Would this offend you?

[cryforme1v]

I seem to have offended a few people in my workplace<customers to be exact> by not looking them directly in the eyes.
I have this really strange habit of looking at peoples mouths when they talk, and not their eyes.
If i look in someones eyes when they talk, its like i cant hear them correctly and seems like they're mumbling. I makes talking on the phone very annoying.
I dont know its weird lol I've done that since i was a kid.

What i'm asking is - would it offend you if, instead of looking directly into your eyes when talking, they kind of read your lips instead?

I'm not deaf and all my hearing tests came back normal.

 

[hzzrn1]

Look them in the eye when the conversation begins, and try to look periodically. Should cut down on people being offended. To answer your original question, I'd only be offended if I thought you weren't paying attention. Otherwise, I would consider a simple quirk

 

[The Gimp]

Somebody is uniquely paranoid if they take the time to complain about that. If you were staring at their crotch while they talk then that is one thing, but looking at their mouth while they speak is completely normal.

 

[SpecialKay62]

No

Not at all! I wonder how they could tell you weren't looking them in the eyes? Isn't the mouth located fairly close to the eyes? I'll have to pay more attention next time.

Honestly, I think eye contact is very intimate and am uncomfortable when someone is all up in my grill tryna look into my eyes. I guess it's a personal space thing. Even at the grocery store or something, I prefer the "darting" eyes.

Now I'm wondering if I'm weird...

 

[fire_breeze]

I seem to have offended a few people in my workplace<customers to be exact> by not looking them directly in the eyes.
I have this really strange habit of looking at peoples mouths when they talk, and not their eyes.
If i look in someones eyes when they talk, its like i cant hear them correctly and seems like they're mumbling. I makes talking on the phone very annoying.
I dont know its weird lol I've done that since i was a kid.

What i'm asking is - would it offend you if, instead of looking directly into your eyes when talking, they kind of read your lips instead?

I'm not deaf and all my hearing tests came back normal.

Are you staring at the mouth or just looking at it? If you are looking at the mouth intently, then it could make someone uncomfortable. I'd suggest that you look at the face, and not zero in on one feature only. You'll see the mouth and it will look like that you are looking at someone's eyes. This works if you are a couple of feet away from the individual (and then s/he won't even notice if you are looking in their eyes or mouth).

 

[SpiritRider]

thinks you have a mouth fetish...lol

Personally, I don't care where you look as long as you can help with the reason I'm there.

 

[blade_rocknut]

I for one feel it is of the utmost importance to look / be looked directly in the eyes during conversation; to stray implies lack of attention to the topic or speaker. And yes, it is very easy to tell ( esp. within a few feet, as in face to face conversation) that a person is looking at another facial feature. Much communication ( we may not even realize how much) takes place through body language, eyes in particular. Any animal can tell the difference when you make direct eye contact. A questionable dog may even become aggressive at that very moment, it registers a challenge from it. Game animals which thought they were hidden will immediately flee upon direct eye contact. Did I mention it's important?

 

[pwr2theblondes]

I wouldn't be offended but prefer being look directly in the eyes when having a conversation with someone. I know it is not everyones nature to do that though. I have a very close Asian friend who says in their culture they dont look at someone in their eyes as a sign of respect.

 

[Mac98]

People are way too easily offended! I say fuck 'em! It's not offensive at all. If you strike up a conversation on abortion or marijuana laws, THEN I could understand... but eye-contact?? PFFFF!!! Something's wrong with the person who's offended by this...

My humble opinion.

 

[silverwhisper]

i wouldn't be offended but i wouldn't want to spend any time talking with you. frankly, if i don't know anything about you, a strange behavior (one i don't understand) is gonna make me not be in your vicinity.

is there a chance when you were very young you experienced a problem with your hearing?

since this has already been an issue at your workplace, you might want to consider asking a friend to help you break that habit.

ed

 

[cryforme1v]

no i never had any issues with my hearing.
I was born with cleft lip and pallet tho. Dont know if thats of any significance.

