Writing a new story, similarly describing sexual scenes

[7LivesManyFaces]

Hi.

First off, I'm working on my second story on here. When I moved on to describe the characters' sex scenes, I found myself using the same phrases and words found in my first story.

Now I'm struggling, trying to find alternate words to replace what I've written. Other phrases don't have the same vision and make it more obvious that English is my second language--in other words, I want a seamless harmonic flow in the story.

Honestly, I don't want to change it because I like it the way it is--which should be reason enough to keep it as it is.

But I don't want readers to get dejà vu that'll make their heads spin.

And since I already started this thread, I'm gonna take advantage and ask for suggestions on the category it should be placed in.

The story revolves around a woman whose husband cheats on, abuses her, and knocks up his mistress. He kicks his wife out and the relationship is over. She reconnects with her first love, and they meet while she's still married--most of the story takes place in a foreign country.

Obviously it's not a literary masterpiece, I admit but I need a bit of help.

Thanks

 

[holliday1960]

This maybe a bit obvious, but since English is your second language, invest in an English Thesaurus. It will give you a wider range of alternatives.

 

[KayceeCharles]

My recommendation is read a LOT of LIT here and other erotica or erotic romance. You'll see ALL SORTS of descriptions on how different authors describe sex. Some recycles the "cliff" and "come apart" motif, others get more into the action, what gets stimulated when, yet others talk about feeling, or perhaps sound, or tactile sensations.

A common advice is describe the love making using ALL the senses, not merely describing the action. Describe the smell, taste, touch, as they kiss and touch each other.

 

[HeyAll]

This was also a concern I had when I firsted started writing. But the more I wrote, the less it became an issue.

Here's how you can keep the sex scenes fresh:

Focus on new sex acts, positions, ect...

Add context to the sex. For instance, keep discussing what makes the sex taboo, either through dialogue or narrative.

Add something that'll make the scene hot, ie they're having sex in the office, door closed, with fellow employees around who have no clue what's going on, ect...

Have the characters do something they've never done before. For instance, maybe the guy suggests putting something in her ass, and she's never done that, so naturally she expresses her dismay, until she enjoy it, ect...

If you do all these things, it doesn't matter if you use the same words, because the scene is now totally different. using basic words is fine.

those are the types of things you need to be thinking about for each story.

 

[Hypoxia]

Life happens. Sex happens. As author, you can make sex happen as part (or all) of a story. Is sex a minor, major, or total thrust of the story? How do you want your tale to unfold? Sex is a physical, mental, and emotional encounter between two or more consenting human adults (or fantasy animals) because LIT rules. Who are those folks? Grow the scene in your mind; put yourself there, inside some or all their heads and bodies and souls. What do you see, feel, taste, smell, think, hope?

How much detail must you include? I'm usually bored reading a LIT-page-long litany of fucking with repetitious organic mechanisms. If the tale otherwise has dramatic potential, I skip past that, or I go on to another story. Too-brief episodes are also annoying. Writing, I try to lasciviously detail their first encounter, then gloss-over the follow-ups until they vary their routine. Every new fuck as a voyage of discovery...

How to portray the sex? However you feel comfortable, and beyond. Stretch your horizons. I don't actually do anal or incest or various fetishes, but I read how they've been written, and I imitate, and so far I've done okay. Maybe that's the key: find what you like, imitate it, then find your own voice. Have fun!

 

[georgie57]

There's good advice in this thread, thanks for posting. I too am a ' beginner' and I appreciate the tips here.

 

[fma20fma]

hi

get an editor and sample opinion on how the story thrills the readers.

 

[7LivesManyFaces]

My recommendation is read a LOT of LIT here and other erotica or erotic romance. You'll see ALL SORTS of descriptions on how different authors describe sex.
A common advice is describe the love making using ALL the senses, not merely describing the action. Describe the smell, taste, touch, as they kiss and touch each other.

I like that--using all the senses.

Add something that'll make the scene hot, ie they're having sex in the office, door closed, with fellow employees around who have no clue what's going on, ect...

This is great! Adding a bit of risk to their encounter.

Grow the scene in your mind; put yourself there, inside some or all their heads and bodies and souls. What do you see, feel, taste, smell, think, hope?

How much detail must you include? I'm usually bored reading a LIT-page-long litany of fucking with repetitious organic mechanisms. If the tale otherwise has dramatic potential, I skip past that, or I go on to another story. Too-brief episodes are also annoying. Writing, I try to lasciviously detail their first encounter, then gloss-over the follow-ups until they vary their routine. Every new fuck as a voyage of discovery...

How to portray the sex? However you feel comfortable, and beyond. Stretch your horizons. I don't actually do anal or incest or various fetishes, but I read how they've been written, and I imitate, and so far I've done okay. Maybe that's the key: find what you like, imitate it, then find your own voice. Have fun!

