Would like story feedback.

[Submissioness]

Ch. 1: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=388694
Ch.2: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=410236

Newly posted Ch. 3: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=415683

I'd really like to know what you all think about my new addition.

 

[Dublin]

well written

OK, I am not an editor or skilled reviewer...

I thought the desriptive writing was very good, as was the dialogue. The flash-back was great... waiting for more...

The characters were engaging....

Overall great start... waiting for the next chapters!

 

[CWatson]

I'm enjoying it so far. From a technical standpoint, you have some tense-change issues, and I think at one point you had "loose" instead of "lose". Also, personally I find it somewhat difficult to trust Brent's genuineness--but that's probably not so much a flaw as it is a virtue in your characterization. Your inexperience shows through at times, but you definitely know what you're doing as a writer.

Overall, a sweet and enjoyable tale, if occasionally predictable--which, in itself, is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, comfort food is predictable. I hope you keep writing.

 

[Submissioness]

My dear CWatson!

I'm enjoying it so far. From a technical standpoint, you have some tense-change issues, and I think at one point you had "loose" instead of "lose". Also, personally I find it somewhat difficult to trust Brent's genuineness--but that's probably not so much a flaw as it is a virtue in your characterization. Your inexperience shows through at times, but you definitely know what you're doing as a writer.

Overall, a sweet and enjoyable tale, if occasionally predictable--which, in itself, is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, comfort food is predictable. I hope you keep writing.

Tense-change issues and misspellings... Would you believe I have an editor?

Brent's genuineness... I don't want you to completely trust him. Should you? Should Chelsea?

"you definitely know what you're doing as a writer. " ... I like you. Will you be my friend?

Predictable... I agree, predictable is not so bad. But then again, I don't want the reader to wish I had done what they expected to happen.

Thanks for reading my stories. I hope you voted. (I prefer 5's in case you were undecided)

 

[CWatson]

Tense-change issues and misspellings... Would you believe I have an editor?

I would indeed believe it. Literotica is a free site--and, unfortunately, we often get what we pay for. =( Some people here really take pride in their work, and are willing to put in the skull sweat and the perfectionism required to create a truly polished story. Others just throw out whatever they've got; they're more interested in reaching their readers and living in the story than, you know, nitpicky crap like making sure you spel everything correktly. Depending on whom your audience is and what you're personally trying to achieve, one or both approaches may be the wrong one for you. But, let me tell you: the second category of people? They don't make good editors. *wry smile*