Would you?

[PacificBlue]

Not at all. I haven't been with many women, and thus I don't have much "hands on" experience. So the last woman I was with, I did ask afterwards (several times actually lol) how I did. I did that because to me it's important that I can please my partner fully, and so far it's even more important to me that she gets a climax than it is that I get one. I just want to learn everything, and really enjoy every second of it when I'm with a woman intimately.

And I can apply where to be your girlfriend???

 

[ShyGuy68]

Sure you can PacifitBlue! Just click the PM button under my post, and send me a message with your application!!

 

[on_the_verge]

Sexuality is a constant road taken

Sexuality is more than sex. When you create and experience erotic pleasure, you are having sex, but you are also experiencing your sexuality, an aspect of yourself that has grown with you throughout your life. In your lifetime you've gone through many changes in how you experience your body, your emotions, your values, and all aspects of your being. Each sexual experience you have can be likened to a hologram that gathers in all of your previous experiences of having sexual feelings, engaging in sex, having and losing relationships, acquiring sexual skills, making sexual decisions, and changing in countless other ways.

It is through your sexuality -- your sexual self -- that you determine with whom you will have sex, the gender and kinds of people you are attracted to, and your values about when, where, with whom, and how you will express this aspect of yourself. It includes not only what you do sexually, but the reasons for what you do and the meanings your sexual behaviors have for you. Your sexuality also involves the sensations and emotions you have during sex and afterwards, whether you are satisfied, and a myriad of other physical, relational, and spiritual outcomes.

PacificBlue, there aren't any concrete answers to your question. There is finding that lover who can communicate with you and vice versa about sex and how it was and what fantasies, desires and experiences are like with each other. Thus, you could talk about his.yours sensuality and sexuality beforehand and no matter what is discussed, the real challenge and pleasure is within bed or where ever it may be. Listening and watching each others' reactions, breathing, movements, etc. and to use that as a tool to what each other finds stimulating and enjoyable. As much literature and other mediums there are available and the sex looks great, you need to find what fits him and you, not necessarily worked with others. Find his and your own pleasures and not look at it perspectively, but like a fluid emotion where the pleasure within comes first and the touch is an extension of that. Sexuality is raw, consuming, enrapturing, fun, goofy and just a learning experience, but it's so much of a pleasure when two people can meet as one in mind, body and spirit.

 

[willywanker]

Blue, I think if the guy was unwilling to take the time, you are right, he was just looking for sex.

Obviously, you have to use a lot of tact is bringing this up but done right, it is a win/win situation.

Example, I am uncircumcised. Most women have never been exposed to an uncircumcised penis and there are some differences in what you do. But if I've been willing to tell them what makes me feel good and then showed appreciation when they made me feel good, it opened that line of communication where we were both able to say, "I really like it when you do......."

Of course, I've never been with a woman I considered bad in bed before, probably because I'm a man and if I'm getting some, its allllllllllllll good.

 

[on_the_verge]

Example, I am uncircumcised. Most women have never been exposed to an uncircumcised penis and there are some differences in what you do. But if I've been willing to tell them what makes me feel good and then showed appreciation when they made me feel good, it opened that line of communication where we were both able to say, "I really like it when you do......."

That's very true about having an uncut penis and I guess us guys have to be good at communicating that to our lovers as it can be a painful experience otherwise. Understanding and taking time and the acts of knowing a lover is essential to communicating and sharing what likes are dislikes. If it feels good, vocalize it and work on those pleasures. Be a talker and whipser it, shift your body, move towards each other and look in each others eyes.

Spend an hour touching each other and exploring and gathering each others bodies and then findinng the spots. Lay in bed and touch yourselves and watch how each other finds and pleasures their own body and then discover the same things with each other.

 

[Sensua]

...Doesn't good sex take practice?

Years and years of practice, and, working together to find thing that each other likes. Open, frank discussion is essential to building a long term, sexual relationship.

But iif the chemistry is not there....no amount of "training" will make a lover good. And your perception of their flaws will be greatly exagerated.

And perhaps...if one is not in it for the long haul...it is more work than they are willing to take on.

 

[sexy-girl]

when i first made love with my girlfriend ... we were both pretty young i was 16 (i hope im allowed to admit that without being arrested) neither of us had done very much with a girl before very little infact


i guess looking back we were both pretty awkard and didnt know exactly what to do we were both very emotional too but dispite all that it was the most amazing sex because of the chemistry between us it just was amazing


since then we've learned more together and grown togehter and tried new things slowly ... learning to have sex with someone is amazing so yes i think its good to talk to eachother about sex and be frank ... be honest ... but not brutelly honest of course

 

[on_the_verge]

Years and years of practice, and, working together to find thing that each other likes. Open, frank discussion is essential to building a long term, sexual relationship.