This is an excellent suggestion. I realize now how little effort I put into integrating emotionally and physically into the scene, instead limiting myself to write it from memories of past experiences in a completely different setting.

 

[7LivesManyFaces]

Thank you all for sharing your suggestions and your perspective!!

 

[Hedo_Harry]

My first two suggestions were already mentioned: READ a lot of other people's work, and focus on senses. In fact, you might make one story predominantly visual, and the next story predominantly touch-based, and the next sound based, etc. Don't be explicit about it; try to be so subtle that the reader doesn't even notice the switch, but it will help to keep you sounding fresh.

My other suggestion, not yet mentioned, is to change your perspective from story to story. For example, write in first person for one story, and third person in the next. Write from a male's perspective, then a females. Write about something immediate, or something in the recent past, or something that is presented as a distant memory. This will force you to use different phrasings.

Anyway, hope that helps. And by the way, your English is better than the majority of first-language English writers on this site!

 

[KayceeCharles]

Just to give some ideas:

* How does his or her mouth taste? Food? Drink? Soft drink or alcohol? Wine or Whiskey? Mint or chewing gum?

* How does he or she smell like? Sweaty musk? Expensive cologne? Cheap "Old Spice"? Powder scent like "Secret" antiperspirant? Fruity-smelling shampoo? Chanel No. 5 perfume?

* Does does his or her hand feel? soft and delicate? Nails longer or shorter? Rough and calloused? How about arm? Big muscles, or more "hidden strength?"

* For the men, which parts of his body are hairy? For the ladies... was there any grooming down there? How would that affect the love making approach, if any?

* Where does the FMC and MMC wish to be touched? Which parts can be touched a bit rougher, and which parts should only be tenderly caressed?

Adding in relevant details regarding the other senses is something that can separates an average sex scene from a truly hot and steamy one.

P.S. INSERT CAVEAT__ SOMETIMES CONSIDER A SLOW APPROACH__ END CAVEAT Don't have the characters immediately rip each other's cloths off. You need foreplay... LOTS of foreplay, sexual innuendos and flirting (verbal foreplay), proceeding to kisses, tongue, and kisses all around the neck and ear and all the other sensitive spots above the collar. Don't neglect the hands. Only when you have both characters "hot and bothered" should they proceed to rip each other's cloths off.

 

[KayceeCharles]

I'm just writing this scene off the cuff.

Setting this in a South American country. She's trying to get away from her abusive husband in a hotel. She slipped out quietly, with only the cloths on her back... I'll skip to the sex scenes, skipping the setup.

----


She woke up four hours later. The curtains were drawn, but she can see the horizon just started to brighten. She padded out of bed, then on impulse, moved over to his bed, she was just reaching for him, when in a split second, she was thrown onto the bed, he was straddling her, and a knife was pushed against her throat. She was too terrified to scream.

Then he whispered, "Dammit, Ana. Don't ever do that again. I could have hurt you." He rolled off of her and laid back, staring at the ceiling.

Her desire, her relief, and her adrenaline mixed together and made her desire him even more. It may be just being rescued, it may be thanking him for saving her life, it may be resuming a relationship that never was, it doesn't matter.

She pulled off her T-shirt, revealing her 32C breasts. There were two bruises on them, in angry purple and yellow colors. The pain has subsided, but the color was a reminder what she went through. She heard him gasp, then growl in anger.

She was removing her shorts when she felt his hand stopping her. He came closer and whispered, "Are you sure Ana?"

Not trusting her voice, she merely nodded. His hand was withdrawn, and she removed her shorts and her cotton panties.

Then she was surprised, as Ricardo carried her into the shower, and deposited her there, and told her, "make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back."

She turned on the water and adjusted the temperature properly, and started scrubbing herself with soap. She was just done with her front when she heard Ricardo's voice "let me do your back." Wordlessly, she passed him the small soap bottle, and he gently scrubbed her back, see her bruises there as well. Then he went lower and washed her buttocks and legs as well, all the way to her feet. She was trembling, and very very wet... both inside and out.

She turned around and hugged him hard. "Make love to me, Chinito".

She was surprised to feel him hesitate, "I... I didn't bring any condoms."

She gave a mirthless laugh, "I cannot get pregnant. They put this in me." She guided his hand to the spot on her upper arm, and feel the six small rods under her skin. He tensed, and relaxed and sighed.

He tilted her chin up and look directly into her eyes, the shower head was on and it sprayed them with warm water, and she thought she him say, "You have no idea how long I've imagined this..." then his mouth was on hers, and he sucked on her lower lip, and the moment she opened her lips his tongue entered her mouth and tasted her. His hands tenderly cupped the back of her head and his fingers caressed the edge of her ears and her earlobes, causing her to pant. His hand then brushed away her wet hair, and his fingers traced her jawline, and her sensitive neck. She felt every inch of her skin on fire by his touch. She arched back, giving him more access, as his hands moved to her breasts. He very gently cupped them, then using only his thumb teased both nipples to full hardness. The fire inside her had built to full intensity, between her breasts, toward the junction between her legs.

