Writing Action with Good Character Development

[Sammael Bard]

So, I took down my story Insidious. The stats, just before I took it down are below:

Rating: 4.84, Votes: 203, Comments: 6, Favourites: 21, Views: 3568

I was pretty damn happy, given how quickly stories get bumped off the new list in Sci-Fi (usually less than a week). For most part, readers gave me a very detailed feedback of how entertaining it was. I meant it to be entertaining, so thank you.

A good few said that my character lacked depth. He's doing things, but the things don't define how he thinks or clarify his ideologies. That was the point that gave me second thoughts on my story.

This is the first time I ever wrote something with loads of "cool" action, so I was more focused on how I'd make the plane jump sizzling or killing soldiers look badass. Now that I want to rewrite the thing, my brain is shooting blanks. This is what I rewrote in an entire week:

The night is beautiful, tinged generously with a bright red from the burning houses and farms. The smell of wood, human flesh and hellfire combined was something I had gotten used to over the past few days. Shrieks of men and women and children being plundered brought a cold satisfaction instead of a remorseful pity.

What have I done?

The question sticks to my throat like an irksome fishbone. Refusing to go down, and not much willing to come up either. I never understood its significance, or its role in shaping up a man. Until now.

A man’s identity is determined by his actions, what he chooses to believe in, what he chooses to be. He can be anything he wants, anything he fancies. The maker of his own fate.

I chose to be…a monster.

That’s what we are, she whispered in my head, like a sinister secret in hiding for far too long. That’s what we were meant to be. It’s our destiny.

I laughed.

It’s more like a painful scoff, really.

Then destiny must be a cruel mistress.

She is, comes back the innate whisper, but she’s our servant now, and we her masters.

The moment of weakness is gone, replaced by the coldness I knew since I was a child. Every other day I see my face in my head, trembling with fear and afraid of what to do next.

He survived, the only thing to have escaped that rainy night, but in my dreams, he doesn’t.

I strangle him slowly, watching his eyes bulge out in horror, clawing against my fingers to slacken my grip. I feel the cartilages crush under my fingers, the soft flesh giving away easily as his heart strains to keep the brain alive. Then finally, like a soft whoosh of air in a summer breeze, he’s gone.

I strangle him every day so that he doesn’t kill me.

I suffocate his existence so that I don’t become...him.

I murder him so that I can forget who I really am – a lonely soul with nothing in his hands but the blood of people he had killed.

I just wanted something that holds the reader's attention and convey the character at the same time. Not the best thing I've come up with, I admit, but it's a start. I previously had an arena scene where he got beat up, and I think this is slightly better than that.


Anyhoo, my question:

How do you rewrite something to include character development without changing the integral action scenes?

I realised that to have a better character, I have to sacrifice a bit in the action. Otherwise it becomes longer than necessary.

I want to make it look better but can't find a way without deleting a 30k word story.

I'd like to see a story/book that has dealt with action and great character development with finesse. If you have any in mind, or if you've dealt with this sort of thing in the past, feel free to suggest. I'm all ears.

 

[redzinger]

Go away, do something else, don't read it for a while.

Then come back to it. With fresher eyes, it'll be easier to see what you can do to improve it.

 

[Sammael Bard]

Go away, do something else, don't read it for a while.

Then come back to it. With fresher eyes, it'll be easier to see what you can do to improve it.

Do you think about your story on a break?

I'm currently doing that (a week, so far), but don't like to think about the story at all.

 

[Devilius]

I don't think you can afford to write a fast-paced action with "good character development". If you're writing in first person (which you did), you should try thinking how you'd react to the situation if you were in his shoes. That's a decent way to enact the scene.

I don't think people do anything else, other than respond to the tight situation before them. Much less time to think and ponder over themselves, except take in the scene before them and react accordingly.

Fast paced action can be an excellent page turner, but it needs the character to hold them together and make readers want to read more. You could rewrite your stuff, keeping the previous draft aside, instead of deleting it. Deleting something never solves the problem.

And take a break if you're not feeling "it". It's def better than writing crap all over again.

Just my two cents worth of advice.

