Writing Research - Paying for Sex

[neonlyte]

I have a tendency to write about characters who've gone without sex for a period of time. None of them have ever considered paying for sex, which kind of leads them into taking emotional risks. That's fine, I can build a story around emotional risk taking. Someone asked me recently why 'X' didn't find a prostitute, it would have saved him a lot of trouble, which got me thinking about a plot for another story, a character whose sexual life is lived entirely through prostitutes.

I need to get into the initial mind set of this character, i.e. his/her decision making process that makes paying for sex the 'right choice'. This is less to do with the act of sex, or deviant sex, and more to do with 'why'. Any input would be welcome on why a character would chose to pay for sex rather than take the conventional route. Avoiding emotional entanglement is a given, but beyond that, there has to be a compelling reason to fuel the decision making process.

ETA: I'm reasonably certain the character will be a woman.
I'm equally reasonably certain she will be an painter of reputation, I want someone who spends much of their life in isolation. The story will commence around the middle of her life and at some point, she has to explain why she embarked upon this singular direction in her sexual life.

 

[Weird Harold]

...a character whose sexual life is lived entirely through prostitutes.

I need to get into the initial mind set of this character, i.e. his/her decision making process that makes paying for sex the 'right choice'. This is less to do with the act of sex, or deviant sex, and more to do with 'why'.

Do you envision the character has having paid for sex right from the very beginning, or is this a person who has given up on interpersonal relationships for more predictible "business relationships;" has he ever known any other way to get laid?

If your character is ugly, fat, deformed, scarred, or otherwise limited in his social opportunities, patronizing prostitutes might be seen as his only option.

Once you know "why" the character chooses protitutes, you'll be able to figure out the thought process that brought him to that decision. There are so many possibilities that trying to follow the motivations from beginning to end is dificult; however, backtracking from the final justifaction or rationalization to the motivation should be comparitively simple.

 

[Jaydoes]

better yet....

better than someone who is physically unattractive to women would be someone who is unable to have relationships with women. There's much more drama in a story about someone who is fighting their own inner demons..perhaps caused by abuse from a mom or female authority figure which carried on into his inability to trust women in relationships, always believing that inevitably the woman would cheat on him, or that he wouldn't be good enough for her, and consequently...he turns to prostitutes where everything is paid for and he can get exactly what he wants even if its just someone to talk to and pretend that its real even though he knows its not. If you talk to prosititutes that's what they'll tell you the situation is...they're substitutes for something and they know that.

 

[angela146]

OK, I'm a woman, I'm married, and I haven't "gone without" for more than a week at a time in the past 14 years.

So... caveat reador.

I presume the character is a man. If not, there are a whole other set of dynamics involved.

Here are my "top five" reasons why a man might have a primary sexual outlet with one or more prostitutes.

1. a woman "out of his league"

He could be looking for a woman who is unobtainable to him in the conventional route. There are a lot of high-end escorts/call-girls who are very pretty, very intelligent and very upscale. They are also very expensive.

For a guy who doesn't have a lot of self confidence or who isn't particularly hunky, that may be the only way he can have any kind of sexual relationship with a really classy woman.

He might also be interested in women who are significantly younger than he is. A lot of thirtysomething or fortysomething guys would love to have a woman who is ten or more years younger.

2. Looking for inequality

A lot of men want a woman who is more accommodating than most women are willing to be - especially most single women. A prostitute puts *his* needs first. He doesn't need to treat her as an equal nor does he need to make sure her needs are met.

That doesn't mean he *won't* meet her needs. It just means that he doesn't *have to*.

3. Looking for equality

Paradoxically, a lot of strong men are tired of women who are too submissive. In particular, if a married man has a wife who wants him to lead her or be her HoH, he might want a relationship on the side with a strong woman who will actually be his equal and challenge him.

Even single men sometimes have this problem. Some men *attract* women who are very docile but *want* women who are stronger. A prostitute will do that if you pay her.