 

[Toqueme]

.....

 

[fuckmeat]

I seem to have offended a few people in my workplace<customers to be exact> by not looking them directly in the eyes.
I have this really strange habit of looking at peoples mouths when they talk, and not their eyes.
If i look in someones eyes when they talk, its like i cant hear them correctly and seems like they're mumbling. I makes talking on the phone very annoying.
I dont know its weird lol I've done that since i was a kid.

What i'm asking is - would it offend you if, instead of looking directly into your eyes when talking, they kind of read your lips instead?

I'm not deaf and all my hearing tests came back normal.

I do this all the time, I have a real problem with eye contact. Once I know someone I'm fine but strangers I find it really hard with. I've always been like this but I do think that since I explored my submissive side sexually it's become more of an ingrained trait. It's annoying too, as I don't realise I'm doing it until someone looks at me funny. So I would think you were normal, for whatever that's worth.

Look them in the eye when the conversation begins, and try to look periodically. Should cut down on people being offended. To answer your original question, I'd only be offended if I thought you weren't paying attention. Otherwise, I would consider a simple quirk

Be careful with this technique. It's good advice in theory but in practice it can make you look shifty and even make people think you may be lying. If you try periodic eye contact you should hold a person's gaze long enough to connect with them, rather then let your gaze flit around.

A less stressful way of trying this is to look at the person when they are speaking and then let your gaze drop or wander a little when you are. That way the other person will know that you are interested in them and what they are saying. I think the sensation of hearing mumbling could possibly just be an anxiety thing, because your attention is partially on concentrating on looking at them and because you're simply unaccustomed to seeing people talk without staring at their mouths. A little practice should make a lot of difference to how comfortable you feel with listening intently and not gazing at people's lips.

Plus, you should watch yourself as being apparently mesmerised by someone's mouth as they talk can indicate attraction.

no i never had any issues with my hearing.
I was born with cleft lip and pallet tho. Dont know if thats of any significance.

Is this something you were bullied about when you were younger? Could it be that you learned young to avoid eye contact as a coping mechanism because you were worried that people might stare at you? Some people have trouble with eye contact due to their own self esteem. I apologise if I'm way off base, really I do. If there are psychological reasons for your aversion to making eye contact though, you should examine those and try to move past them.

 

[emap]

Stare at the tip of the nose. I am so not shitting you, stare at the tip of the nose until your writing down or entering their order. I was a waitress forever, not actually that long it just felt that way to me. I learned early on, walk to people with a smile on your lips and stare at the fucking nose. The exact phrase I was told, until you are standing toe to toe they can't tell the difference.

Think about it, the tip of the nose is only 3/4's of an inch from the eyes, and less from the mouth. You can watch their lips and they won't know the difference. Especially handy in bars they got loud.

 

[AudioFilly]

I have this same quirk, if everyone wants to call it that. I hear people more clearly when I can partially read their lips. My hearing checks out fine in testing. If a person turns away from me it sounds almost like mumbling.

A few years back it hit me how much I was doing this when I realized I could watch TV with the sound off if the camera was still on the person's face.

I have no idea if people consider me shifty or not, but I tend to let my eyes drift so it doesn't look like I am just staring at their mouth. I've never had anyone call me out on it.

 

[KrissyMarti]

not at all! I do the same thing actually.

 

[ericsquare]

Just stare at their genitalia and smile thatll make everyone feel comfortable ha. Just kidding. No one should really be bothered by that there's nothing wrong with it and a lot of people have some good suggestions. Literotica, solving problems inbetween orgasms lol

 

[NippleMuncher]

What i'm asking is - would it offend you if, instead of looking directly into your eyes when talking, they kind of read your lips instead?

I'm not deaf and all my hearing tests came back normal.

