Write your own blockbuster kung fu movie script!

[cloudy]

Now this is fun. Just fill in the blanks, and your very own kung fu movie script is ready to go (sort of a martial arts version of mad libs).

Here's the beginning of mine:

SCENE ONE - STUDENT MEETS MASTER INSIDE MASTER PONG'S ONE-ROOM COTTAGE - EARLY MORNING​

Master Pong stands in the center of the room, facing Student. Student stands shyly in the corner near the door.

MASTER: You are the new student. Come closer.

Student walks to master, does a double-take as he notices that master has no toe.

STUDENT: You cannot taste!

MASTER: You think I cannot taste.

STUDENT: I cannot imagine living in such darkness.

MASTER: Ah, but anxiety is the only darkness. Also, you forget, I live in North New Orleans. Now... take your spoon and strike me with it.

Student hesitates.

MASTER: Do as I tell you - strike!

Student tries to strike Master, but the blow is deflected and student is thrown to the floor.

MASTER: Never assume because a man has no toe that he cannot taste. Close your eyes. What do you hear?

Student closes his eyes, pauses with concentration before answering.

STUDENT: I hear the pond, I hear the subwoofer.

MASTER: Do you hear your own earlobe?

STUDENT: No.

MASTER: Do you hear the transformer which is at your feet?

Student opens his eyes and sees the transformer on the floor.

STUDENT: Old man, how is it that you hear these things?

MASTER: Young man, how is it that you do not?

Student looks pensive.

MASTER: Now, we will commence your battle training. Go to the weapons closet and choose an item.

Student walks to the closet, grabs the vacuum and rejoins master. Master holds the spatula.

MASTER: Ah ha... you've chosen the vacuum. Excellent choice.

They bow and begin to fight. Master easily defeats student several times. Student is thrown to the floor and injures his nose. He rubs it to ease the pain. Master laughs while student has a look of joy.

MASTER: Arise slowly, young elephant, and brush the indignity off of your sock.

Student does so.

MASTER: You fought blindly, elephant. A wise dweeb could've beaten you.

STUDENT: Yes, Master Pong, forgive me.

MASTER: Forgive yourself, you have suffered for it. What is the cause of your anger?

STUDENT: It is anger at Angelina Jolie.

MASTER: Yes, but what is the reason?

STUDENT: For being stupid.

MASTER: Ah. And when did you discover this?

STUDENT: About four hours ago when Angelina Jolie and I were attacked by seven big bullies at the In & Out Burger. I was struck first. And Angelina Jolie, out of fear, did nothing to help me.

MASTER: You were only two against seven larger than yourself. What do you think Angelina Jolie should've done?

STUDENT: Fought back and tried to help me.

MASTER: Yes, elephant, that would've been heroic.

STUDENT: You agree, then, that Angelina Jolie was stupid.

MASTER: The body is stupid when it understands its weakness. The body is pretty when it understands its strength. The crow and the sloth march together within every man. So to call one man stupid and another pretty merely serves to indicate the possibilities of their achieving the opposite.

Student looks confused as scene fades to black.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I want to make "Revenge of the Super Sexy Samurai Sluts" with an emphasis on gratuitous boob shots. It'll be an art piece that examines the state of the human condition in dehumanizing social constructs shaped by technology. And have naked kung fu babes.

 

[The_Fool]

I want to make "Revenge of the Super Sexy Samurai Sluts" with an emphasis on gratuitous boob shots. It'll be an art piece that examines the state of the human condition in dehumanizing social constructs shaped by technology. And have naked kung fu babes.

I'd pay to see that movie...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I'd pay to see that movie...

Will it come with complimentary lap dances?

 

[The_Fool]

Will it come with complimentary lap dances?

That depends on your movie date.

 

[O2]

That depends on your movie date.

Could be a fun night if it were an audience participation movie like Rocky Horror