4. *Relationship* with a prostitute

Having sex with a prostitute does not necessarily imply a lack of relationship. There are a lot of men who have ongoing relationships with a particular woman-for-hire or a number of women. They get to know them and have a regular "thing" every Tuesday and Thursday.

Escorts/call girls call this a GFE (girlfriend experience).

5. Control

A man who is in a very submissive job might want one aspect of his life where he can be in charge. This is true even for men who seem to be powerful but are in an environment with lots of demands placed on them (e.g. a salesman who is tired of saying "yes sir, Mr. customer").

----

How do I know all of this?

Well, as a wife, I am - essentially - all of the above for my husband. There are times when he says (or communicates in some way) that he wants me to "be" a particular kind of woman for an evening.

Sometimes I feel like a prostitute because I'm putting my own needs aside and doing what he wants.

I don't mind doing his bidding. I like being his whore sometimes.

But there are a lot of wives (and even more single women) out there who won't do that. *That* is a big reason why men go to prostitutes.

-------

Now, having said that, here's reason number 6.

6. Variety

Even if a guy is getting everything his wife or girlfriend can possibly give him, he *can't* get some things from her. No woman can be all women. A woman can't be both thin and voluptuous. She can't be both tall and short. She can't be both Italian and Swedish (OK, mixed ancestry aside, you know what I mean).

Some men have a strong enough need for variety that they need to have multiple women.

To do that without being tied down to any of them, it might be easier to seek a number of different prostitutes.

--------

I hope this helps.

 

[neonlyte]

I've added notes to the top in answer to some of the questions asked. I'll reply to posts after more responses.

 

[emap]

A woman who seeks out prostitutes? Are you sure you don't mean gigolo's? Generally a prostitute is a woman, a gigolo is a male doing the same thing.

Now that aside, speaking from experience, a women who turns to gigolo's would be tired of the time it takes to get a guy to take her elsewhere for sex. The stories saying otherwise aside, it takes a couple hours at least to find a cute enough guy and to convince him that you are looking for sex, you don't mind seeing him again and that you are not married. Seriously I have had those conversations many times.

So basically, she is tired of spending such a large portion of her time trying to get a guy to take her elsewhere for sex when she would rather be doing something else. Painting is a good choice for that, so she turns to hiring men for sex, they show up take her to bed do what she wants and leave.

Now if she is looking for women to take to bed it gets worse, I would think.

 

[3113]

Someone asked me recently why 'X' didn't find a prostitute, it would have saved him a lot of trouble, which got me thinking about a plot for another story, a character whose sexual life is lived entirely through prostitutes....

ETA: I'm reasonably certain the character will be a woman.

This is a great deal harder if the character is a woman because, as someone in some other thread once pointed out...men do think about sex all the time, and if a woman is reasonably attractive, she can usually get it for free. The reason for prostitutes, if you'll indulge me in more generalizations here, is due to the fact that most women's desire relationships rather than just sex. Because women usually want relationships, not just sex, men take up with prostitutes who will give them *just* sex and not expect a relationship.

Which is why there aren't many gigolos (as compared to gay male prostitutes)--because if a woman just wants sex it's not hard for her to get it. It's also why gigolos often provide more than sex--a night out dancing, dining, etc. Gigolos are more likely to be hired to give a girl the fantasy of a relationship, not just sex.

If your woman is a painter, however, than the answer is really easy. She pays her male models extra for sex. See? No need to complicate the story with her searching for gigolos, and you've got her mindset right there in front of you. The male model is her masculine ideal (real men just don't live up to the fantasy), and she can not only paint that perfect body, but have it sexually. She has sex with "art" if you will, the thing she loves most in all the world. Maybe it even goes deeper than that--a reverse Pygmalion if you will; she creates perfect men on canvass, than has sex with the models to enhance the fantasy that the picture has come to life. Maybe she asks the models not to talk or tell her anything about themselves so she can just fantasize that they climbed out of the painting and aren't real men with real issues?

And these male models are probably not at all surprised or shocked or all that unwilling (unless they're gay) to accommodate. Such models--for photos and art--do get propositioned. We just put that erotic fantasy spin on them that they're more willing to accommodate the client than might be true of real-life models.

