out of that, if they do.) If you can't do that and you really are just describing the exact same scene over and over again, then either the story perhaps should be shorter or perhaps should be a plot-driven story with a sex scene or two, and not erotica as such.

Just some thoughts, though. Take 'em for what they're worth.

 

[Varian P]

Character isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about actually describing sex.

The problem is if it's a series thatn you're more than likely to have the same 2 characters doing it again and again. How do you make that seem new?

One way the sex can seem "new" in each sexual encounter depicted in a story is if the sex is relevant to the progression of the plot, the characters' development, and their relationships with each other.

For example, if you have a story where your character is a virgin in the first scene, the sex will be quite different in a scene from later in their life, when they're quite experienced. The same is true if one scene depicts two characters' first time together, and later, they've been married for ten years.

Angry sex is different from drunk sex is different from madly-in-love-first-time sex is different from bored sex.

If the sex is really relevant to what's happening in the story, and isn't just bonking for its own sake, the emotional, psychological, and physical elements of the scene will be new and different each time. Tap into what's going on behind the act.

 

[johndoe2007]

Can I poke my head in here and try to clarify?

Johndoe's asking how you keep sex from getting, pardon the pun, dry to write, particularly when you're writing a series and using characters who would have the same preferences, kinks, and whatnot throughout the entire story series. It's nothing to do with famous people.

Fcdc is on the same page as me. Also my othewr big problem is that my series is written in 1st person. So what I'm planning to do is for my next story, write it from someone elses perspective.

Also, what did everyone think of my writing style. Ie literecy, fluency and gramma.

 

[starrkers]

Damn,I wrote a great reply to this, and my computer crashed before it posted*
If you write from a third person perspective it'll be easier to spice up the sex. You can write scenes from each participant's perspective, or from the omniscient narrator's.
You can also try writing them concentrating on different aspects, eg. one from the physical view, one from the emotional.
(my first version of this was much better - isn't it always - but I think I've made my point clear enough)

 

[johndoe2007]

If you write from a third person perspective it'll be easier to spice up the sex. You can write scenes from each participant's perspective, or from the omniscient narrator's.

Your absolutely right but it'll seem a bit wierd to go from 1st person 3rd person mode in the middle of an on going series.

I think I might make the whole changing whose narrating thing from story to story a regular occurance in my series. Make things interesting. It'll be good to have one of those moments where in one chapter the guy's telling about how good he was and how the girl enjoyed it only to have the girl saying otherwise when she's narrating it.

 

[starrkers]

Going from first person to third in the middle of a story is a bit jarring, yeah!
Possible, but I don't think I'd like to try and carry it off myself.
That's why I like working in third person - you can leap into any character's head you want, when you want and back out again.

 

[fcdc]

Style: Your attempt at conversationalist style gets bogged down a little too much by the fact that it's too conversational. For instance, 'Anyway yadda yadda... anyway yadda yadda' in the second and third paragraphs. Watch your repetition. Looser narrative is particularly hard to pull off because of things like that, and it's the reason dialogue in general is so much harder to write than straight narration.

Grammar/Sentence Mechanics: Your mechanics are generally solid, but not stellar. I would suggest maybe making your phrasing a little punchier as your sentences seem to not quite hit the mark in a lot of points. Judging from reporters I've known IRL, your newspaper reporter would most likely be a man of breathless, staccato narration, not of rambling, long sentences.

For run-ons, here's an example: 'It was a good thing we weren't pulled over because after we had sex Natalie was too tired from it and from jetlag to get dressed again so she just lied in her seat with no pants on, her blouse opened and one of her breast loose.' That should be about three sentences at the very least. Count your sentences when you write, or eye them on the printed page. In Courier New Roman 12 pt. font, generally any sentence over three lines is too long for fiction. It's a good rule of thumb, and it helps clean your writing up from lengthiness.

Watch your dialogue, as that's where your mechanics have the most problem. For instance:

'What, you think I'd actually flash my tits at you because I was so desperate.'
should be
'What? You think I'd actually flash my tits at you, because I was so desperate?!'
or, rephrased for clarity
'What? You think I was desperate enough to actually flash my tits at you?'

and

'Well, yes, you know how I told you about the bets me and Natalie made, it wasn't a lie, I lost and this is what she asked me to do.'
would be
'Well, yes. You know how I told you about the bets Natalie and I (note: proper grammar, although your speaker may use 'me and Natalie' anyway) made? It wasn't a lie. I lost, and this is what she asked me to do.'

For instance, that is. Read writers with sparse, clean dialogue. Kurt Vonnegut, Raymond Carver, etc. are good places to start. That will make your dialogue a bit neater where it stumbles.

Always write out numbers below a hundred, and many numbers above that as well (ie, two hundred, a thousand, but not 1,367 or 9,275.)

Fluency is fine for a native English speaker, better than fine if it is not your first language. You just have to work on generally tightening your sentences and, if you decide to take my suggestion, making them more the sharp, short lingo of a reporter.

General comments: Grammatical errors aside, the story doesn't get anywhere in particular, and I'm not too sure about that. I found the main character a little bland (probably due to the lack of a narrative personality, as I mentioned). Real-person erotica generally doesn't do anything for me, so I'll refrain from commenting on hotness/whatever as it's not my cup of tea.

Hope this helps somewhat.

 

[johndoe2007]

Going from first person to third in the middle of a story is a bit jarring, yeah!
Possible, but I don't think I'd like to try and carry it off myself.
That's why I like working in third person - you can leap into any character's head you want, when you want and back out again.

Yeah I know. That's why I'm going to do it in different chapters.

And Fcdc, thanks for the pointer but the thing I was going for is that my lead character is your average joe. Not some suave British poof who uses perfect english. That's the thing about some stories, the sentneces are so crisp it seems forced. I am grateful for the advice though.