I do pretty much the same thing. I can be hard of hearing, particularly in a noisy environment and so I tend to read lips in addition to hearing a person speak. Most of the time I can maintain eye contact, and just use peripheral vision to watch the lips. The louder the environment, the more I rely on watching the lips to understand the person. I know a few people who's mouths are covered with mustache and beard and I can't hear them for shit most of the time.

I've got another friend who talks to you while looking out the corner of her eye to somewhere else. THAT is a bit annoying, but I love her anyway. And no, I wouldn't call her boss because she was looking somewhere else while she talks to me.

 

[MaskofSand]

I can't look at people in the eye for too long. I feel like I'm staring at them, and get very uncomfortable. I tend to look at their mouths too, or their shoulders, or ear or something. I can't let my eyes set too long anywhere. I don't want to offend by staring, but I also don't want them to think I'm not listening.

 

[PertPerth]

If someone was staring at my mouth when talking to me, I'd assume there was something stuck in my teeth.

I only find it annoying when I go to the shop and the check-out person talks to their friends, and doesn't pack my bags for me. Especially when I'm fumbling with money, trying to pay, and they stand there doing nothing...my groceries all over the counter and bags just out of my reach - then they start to serve the next person! Unfortunately that shop has longer opening hours than the shop with good customer service. *Grumbles about Perth and backward trading hours*

 

[JeniZer]

I wouldn't be offended but would definitely prefer to be looked in my eyes when they are talking to me, specially in my profession. With my customers, I look at them directly in their eyes when I talk to them and explain them the procedures.

 

[cloudy]

I for one feel it is of the utmost importance to look / be looked directly in the eyes during conversation; to stray implies lack of attention to the topic or speaker. And yes, it is very easy to tell ( esp. within a few feet, as in face to face conversation) that a person is looking at another facial feature. Much communication ( we may not even realize how much) takes place through body language, eyes in particular. Any animal can tell the difference when you make direct eye contact. A questionable dog may even become aggressive at that very moment, it registers a challenge from it. Game animals which thought they were hidden will immediately flee upon direct eye contact. Did I mention it's important?

In YOUR culture it implies that, in others it isn't so.

Many NA cultures stress that to look someone directly in the eye is disrespectful, so well-behaved children will never, ever look at an adult eye-to-eye.

So, what you're expressing may be completely true for you, but not for everyone.

Something to remember.

 

[Deleted member 925492]

Personally looking direct into someone eyes I feel is a little disturbing but thats just me. How do they know your looking at their mouths and not eyes? looking at one leaves you automatically looking at another ? unless they have a HUGE head lol

 

[blade_rocknut]

In YOUR culture it implies that, in others it isn't so.

Many NA cultures stress that to look someone directly in the eye is disrespectful, so well-behaved children will never, ever look at an adult eye-to-eye.

So, what you're expressing may be completely true for you, but not for everyone.

Something to remember.

Sorry for assuming; yes I concur that cultures differ. However, the OP was describing relations with customers; in my culture, customers tend to place a great deal of value on being listened to, respected, etc.; and eye contact implies this. ( someone looking at my mouth WOULD, in fact make me uncomfortable- in a " do I have something in my teeth" sort of way) The discussion was not one of a child vs elder ( although in my culture, children ARE to look whomever is addressing them in the eyes. It is not registered as insubordination; rather expressing one's undivided attention - an inherently respectful behavior.) And before anyone mentions that the discussion had nothing to do with animals( as I mentioned ); those examples were to show that direct eye contact is easily registered and conveys powerful messages. ( as a rebuttal to the notion that no one can tell the difference). The OP wanted input as to why folks were offended; I have delivered that, no offense intended to those who disagree with me.

 

[scott_harris70]

What i'm asking is - would it offend you if, instead of looking directly into your eyes when talking, they kind of read your lips instead?

When you don't make eye contact with someone when talking to them, (particularly a customer), it makes you look dishonest, as if you are trying to hide something. In business, eye contact is essential.