Would like feedback on my first story

[Mar1959]

I just submitted my first story titled "Mad Season" and would love feedback on it to improve my writing skills for more stories. It is under erotic couplings. I enjoyed writing this story more than I ever imagined I would so any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

 

[71bruce8]

re. Mad Season.

Nice Story. Certainly does not seem like a first effort. Possibly you had been thinking about it for quite a while. The central character seems quite genuine and expresses lots of detail of events as well as emotional states and the motivations of the characters. I am reasonably new to reading erotic fiction but I see that alot of stories seem to involve blind hormone surges carried out by very non-credible characters. My eyes skip over such stuff as there is no drama, no psychology and no sense of relevance or linkage to actual life. Your story on the other hand has an interesting inital premise i.e. a more or less casual linkage in cyberspace develops and emerges in concrete reality. I would seem to be a first installment of a series as the ground work has been laid wherein the relationship still exists back in cyberspace on its own agenda but now as well has penetrated two concret lives as well.{i.e. does the woman reveal this to her husband or where do each intend to go with this} As far as I can see things are in good order here and it is just a matter of deciding which way to go. I have a great intrest in first stories as I have never written one and like to see a solid first effort. Thanks for your request for comment. It has been worth my while. With the volume available I cant read everything but I am glad I got this.

 

[Mar1959]

Thank you very much for your input

I appreciated your feedback on my story. Thank you very much. Yes, I had been thinking of this for awhile and actually started it a couple of months ago. I will tell you one thing, I did have other stories in mind but none will include her husband finding out. I wanted this to sound real but I want to have the option of adding to it at any time in the future. You have been very kind and again I thank you. You have made my day......

 

[71bruce8]

continuing

Hmmmmmm. Quiet in here. Still like your story. Been thinking. At least in reality you have a kernal of value - a central theme. In my own thinking I am Balkanized, alittle of this and a little of that. No central theme and no real sense of how one little idea connects with another. Possibly the short story is simply too short. A longer piece offers the space and time to develop character and the drama of events. Most if not all the the shorts I read are very situation specific and are of no relevance in the big picture. Reply please. feel that short is "so what" and that longer is the road to development.

 

[Fairytat]

Helps to add a link

"Mad Season" ---http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=41342

As I read this story I found myself skimming through the long paragraphs, looking for any kind of erotic tension. The way that you set it up, it sounded as if this first meeting was the cultimation of several months of cybering. Yet, with all that buildup there was no climax and I felt cheated. Also, I didn't like how you just told me what happened without describing it really. Another thing, the run-on sentences drove me nuts. I felt like whipping out a red pen and crossing out a majority of it. I feel you have a good story buried in there somewhere. You just need to find it.

 

[71bruce8]

I just submitted my first story titled "Mad Season" and would love feedback on it to improve my writing skills for more stories. It is under erotic couplings. I enjoyed writing this story more than I ever imagined I would so any help would be greatly appreciated.
Spring slid softly down the back lane around the hill across the puddles a young woman in a short grey skirt bent over briefly to reveal a suggestion of warm rounded thigh a ginger kitten beneath the hedge smiles with its eyes bobbing its head to and fro like some strange new tulip today I have all I need [/B /QUOTE]