Does that work for you?

 

[Vermilion]

This is a great deal harder if the character is a woman because, as someone in some other thread once pointed out...men do think about sex all the time, and if a woman is reasonably attractive, she can usually get it for free. The reason for prostitutes, if you'll indulge me in more generalizations here, is due to the fact that most women's desire relationships rather than just sex. Because women usually want relationships, not just sex, men take up with prostitutes who will give them *just* sex and not expect a relationship.

Which is why there aren't many gigolos (as compared to gay male prostitutes)--because if a woman just wants sex it's not hard for her to get it. It's also why gigolos often provide more than sex--a night out dancing, dining, etc. Gigolos are more likely to be hired to give a girl the fantasy of a relationship, not just sex.

If your woman is a painter, however, than the answer is really easy. She pays her male models extra for sex. See? No need to complicate the story with her searching for gigolos, and you've got her mindset right there in front of you. The male model is her masculine ideal (real men just don't live up to the fantasy), and she can not only paint that perfect body, but have it sexually. She has sex with "art" if you will, the thing she loves most in all the world. Maybe it even goes deeper than that--a reverse Pygmalion if you will; she creates perfect men on canvass, than has sex with the models to enhance the fantasy that the picture has come to life. Maybe she asks the models not to talk or tell her anything about themselves so she can just fantasize that they climbed out of the painting and aren't real men with real issues?

And these male models are probably not at all surprised or shocked or all that unwilling (unless they're gay) to accommodate. Such models--for photos and art--do get propositioned. We just put that erotic fantasy spin on them that they're more willing to accommodate the client than might be true of real-life models.

Does that work for you?

and if you don't want this story mate - i'll bloody have it!

x
V

ps- male escorts can generally provide company and entertainment with no sex - something women are more likely to want - google Cavendish Knights for research

 

[neonlyte]

Thank you for the replies.

Let me flesh this out a little.

The artist is well known. A national figure, never married, late forties/early fifities. Successful in so much that she receives a healthy income from the sale of her work. The story opens at the point where a major exhibition is staged of her work, the work exhibited, not her entire output but a significant part of it, is owned by a single individual.

The story is a conflict between her being owned and her sexual 'ownership' of those she pays to be her lovers. She doesn't have 'one night stands' but pays a for a lover to woo her. Her lovers are of both sexes.

She had no idea this individual owned 70% of her entire output (I haven't decidied if the individual is male or female) though she is obviously aware of the person as a major collector.

She is not unattractive, she is prepossessed in believing her work requires utter devotion to the exclusion of all other interests. Her first sexual experience occurs late in her life, she pays to shed her virginity. She doesn't sleep with models, she knows they gossip.

Sorry for rambling, but this story has been bugging me since I saw an exhibition of an artists work last year, 126 painting, all owned by one person.

I understand the selfless devotion, I don't understand fully enough to write why she feels compelled to purchase sex. I'm looking for triggers.

 

[Vermilion]

Thank you for the replies.

Let me flesh this out a little.

The artist is well known. A national figure, never married, late forties/early fifities. Successful in so much that she receives a healthy income from the sale of her work. The story opens at the point where a major exhibition is staged of her work, the work exhibited, not her entire output but a significant part of it, is owned by a single individual.

The story is a conflict between her being owned and her sexual 'ownership' of those she pays to be her lovers. She doesn't have 'one night stands' but pays a for a lover to woo her. Her lovers are of both sexes.

She had no idea this individual owned 70% of her entire output (I haven't decidied if the individual is male or female) though she is obviously aware of the person as a major collector.

She is not unattractive, she is prepossessed in believing her work requires utter devotion to the exclusion of all other interests. Her first sexual experience occurs late in her life, she pays to shed her virginity. She doesn't sleep with models, she knows they gossip.

Sorry for rambling, but this story has been bugging me since I saw an exhibition of an artists work last year, 126 painting, all owned by one person.

I understand the selfless devotion, I don't understand fully enough to write why she feels compelled to purchase sex. I'm looking for triggers.

