Women have the upper hand in relationships? Bullshit!

[MsQuote]

So often I hear guys say that women have the advantage or upper hand in relationships. I say "bullshit." Here's why:

1. If a woman isn't stunning, she's not even in the game. She gets looked over, or, at best, is considered "a nice girl" or "a friend."

2. If a woman asks a guy out, she's considered too forward or desperate.

 

[Thom_the_gleeman]

So often I hear guys say that women have the advantage or upper hand in relationships. I say "bullshit." Here's why:

1. If a woman isn't stunning, she's not even in the game. She gets looked over, or, at best, is considered "a nice girl" or "a friend."

2. If a woman asks a guy out, she's considered too forward or desperate.

is there some grievance you want to share with us dear?

Thom

 

[Keel_to_breaker]

So often I hear guys say that women have the advantage or upper hand in relationships. I say "bullshit." Here's why:

1. If a woman isn't stunning, she's not even in the game. She gets looked over, or, at best, is considered "a nice girl" or "a friend."

2. If a woman asks a guy out, she's considered too forward or desperate.

1. Not true. At the end of the day, we're attracted to similarity, both in terms of intellect and appearance. The research I saw in my uni psych classes (many years ago) suggested that in spite of appearance being important to initial interest, anything further is based on similarity and compatibility. Maybe I'm misunderstanding your use of "game"...but that's how I see it. I also find a person's quirks and imperfections to be endearing.

2. Not always true. If I already have a decent relationship with a woman, and she, in some subtle, non committed way, asks me "out"...I've usually been cool with that unless I'm just not interested. This doesn't make her "desperate" or "too forward". The "friend zone" goes both ways, I think, and you'll find a lot of guys in the same boat. Woman just tend to experience this type of rejection differently than guys do. Flirting and showing interest, when it works, is usually a two way street.

Not trying to sound rude, just making counter arguments

 

[MsQuote]

is there some grievance you want to share with us dear?

Thom

I thought I just did.

 

[Thom_the_gleeman]

I thought I just did.

yes... but why? something going on?

 

[IcariusInHiding]

Truth. I hear so many of my male friends moan about how hard it is to get laid or get a girlfriend, when there are plenty of wonderful women standing right under their noses getting completely ignored. I know you can't force people to be attracted to those they naturally aren't attracted to, but I know guys who complain that girls only want muscled-up dudes and then completely ignore girls just because they have a bit of chub.

Then they call girls who have lots of sex 'sluts'. Just can't win, can you?

Edit:

To clarify, I don't mean to make any generalisations. These are just depressing anecdotes from my circle of acquaintances.

 

[LadyVer]

So often I hear guys say that women have the advantage or upper hand in relationships. I say "bullshit." Here's why:

1. If a woman isn't stunning, she's not even in the game. She gets looked over, or, at best, is considered "a nice girl" or "a friend."

2. If a woman asks a guy out, she's considered too forward or desperate.

1. It depends on the man.
2. It depends again on the man.

Relationships are hard and even if a man says the woman has the upperhand, the context matters. Maybe he's joking, maybe he's referring to certain issues and maybe he's talking about the entire relationsip.

I think men get just as confused and frusrated as women over relating to one another. l think I'm going to find some wine and toast to that.

 

[blksoldier]

hello

So often I hear guys say that women have the advantage or upper hand in relationships. I say "bullshit." Here's why:

1. If a woman isn't stunning, she's not even in the game. She gets looked over, or, at best, is considered "a nice girl" or "a friend."

2. If a woman asks a guy out, she's considered too forward or desperate.

thats not all true for beauty is in the eye of the beholder stunning comes in all shapes and sizes

if a woman ask a man out he should be smart enough to accept and wise enough to pay.

i'm just sayin

 

[MsQuote]

thats not all true for beauty is in the eye of the beholder stunning comes in all shapes and sizes

if a woman ask a man out he should be smart enough to accept and wise enough to pay.

i'm just sayin

Let's put it this way ... the last time I turned a man's head was over two years ago. He later told me that I looked like Velma from Scooby Doo.

I've stopped asking men out years ago.

And where are these men who pay?

 

[catimann]

So often I hear guys say that women have the advantage or upper hand in relationships. I say "bullshit." Here's why:

1. If a woman isn't stunning, she's not even in the game. She gets looked over, or, at best, is considered "a nice girl" or "a friend."

2. If a woman asks a guy out, she's considered too forward or desperate.

I dissagree, a woman is the one to decide when things go or do not.
The not so stunning still can say yes or no because they are not asking. The guys are still left with that, at least in my age group (50's).

If a woman asked me out I'd say yes but it NEVER happens. Partly because of this I will not even look in the direction of a "stunning" woman. Complete waste of time in my mind.
Once the male has said yes, the ball is again in your court.

I don't think you mean relationships but dating because the game is in full play if you are in the relationship stage.
If some guy lords over you, in a relationship, that you don't look "stunning" enough or that you were the one to start things then he is one disrespectful jerk!

In my travels I see a lot of women I think are single (I don't have a ring and am divorced) but no one talks to me. I need to start things. It does not help that most women are almost never alone so one is always feeling like a wedge.
Am I complaining? Yes and no. I still meet ladies and go out but the batting average on POF: 0 the average in real life is more like .4. For dates.

