Working Humor....

[Mistress]

How to get along at work list!
The following is a list of polite ways to express your true feelings without getting fired....

What You Say~What You Mean

1) I'm not sure thats feasible.

~Noway Asshole!

2) Really?

~You gotta be shitting me!

3) I'm a bit overloaded at the moment....

~Screw it, I'm on Salary!

4) Of course I'm concerned!

~Ask me if I give a shit?

5) You don't say!

~Eat shit!

6) Excuse me?

~Eat shit and die!

7) Excuse me sir?

~Eat shit and die asshole!

8)So you'd like my help with that?

~Kiss my ass!

9) I love a challenge!

~This job sucks!

10) I see!

~Blow me!

 

[Mistress]

Reasons Alcohol should be served at work.

~Incentive to show up
~Reduces stress
~Leades to more honest communication
~Encourages carpooling
~Employees work later since there's no need to rush to the bar
~Salary negotiations are more profitable
~It makes other workers more attractive
~Eliminates vacations because employees want to come to work
~Burping doesn't seem inappropriate, just funny
~Increases overall job satisfaction,because now if your job sucks you don't care.

 

[Wanderer D]

11. Noted

~ As if I'm going to take your advice, buttmunch.

12. I'll get right on that.

~ Not only am I not going to do that, but I've already forgotten what you asked me to do.

 

[Xander]

LOL

Uhm usually with my job. Job humour involves physical injury on some one.

Like

"You damn flamer! you're supposed to shoot the two by with the nail gun, NOT your hand"

 

[Mistress]

12. I'll get right on that.

~ Not only am I not going to do that, but I've already forgotten what you asked me to do.

Hehehe, I've done that

 

[scylis]

ok, one of the cheap showpiece katanas came in today with all the packing grease dried onto the blade. this is how my boss asked a co-worker for help cleaning it:

BOSS: hey <co-worker>, would you give me a hand with this?

CO-WORKER: sure boss.

BOSS: alright, now stand right there and hold your arms straight out to the side.

CO-WORKER: *holds arms out to the side*

BOSS: ok, now i'm going to use you to clean the blade! *makes like he's going to stab co-worker and clean it like back in the days of yore*

CO-WORKER: *jumps back and shields stomach* no! this ain't anchient Japan!!

we all had a good laugh at that one.

 

[Demian]

How to get along at work list!
The following is a list of polite ways to express your true feelings without getting fired....

What You Say~What You Mean

1) I'm not sure thats feasible.

~Noway Asshole!

2) Really?

~You gotta be shitting me!

3) I'm a bit overloaded at the moment....

~Screw it, I'm on Salary!

4) Of course I'm concerned!

Decade

You have to give me a hint about wut it means to be a man bringing the bread to your table, before Hal

~Ask me if I give a shit?

5) You don't say!

~Eat shit!

6) Excuse me?

~Eat shit and die!

7) Excuse me sir?

~Eat shit and die asshole!

8)So you'd like my help with that?

~Kiss my ass!

9) I love a challenge!

~This job sucks!

10) I see!

~Blow me!

How would you be as a man?