 

[starrkers]

Quick tip (it works for me, anyway)
After you've written dialogue, read it back out loud. If it doesn't flow easily as you say it, rewrite it so that it does.

 

[johndoe2007]

Quick tip (it works for me, anyway)
After you've written dialogue, read it back out loud. If it doesn't flow easily as you say it, rewrite it so that it does.

I didn't write this story all at once so at times I wasn't exactly in the perfect frame of mind for crystal clear enhlish. But can you see what I'm trying to say about natural sounding dialogue?

Like I know your suppose to say "you and I" and not "me and you" but more people say the latter. Not exactrly the best example but you get the picture.

 

[fcdc]

I wasn't trying to make him suave British anything. All the same, most fiction has a certain level of unreality to its dialogue, for the sake of clarity. Dialogue is not written exactly the same way that people talk in real life. Dialogue is cleaned up so that it is clear to read, and has no wasted space.

'Um, hi - can I, uh, order a - pizza?' becomes, 'Hi - can I order a pizza?' in dialogue for the sake of clarity. Similarly, a dialogue-intensive narrator will speak in his own voice, but will still have the crispness of fiction.

To take an example from the first dialogue-narrative book I found on my shelf: James Davis (Private Joker), who you know if you've seen 'Full Metal Jacket,' in the sequel to The Short-Timers (FMJ's inspiration):

Maybe if I ignore the Phantom Blooper he'll go away. If you try to debate philosophical issues with the Phantom Blooper, and lose the debate, well, he just comes right up and kills your ass. The Phantom Blooper has never talked to me and I am very disappointed. I could use the distraction of stimulating conversation. Life at Khe Sanh has always been tired but wired. Now that the siege has been lifted we need something to keep our mind occupied because boredom makes us think too much.
Meanwhile, the Phantom Blooper comes every night and the suspense is killing me.
(...)
This is it, the big game. The championship. The Super Bowl. This is the biggest game of your life and you're playing it for keeps. You're playing with the black ball. A sudden move at the wrong time could be your last. A slow move at the wrong time could be your last. And not moving at all could be fatal.

(From the sequel, The Phantom Blooper, which is just as awesome a book as The Short-Timers.)

You have certain grammatical errors there, and you get a sense of how Private Joker talks, but every error is consciously made, and when such errors are made, they are infrequent. Private Joker is a high school graduate who if memory serves didn't go to college, and you can tell that from his narration, but it's not at all indecisive writing. To me, your story feels like it lacks that sort of precision to the voice, and I think paring down the sentences might be effective.

Just food for thought, though; do what you will with it, or feel free to ignore it.

 

[starrkers]

I didn't write this story all at once so at times I wasn't exactly in the perfect frame of mind for crystal clear enhlish. But can you see what I'm trying to say about natural sounding dialogue?

Like I know your suppose to say "you and I" and not "me and you" but more people say the latter. Not exactrly the best example but you get the picture.

That's why I suggested reading it back OUT LOUD. If you trip over it reading it, it's not natural speech.

 

[johndoe2007]

I wasn't trying to make him suave British anything. All the same, most fiction has a certain level of unreality to its dialogue, for the sake of clarity. Dialogue is not written exactly the same way that people talk in real life. Dialogue is cleaned up so that it is clear to read, and has no wasted space.

'Um, hi - can I, uh, order a - pizza?' becomes, 'Hi - can I order a pizza?' in dialogue for the sake of clarity. Similarly, a dialogue-intensive narrator will speak in his own voice, but will still have the crispness of fiction.

Just food for thought, though; do what you will with it, or feel free to ignore it.

I can ignore it and probably will. Clarity is a good thing but the entertainment in the writing is probably more important. You can't just have.

'I tripped' he stammered.

It's much better to write.

'I...um... tripped'

Once again a piss poor example.

 

[johndoe2007]

That's why I suggested reading it back OUT LOUD. If you trip over it reading it, it's not natural speech.

You're right and I'm not disputing that. BUt I think I was shit tired and couldn't be bothered proff- reading when I submitted the story.

 

[starrkers]

You're right and I'm not disputing that. BUt I think I was shit tired and couldn't be bothered proff- reading when I submitted the story.

*shrug*
Your loss.

 

[fcdc]

Yes, but there is a question of balance.

'I, um, tripped' is fine in dialogue.

'I, um, tripped, and then, uh, haha, would you believe it, Bob, I mean, goddammit, here goes, just like Stacy said I would, that damn girl, always going on about how I need to pay more attention to where I'm going - I fell right on my ass in the middle of city hall, for God's sake!' is terrible and should be avoided. Yet you will very often hear sentences like that in real life, but will never see them in fiction for the simple fact that they're absolutely unreadable.

A lot of your dialogue and narration to me had sprung, awkward rhythm, was too long and slightly unfocused, and needed to be a good deal snappier. I'll go on my way now, but hopefully that's clear enough as is.

 

[johndoe2007]

Yes, but there is a question of balance.

'I, um, tripped' is fine in dialogue.

'I, um, tripped, and then, uh, haha, would you believe it, Bob, I mean, goddammit, here goes, just like Stacy said I would, that damn girl, always going on about how I need to pay more attention to where I'm going - I fell right on my ass in the middle of city hall, for God's sake!' is terrible and should be avoided. Yet you will very often hear sentences like that in real life, but will never see them in fiction for the simple fact that they're absolutely unreadable.

A lot of your dialogue and narration to me had sprung, awkward rhythm, was too long and slightly unfocused, and needed to be a good deal snappier. I'll go on my way now, but hopefully that's clear enough as is.

That's because that sentence is a clustered up piece of shit.