 

[MagicaPractica]

I'm a big fan of the Harry Dresden books from Jim Butcher. In his Livejournal, Butcher talks about Scenes and Sequels. Have you ever looked at them? I don't have an MFA so it hadn't come up for me before. My understanding of it is that Scenes are where your action takes place and Sequels are where your character reacts to that. He responds emotionally, thinks through possible future outcomes and makes a decision on his next goal. Different genres spend more time on different aspects of that. So, to answer your question, if you don't want to change the action scenes, focus on the content of your character's reaction, the sequels.

 

[NotWise]

That might be a genre I'll never write in. It sounds like your story is based on a video game. If that's true, then good luck creating a characterization.

It's possible to characterize someone through their actions, but probably not if those actions are as extreme as what you're talking about. Something has to precede extreme action.

 

[LadyVer]

The night is beautiful, tinged with a bright red from the burning houses and farms.

The smell of wood, human flesh, and hellfire combined was something I had gotten used to over the past few days. Shrieks of men and women and children being plundered brought a cold satisfaction.

What have I done? The question sticks in my throat like an irksome fishbone refusing to go down, and not much willing to come up either. I never understood its significance, or its role in shaping up a man. Until now.

A man’s identity is determined by his actions, what he chooses to believe in, what he chooses to be. He can be anything he wants, anything he fancies. The maker of his own fate.

I chose to be a monster.

That’s what we are, she whispered in my head, like a secret in hiding for far too long. That’s what we were meant to be. It’s our destiny.

I laughed.

It was more a painful scoff.

Then destiny must be a cruel mistress.

She is, comes back the innate whisper. But she’s our servant now, and we, her masters.

The moment of weakness is gone, replaced by the coldness I had known since I was a child. Every other day I see my face in my head trembling with fear and afraid of what to do next.

He survived, the only thing to have escaped that rainy night; but in my dreams, he doesn’t.

I strangle him slowly, watching his eyes bulge in horror, his fingers clawing my hand. The cartilage crushes under my fingers, the soft flesh giving way as his heart strained to keep the brain alive. Then finally, like a soft whoosh of air in a summer breeze, he’s gone.

I strangle him every day so that he doesn’t kill me.

I suffocate his existence so that I don’t become him.

I murder him so that I can forget who I really am.

 

[TxRad]

I've co-wrote with several authors here on Lit and the one thing that has surprised me every time is how hard they find it to get into a character's head. Thoughts and feelings make up a lot of character development. The trick is to paint them with small brush strokes as you go. All the small strokes make up a whole picture of what was and what that character becomes.

You hold the brush and it take practice. Large brushes are called information dumps. Small brushes don't disturb the action or the reader until they suddenly realize something is different about the character and they know why.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[sr71plt]

I don't see why you'd take it down and rewrite it at all. It had a good run. I would just move on to the next story.

 

[_Lynn_]

I don't see why you'd take it down and rewrite it at all. It had a good run. I would just move on to the next story.

I agree.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I wrote a fight scene for a LW tale. That is, I watched a pile of YouTube boxing vids and collected the best rounds from each for my event. But the rounds don't capture the characters of the fighters. One man is at the end of his career, the other is a youngster.

So I added their thoughts. The kid gets in the ring fulla piss and vinegar. The older man is wondering if now is the day he must retire. The kid is aggressive but undisciplined. The older man is disciplined but has too many miles in the ring and his edge is softer now. The kid hits him solid in the gut and immediately knows Red isn't Mister Softee, Red's gut is as solid as a tractor tire. Red grins and knocks the kid onto his ass but knows the kid isn't hurt. Gonna be a long night. Some in the crowd call the kid a pussy, and piss him off.

 

[Handley_Page]

So, I took down my story Insidious. The stats, just before I took it down are below:

Rating: 4.84, Votes: 203, Comments: 6, Favourites: 21, Views: 3568

Frankly, I'd have said leave it alone.
That rating is enough to show good writing.

 

[Sammael Bard]

Whoa. Didn't expect the whole lot of youse to pop in and say hello. I'll try and reply to every accusation...er, I mean suggestion.

The night is beautiful, tinged with a bright red from the burning houses and farms.

The smell of wood, human flesh, and hellfire combined was something I had gotten used to over the past few days. Shrieks of men and women and children being plundered brought a cold satisfaction.

What have I done? The question sticks in my throat like an irksome fishbone refusing to go down, and not much willing to come up either. I never understood its significance, or its role in shaping up a man. Until now.

