Writing Pan/Omnisexual character

[dirtyriceking]

In my newest story, I've considered making my MC pan or omnisexual. Any tips for creating a believable character? She's monogamous, just not strictly heterosexual or lesbian.

 

[KeithD]

The real question is where you would category it on Literotica. Literotica doesn't have a bi category.

 

[dirtyriceking]

She only sleeps with men, and is monogamous, so any heterosexual monogamous category.

 

[yukonnights]

She only sleeps with men, and is monogamous, so any heterosexual monogamous category.

I'm assuming she will have some lesbian/pan interior thoughts/desires/emotions? In general, non-LGBTQ readers are more tolerant of female characters being non-binary than male.

If she's monogamous, then all of the pan/bi/non-hetero/non-binary content will be in her interior thoughts/dialogue/desires. To make that believable, you have to pull on the readers heartstrings. Does she have fears? Does she have desires that may never be satisfied? Will her man support her or reject her for these lesbian/pan desires?

You might want to define her 'pan-sexual' identity for yourself before you start writing. In other words, who will she most like likely be aroused by? What is the scope of her pan-sexual interests? If it's just men and women, she's bisexual. Pan-sexual would be much broader.

If the bulk of your story ends up being about her interior life as opposed to her outer life with her man, and delves into non-hetero sex, the Lesbian Category may be more receptive??? It just depends on how you write it.

So, try to become her, live inside of her experience and write what you/she feels. Since she's monogamous, the pan sex-scenes will not be real in her life, you'll have to do it all in her mind/emotions/daydreams/thoughts.
***

I'm going to put an Urban Dictionary definition of pan-sexual in for reference; A form of sexuality often confused or intermeshed in definition with bisexualaty (an attraction towards both physical sexes: male and female). Pansexuality is, in truth, a much broader form of sexual orientation, in which the pansexual individual experiences sexual attraction towards members of ALL genders (not to be confused with sexes, which is purely physical--gender has to do with the psychological), including transgender, transsexual, cross dressing, androgyne, androgen, two-spirited, gender-fliud, and all other variety of gender identitfications, as well as those who do not feel that they have a gender.

 

[Bramblethorn]

In my newest story, I've considered making my MC pan or omnisexual. Any tips for creating a believable character? She's monogamous, just not strictly heterosexual or lesbian.

Most of the women I've dated have been bi/pan, or at least flexible. AFAICT, there aren't a lot of universal truths about bi/pan/omni women beyond "is attracted in some way to more than one gender" and "lives in a society that's not always accepting of that".

For the former: sexual and romantic attraction aren't always aligned. Some women are sexually attracted to any gender but romantically interested only in men, or in women, or not at all. And some are bi/pan/omni- in terms of relationship but not sexually.

For the latter, some things that come up a lot:

- basic homophobia, obviously, with an extra dose of "and you like men so it's not like you HAVE to be with a woman"
- assumption that bi women have it easier than lesbians because it's easier to "pass" as straight (...provided you're willing to suppress a major part of yourself...)
- assumption that a bi person can't be faithful/monogamous
- guys assuming she's their ticket to a FMF threesome
- "indecisive/greedy"
- bi erasure (assuming straight and gay are the only categories - e.g. assuming somebody must be gay because she's dating a woman, then acting surprised when she goes on to date a guy)
- "it's just a phase, you'll grow out of it" (usually assumed towards heterosexuality)

How much of that you include in a story is up to you, of course.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm assuming she will have some lesbian/pan interior thoughts/desires/emotions? In general, non-LGBTQ readers are more tolerant of female characters being non-binary than male.

note - "non-binary" usually refers to somebody of non-binary gender rather than somebody who's attracted to more than one gender.

If she's monogamous, then all of the pan/bi/non-hetero/non-binary content will be in her interior thoughts/dialogue/desires. To make that believable, you have to pull on the readers heartstrings. Does she have fears? Does she have desires that may never be satisfied? Will her man support her or reject her for these lesbian/pan desires?

Even if she's monogamous, she may also have ex-es who are still in her life.

What is the scope of her pan-sexual interests? If it's just men and women, she's bisexual. Pan-sexual would be much broader.

...

I'm going to put an Urban Dictionary definition of pan-sexual in for reference; A form of sexuality often confused or intermeshed in definition with bisexualaty (an attraction towards both physical sexes: male and female).

FWIW, I am pretty sure you didn't intend it this way, but the "bisexuality" bit of this definition is badly outdated and would be offensive to a lot of the bi folk I know.

Much like "homosexuality" and for much the same reasons*, "bisexual" is one of those words whose modern usage is at odds with its etymology. These days it indicates sexual and/or romantic attraction to at least two genders. This is a pretty good discussion: https://www.healthline.com/health/bisexual-vs-pansexual

A lot of bi people are really really tired of explaining that "bi" doesn't mean they refuse to acknowledge NB identities, and that many of them are NB themselves and/or shacked up with NB folk.

*those reasons being: these terms were invented by people outside the groups they refer to, who had an extremely limited understanding of the people they were describing, who didn't recognise any kind of distinction between genitals and gender, and who didn't acknowledge the possibility of romantic love outside of "normal" relationships.