A power thing, possibly. One thing I find, as a woman, is that you *gain* power by witholding sex and *lose* it by having sex. Even with a one-night stand - you may choose to do it and be the seducer, but there is still some remnant, perhaps social, that makes you feel as if you relinquished power by having that sex.

By *paying* for sex, with men or women, I suppose this would allow one to keep the upper-hand, the power...

Does that fit/make sense?

x
V

 

[impressive]

I have a tendency to write about characters who've gone without sex for a period of time. None of them have ever considered paying for sex, which kind of leads them into taking emotional risks. That's fine, I can build a story around emotional risk taking. Someone asked me recently why 'X' didn't find a prostitute, it would have saved him a lot of trouble, which got me thinking about a plot for another story, a character whose sexual life is lived entirely through prostitutes.

I need to get into the initial mind set of this character, i.e. his/her decision making process that makes paying for sex the 'right choice'. This is less to do with the act of sex, or deviant sex, and more to do with 'why'. Any input would be welcome on why a character would chose to pay for sex rather than take the conventional route. Avoiding emotional entanglement is a given, but beyond that, there has to be a compelling reason to fuel the decision making process.

ETA: I'm reasonably certain the character will be a woman.
I'm equally reasonably certain she will be an painter of reputation, I want someone who spends much of their life in isolation. The story will commence around the middle of her life and at some point, she has to explain why she embarked upon this singular direction in her sexual life.

I can easily envision a woman who didn't want to be bothered with the emotional entanglements, the necessary trust, and the time involved.

 

[neonlyte]

A power thing, possibly. One thing I find, as a woman, is that you *gain* power by witholding sex and *lose* it by having sex. Even with a one-night stand - you may choose to do it and be the seducer, but there is still some remnant, perhaps social, that makes you feel as if you relinquished power by having that sex.

By *paying* for sex, with men or women, I suppose this would allow one to keep the upper-hand, the power...

Does that fit/make sense?

x
V

Yeh... the power is there in the compulsion to succeed in her work, 'a relationship' is out of the question, thus they are terminated/paid for. Still doesn't hit that first trigger. Why would a person decide to take that first step. It's important (to the story) because any later romantic entanglement (ultimately fruitful or not) has to pay regard to why she has only ever purchased sex.

 

[Vermilion]

Yeh... the power is there in the compulsion to succeed in her work, 'a relationship' is out of the question, thus they are terminated/paid for. Still doesn't hit that first trigger. Why would a person decide to take that first step. It's important (to the story) because any later romantic entanglement (ultimately fruitful or not) has to pay regard to why she has only ever purchased sex.

Perhaps... a critic/reviewer could make some snide comment about her work being passionless or asexual... which leads her to want to try and explore sex and this is how she decides to go about it...?
x
V

 

[neonlyte]

I can easily envision a woman who didn't want to be bothered with the emotional entanglements, the necessary trust, and the time involved.

Me too. The sex is in a way a distraction to the story, except she paints sexual scenes. I don't mean vaginas or penii (?) but explicit images that speak of sexual knowledge, quite divergent from her real life personna.

You know, the real life person, the one who owns all these paintings, has to be wierd. I could write about him but it has to go beyond that and I know more about artists than I do about collectors. So I have to write it from the artists point of view. If I wrote about him, I've a feeling I'd be limited to cliche. The woman, her motivation and her discover/it's impact intrigues me.

 

[Pure]

hi neon,

generally women do not purchase sex, as such.

3113 had the best idea, with the models.

the male escort provides status and companionship, which may 'cover' for sex at times.

i think that for most cases, the woman would have to delude herself; she has a boyfriend who like her, she thinks, but actually it's a cash thing that's uppermost in his mind. she gets the sex, but is able to rationalize it as the normal 'boyfriend' thing. this is closest to what you say.

but is not quite like what you are suggesting. after all, you cannot pay a 'lover' as such or the person is not a lover.

outside of this, i would say she'd have to be pretty damn strange: e.g. a masochist who's after the degradation. have a bizarre fetish or disability.

i think she'd have to be of a masculine mind set to go any buy sex and find it was worthwhile. however in that case, the 'other' would not be a lover, as you suggest. ya can't have it both ways!

if i may say so, for some posters, it does not sound like they ever purchased sex, knew anyone who talked (to them) about purchasing it (with others), or knew anyone who sold it.

neon, if you set up something improbable, you have to work like hell to make it plausible. this is a bit like asking why an otherwise happily married man, with lots of experience with women, collects barbie dolls an titillates himself by lifting their skirts, or why he, one day, for no apparent reason threw the family cat off the balcony.