A man’s identity is determined by his actions, what he chooses to believe in, what he chooses to be. He can be anything he wants, anything he fancies. The maker of his own fate.

I chose to be a monster.

That’s what we are, she whispered in my head, like a secret in hiding for far too long. That’s what we were meant to be. It’s our destiny.

I laughed.

It was more a painful scoff.

Then destiny must be a cruel mistress.

She is, comes back the innate whisper. But she’s our servant now, and we, her masters.

The moment of weakness is gone, replaced by the coldness I had known since I was a child. Every other day I see my face in my head trembling with fear and afraid of what to do next.

He survived, the only thing to have escaped that rainy night; but in my dreams, he doesn’t.

I strangle him slowly, watching his eyes bulge in horror, his fingers clawing my hand. The cartilage crushes under my fingers, the soft flesh giving way as his heart strained to keep the brain alive. Then finally, like a soft whoosh of air in a summer breeze, he’s gone.

I strangle him every day so that he doesn’t kill me.

I suffocate his existence so that I don’t become him.

I murder him so that I can forget who I really am.

Honestly, you've still got to teach me how you do that - cutting more words and polishing even after I think it looks better.

Would I sound too greedy if I requested you to look into my story in the distant future?

I'm a big fan of the Harry Dresden books from Jim Butcher. In his Livejournal, Butcher talks about Scenes and Sequels. Have you ever looked at them? I don't have an MFA so it hadn't come up for me before. My understanding of it is that Scenes are where your action takes place and Sequels are where your character reacts to that. He responds emotionally, thinks through possible future outcomes and makes a decision on his next goal. Different genres spend more time on different aspects of that. So, to answer your question, if you don't want to change the action scenes, focus on the content of your character's reaction, the sequels.

That's where I think I sucked. I wrote the action sequence, but the afterthoughts just didn't cut it. I checked out the author and the books had some rave reviews. I'll keep those on my read list this Christmas.

Thanks a lot.

I don't think you can afford to write a fast-paced action with "good character development". If you're writing in first person (which you did), you should try thinking how you'd react to the situation if you were in his shoes. That's a decent way to enact the scene.

I don't think people do anything else, other than respond to the tight situation before them. Much less time to think and ponder over themselves, except take in the scene before them and react accordingly.

Fast paced action can be an excellent page turner, but it needs the character to hold them together and make readers want to read more. You could rewrite your stuff, keeping the previous draft aside, instead of deleting it. Deleting something never solves the problem.


And take a break if you're not feeling "it". It's def better than writing crap all over again.

Just my two cents worth of advice.

I've co-wrote with several authors here on Lit and the one thing that has surprised me every time is how hard they find it to get into a character's head. Thoughts and feelings make up a lot of character development. The trick is to paint them with small brush strokes as you go. All the small strokes make up a whole picture of what was and what that character becomes.

You hold the brush and it take practice. Large brushes are called information dumps. Small brushes don't disturb the action or the reader until they suddenly realize something is different about the character and they know why.

Just my 2 cents.

I'd never argue with you wise-heads.

That's an excellent writing advice, generally speaking, which applies to writing of any kind. I'll definitely keep that in mind.

Thanks a lot.

That might be a genre I'll never write in. It sounds like your story is based on a video game. If that's true, then good luck creating a characterization.

It's possible to characterize someone through their actions, but probably not if those actions are as extreme as what you're talking about. Something has to precede extreme action.

It's was not based on any video game. Just a good old fashioned thriller with Sci-Fi settings.

 

[Sammael Bard]

I don't see why you'd take it down and rewrite it at all. It had a good run. I would just move on to the next story.

Frankly, I'd have said leave it alone.
That rating is enough to show good writing.

Actually, the story is a part of a longer series that I've been working on for quite some time. And I do hope to publish it. (mainstream, mostly non-erotic)

I've got to fix the base if I intend to build a skyscraper on top of something, right?

I agree.

Hello, Lynn.

 

[RobbinAshleigh]

Free gift for you guys and gals

<Only authors published by Lit are allowed to advertise their off-site work in appropriate locations. (The sticky thread at the top of the forum and the signature line.)>

 

[lovecraft68]

I would say the trick is to establish the character well before the action, that way no explanation is needed.

Look at it in a real life example. Say you know someone has strong feelings on a matter, then you're at a party and another person says something very upsetting about that matter.