Or, shorter version, "assholes got to the language before the rest of us did and made a mess of it for everybody".

 

[Damoiselle]

Seconding the above. I identify as bi because it's familiar feeling to me and I'm attached to the flag design, but I don't exclude non-binary people as perspective sexual or romantic partners.

Urban dictionary is kind of useful, but also sometimes not.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

One of the big social challenges/sore points I see non-binary folks having to deal with are lots of cishet (eg, traditional F&M pairing sexual role believers) folks as well as some other gay & lesbian (eg, other cis non-het) folks who don't get how people can be non-binary AND monogamous. "If you're only shacking up with gender A, you're binary!"

This has a lot of answers, as by definition non-binary folks aren't easy to categorize, especially for those who are conditioned & used to thinking in XX/XY terms. How your proposed protagonist chooses to answer social challenges along those lines - aggression, reeducation, ignore, shun/avoid, humor, etc - could be useful in all sorts of ways - verisimilitude, source of story conflict, social commentary, etc.

Full disclosure, I'm pretty strongly oriented towards cishet, so I'm looking at this from the outside - YMMV.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

Seconding the above.

*hand raised* All in favor say aye.

My FMCs are pansexual because I am; I don’t think I’m yet skilled enough as a writer to develop an FMC who is strictly hetero or bi or lesbian.

Personally, and since my writing is story-driven, I don’t spend time explaining my protagonists’ sexual identities except where it’s relevant to a story arc. A few examples in case they’re helpful: in one of my stories where the FMC is desperate to build relationships with people who care about her, her sexual history comes up as illustrative if how little the man she’s sleeping with knows or cares about her. In the latest chapter of a series, the FMC mentions her pansexuality only to point out that she was surprised that two other (seemingly unlikely) characters we’re falling in love. In a similar vein, my recurring MMC’s had a few scenes that demonstrate, among other character traits, how heteronormative he is; for example, a scene where a FWB wants him to suck her cum off a dildo while he watches a video of her fucking another woman with the same dildo, and he refuses (the dildo is shaped like his own cock).

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

One of the big social challenges/sore points I see non-binary folks having to deal with are lots of cishet (eg, traditional F&M pairing sexual role believers) folks as well as some other gay & lesbian (eg, other cis non-het) folks who don't get how people can be non-binary AND monogamous. "If you're only shacking up with gender A, you're binary!"

This has a lot of answers, as by definition non-binary folks aren't easy to categorize, especially for those who are conditioned & used to thinking in XX/XY terms. How your proposed protagonist chooses to answer social challenges along those lines - aggression, reeducation, ignore, shun/avoid, humor, etc - could be useful in all sorts of ways - verisimilitude, source of story conflict, social commentary, etc.

Full disclosure, I'm pretty strongly oriented towards cishet, so I'm looking at this from the outside - YMMV.

Very true, UP (*waves* long time no see !)

In my limited experience, that’s definitely been the case. I’m writing a series that’s Dd/lg I/T, about half way complete but already more than 220k words published. From my POV, there’s character interests, attractions, needs, social responses, emotional triggers etc that all stem from my FMC’s sexuality and have been obvious from the start. But I have a handful of readers (all, seemingly, male and cishet) who simultaneously demand that I write more and faster and bemoan that MY story’s veered in a direction that’s uncomfortable/abnormal/wonky because it’s not heteronormative.

Another complaint that I sometimes receive is that my FMC “should be” monogamous. I don’t even know where to begin with that.... To put it in perspective, the FMC hasn’t slept with anyone in the series except the MMC, while I’ve put more than 80k words of my story into vivid descriptions of his sexual past.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Very true, UP (*waves* long time no see !)

Hey lady! Glad to see ya!

In my limited experience, that’s definitely been the case. I’m writing a series that’s Dd/lg I/T, about half way complete but already more than 220k words published. From my POV, there’s character interests, attractions, needs, social responses, emotional triggers etc that all stem from my FMC’s sexuality and have been obvious from the start. But I have a handful of readers (all, seemingly, male and cishet) who simultaneously demand that I write more and faster and bemoan that MY story’s veered in a direction that’s uncomfortable/abnormal/wonky because it’s not heteronormative.

In the IT field, when frustrated/aggravated, we'll occasionally call the people who rely on our work but think we can somehow do better 'lusers'. Sounds like you've got some there too. The thought of LARTs - wiktionary defines this as "luser attitude readjustment tool; something with which a clueless person is struck" - helped me get through some of the worst luser interactions.

For several years, I kept a 4' length of 2x4 labelled "Bord Ov Eddikashun" as my LART, specifically a clue-by-four. It was quite effective.

(sorry for the off-topic attempt at humor...)

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

Hey lady! Glad to see ya!

In the IT field, when frustrated/aggravated, we'll occasionally call the people who rely on our work but think we can somehow do better 'lusers'. Sounds like you've got some there too. The thought of LARTs - wiktionary defines this as "luser attitude readjustment tool; something with which a clueless person is struck" - helped me get through some of the worst luser interactions.