 

[Vermilion]

Me too. The sex is in a way a distraction to the story, except she paints sexual scenes. I don't mean vaginas or penii (?) but explicit images that speak of sexual knowledge, quite divergent from her real life personna.

You know, the real life person, the one who owns all these paintings, has to be wierd. I could write about him but it has to go beyond that and I know more about artists than I do about collectors. So I have to write it from the artists point of view. If I wrote about him, I've a feeling I'd be limited to cliche. The woman, her motivation and her discover/it's impact intrigues me.

Well that would fit with my suggestion above... perhaps a critic has said her owkr is clinical and devoid of actual sex... which is why she has to explore sex as an act, not just a theory...
x
V

 

[neonlyte]

hi neon,

generally women do not purchase sex, as such.

3113 had the best idea, with the models.

the male escort provides status and companionship, which may 'cover' for sex at times.

i think that for most cases, the woman would have to delude herself; she has a boyfriend who like her, she thinks, but actually it's a cash thing that's uppermost in his mind. she gets the sex, but is able to rationalize it as the normal 'boyfriend' thing. this is closest to what you say.

but is not quite like what you are suggesting. after all, you cannot pay a 'lover' as such or the person is not a lover.

outside of this, i would say she'd have to be pretty damn strange: e.g. a masochist who's after the degradation. have a bizarre fetish or disability.

i think she'd have to be of a masculine mind set to go any buy sex and find it was worthwhile. however in that case, the 'other' would not be a lover, as you suggest. ya can't have it both ways!

if i may say so, for some posters, it does not sound like they ever purchased sex, knew anyone who talked (to them) about purchasing it (with others), or knew anyone who sold it.

neon, if you set up something improbable, you have to work like hell to make it plausible. this is a bit like asking why an otherwise happily married man, with lots of experience with women, collects barbie dolls an titillates himself by lifting their skirts, or why he, one day, for no apparent reason through the family cat off the balcony.

Not sure you've been around too many artists, J. Artists wouldn't bite the hand that feeds them, they don't desconstruct their models other than for casual sex or permanent relationships (often stormy).

I understand your comment on suspending disbelief - in a sense, this idea came out of having my disbelief suspended by discovering a nationally famed artist had their work in the hands of a single collector. It isn't logical. I think I have to try to write this story because my artist friends 'get it'. Every artist wants a patron, no artist wants an individual to collect the majority of their output. I can see what motivates the collector. I can see the artists response... but that is a too easy story to tell. I'm looking for the conflict, as unlikely as it might be, it is the fulcrum upon which the story hinges...except for the trigger.

 

[3113]

Yeh... the power is there in the compulsion to succeed in her work, 'a relationship' is out of the question, thus they are terminated/paid for.

Perhaps it's the way you worded this: "compulsion to succeed"--but that doesn't sound like a painter. You know artists better than I do, but I assume they're like writers--they want success so that they can keep doing what they love. In short, if this woman is a painter, then she is someone with a creative vision that must be expressed--and her compulsion is to "succeed" in expressing that vision.

Is that what you meant? Because if you did, then, once again, the answer to why she started to it is right in front of you: a relationship in such circumstances is not only hard for her, but really, really, really hard on the guy as well. (Again, as you know artists, I'm sure you're aware of this). His desires and needs are going to come second to her art, and most guys won't put up with that. A guy coming home from work expecting time with the wife and sex isn't going to be happy if she's spending three days locked away with her easel. Nor is he going to be up to her schedule if, after three days, she comes to bed at six in the morning, still hyped from that creative high and wanting sex, just as he's about to go to work. In addition to this, if she wasn't successful in those early years, a first husband might have viewed her art as frivolous, a hobby, not real.