You're first thought is "Oh, man so-so is going to go off" why? because you know them.

So once your reader knows your character his actions/reactions should be expected by them and they know the motivation behind them.

IF you say a character has a martial arts background at some point early on, then there is a fight the character knows he is going to have some moves.

But if you never mention it before either the reader is "Okay, where did he learn that" or you have to interrupt the flow with "Relying on his years of martial arts training, Brett easily blocked the..."

Now that doesn't sound all that awkward, but then the reader is...hey, that was never mentioned before and they think you're making up stuff as you go along.

Oh and I credit you for taking the story down. A lot of people are so number/ego driven they could never take a story down with that high of a rating.

 

[Everyday_Man]

..................

 

[Hypoxia]

Does the action develop around the character or does the character develop around the action? Or do both just happen with no notable development? How can we (readers) tell that a character has developed? Do we WANT a developing character, or merely a player who does what we expect? Does reacting to action transform the character? Does the player's inner voice tell us they have changed? Can we believe them?

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I would say the trick is to establish the character well before the action, that way no explanation is needed.

Look at it in a real life example. Say you know someone has strong feelings on a matter, then you're at a party and another person says something very upsetting about that matter.

You're first thought is "Oh, man so-so is going to go off" why? because you know them.

So once your reader knows your character his actions/reactions should be expected by them and they know the motivation behind them.

IF you say a character has a martial arts background at some point early on, then there is a fight the character knows he is going to have some moves.

But if you never mention it before either the reader is "Okay, where did he learn that" or you have to interrupt the flow with "Relying on his years of martial arts training, Brett easily blocked the..."

Now that doesn't sound all that awkward, but then the reader is...hey, that was never mentioned before and they think you're making up stuff as you go along.

Oh and I credit you for taking the story down. A lot of people are so number/ego driven they could never take a story down with that high of a rating.

Not if youre existentialist like Cornell Woolrich. His stuff happened moment to moment so its impossible for readers to anticipate the plot. Nuthin means nuthin till it interacts with the world. That's existentialism.

 

[Everyday_Man]

......................

 

[Carnal_Flower]

I agree. The character is all important. The motivations should be crystal clear before anything else.

I've found over and over that if a story is failing or not coming together, it's because I either don't understand or am not feeling strongly enough for the characters.

Sometimes I've had a fantastic plot in mind, but it will fall flat not matter how good it is if the characterization is not there. On the other hand, the stronger sense you have of the characters, what you want to happen to/with them, can push a weak plot along, develop it more organically and powerfully, provide solutions/answers that become character revelations. Character is what makes you care about plot.

Exposition is not really the issue. You may need some at first, but before long the plot can become the exposition, revealing who the character is. They work together.

I would say the trick is to establish the character well before the action, that way no explanation is needed.

.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I agree. The character is all important. The motivations should be crystal clear before anything else.

I've found over and over that if a story is failing or not coming together, it's because I either don't understand or am not feeling strongly enough for the characters.

Sometimes I've had a fantastic plot in mind, but it will fall flat not matter how good it is if the characterization is not there. On the other hand, the stronger sense you have of the characters, what you want to happen to/with them, can push a weak plot along, develop it more organically and powerfully, provide solutions/answers that become character revelations. Character is what makes you care about plot.

Exposition is not really the issue. You may need some at first, but before long the plot can become the exposition, revealing who the character is. They work together.

Cupcake you don't understand suspense. Suspense is all about concealing character.

 

[Everyday_Man]

..................

 

[NOIRTRASH]

no, suspense is about the want of the reader vs the actions of the character.

edit:

It's a magic trick. You make them look one way (want one way) then you either give or not.

Better do your home work.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I don't know that the character development would be fully rounded when the actions starts. It might come up and hit the character in the face and he/she has to react. In my Warrior series one of the main character doesn't sit down to talk about where he's from and how he got where he is until the fourth/forth(?) book when he meets someone from his home country.

Some of what he discusses is hinted at in the prior books, but not completely. Plus there are so many characters in these book, that they would be much, much longer than they are, in order to fully develop them before any action takes place.

Let the reaction to action define the character. Make how he reacts consistent each time he is faced with some action. Then with side comments you can define him/her even more.

Or am I deceiving myself? I don't know. I write what I like and most, if not all the time, I leave it the way I initially wrote it.