Writer's Block, of sorts...

[Guest]

First off, let me start by saying that I am a registered member here, and that I am in no ways a troll or looking to troll now. I simply wish to keep my "known identity" a secret for this one.

I have a problem, and I think I know the root of this problem, but what I don't know is how I can "cure" it. I am/was a writer for Lit, and not just a BB user. I have suffered writer's block for God only knows how long now. I can get great ideas for a story, or something that sounds like a great title for a story, but that's it. When I sit down to write, nothing, or little, comes out.

Now, let me divulge a small bit about myself to help you understand. I have not had sex since Christmas. (Well, maybe not Christmas day...lol...but a day or two before.) I have rarely masturbated since then, and my man and I have rarely "played" since then. Not having sexual intimacy for so long has actually killed my sex drive. So, I'm not even "craving" sex anymore. I just seemed to quit caring...

In the past, a year ago and longer, my sex drive was quite high. When I was pregnant, I was having sex 3 to 4 times a day and would still masturbate. Even when not pregnant, my sex drive was quite similar. And, I seem(ed) to have a more active sex life when single than when dating someone...

Okay, back to the Writer's block problem. It seems, that when I have an active sex life, the stories flow from me and I can't "stop" writing!! What I want to know is, if I am not having sex and I basically don't care about sex anymore, how can I write again? Baised on what you know from me so far, am I screwed? Am I doomed to never write an erotic story again until I get fucked? Will the Sexcual Role Play board "help" me get the writing flowing again? Will cyber? I need help!

 

[KillerMuffin]

You're not necessarily screwed.

There is an entire world of fiction out there. You're trying to force yourself to do something that just isn't right for you right now. It's like an impotent man driving himself nuts because he can't get it up. You'll make things worse at times. Move onto a different kind of writing. Write something non-erotic and post it in the non-erotic category. Try posting it elsewhere or selling it if you like. Or just hang onto it.

Personally, I do not write sex when I'm aroused. It's impossible for me for some reason. I write it better cold. My stories don't arouse me and neither does my own writing.

I think you should probably consider why you want to write erotica. You should consider what you want to get out of writing in general and erotica in specific. Once you've figured that out, find out how you can alter your expectations for yourself and your writing to ease into something that will satisfy you instead of frustrate you. Frustration only makes everything worse.

I think you should also see a doctor. Your sex drive just doesn't up and disappear. There could very well be something biological and easy to get rid of gumming up the works.

 

[Guest]

Thank you, KillerMuffin.

 

[Ulyssa]

There is one other point.

KM was right when she suggested seeing a doctor--
But are you on medication of any sort? Long term exposure to many prescription drugs and even some non-prescription can slow the sex drive to a stand still. I know--I'm extremely lucky that other people's writing can still get me aroused and that my husband is the consummate foreplay fantasy artist. Support from your loved ones is essential.

Have your sexual fantasies soured as well?

To be as forthright as KM the world pays better in just about every other writing catagory than it does for erotica. This is a sad fact--but hey--maybe you've just plain outgrown your need to write erotic porn. As Ray Bradbury always said, you have to write the first million words and then throw them away before you're really a writer.

Once you're comfortable with yourself as a writer, the rest of it may come back.

 

[Guest]

No, I am not under any medications. And, yes, the "fantasies" (can't quite call them "fantasies" anymore once you've acted them out)/kinks/interests have died down as well.

It's not like it happened over night, though. As I said, the last time I had (to be blunt) a dick inside me was at Christmas time 2001. If I'm lucky, maybe once every couple of months my man and I sexually play (but do not have intercourse). And, I can't even remember the last time he went down on me at all. But, he constantly teases me by flicking his tongue out or grabbing a tit.

So, over time I quit "begging" him to fuck me... And, more recently I quit "begging" him to play with me. I "gave up" masturbation because it is not fun for me anymore. (The last three times I masturbated, I quit before I came because it "bored" me.)

So, I don't think it's anything a Dr. needs to worry about. I just stopped craving sex since it's been so long since I've had it now.