If an early, serious relation happened with a fellow artist, then there are other problems: there might have been a clash of egos; the guy either put out by her success, or, if neither of them were successful at the time, pushing her to see his art as more important than hers--i.e., that they as a couple ought to put his art first and her art second. So there's your flashpoint: early relationships, even to a first marriage, that taught her that guys won't put her and her art first--they may not even take it (and her) seriously. I remember talking to a woman whose husband was so jealous and dismissive of her writing--insulting it, urging her to go back to a real, paying job--that she almost divorced him. This isn't a job, it's a passion, and the person you are with has to be supportive of your passion, or it all falls apart.

I presume you know all this...but you probably think it a too easy answer. It's not. The "complication" need not be complicated in order to be "rich"--it's HOW you present it that makes it rich.

 

[Weird Harold]

Yeh... the power is there in the compulsion to succeed in her work, 'a relationship' is out of the question, thus they are terminated/paid for. Still doesn't hit that first trigger. Why would a person decide to take that first step. It's important (to the story) because any later romantic entanglement (ultimately fruitful or not) has to pay regard to why she has only ever purchased sex.

Perhaps I'm showing my age and/or latent chauvinism, but I have trouble contemplating a (healthy) woman who has never had sex without paying for it. The only thing I can think of that would make it understandable is childhood "conditioning" that instilled a very poor self-image -- IOW, "it's all her parents' fault."

 

[3113]

Perhaps I'm showing my age and/or latent chauvinism, but I have trouble contemplating a (healthy) woman who has never had sex without paying for it. The only thing I can think of that would make it understandable is childhood "conditioning" that instilled a very poor self-image -- IOW, "it's all her parents' fault."

I'm in agreement with Harold. It's completely unbelievable that your painter would have never had "free" sex with some boyfriend or other.

If, on the other hand, you want to tell the story of a woman with a gigolo fetish--she gets off on giving men money for sex--then that's a whole different story. The first thing I'd do in that case is dump the "artist" idea (it just gets in the way)--make her independently wealthy or have won the lottery, and have her fetish be a way of feeling powerful and in control.

Which brings up to that all important question: what kind of story are you trying to tell here? Sad? Happy? Romantic? Stroke?

 

[Pure]

trigger

i would say the trigger would have to be a blow to self esteem.

the normal effect of purchasing [and succeeding] would be to feel degradation; you would have to make that compelling/attractive to the person, whom you want to be female.

a man might walk away from a first encounter, saying 'i got laid.' it's damn hard to see how a woman would end up saying that.
----

none of this addresses what 3113 has mentioned. there is simply no NEED for the woman you describe, to pay. IMO opinion, perhaps it would be enough to have her just be indiscriminate. she takes a fuck when it's proposed, and sets up such occasions. that, perhaps, is vaguely like a man's 'whoremongering.'

 

[3113]

You know, the real life person, the one who owns all these paintings, has to be wierd. I could write about him but it has to go beyond that and I know more about artists than I do about collectors. So I have to write it from the artists point of view. If I wrote about him, I've a feeling I'd be limited to cliche. The woman, her motivation and her discover/it's impact intrigues me.

Why not just switch the roles?

Make the woman the collector. She pays for art, and for sex with the artists. It's the one reason a woman would pay for sex--to have sex with a specific man (not just to have sex). And a starving artist who, as you say, doesn't want to bite the hand that feeds, would likely accept; extra money and a patron.

There are and have always been women who enjoy the power of "keeping" a man or men. And there are men who don't mind being kept.

 

[Pure]

?

The story is a conflict between her being owned and her sexual 'ownership' of those she pays to be her lovers. She doesn't have 'one night stands' but pays a for a lover to woo her. Her lovers are of both sexes.

She had no idea this individual owned 70% of her entire output (I haven't decidied if the individual is male or female) though she is obviously aware of the person as a major collector.

