Women: "What goes oooon in your mind?"

[LargoKitt]

Sometimes a "I'm a man and I want to write women" thread comes along and I think "I can contribute to that." Others I'll think "looks like some other ladies have that one covered." Every once in a while, though, I come across one that's just "ick."

This is the latter.

I'll take that, because I cooked up the 'ick'. In my defense, however, I am interested in boosting male written erotica a bit. See my How To stuff. Most simply, I want to write stories that appeal to people who identify as women as much or more than giving guys more 'wank fodder'. And it's a more interesting challenge. My running joke is that men will get hot when they see an 'S' curve. Should I just say, "The women authors are doing a fine job. Leave this stuff to them?" Mebbe. Absolutely need more women writers here. AND we need stories that appeal to all genders because they get into the heads of characters of all genders.

 

[Omenainen]

Either all the women authors of Lit have been too busy to answer, or maybe they don't care if the guys of Lit write authentic POV of women masturbating.

This might come as a shock to you, but the women authors of Lit are not responsible for the quality of your art.

I'll take that, because I cooked up the 'ick'. In my defense, however, I am interested in boosting male written erotica a bit. See my How To stuff. Most simply, I want to write stories that appeal to people who identify as women as much or more than giving guys more 'wank fodder'. And it's a more interesting challenge. My running joke is that men will get hot when they see an 'S' curve. Should I just say, "The women authors are doing a fine job. Leave this stuff to them?" Mebbe. Absolutely need more women writers here. AND we need stories that appeal to all genders because they get into the heads of characters of all genders.

I’m interested in boosting male-written erotica as well (women- and other-written too, but funnily enough, I haven’t seen that much poor execution on their parts). Have you checked out my event, Pink Orchid?

 

[WCSGarland]

This might come as a shock to you, but the women authors of Lit are not responsible for the quality of your art.

You're right, I agree, it is my responsibility. That's why I was interested in this thread. Is that really such a problem?

 

[AG31]

Erotic videos that feature women masturbating are a curious thing. Most of the time, unless she is a "Harry Met Sally" actress, her 'ministrations' are pretty quiet. If I'm writing the 'interior monolog' of a female character, I'm curious about some variations about what is going on in her head. Orgasms don't always seem to be the goal; although that seems to be changing in the latest generation with access to an amazing bundle of sex toys. Is 'edging' a thing for you? How does that work? (Very few guys can do edging, although it is worth learning.) There seems to be a pretty good variety in what actually is an orgasm, or just satisfaction. Do you go for a particular kind of satisfaction? Do you want a different experience on different days? When do you need some kind of interior satisfaction (when you are on your own)? If you are with a partner who penetrates can you tell them what you need when in order to 'get it'. If you are mature, has your ability to tell your mate what you want changed over time?

Lots of questions: reflections on any of them would be helpful in depicting honest female characters in all your variety.

And guys: Let the women speak for themselves. I'm sure there are lots of "My GF tells me she loves..." Have her write about it. Might add spice to your BR.
LK

Just the fantasy.

I thought I'd add that all of my fiction on Lit are reports of those fantasies, if you want more concrete detail. But I should also add that I'm a rare bird, and as far as I can tell the content is unusual.

 

[FuckMelater]

https://external-preview.redd.it/07...bp&s=73a8250dc630f621c52e695d26df15444016cf04

 

[FuckMelater]

I have been following this thread and although it has gone off the rails a bit, I’ll
add my perspective.
1. Orgasms as the goal- pretty much always. Unless I’m intentionally edging, which means orgasm is the longer term goal anyway.
2. Orgasms vs satisfaction- honestly, I’m rarely satisfied without an orgasm, but the process of getting there is certainly enjoyable. Depending on the day and my available free time, I may take my time and have one great orgasm, or I may make myself cum 10 times, it depends how I’m feeling.
3. Do I want different experiences on different days- yes. Sometimes different orgasm to orgasm or hour to hour. Again, it depends on how I’m feeling. I may spend time fantasizing about a romantic encounter or I may be aroused enough to just turn my vibrator on high and not think about anything or anyone. But that’s rare.
4. Penetration - never required- sometimes preferred. Again, it’s depends.
I’ll return to answer the rest.

 

[SweetSweetLovin]

I didn't know what I was doing had a name, but I love edging. It makes the orgasm so much more intense. And it gets me so hot when my husband does that to me.

Orgasm is the goal for me most of the time; the other times, I'm doing pre-game warm-up for couple time. In a perfect world, I would have all the time and space to pleasure myself, but the reality is less glamorous. Time pressure because of family puts a major cramp on my self-love. I love when I can be expressive as I orgasm, but rarely get to do so. I've fallen asleep while masturbating because I was just so darn tired and had to wait until everything else was done. It's easier now that the kids are older and more independent, but I would prefer to have privacy without any possibility of getting interrupted. Talk about a mood killer.

