Writing kinks you don’t share

[FrancesScott]

I was just talking to another writer about this. My latest story is narrated by a man who has a pregnancy / lactation fetish. I won’t bore you with why I decided to write this, aside from a mixture of real world inspiration and my tangled psyche.

My point was, that people often write what turns them on personally (I do too), but do you ever set yourself the challenge of writing about kinks other than your own, as I did with this story?

I said to the other person that I think I understand obsession, and that I can then write the object of that obsession as being something totally different from my own experience.

 

[THBGato]

I've written about having sex with men (both men having sex with other men, and men having sex with women), so I guess so.

The latter wasn't very hard, as obviously it's pretty difficult to be a reader and NOT come across hetero sex, so I guess I just tapped into that. MM sex was harder, so I was deliberately very vague/drew the curtain (I was more interested in the flirtation/coming out of the closet moment), though it's no surprise that my single GM story has not scored well!

 

[FrancesScott]

I tried to write MM once, and it didn’t feel real to me. Or rather it felt like it could have been MF with one of the names changed. Probably more a hang up in my head.

 

[StillStunned]

I don't find it particularly difficult to slip into the mind of my characters, whoever they are. My parents always taught me to understand the other person's perspective, and that comes in very handy when writing characters unlike me..

That said, I don't think I write kinks for the sake of kinks. But I have no trouble writing sex scenes that in real life would hold no appeal. I've a bunch of WIPs with male-male sex, watersports, spanking and some other stuff that's far beyond anything I've ever even contemplated engaging in myself. Ben's Big Mistake is about a man being blackmailed by a trans woman, and I still think it's one of the hottest things I've ever written.

Also: Writing Exercise 5: Write a kink you don't have

 

[Bamagan]

I don't think I find it difficult, although I wouldn't be surprised if true aficionados of the kinks in question find my efforts unconvincing.
That being said, there's a difference between writing about a kink I don't 'get', like shoes or choking, and writing one that is upsetting or repulsive to me.

 

[StillStunned]

I don't think I find it difficult, although I wouldn't be surprised if true aficionados of the kinks in question find my efforts unconvincing.
That being said, there's a difference between writing about a kink I don't 'get', like shoes or choking, and writing one that is upsetting or repulsive to me.

Yeah, scat and deliberate physical or emotional harm are a line I'm not going to cross. I have a story about an obsessed stalker and that was already a weird enough headspace to be in.

 

[Bamagan]

Yeah, scat and deliberate physical or emotional harm are a line I'm not going to cross. I have a story about an obsessed stalker and that was already a weird enough headspace to be in.

"When your sweetie tells you, everything'll be okay Just skeep-beep de bop-bop beep bop bo-dope skeetle-at-de-op-de-day!
-Cab Calloway, The Scat Song

Line crossed. Your move, feline!

 

[iwatchus]

Many of us, if not most, write from both male and female perspectives. @StillStunned writes beautifully from the female perspective. I prefer his writings there. So we have to be able to describe sex that is not what we directly experience. Some of that is challenging, I was happy when I got a comment about a group sex scene that it reminded them of their own experiences, which was nice, because I have never been involved in anything like that.

But some things give me enough of a cringe factor that I cannot or will not write them. I/T and NC/R are my sharpest lines. Not sure I could do water sports or anything like that. I just don't get degrading in general.

 

[Voboy]

I tried to write a gay male piece once, because I've long assumed that it would feel the same as writing a straight piece just with the genders adjusted; this should have worked, since I often write FP stories from both male and female perspectives. I abandoned it halfway along. I think I could have finished it and made it work, but it just didn't interest me after the plot started resolving itself.

I did once complete a pegging piece because I was curious whether I could (it's not really publishable here, but it "exists"), and it seems I can. I published an incest piece here because it made sense for the character involved, but it didn't really turn me on; it interested me because of the character dynamics. I also did a BDSM piece because a very close friend requested it, and I'm proud of it, but it's not something I would have chosen to write on my own and it wasn't really well received here (though my friend loved it, which was the point).

I write for someone just like me, so writing kinks I don't have doesn't make much sense really.

 

[StillStunned]

@StillStunned writes beautifully from the female perspective. I prefer his writings there.

Aww, thanks!

 

[Nynah]

As someone who barely has enough time to write for the kinks I'm actually into, I don't think I would ever write a story for a kink I don't have. I get stressed out enough writing about things I like; I can't imagine trying to produce a competent story about something I don't know anything about.

 

[Writer61]

I have written as a man and a woman with kinks that I share, but I would struggle to describe one that I don't.

 

[HordHolm]

I have written a Gay Male story, in part to see if I could. Honestly, I don't know how good the gay elements are (it's a police procedural/undercover/pandaemonium story as well), but I wasn't upset with it. I might try to write MM again at some point, but yeah, it wasn't easy.