But iif the chemistry is not there....no amount of "training" will make a lover good. And your perception of their flaws will be greatly exagerated.

And perhaps...if one is not in it for the long haul...it is more work than they are willing to take on.

Sensua, I agree, but also working on your own body and mind is where the foundation is rooted. It's paramount to know your own flaws and limitations and not see as a just a failure or experience within/from another. Train your body and mind to love your innerself and then offer that to another who is or can be of equal, if not drop him/her if he/she is not willing to be open and explore, not just sex, but you. We live short lives on this earth and there is no need to tangle with the unwilling or the callous person who treats and wants sexuality for their own devices.

Sensually, I want a lover who measures their sensuality and sexuality by how well it pleases each other, not to compete with other experiences or fantasies. A lover who takes as much interest in my pleasure as she does in her own. A lover who is not afraid to approach sex, not as a device, but as a tool to bridge an arc and create an evironment that is about each other and ourselves.

A lover that can find a balance and can rationalize their own ego and hang-ups in the ability to make me desire like no other. I love to watch her come and pleasure herself before I do, I want her to love watching me too and what I like to do or have done.

To be continued...

 

[Barb Dwyer]

I was flip in an earlier post and didn't even address your question, PB. But I can see from your repeated attempts for clarification, you still haven't found what you're looking for.

As best as I can explain it, you first need to realize that sexuality begins in the mind. The best sex comes when you connect with someone from that starting point. Whether it be from an intellectual or emotional foundation, your minds have to be centered and focused on the same goal. This usually happens automatically and is not something you can manufacture.

It is called chemistry. It begins with a spark and grows into a flame. That is not to say that everyone you interact with intellectually is going to make a good sex partner. Some people do lack in other social skills - many intelligent people suffer low EQ (emotional quotient) ! Also, you may not be physically attracted to them either.

I am sure you've already found that you can be with the most gorgeous specimen on the face of the earth, but if they can't carry on a conversation, then what is the point? Alternately, you can be with someone not widely considered attractive, yet their personality and their connection with you, causes you to be drawn to them anyway.

I also think that you have been inculcated with media images of love, sex, passion. Many women want to be swept away on a wave of lust, love and passion. The romance novels and movies are full of fairy tales where lovers come together for the first time and everything is perfect! Well, it is a grand and glorious experience when it does happen (and it does) but not that frequently.

When bodies come together there is a lot of banging around. Chins hitting teeth, elbows smacking tits, knees into groins (sorry!) It can be awkward instead of romantic! Or, it can be funny and fun! It's all in your perception, your preconceived notions and how well you go with the flow.

Sex should be a culmination of your feelings for the other person. Whether that is love or lust or contentment or howling hornies, it is merely a total expression of your feelings. The body carrying out what the brain is thinking and telling it to do.

Since sex begins in the brain and our communication center is also found there, it makes sense to talk things out with your lover doesn't it? Not in a harsh, judgmental or flip way. You can use humor, self-deprecation and levity to explain things. You can suggest ways that he might make you feel better. So he doesn't feel under attack, you can also ask what you can do to enhance his experience and make him feel good. That age old advice that says to say "Oh, I LOVE it when you do_____" also works.

Another old saying also applies - yes, practice does make perfect! Or at least better! You can't expect fireworks and orchestral music right off the bat. You're gonna have a few misfires, duds and sour notes along the way. But the journey to make sweet music together is well worth the effort.

If it is important to you to stay in this relationship then I urge you to talk things out. You have to remember, people are not mind readers. While we may want them to know what we need or want - in reality that doesn't always happen. There is nothing wrong with asking a lover if you did things correctly. Or if what you did excited them. Don't be embarrassed. For Heaven's sake- if you can climb into bed (or wherever!) naked with someone and actually have sex, then you really shouldn't be afraid or worry about talking about it with them!
Good luck.

 

[on_the_verge]

barb

Barb, looking at your post and seeing how well written out it was and most graciously from the heart and mind. I am really enjoying this thread.

 

[PacificBlue]

Thank you for all your well thought out responses. They are helpful and I do appreciate them very much. I think I already knew the answer...I was just looking for confirmation and I have it now. I'd go into detail but I think I've offered enough up for public display already.