Would Love to Hear any and all Feedback

[CollegeGuy4OlderF]

i would love any feedback...positive or negative! Am thinking about starting to write again and would love to know if anyone would read it!!! A link to my stories is below

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=100106

 

[wanderwonder]

Grab an editor

I checked out "Sweet Melissa" and "My First Time With an Older Woman." In my opinion, your writing sometimes came off as a little dry. You could have use the help of an editor; I can say from experience that a good editor can pick out weak point that you didn't know you had. Knowing is half the battle, right, G.I. Joe? Thanks to a couple of editors I know that one of my weak points is run-on sentences, a.k.a. talking too much. When I reread my writing I can look out for that on my own and let editors focus on making my story more interesting (instead of dull and grammatically impeccable).

Aside from asking someone else to give feedback, my best advice is to figure out what kind of writing turns you on and duplicate it. I'm not saying that you should plagiarize, by any means. However, taking some time to remember why your favorite erotic stories are your favorites can give you some insight on how to make your writing a turn-on for others as well. This could be especially handy since you haven't posted anything in a few years.

That's my two bits. Good luck with your writing.

 

[SevenOfSpade]

Hey

Hey there,
I read your "My first time with an older women". My first thought was that your story lacked dialogue. My personal opinion was that your kinda like trying to write as least as possible until you reached the sex part. I mean thats OK, but adding some prose would make the story much nicer.

"As the adults questioned me about my plans for college the following year, I downed my drink. Soon after, the guests leave, and my parents retire for the evening.

Now it is just Beth and I in our living room. She starts to inquire about my love life. I explain to her that I am in between girlfriends, and I haven't gotten any "ass" lately. Getting bolder, I ask her how long it has been since she has had sex.

She tells me that she hasn't had sex in over a year since her divorce, however she masturbates daily, sometimes several times a day. I start to think that I would love to bed this incredibly sexy older woman, and this is a perfect opportunity."

Maybe around here you could have some dialogue. Just my personal opinion.

My second thought was that you're more of telling rather than showing. I know this as this is exactly how I write. That's why I rely on my best friend to help detect this occurence. Try describing the people, "yourself" abit more. At least this would allow the readers to paint a mental picture in their mind.

Again, this is just my point of view. Nonetheless, it is a fantastic story.

 

[driphoney]

Hi Guy, even though I join in on the fun and games of the Story Discussion critique thread, I'm not really one to critique as I'm just sorting this all out myself. HAVING SAID THAT ( ), I don't feel like studying, so this is a great place to blow time.

I decided to do something weird and I hopped from story to story reading the first 4 or 5 paragraphs of your submissions to see if I saw a pattern. Yep. The previous comments were valid.

Sweet Melissa by the way, is a great title. I'm sitting here shaking my head and smiling. Why is it that many beginner author's here on Lit write the best sex? And I mean really good. But often the story is weak? I find writing the sex part to be so hard, and though I struggle with plot, that other stuff is easier. So, to me, it seems you have the hard part (pardon my pun) mastered! Your dialog is very good too. By that, I mean it's not stilted, it's very natural.

So, now you just need to master the story part of your story! Are you actually interested in that? Or are you just wanting to do stroke?

Either case, it would be good to learn to be active in the beginning, bring the reader into a scene, not a listing and description of body parts. You can write, so this is probably a small issue for you to work out.

Read the first few paragraphs of this, then look at yours. Can you see anything different? What makes it more interesting?

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=358431

Well, I've put off that homework long enough. Good luck.

 

[XXplorher]

In my opinion, your writing sometimes came off as a little dry. You could have use the help of an editor; I can say from experience that a good editor can pick out weak point that you didn't know you had.

Ya think?

Maybe they could have “used” the help of an editor (period. What the fuck is a semi doin’ there?). Furthermore, ‘I can say from experience that a good editor can pick out weak point that you didn’t know you had?’

Does anyone else find that the most hilarious fucking thing they’ve heard in some time?! I’m dyin' here. That’s the funniest shit ever, man.

For realz.

Aside from asking someone else to give feedback, my best advice is to figure out what kind of writing turns you on and duplicate it. I'm not saying that you should plagiarize, by any means. However, taking some time to remember why your favorite erotic stories are your favorites can give you some insight on how to make your writing a turn-on for others as well. This could be especially handy since you haven't posted anything in a few years.


That's my two bits. Good luck with your writing.

You were totally cool with your well-intentioned response. I just could NOT resist... cuz I'm a polished complete asshole.