 

[MsQuote]

If some guy lords over you, in a relationship, that you don't look "stunning" enough or that you were the one to start things then he is one disrespectful jerk!

Consider me a disrespectful jerk magnet.

 

[justuandmekiddo]

Consider me a disrespectful jerk magnet.

Now I am wondering if by responding in this thread if it is a magnet drawing me in or if am I doing so of my own free will....lol

 

[rn1]

1. Velma from Scooby Doo was hot!

2. I've had girls ask me out and I loved it. I was completely flattered and the majority of the time took them up on the offer. Actually I ended up taking them out but since they broke the ice they get credit.

 

[Keel_to_breaker]

Let's put it this way ... the last time I turned a man's head was over two years ago. He later told me that I looked like Velma from Scooby Doo.

I've stopped asking men out years ago.

And where are these men who pay?

This is very different from your initial post. Sounds like you need a bit of a confidence/self-esteem boost hun. Hopefully you have people in your life that you can reach out to for some much needed support and attention. Men aren't all bad though.

 

[catimann]

Let's put it this way ... the last time I turned a man's head was over two years ago. He later told me that I looked like Velma from Scooby Doo.

I've stopped asking men out years ago.

And where are these men who pay?

I pay but I doubt for long. This holiday I've asked out 3 ladies, two lunches and a dinner. Nice times, good conversation but. The tab $200. It's a lot for good conversation.

 

[rn1]

I pay every time I take a woman out. Even if she is the one that asks me out. Maybe it's a Southern thing but that is the right thing to do as far as I'm concerned.

 

[LadyVer]

I think.who ever does the asking out should pay..Why should the guy have to pay all the time?

 

[rn1]

I think.who ever does the asking out should pay..Why should the guy have to pay all the time?

I don't see it as I have to pay if a woman asks me out but I do. Like I said, it just feels right to me.

With that being said, if a girl doesn't offer to pay some of the tab. I do notice that. Doesn't mean I won't go out with her but if I'm not sure if I want to or not that may decide it for me.

Usually when I ask a woman out it's for a drink. That way we can talk and get to know each other and it doesn't cost a fortune. And if things are going well I can always suggest we grab dinner.

 

[Jewdles]

I agree, why should a man always have to do the paying. At least the woman should offer sometimes. When i was on my own a few years ago, i would always offer to pay for myself at least. It can be a generational thing, as men my age (50's) seemed to feel they should pay for both.

If I asked a man, then i should be prepared to put my hand in my pocket. I did smile catimann, as your comment reminded me of one occasion when a man asked me to lunch, and off i went and he insisted on paying, as in INSISTED lol. He then spent the entire time telling me how successful he was, and quite frankly I felt he owed me lunch for listening to him.

Nothing wrong with going dutch though, then each person feels they've done their bit.

J

 

[Keel_to_breaker]

I think.who ever does the asking out should pay..Why should the guy have to pay all the time?

I think its more important to pay attention to your date than your pocket book. I've had dates who "felt" they should pay (which is fine) and dates who wanted to pay for themselves. Really depends on the situation and the relationship. I always just assume that I'm paying if I ask someone out, especially if it involves a more "formal evening"...but some girls I've dated really wanted to make the gesture to show their independence. Dropping some money wont make you a gentleman if you're completely ignoring your date's reasons for wanting to pay for herself.

 

[MsQuote]

Regarding who should pay for dates ...

I've always believed whoever does the asking should do the paying. However, I've always felt that if a man doesn't pay for a date either ,,,

1. Sees a woman who's in the friend zone, which is fine;

2. Is sending out the signal that there won't be a next date, which is fine, too;

3. Or isn't willing to impress or woo a woman. That's when I pay my share of the bill and bail.

 

[rn1]

3. Or isn't willing to impress or woo a woman. That's when I pay my share of the bill and bail.

You're my kind of girl!

 

[LadyVer]

Regarding who should pay for dates ...

I've always believed whoever does the asking should do the paying. However, I've always felt that if a man doesn't pay for a date either ,,,

1. Sees a woman who's in the friend zone, which is fine;

2. Is sending out the signal that there won't be a next date, which is fine, too;

3. Or isn't willing to impress or woo a woman. That's when I pay my share of the bill and bail.

I can relate.

 

[Jrose81]

So often I hear guys say that women have the advantage or upper hand in relationships. I say "bullshit." Here's why:

I've always thought women had the upper hand in sex and men have the upper hand in relationships....le sigh.

 

[MsQuote]

This is very different from your initial post. Sounds like you need a bit of a confidence/self-esteem boost hun. Hopefully you have people in your life that you can reach out to for some much needed support and attention. Men aren't all bad though.

I put on my best face and attitude and dress well every time I walk out the door, and in my head I internalize that I'm much more attractive than I really am. However, the moment of truth comes out when and if I can recall when a man has told me, "You look beautiful/stunning/gorgeous." I haven't heard that in about a dozen years. It's even worse when I hear it though the grapevine that a man that I'm seeing has told someone else, "She's really not that attractive," and that's happened more than once ... actually, about a half dozen times.

I've also been told to my face:

"If I date you, you're going to have to lose some weight." (Heard that twice, and I'm not a plus-size gal.)

"You'd be happier if you lost that tummy roll."

"You're attractive with your clothes on, but when you got naked, you looked like a linebacker. That's why I fucked you from behind."

It's not about self-esteem; I'm just self-aware.