I have a drawer full of toys I'd love to sort through and play with and enjoy, but what working mom has that kind of time and privacy?

My Hitachi Magic Wand is the guaranteed orgasm go-to, but I usually like to get myself off manually first. Why? Not sure. I think it's just what I'm used to since I just discovered the Magic Wand a few years ago. I'm not typically a fan of insertion--that depends on how much time, privacy, and bandwidth I have. An egg insertible + Magic Wand = my complete satisfaction. Stress blocks my orgasms better than an overprotective big brother, though.

 

[LR42]

I think you'll get as many different answers to this as there are women willing to give their input
But I never mind contributing to 'research', so here's my take.

Orgasms as the goal: I will usually start masturbating with a clear idea about whether I'm aiming to orgasm or not. Most of the time, I prefer to just make myself aroused and maybe edge a little - this leaves me with extra energy and positivity for a while. This is also partially because I rarely have the privacy needed to use toys and video with sound etc.
I do aim for orgasm sometimes too - especially if I masturbate just before going to sleep.
Occasionally, I don't intend to orgasm, but the stimulation I'm using gets the better of me and I end up there anyway. This is rare though.

Edging: I call it edging if I bring myself to the point where it feels like I am likely to reach an orgasm if I keep going or speed up. The point where I have to slow down or distract myself to not get there. I do that a lot and it's often my main aim of masturbation. It leaves me wanting more, but also just sated enough to not need it right away.

Definition of an orgasm: I think this is not as much of a binary situation as for guys. Female orgasms are more of a spectrum and at the low end, it can be tricky to know exactly if there was an orgasm or it just felt good. And who cares anyway?

Variety: I definitely want different things on different days. But it's also very situational, dependent on what options are available to me. If I masturbate during a break in the office bathroom, I only have my fingers and need to keep quiet. If I do it at home while the children are out, I can do anything I want. Time constraints matter too.

Interior satisfaction: I own 10+ vibrators but never bothered to get a dildo. Very rarely (maybe 1-2% of the time), I will feel the need for some 'fullness' while masturbating. When that happens, one of the larger vibrators can do that too. It's never about imitating intercourse though - no need to move in or out or do it faster and faster.

Instructing my partner: I give lots of non-verbal clues about what I like and need. If my partner has to be told more directly than that, I picked the wrong one. A big part of sex is exploration and play. It's not a paint-by-numbers exercise..

Masturbation inspiration: What I masturbate to varies a lot. It can be anything from sexting to pure imagination. The simple go-to choice is porn videos - they're easily available and get the job done. If they feel too repetitive or I just want something different, stories will do too.

Duration: Somewhere between 5 and 60 minutes. Most often around 15. Again, this is very dependent on possibilities.

Fantasies: If I have some kind of external stimulus (sexting, video, stories) , I don't really fantasize beyond that. If I don't use that, I will pretty much always fantasize. It's (almost) never about specific people or situations though. It's much more vague - just shapes, actions, emotions. I'm probably an outlying on this, since most I've talked to are much more specific in their fantasies.

Really interesting reading, thank you for your candid, honest, contribution! I love learning this kind of thing.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

A few observations from a woman who's done her fair share of assisting other women:

There's huge variation. One example is whether a woman likes her clit rubbed forcefully, or it's so sensitive you'd better not touch it with anything directly. And she may change from one to the other as she gets more aroused (in either direction!), though plenty of spit or lube can assist. Many videos just make women wince!

Also, possibly the main difference to men is that many women can't bring themselves to orgasm. A large proportion will have embraced the invention of the vibrator and especially the magic wand, especially the ones who don't generally come from penetrative sex.
For the ones who couldn't make themselves come but could when fucked, the solution was fairly straightforward - find a bloke...

I wouldn't be at all surprised if women started having fewer one-night stands in the mid-90s when sex shops became more available, followed by the availability of online magic wands.

The feeling good and the muscular spasms don't have to go together, though they often do, similar to men. And it's a range of both, rather than a simple did/didn't. Let's just say that if someone asks a woman if she came or not, a good answer is a dazed "Dunno. Who cares?"

Usually a good mental place (you could call that fantasy,.or just appreciating your partner) is required for the feeling-good. But equally, getting the stress of wanting to get off out the way may lead to then being able to enjoy happy thoughts and get to sleep or whatever. Can go either way round. Feeling the need to get off is a common PMT symptom. A bit of vocalisation can help with getting into the right mindset, but most women will be used to not wanting anyone on the other side of the wall overhearing. Except my mother-in-law.

So a story could play it in pretty much any direction, and vary even with one woman, by time of the month, age, tiredness, etc. Or as my spouse put it, "sex with you is like all the variation of polyamory, without the hassle!"

 

[AG31]

Also, possibly the main difference to men is that many women can't bring themselves to orgasm.

Huh. I'd always assumed (read???) it was the opposite, easier to get oneself off than for it to happen with man.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Huh. I'd always assumed (read???) it was the opposite, easier to get oneself off than for it to happen with man.

