Woman believes testicular cancer is caused by lack of sex

[Strangebuddy]

Woman has lost a couple of family members to testicular cancer. Trying to find out what had happened, she believes she has found a common cause: no sex in months. She believes that the only way to prevent it for sure in the people she cares about is to make sure their balls are drained completely at least once a month.

Husband is of course happy to give into that thought though he tries to convince her she’s wrong. However, when she finds out her brother has it (he fortunately is saved through surgery) and finds out he too hadn’t been having sex, she decides she needs to make sure any man in her family is getting their balls drained regularly.

 

[Hypoxia]

... she decides she needs to make sure any man in her family is getting their balls drained regularly.

First Suzi recruits her GF Gilda to drain her male kin daily because. Then Gilda is injured in a car or elevator or roller-coaster or whatever, and can't perform, so Suzi must fill in. Are hand- or mouth-jobs sufficient?

We've brainstormed a gender-flipped version of this, Suzi contracts some weird affliction that is only offset by constant vaginal injections of sperm from her closest male relatives. Father, sons, brothers, uncles, day after day, ay yi yi.

 

[Strangebuddy]

I figure any release counts but since the first time she wants a complete “until you’re just firing dust” drain, the men make some requests and mom happily complies.

For example, husband realizes after first few handjobs his dick is going to rubbed raw by the end of the night so he makes a few that wife will cater to some fetishes while they fuck.

Son is torn between telling his mom to stop and the immaculate pleasure of her lips, so he tries to stammer out a request which mom takes to mean he wants to get horizontal (“oh poor dear, I know what boys your age want. Handjobs and blow jobs aren’t as impressive to brag about when you’re a college man, go ahead, mount your mommy”)


Brother is somewhere in between, a bit body conscious about his remaining testicle he just wants to be done with things but looking at his loving sister looking so sweetly at him while she blows him, he can’t help but want more.

 

[CuteSlaveLisa]

It's the opposite of an old joke...

Husband and wife are at his doctor's. After the exam the doctor speaks with the wife privately. He tells her that the husband's situation is delicate. He needs to have a completely stress free existance. Whatever he asks for he should get. His favorite everything including sex.

"It is a matter of life and death," the doctor says.

After her talk the husband asks his wife, "What did my doctor say?"

"He said you were going to die."


Love and Kisses

Lisa Ann

 

[Carnevil9]

It's the opposite of an old joke...

Husband and wife are at his doctor's. After the exam the doctor speaks with the wife privately. He tells her that the husband's situation is delicate. He needs to have a completely stress free existance. Whatever he asks for he should get. His favorite everything including sex.

"It is a matter of life and death," the doctor says.

After her talk the husband asks his wife, "What did my doctor say?"

"He said you were going to die."


Love and Kisses

Lisa Ann

The way I heard that joke involved two fisherman and one gets bit on the dick by a snake. The other one cell-phones a doctor for instructions.

 

[Carnevil9]

Woman has lost a couple of family members to testicular cancer. Trying to find out what had happened, she believes she has found a common cause: no sex in months. She believes that the only way to prevent it for sure in the people she cares about is to make sure their balls are drained completely at least once a month.

Husband is of course happy to give into that thought though he tries to convince her she’s wrong. However, when she finds out her brother has it (he fortunately is saved through surgery) and finds out he too hadn’t been having sex, she decides she needs to make sure any man in her family is getting their balls drained regularly.

I'd make it prostate cancer. Much more common, and more likely the woman has lost family and friends to it. Better yet, it would eventually lead to prostate massage!

 

[Hypoxia]

I'd make it prostate cancer. Much more common..

HHS says:

The most common reproductive cancers in men are: Testicular; Penile; Prostate.

Symptoms

* Testicular cancer: Pain, discomfort, lump, or swelling in the testis itself, aching in the lower belly.
* Penile cancer: Redness, discomfort, sore, or lump on the penis.
* Prostate cancer: Weak flow of urine, blood in urine, pain in the back, hips, or pelvis, or needing to pass urine often.​

Testicular cancer would likely work best for smut. Alternative: invent an ailment that calls for regular sperm emission. That's how halitosis sold mouthwash.