Would like feedback on a Romance story

[WhiteQueensBishop]

I recently uploaded my first story to the site, and have received very good votes (many thanks to the voters!!). I'd like to know what you liked about the story, and what could be better. Any constructive criticism would be appreciated.

Story: Smart, Sexy and Single?
Link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=49758

Thanks in advance.

WhiteQueensBishop

 

[NoJo]

Smart Sexy Single

WQB, Really, really nice! I'm hard with anticipation, after reading it. The end was great, leaving the narrator slightly preclimactic and nervous.

One quibble: Maybe stick to either present or past tense. You switch. I preferred the present tense, which made it more like an anecdote and more cinematic.

 

[damppanties]

Very Good

I liked it a lot. Good story telling. Hard to believe it was your first story. Just one complaint - it ended too soon. Hope you do a second chapter pretty soon. Keep writing. Good luck! I'd definitely like to see more stories from you.

-DP.

 

[ladyphoenix]

Smart, sexy, single

A VERY big brava for an excellent story! If I had any complaint, it might be that the non-romantic prelude to the actual relationship was a bit long. By the end of the first page I was thinking.."Finally"! but overall, an excellent piece of work. Thanks.

 

[WhiteQueensBishop]

All: Thank you very much for the comments!! They really are inspiring, considering that I have been attempting to write this story for more than a few months, and only recently got the nerve to actually write it.

Sub Joe: I noticed myself wavering between tenses while writing, and I had read through the story before submitting it to a Volunteer Editor (Thanks, Scoperella!!). I did less than a perfect job catching them, evidently; I'll try and be more disciplined about my tenses.

damppanties & ladyphoenix: I wanted the story to remain focused on the chase, hesitant as it was in the end. What happens after the end is their life, and if they want to let us in, great. Call it empathy, but I mainly wrote the story for people like me, who need this kind of inspiration. To tell the truth, I need it more than most at times.

Because of that, I'm sort of stuck on ideas on how to continue. I'm very much open to suggestions on ideas.

Anonymous feedback provider: Don't worry, I don't plan on becoming a bad guy. I hope to continue writing stories in this vein, inspiring ordinary looking guys in Engineering and Science everywhere.

Once again, thank you for your comments!

WhiteQueensBishop