For several years, I kept a 4' length of 2x4 labelled "Bord Ov Eddikashun" as my LART, specifically a clue-by-four. It was quite effective.

(sorry for the off-topic attempt at humor...)

The lusers is a very spot-on and humorous analogy! And I may have to borrow your Bord sometime *thwap*

 

[SimonDoom]

She only sleeps with men, and is monogamous, so any heterosexual monogamous category.

I'm curious where you want to go with this. You want to write a story about a woman who is pansexual, but she's monogamous and only sleeps with men. So what is it you want to do with her being pansexual?

Think about what makes your story idea erotic. What is its focus? Once you've figured that ouI think you'll have more ideas about what sort of character you want to create.

 

[KeithD]

I write a lot of "across/other gender" stories. None of them have found at good home here at Literotica. That's OK; other stories I write do. But the fact is that Literotica is not a very good place to post these stories. It doesn't have a comfortable category fit for them. They are hard to find and some who do find them in categories they generally follow get the vapors.

 

[AlinaX]

I'm sure there are many bi/pan women who are monogamous and only sleep with men, but why do you want to write this?

I often write characters who don't match my gender and orientation. It's an interesting challenge. You need to have a clear idea in your head of what that identity means to that character.

If I were to write a pan woman who is monogamous and only sleeps with men, the obvious story would be one of falling helplessly in love with a woman...

 

[Kumquatqueen]

What's the story? Once you have that, you can figure out how much of her character and backstory is relevant. If the story is her getting together with a man, then it may be her fear of being cheated on or her jealousy or her relationship with her parents or her motorbike collection or her whisky obsession is more important.

Or not.

I've written a couple stories where there's only a passing ref to our girl's bisexuality, and ended up taking it out if it doesn't add to the story, because it'll put off some readers, and only disappoint or distract others if the sexuality isn't relevant to the rest of what is written.

Old crap joke: what's the difference between a bisexual and a pansexual?
A pansexual is a bisexual who's annoyingly perky, under 30, and has blue hair...

 

[dirtyriceking]

Thanks everyone

You've given me things to think about. I'm a het cisman so I too write things I don't know firsthand.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I write a lot of "across/other gender" stories. None of them have found at good home here at Literotica. That's OK; other stories I write do. But the fact is that Literotica is not a very good place to post these stories. It doesn't have a comfortable category fit for them. They are hard to find and some who do find them in categories they generally follow get the vapors.

Indeed. I would happily read more stories that include nonbinary people. For that matter, I'd love to read more stories where transgender people show up without their trans-ness being the main focus/fetish of the story. But it's not easy to find them here.

 

[Bramblethorn]

In the IT field, when frustrated/aggravated, we'll occasionally call the people who rely on our work but think we can somehow do better 'lusers'.

I've been here way too long, because I misinterpreted "IT" for a moment there.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I've been here way too long, because I misinterpreted "IT" for a moment there.

You're probably safe with both interpretations .

 

[SamScribble]

I'm curious where you want to go with this. You want to write a story about a woman who is pansexual, but she's monogamous and only sleeps with men. So what is it you want to do with her being pansexual?

Think about what makes your story idea erotic. What is its focus? Once you've figured that ouI think you'll have more ideas about what sort of character you want to create.

I'm with Simon on this. I find that the character's orientation comes out of the story. When I start telling the story, I usually have no idea if the character is straight, gay, bi, or a rampant cheeseophile. (Strange word, cheeseophile.) My advice would be to tell the story and see what happens.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Indeed. I would happily read more stories that include nonbinary people. For that matter, I'd love to read more stories where transgender people show up without their trans-ness being the main focus/fetish of the story. But it's not easy to find them here.

I think it would be helpful if authors include non-cishet supporting characters. To be clear, I'm not suggesting they shouldn't be main characters. I'm suggesting that we should all make an effort to give them a presence in the worlds we're presenting in our stories.

 

[SamScribble]

I think it would be helpful if authors include non-cishet supporting characters. To be clear, I'm not suggesting they shouldn't be main characters. I'm suggesting that we should all make an effort to give them a presence in the worlds we're presenting in our stories.

Why? I thought that we were writers, not social modellers.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Why? I thought that we were writers, not social modellers.

I think there are a few of points relative to that. First, if being inclusive is social modeling, so is ignoring segments of the population.

Second, while inclusion can be part of social modeling, it's also a more fully realized background for a story. It's a little odd, in my opinion, when supporting characters aren't representative of the population, unless it's a deliberate choice in the story to do otherwise.

Third, I don't think a writer is just one thing. I can be a writer and also try to write stories that recognize human diversity. If that's social modeling, then I can be a writer and a social modeler. A person could be a writer and a disrupter, a writer and an activist (of either the progressive or the antediluvian variety), a writer and an educator, etc.

I'm not sure it's possible to be "just" a writer. Writing is communication, and there are messages in whatever we write, even if we leave them unintentionally. I'm suggesting that we make mindful choices about the people in our stories.

That may not be your cup of tea. I do think, though, that we shouldn't sell ourselves short as writers.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Why? I thought that we were writers, not social modellers.

...because we're writing about people? At least, I am?