"Now, Chinito." She commanded, and she heard him chuckle as he learned forward, pushing her against the shower wall, then his arms reached lower and picked her up by her buttocks. she gasped as he entered her with one deep thrust, as her legs locked around him, desiring even deeper contact, but he slowed down, raising her by her buttocks, then lowering her again, filling her. Just as she thought this sweet torment would not end, he pushed her against the wall again, her legs still locked on him when he started thrusting harder. His arms, no longer supporting her weight, was roaming all over her naked wet body. A hand cupped her let buttock and gave it a gentle squeeze, another hand brushed her face, then a hand rubbed her breast and nipple, another hand played with her clit... Her senses can longer keep up with all the stimulation. She bit the back of her hand stifling her scream of pleasure as she went over the cliff of bliss.

He kept pumping her a few more times to help her fall gently, as he supported her weight with his hand on her buttocks, for her legs had turned to jelly. He kissed her on the mouth again, and turned the water off.

"Well, Querida, " Sweetie, "I hope that was a good for you as it was good to me," Ricardo whispered in her ear, as he grabbed towels to gently dry her from head to toe, with extra attention to her hair. She said nothing. That was about the best sex she ever had. She fully expect to die or be severely beaten for her defiance last night, and it may have been worth it, she thought...

He turned on the hotel hair dryer, but did not point it at her. Instead, he said next to her ear, "Did Rodrigo do all this to you?"

She jumped, her eyes wide, as she whipped around, "How did you..."

But his eyes had no codemnation or pity, merely compassion. He sat down on the toilet and pulled her onto her lap, "What do you know about his business?"

A sudden realization occurred to her, the weapons training, the noises to distract... "You... you are with the Federales." Federal Police.

He replied, "No, I'm with the DEA, Federales Gringos."

Her eyes hardened, as she tried to get up, but his arms held her on her lap. He tried to kiss her, but she turned her head, as she felt betrayed, "So shower is what? Sexo por compassion?" Pity fuck.

His eyes darkened as well, but his tone was civil, "I thought you knew me better than that, Ana. I can protect you, but I can't always be here. The best way for you to be safe is let me get you away from here as a witness, and for that, I need to convince my bosses that you have valuable information."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. "Room service," a voice announced.

Ricardo stiffened, then he whispered to her "Get in the tub, all the way down" as he reached back behind him and felt for the Glock he left on top of the toilet tank before he got in the shower.

It's going to be an interesting morning indeed.

 

[Hypoxia]

P.S. Don't have the characters immediately rip each other's cloths off. You need foreplay... LOTS of foreplay, sexual innuendos and flirting (verbal foreplay), proceeding to kisses, tongue, and kisses all around the neck and ear and all the other sensitive spots above the collar. Don't neglect the hands. Only when you have both characters "hot and bothered" should they proceed to rip each other's cloths off.

For lovemaking, yes indeed. For spontaneous zipless fucks, not so much. Sometimes people meet and immediately click -- and fuck Or it's a transaction.. Even a story of romantic love could start with them in bed, then retreat to the backstory. In 'Neath Western Skies, Ma! the MC first observes the town slut pulling a train, then is accosted by his lover at their pre-arranged place -- and they rip their clothes off. The foreplay is off in the backstory.

 

[KayceeCharles]

For lovemaking, yes indeed. For spontaneous zipless fucks, not so much. Sometimes people meet and immediately click -- and fuck Or it's a transaction.. Even a story of romantic love could start with them in bed, then retreat to the backstory. In 'Neath Western Skies, Ma! the MC first observes the town slut pulling a train, then is accosted by his lover at their pre-arranged place -- and they rip their clothes off. The foreplay is off in the backstory.

Good point, I keep forgetting this is erotica, not romance. But I feel having a build-up to to the actual fucking is more appealing to a good segment of the female readers.

Obviously there are situations where a quickie is called for and if a writer can describe such a scene without making it seem mechanical and tacky, do so. But if one finds oneself re-describing the same sex, maybe describing the LEAD-UP to sex can make the scene more refreshing. IMHO, of course.

 

[7LivesManyFaces]

My other suggestion, not yet mentioned, is to change your perspective from story to story. For example, write in first person for one story, and third person in the next. Write from a male's perspective, then a females. Write about something immediate, or something in the recent past, or something that is presented as a distant memory. This will force you to use different phrasings

At some point in the story, I found myself writing in the first person. The story does have elements that require (or I would like) the reader to know the other characters' thoughts...and I'm not remotely sure how to transition like that within the same story.