 

[cherrylips_au]

If you don't want to talk with a doctor about the lack of sex drive then at least talk it over with your partner.
You said you have given up begging him for it, maybe it's something you both need to discuss.
What's changed in your life to possible cause this?
A new baby, change of job or work hours, other stresses. Lots of things can affect your relationship so please discuss it with him or possible a counsellor who can give you both an outsiders view.

With your writing don't use your own interests, maybe try something completely different. Or write something that's not erotic at all.
Good luck.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I hope you don't mind me prying. If you do, feel free to completely ignore me.

Is it just sex and writing? Has this lack of interest gone any further in your life? Do you find yourself ignoring, not doing, or not working up any interest in other things as well? Do you find yourself feeling a little more tired everyday than you used to? Have you gained weight? Lost it? Do you crave a lot of carbohydrates? Like pastas, breads, and heavy sauces? Do you sleep too much or too little? Are you more easily irritated than you used to be? Are you more easily distracted? Do you find yourself letting chores go undone, and then not able to work up an energy to be irritated by that? If you're a stay at home mom, do you put any effort into your appearance regularly, like putting on daywear that looks good, or do you spend you days in pajamas or clothes that look like work out in them? Is it an effort to bathe everyday? Have you spent less time with your friends than you normally do and spent more time doing things like sleeping, reading books, or staring at a computer screen and doing nothing?

The libido just doesn't go away. It's a hormonal thing, not an intellectual thing. Lack of sex doesn't make it "dry" up unless there is something else that goes with it. It's one of those signs that "something is wrong." I just listed a bunch of different symptoms depressed people have. You don't have to have them all, or even most of them, to be depressed. Likewise, you don't have to be depressed to have any of them. Depression will butcher your libido and will kill your writing. If you think you might be depressed, then see someone. The drugs, fair warning, that they'll want to hand out are libido killers. You'll be happy and energetic, but not horny.

Beyond that, I'm clueless. I don't know how to deal with writers block, particularly like that. I just wish I could help.

 

[Puppi]

Thank you, all, for "trying" and for offering advice. I know I am not "unregistered" this time. I don't care, I guess.

Yes, I have/had suffered from depression. I have since early adolescence. For the most part, it's under control. I seem to go through periods when the depression is stronger, but I have not been on drugs for a long time now. (Nor do I think any that I have tried so far "helps".)

As for things with my Man and I... I have talked to Him about it, often, but I get the same answers from Him. I don't think He's trying to "lie on purpose", but I feel He's not telling me something. I won't bore you with all of the details there, though...

Hopefully, if I'm lucky, this will all pass. Thank you all for your thoughts.


~Linds

 

[Svenskaflicka]

This may not be what you want to hear, and it may sound a bit coldhearted, but if you don't like it, just ignore me.

Your man doesn't fuck you, but he refuses to talk to you about what is wrong. You have given up "begging him to fuck you", and you have lost your sex drive so that masturbation doesn't do it for you anymore.

As for your depression, I think that you should talk to someone about it. There are great medication today. Me, I have been depressed, too, and I can recommend a medicine called Seroxat. It keeps you in balance so that your lows doesn't seem worse than that you can handle them, but unlike other medicines, it doesn't take away your ability to experience joy and sexual satisfaction.

As for your sex drive, I know my best friend lost hers completely after the birth of her son, but she and her husband got it back, by having sex as often as they could, until she sort of "got back into the habit".

If your man doesn't want to fuck with you - then get a new man! Loose the guy if he doesn't care for you, and find someone who does!
The whole seduction game, flirting, talking, getting to know each other, touching, the first kiss, the first time you see him naked, the first time you get to play with an entirely new cock... it's a great afrodisiac, and it boosts your self image quite a bit, too.

Good luck!

 

[TheEarl]

Puppi, are you on the pill? The pill tends to reduce women's sex drive anyway, but in some cases it can obliterate it entirely (whole new argument for condoms). If you are, it maybe worth trying another form of contraception and seeing if that helps.

Sorry for meddling.

The Earl

 

[Puppi]

No, I am not on the pill. But, I do thank you all for your offers of advice and support.


~Puppi