She is not unattractive, she is prepossessed in believing her work requires utter devotion to the exclusion of all other interests. Her first sexual experience occurs late in her life, she pays to shed her virginity. She doesn't sleep with models, she knows they gossip.

Sorry for rambling, but this story has been bugging me since I saw an exhibition of an artists work last year, 126 painting, all owned by one person.
----

i'm afraid i just don't see the connection. i do understand why an artist might not want to be owned, i.e. be tied to a single patron/purchaser; though i imagine such is not exactly rare.

are you saying: 1) she's owned, but doesn't realize it, and goes about 'owning' lovers.

2)she's owned and does realize it, and decides, 'well i might as well own lovers' and is happy or satisfied with it. "OK, *I* will damn well 'buy' someone and use them just as i'm used."

3) she's owned and realizes it ("I'm a 'bought' artist") and finds herself compelled to 'own' lovers, and sees a connection and hates it.

--
independently, a) are you saying there is a link to her being owned and her preferring to own lovers?

b) are you saying that finding she's owned LEADS TO taking up with owned lovers---as a protest? as a way of wallowing in it? as a way of cold heartedly 'applying' the lesson that the owner of something calls the shots.

 

[neonlyte]

Perhaps it's the way you worded this: "compulsion to succeed"--but that doesn't sound like a painter. You know artists better than I do, but I assume they're like writers--they want success so that they can keep doing what they love. In short, if this woman is a painter, then she is someone with a creative vision that must be expressed--and her compulsion is to "succeed" in expressing that vision.

Is that what you meant? Because if you did, then, once again, the answer to why she started to it is right in front of you: a relationship in such circumstances is not only hard for her, but really, really, really hard on the guy as well. (Again, as you know artists, I'm sure you're aware of this). His desires and needs are going to come second to her art, and most guys won't put up with that. A guy coming home from work expecting time with the wife and sex isn't going to be happy if she's spending three days locked away with her easel. Nor is he going to be up to her schedule if, after three days, she comes to bed at six in the morning, still hyped from that creative high and wanting sex, just as he's about to go to work. In addition to this, if she wasn't successful in those early years, a first husband might have viewed her art as frivolous, a hobby, not real.

If an early, serious relation happened with a fellow artist, then there are other problems: there might have been a clash of egos; the guy either put out by her success, or, if neither of them were successful at the time, pushing her to see his art as more important than hers--i.e., that they as a couple ought to put his art first and her art second. So there's your flashpoint: early relationships, even to a first marriage, that taught her that guys won't put her and her art first--they may not even take it (and her) seriously. I remember talking to a woman whose husband was so jealous and dismissive of her writing--insulting it, urging her to go back to a real, paying job--that she almost divorced him. This isn't a job, it's a passion, and the person you are with has to be supportive of your passion, or it all falls apart.

I presume you know all this...but you probably think it a too easy answer. It's not. The "complication" need not be complicated in order to be "rich"--it's HOW you present it that makes it rich.

Make that six - seven days a week and you're getting close. Most know my wife is an artist of international dimension. She succeeds, despite not being 'commercially acceptable' (she has largely worked in the installation site specific medium, i.e unsaleable) because she is totally driven by her work to the exclusion of everything else. I have a 'character model', but her drive would ruin a conventional relationship, as you say. Our relationship has succeeded because we are both independently driven.

A 'successful' artist per se, is a fairly boring individual to write about.

 

[neonlyte]

Perhaps I'm showing my age and/or latent chauvinism, but I have trouble contemplating a (healthy) woman who has never had sex without paying for it. The only thing I can think of that would make it understandable is childhood "conditioning" that instilled a very poor self-image -- IOW, "it's all her parents' fault."

Me too. I can envisage the situation arising, but need ideas, in addition to my own, as to what might a) trigger the abstension, and b) trigger the notion of paying for sex. I can justify b) solely in artistic terms, but it wouldn't convince many readers.

Abstenson ranges through an troubled childhood, difficult relationship, abuse, etc., but that brings in dimensions of 'pay back' that might cloud the conflict between collector and artist.