I do like the idea of writing from each character's perspective.

 

[KayceeCharles]

The alternate viewpoint is often done in romance novels. One chapter is from his POV, next one is from her POV, and so on. I personally find it annoying, but it can be interesting if done right.

That doesn't work that well in erotica as there's not enough length to make the switch worthwhile.

However... write it first, worry about how good (or bad) it is later. Once you FINISH, you can revise. But first you have to finish.

 

[7LivesManyFaces]

Don't have the characters immediately rip each other's clothes off. You need foreplay... LOTS of foreplay, sexual innuendos and flirting (verbal foreplay), proceeding to kisses, tongue, and kisses all around the neck and ear and all the other sensitive spots above the collar. Don't neglect the hands. Only when you have both characters "hot and bothered" should they proceed to rip each other's cloths off.

Yes!! This is exactly what I'm reaching for. To build up the tension between the characters to keep my readers entertained and looking forward to more. Somehow I end up with a quick oral session followed by some sort of interruption before the big event.

 

[Hypoxia]

At some point in the story, I found myself writing in the first person. The story does have elements that require (or I would like) the reader to know the other characters' thoughts...and I'm not remotely sure how to transition like that within the same story.

It's fairly easily done in shifting 3rd person limited POV. Which means, follow one character's thoughts and actions, then another character's, carefully delimiting the viewpoints so readers know who is who. I do that at the beginning of Left Behind, shifting between the MC and the waitress. For practice, start writing in 1st person, then change the I's to he's and she's.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This was also a concern I had when I firsted started writing. But the more I wrote, the less it became an issue.

Here's how you can keep the sex scenes fresh:

Focus on new sex acts, positions, ect...

Add context to the sex. For instance, keep discussing what makes the sex taboo, either through dialogue or narrative.

Add something that'll make the scene hot, ie they're having sex in the office, door closed, with fellow employees around who have no clue what's going on, ect...

Have the characters do something they've never done before. For instance, maybe the guy suggests putting something in her ass, and she's never done that, so naturally she expresses her dismay, until she enjoy it, ect...

If you do all these things, it doesn't matter if you use the same words, because the scene is now totally different. using basic words is fine.

Seconded. If the sex is dull, knowing 100 different words for "penis" won't help. If the context is interesting, nobody will care that they're having sex the same way they did in your previous story.

 

[KayceeCharles]

Just to follow up, context requires background information, and knowing the motivation for both characters.

So at least have an idea WHY are the two fucking each other's brains out.

Maybe he wants her because she's "the one who got away"

Maybe she wants him because he can protect her

Maybe he wants her because she has secrets that he needs

Maybe she just wanted to thank him and the only thing she can offer is herself

And so on and so forth. WHY do they want to fuck? Think about that before you put them in bed. THAT is the power of context. The mechanics may be the same, but different reasons to f*** will make the scene feel VERY very different.

An older guy seducing then fucking an ingenue so he can get her inheritance can do the same moves as the young hot bartender picking up the girl on girl's night out for a one-night stand. But the motivation is very very different, and the context behind the sex is very very different as well.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

The real secret is have lotsa sex.

Like everything else most sex aint nuthin to write home about and done in less than 10 minutes.

If you want some good pussy seriously piss her off then seduce her. And fuck her where you can be caught. The sex part is same-o same-o. Add variety to the occasion rather than the fucking. And absence makes the hard grow fonder.

 

[Carnal_Flower]

If you write enough then you will see the words that repeat too often. I always do a "Search" at the end for the culprits like "gasp", and delete or try and change them all. Then do the same thing next time. Just write and clean it up when you edit is my suggestion.

 

[holliday1960]

The real secret is have lotsa sex.

Like everything else most sex aint nuthin to write home about and done in less than 10 minutes.

If you want some good pussy seriously piss her off then seduce her. And fuck her where you can be caught. The sex part is same-o same-o. Add variety to the occasion rather than the fucking. And absence makes the hard grow fonder.

You seriously did not just say any of that! Did you??? (Have you personally ever TRIED to seduce an honest to goodness pissed off woman?) Let me know how that worked out for you...

 

[sr71plt]

When you are working on your 900th story you'll realize there are only a few ways to describe "Tab A was inserted in Slot B." Sorry, but doing the thesaurus route is going to get really silly really fast. Vary the circumstances, the setting, the positions, the reasoning, the reaction, etc. and use whatever graphic sex serves that without worrying about the phrases being the same that you used before. Or just don't write sex scenes if you struggle to manage them.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

You seriously did not just say any of that! Did you??? (Have you personally ever TRIED to seduce an honest to goodness pissed off woman?) Let me know how that worked out for you...

Sure. I do it all the time.

Employees are more productive when theyre pissed off.

If someone is suicidal, piss them off.

Rage and lust come from the same factory.