Women's Snappy Comebacks

[Svenskaflicka]

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under the rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do Not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh, you're so right. I want you - to leave."

Man: "If I could just see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Hey, cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

 

[Icingsugar]

A friend of mine once used this in a hotel bar:

Man: "Want to go up to my room?"
Woman: "I'd love to. If you stay down here."

 

[Dirt Man]

I guess the point being that there is no perfect pickup line for all women, right? Those men who don't already know this, have they reached puberty yet?

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

 

[Svenskaflicka]

How about honesty?

"Hi. You look nice. I'd like to get to know you."
"Oh, you're just hoping to get laid."
"Only if we hit it off."

That's the kind of approach that would win me over. It's honest, it's respectful, and it shows that we're equals.

 

[Guest]

 

[NoJo]

How about honesty?

"Hi. You look nice. I'd like to get to know you."
"Oh, you're just hoping to get laid."
"Only if we hit it off."

That's the kind of approach that would win me over. It's honest, it's respectful, and it shows that we're equals.

Hi, Goddess, You look nice. I'd like to get to know you.

 

[NoJo]

Man: <I have an unopened packet of Murraymints in my other suit>
Woman : Have you been saved yet?

Men leave skid marks I hear.

 

[TheEarl]

Strangley enough the liberal application of appalling lines to drunk women can work. I have a friend who uses some appalling ones, eg.

Your eyes are like spanners, they make my nuts tighten.
Come on, I know you like me, I can see your tail wagging.
I may not be the most attractive man in the bar, but I'm the only one talking to you.

He gets slapped as many times as he pulls, but the fact that he pulls at all is slightly worrying.

The Earl

 

[raphy]

Strangley enough the liberal application of appalling lines to drunk women can work. I have a friend who uses some appalling ones, eg.

Your eyes are like spanners, they make my nuts tighten.
Come on, I know you like me, I can see your tail wagging.
I may not be the most attractive man in the bar, but I'm the only one talking to you.

He gets slapped as many times as he pulls, but the fact that he pulls at all is slightly worrying.

The Earl

Well, in the end, it always depends on the sort of woman you're looking to attract. If you're just out for a quick one-night stand with a girl who puts as much stock in sex as you do, then cheesy chat-up lines can work as often as not.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Hi, Goddess, You look nice. I'd like to get to know you.

Oh, you're just looking for cybersex!

 

[NoJo]

Oh, you're just looking for cybersex!

(I'm a little rusty at this)

Yes I am.

(ahh yes, it's all coming back -- focus on the woman)

and I can tell you are too.

(leans closer, make eye contact)

Call me Sub. Mind if I call you Sv---

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Pray tell, how are you going to finish that sentence?

 

[NoJo]

No amount of cyber-distance is enough for me to fell safe enough to tell you.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

LOL

And that's why you're regarded as one of the most intelligent men on Lit.

 

[Guest]

And that's why you're regarded as one of the most intelligent men on Lit.

Yes, all four or five of them, right?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

We'll discuss the other 3-4 in private.

 

[Guest]

We'll discuss the other 3-4 in private.

Ha ha, very short conversation I think.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

You're the one who mentioned the high numbers..?

 

[Boota]

I have a friend who approached a woman in a bar one night and politely asked her to dance. She just gave him a flat and immediate "No". Without a blink he goes, "That's all right. I have to poop anyway." He walked from the dance floor to the bathroom. When he came out a few minutes later and rejoined us at the table, the woman came over and struck up a conversation with him. She said the fact that he surpirsed her with his response to her rebuff intrigued her. They ended up going out for quite a while.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Not exactly a snappy comeback line, but I thought it was snappy nonetheless.

A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it ....

...in one second the sharp lime taste hits... at two seconds the Baileys curdles... at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste registers...

This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend.

She smiles widely at him and says, "So, how did you like it? It's called Blow Job's Revenge!"

~cheers~

~lucky

 

[Svenskaflicka]

*holds up card reading 10.0*

 

[lucky-E-leven]

thanks I rather enjoyed it too...

~lucky

 

[Dirt Man]

Not exactly a snappy comeback line, but I thought it was snappy nonetheless.

A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it ....

...in one second the sharp lime taste hits... at two seconds the Baileys curdles... at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste registers...

This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend.

She smiles widely at him and says, "So, how did you like it? It's called Blow Job's Revenge!"

~cheers~

~lucky

I haven't stopped laughing since I first read this. I give it a 10. 5.

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

This tickled my funny bone


wife: what would you like for your birthday this year?

husband: a divorce

wife: I wasn't planning on spending that much

 

[NoJo]

That's a real drink, which I've seen drunk on a bet -- it was called "Dead Man's Jizz" at the time, if I remember rightly.