Writing challenge!

[TheEarl]

Llllladies And Gennulmen!!

Welcome to the latest and greatest in writing challenge technology. Or, alternatively, the challenge I'm starting because I think it'd be quite cool.

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it is to try and write a short story, containing at least 3 of the following delightful phrases. They have to be as verbatim as you can get them, although slight changes of tense, etc are acceptable. Try and avoid parody if you can. Serious stories would be best.

Go to it.

The Earl

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and
now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of
looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature
Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog
makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a
rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free
ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the
way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty
bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had
an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in
another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced
across a grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at
55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35
mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she
was the east river.

Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel
trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted
shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like
a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a really duck that was actually lame. Maybe
from stepping on a landmine or something.

The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with
power tools.

He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to
put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing
legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation
thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally
staple it to the wall.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Llllladies And Gennulmen!!

Welcome to the latest and greatest in writing challenge technology. Or, alternatively, the challenge I'm starting because I think it'd be quite cool.

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it is to try and write a short story, containing at least 3 of the following delightful phrases. They have to be as verbatim as you can get them, although slight changes of tense, etc are acceptable. Try and avoid parody if you can. Serious stories would be best.

Go to it.

The Earl

You are evil.

But then I always felt you had to have at least one redeeming quality.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[TheEarl]

There we are - that's four quotes, just in the beginning of a story. The idea's actually intrigued me enough that I may continue writing and make it into a fully-fledged Lit story. Whaddya think?

The Earl



It started with a girl.

Starting off like that, I sound like one of those hard-boiled detective stories, where the main character’s always deeply cynical about women and there’s a dame that does him wrong. I feel like I should be in black and white.

However, in my case, it did start with a girl. And, come to think of it, doesn’t it always? If you look throughout the fields of human history, throughout all of the accomplishments of men, you can usually find a woman somewhere in the mix. We’re simple creatures, when you get down to the core.

In my case, it was the girl next door. Yet another cliché. Or even better, an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

What? Your dad never did that? I’m telling you man, you missed out. I may have nightmares every other week, but I’ll tell you something for nothing, my hundred yards time is pretty speedy.

Anyhow, back to the girl. Shirley. Goddamn, but she was beautiful. Gorgeous even. I knew she was something special before I was even old enough to know what girls were for. Long brown hair that shone in the light, caressing the perfect curve of her face… Jesus, now I’ve switched from Sam Spade to Mills and Boon. I gotta cut this out.

She had a string of guys after her of course. Me, I was somewhere near the back of the line. Of course. Three hundred and fifty two guys in our school and I ranked number three hundred and fifty two in her eyes. Just my luck, right? I’m a nice guy ‘n all, but I just aint got the looks to compete. I got to use my ‘personality’.

That’s not to say I didn’t have hope. As I counted it, she was making her way through the other three hundred and fifty one at quite a rate and sooner or later she had to run out of pretty guys and start making her way round the pretty personalities. Some guys called her easy, which I guess was fair. Thinking about it, fair my ass. It’s a hell of an understatement, is what it is. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword and if I can do it, then you can. But I still loved her. Couldn’t help it. You take one long look at legs like those and you tell me you wouldn’t love her too.

What? Hell woman, I don’t care if you don’t turn that way! These legs’re enough to make anybody wet, straight, gay or whatever the hell you want to call yourself.

When I was in my final year of high school, I decided I just couldn’t hold back any longer. Girl like that’d be going off to college soon and Shirley was showing no signs of scraping the bottom of the looks barrel. So I made up a plan to get close to her.

The plan’s name was Eileen. That was Shirley’s twin sister and I’m telling you now, they was not identical. Everything that Shirley got, Eileen aint. Her eyes mighta been described like two limpid pools, but only if somebody forgot to put in the pH cleanser. So, when I asked her out, she just gone and snapped me up.

The idea wasn’t hard. All I had to do was get invited over by Eileen. Then, I could have a nice family dinner with her folks, demonstrating my great personality to Shirley. Shirley get swayed and decides she likes the look of me. The plan was simple, just like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Fantastic, Earl!

Just one question?

I knew she was something special before I was even old enough to know what girls were for.

what are they for, exactly? <grin>

 

[Guest]

If you look throughout the fields of human history,

A very nice start, hon. The 'voice' draws me in and makes me care.

But this phrase made me think of the lawns and wheat fields of history.

Carry on, though.

Pear

 

[impressive]

I like your story line, but it seems to me you've a somewhat jarring mix of conversational slang and pretentiousness. Take the phrase 'Dita quotes. It seems out of place for your protag -- like a hillbilly in a tuxedo (without shoes).

 

[TheEarl]

I like your story line, but it seems to me you've a somewhat jarring mix of conversational slang and pretentiousness. Take the phrase 'Dita quotes. It seems out of place for your protag -- like a hillbilly in a tuxedo (without shoes).

Yeah, he started off as one thing and moved to another halfway through. Needs a bit more editing.

No-one else fancy a go?

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

what are they for, exactly? <grin>

If I finish the story, the main character's gonna learn.

IMHO - company, sympathy, empathy, warmth.

And only very occasionally as a human shield.

The Earl

 

[Selena_Kitt]

And only very occasionally as a human shield.

LOL!!!