It can be, but the point I was making was that for a lot of women they can't get themselves off (or not without powered assistance). Men may or may not be any better at getting a particular woman off even if they actually try, but I haven't met a man who can't get himself to orgasm somehow.

 

[AG31]

It can be, but the point I was making was that for a lot of women they can't get themselves off (or not without powered assistance). Men may or may not be any better at getting a particular woman off even if they actually try, but I haven't met a man who can't get himself to orgasm somehow.

That sounds right.

 

[WCSGarland]

It can be, but the point I was making was that for a lot of women they can't get themselves off (or not without powered assistance). Men may or may not be any better at getting a particular woman off even if they actually try, but I haven't met a man who can't get himself to orgasm somehow.

Are you sure you are not conflating ejaculation with orgasm? I can't always give myself an orgasm. I can make myself ejaculate more often than I can make myself orgasm, but sometimes I can't even do that.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Are you sure you are not conflating ejaculation with orgasm? I can't always give myself an orgasm. I can make myself ejaculate more often than I can make myself orgasm, but sometimes I can't even do that.

Interesting - my understanding was they generally went together with men unless there was really huge exhaustion or stress or similar, or the ejaculation is triggered by something like prostate milking. But to be fair, when a guy says 'I came', I've never asked what exactly they meant, just assumed it meant orgasm.

Any idea how common your experience is?

 

[WCSGarland]

Interesting - my understanding was they generally went together with men unless there was really huge exhaustion or stress or similar, or the ejaculation is triggered by something like prostate milking. But to be fair, when a guy says 'I came', I've never asked what exactly they meant, just assumed it meant orgasm.

Any idea how common your experience is?

Some men probably do not bother to learn the difference. I can't say how common my experience is, because I haven't talked with a lot of other men about it.

 

[AG31]

Are you sure you are not conflating ejaculation with orgasm? I can't always give myself an orgasm. I can make myself ejaculate more often than I can make myself orgasm, but sometimes I can't even do that.

Could you describe the difference between ejaculation and orgasm? Is the penis erect in both situations?

 

[WCSGarland]

Could you describe the difference between ejaculation and orgasm? Is the penis erect in both situations?

I should probably apologize for accidentally hijacking this thread first.

With ejaculation, my prostate spasms and my semen is ejected. With orgasm, my whole core spasms and as corny as it sounds, I get tingles up and down my spine. My prostate may or may not be involved in my core spasm. My penis does not need to be erect in either case. If my orgasm is strong enough, I might have after shocks or mini spasms.

 

[AG31]

I should probably apologize for accidentally hijacking this thread first.

With ejaculation, my prostate spasms and my semen is ejected. With orgasm, my whole core spasms and as corny as it sounds, I get tingles up and down my spine. My prostate may or may not be involved in my core spasm. My penis does not need to be erect in either case. If my orgasm is strong enough, I might have after shocks or mini spasms.

Thank you! That'll do it!

 

[LargoKitt]

Some men probably do not bother to learn the difference. I can't say how common my experience is, because I haven't talked with a lot of other men about it.

I think I have learned that a lot of women assume that if a man is stiff he's aroused, and if he's aroused he can have an orgasm and ejaculate. Especially as one ages they don't all go together. A man can be very aroused but his pecker is a wet noodle. A lot of guys cum when they are pretty flabby. A number of guys can enjoy a buch of PIV sex but not cum. Perhaps, like women, the orgasm can be an out-of-body experience, or "Where's a tissue? I've got to go pick up the grandkids."

 

[AG31]

"Where's a tissue? I've got to go pick up the grandkids."

 

[LargoKitt]

I've also asked my wife these questions about what she thinks about while masturbating. She actually would prefer that I not be writing smut, but I think she trusts me enough to know I will not be putting anything of what she told me into any of my stories.

WCS, it is a time-honoured 'betrayal' by writers to mine their mates for story gems. As long as the names are changed to protect the guilty I assume you are 'off the hook' (which means something different these days.) Change the scene. Change the age. Change the gender? However, if you have a partner who frowns on your work but wants to read it anyway, in part to make it part of her own 'yayas', then perhaps stick to 'imagination'...it's funny. It makes a cloudy day sunny.

 

[WCSGarland]

WCS, it is a time-honoured 'betrayal' by writers to mine their mates for story gems. As long as the names are changed to protect the guilty I assume you are 'off the hook' (which means something different these days.) Change the scene. Change the age. Change the gender? However, if you have a partner who frowns on your work but wants to read it anyway, in part to make it part of her own 'yayas', then perhaps stick to 'imagination'...it's funny. It makes a cloudy day sunny.

She refuses to read my NC/R content, but she does read my other works. Whenever I write a sex scene, she is always in my mind, whether what I am writing is reminiscing or fantasizing. If she knew that, she would probably be embarrassed.