 

[filthytrancendence]

My point was, that people often write what turns them on personally (I do too), but do you ever set yourself the challenge of writing about kinks other than your own, as I did with this story?

For sure. I've done it with the same kink, even.

Taming the Bratty Roomate is my silliest and most read story, and it features a positive cornucopia of kinks that I'm mostly indifferent to, including lactation. It was born from a silly writing prompt (it's in the author's note) and I probably spent 2 hours on it total. I learned a lot:

• I don't think it's a coincidence that it's one of my shorter stories and also one of my most successful in terms of views/favorites. I didn't take it ultra seriously, but I injected all the basics (conflict, tension, character growth, resolution).
• [Edit]: I leaned into the D/s portion of the prompt because that's more in my wheelhouse. I think using this as the scaffold for the story is a lot of why it worked.
• I learned people respond well when I don't take myself so seriously. Not that I'm obligated to do that all the time. Just that it's an option.

I did something pretty similar with my incest series. I'm indifferent-to-negative about that particular kink, but I took it seriously and tried to put as much humanity into it as I could. I added an undercurrent of some kinks I do find more appealing to anchor it closer to my own experience/preferences. That's my second most read, destined to become my first soon, just because the incest readership is huge, I think.

Most of the stuff I write that are more in my wheelhouse and closer to my preferences don't get nearly as much attention. That's good information to have, I suppose. If I'm feeling a need for additional validation, there's a lever I can pull on...

But even beyond that I'd say they were both valuable experiences and I will continue to stretch myself like that in the future.

 

[FrancesScott]

Also: Writing Exercise 5: Write a kink you don't have

Will have to take a look.

 

[FrancesScott]

writing one that is upsetting or repulsive to me.

No, I wouldn’t set myself such a writing exercise. There are limits.

 

[FrancesScott]

I tried to write a gay male piece once, because I've long assumed that it would feel the same as writing a straight piece just with the genders adjusted; this should have worked, since I often write FP stories from both male and female perspectives. I abandoned it halfway along. I think I could have finished it and made it work, but it just didn't interest me after the plot started resolving itself.

That’s kind of my experience. Anything a gay male might do or have done to them, I’ve either done to others or had done to me (wow, what a convoluted sentence!) But it felt like I was writing MF and changing the name of the FMC to Mike. I didn’t have any insight as to what might be different emotionally.

 

[FrancesScott]

As someone who barely has enough time to write for the kinks I'm actually into, I don't think I would ever write a story for a kink I don't have. I get stressed out enough writing about things I like; I can't imagine trying to produce a competent story about something I don't know anything about.

I couldn’t write a lengthy story about something I’m not at least partly into. But 4-6k words, sure, as an experiment.

I suppose - without getting into personal details - I had an angle of sorts into the pregnancy story.

 

[FrancesScott]

I have written as a man and a woman with kinks that I share, but I would struggle to describe one that I don't.

Try it - maybe just 1,000 words to see if you can. It’s interesting.

 

[FrancesScott]

I have written a Gay Male story, in part to see if I could.

That was a big part of my motivation.

 

[FrancesScott]

I did something pretty similar with my incest series. I'm indifferent-to-negative about that particular kink, but I took it seriously and tried to put as much humanity into it as I could. I added an undercurrent of some kinks I do find more appealing to anchor it closer to my own experience/preferences.

I have no plans for I/T. But I always try to find something to anchor the story or the characters to, even if they are different to me and doing things I haven’t done and don’t want to (or am physically incapable of doing).

 

[Writer61]

Try it - maybe just 1,000 words to see if you can. It’s interesting.

I am sure it would be interesting, but I have a lot of stories in my head already.

 

[filthytrancendence]

I have no plans for I/T. But I always try to find something to anchor the story or the characters to, even if they are different to me and doing things I haven’t done and don’t want to (or am physically incapable of doing).

For sure. I think that's kinda one of the secrets of spreading the adage 'write what you know' as far as it can possibly stretch. And it's pretty surprising how far that is.

 

[AG31]

I was just talking to another writer about this. My latest story is narrated by a man who has a pregnancy / lactation fetish. I won’t bore you with why I decided to write this, aside from a mixture of real world inspiration and my tangled psyche.

My point was, that people often write what turns them on personally (I do too), but do you ever set yourself the challenge of writing about kinks other than your own, as I did with this story?

I said to the other person that I think I understand obsession, and that I can then write the object of that obsession as being something totally different from my own experience.

Nope. Can't imagine doing it. But there are a bunch of authors here who obviously take pleasure in the pure authorship and see such a thing as a welcome challenge.

 

[TheLobster]

I heard some people do this thing called “planning” or “outlining”. As an avowed pantser, that’s a writing kink I definitely do not share.