Wishing Well

[The Huntsman]

Good morning!
Here's a poem about intention. A poem about kissing frogs, the bottom of wells, and getting out off the hot lily just in time.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=46929

This poem is best performed live. To hear it in your own head, be generous with the stops, and get your mouth to pop on the plink, plop, plinks.

Ihmara

 

[The Huntsman]

Mind You Go Through Stone

I'm going to piggy-back another poem in this thread. I hope this is the proper convention.

This poem is a little longer in general, longer in each specific line, and it has an odd meter - where meter can be found at all. I see a few places where I'd like to clip unneeded words - those nasty little "to," "a," "an," "the" words

This is still a work in progress, but it should appear smoothe enough for presentation.

As a thesis, if this helps in any way, I was exploring the source of what we've called "sin;" and perhaps, more importantly, how to keep from breaking through misuse/abuse.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=46932

Ihmara

 

[Star At Sunrise]

Reviews

I think this is my third poetry review. Who knows? But I read the wise words of KillerMuffin, and will critique in hopes of one day being critiqued again. Huntsman, I hope you will participate in discussions of others poetry too, okay?

Anyways, you seem to really like writing and have a flair for imagery. Unfortunately, even as a guy, I find it hard to relate to your poems. I'll try and describe why, but only to try and explain. I do understand that you understand and obviously relate deeply to your poems. I'm sure that you will continue writing.

"In Her Middle Dug It Out" I liked a lot (even though it wasn't posted on this thread). Some haunting images in the fishbowl and the excedrin and chocolate.

"Wishing Well" I couldn't quite follow. Even reading it slowly three times, I still didn't quite get it. To me poetry should strike you the first time you read it as well as the tenth. And using the sound effects makes me think that you would have structured it like a narrative. If it indeed was a narrative, I couldn't follow it. And if it's a series of sounds and images, I couldn't really how they all related.

"Mind You Go Through Stone" is a little easier to understand when you explain it as you did in your post. Unfortunately, I learned more about the poem from your explanation than the actual poem. I don't mean to sound harsh, and some of your images as usual are well chosen. But when you mix swords and sorcerery with satan, and then say "fucking" late in the poem, the mix doesn't jell, and, as Martin Balsam says in "Psycho", "if it don't jell, it aint jell-o!"*

See, when someone introduces a word like "fucking" late in the poem, it says to me that the author is trying to draw my attention to a point that they desperately want to get across to me. Trouble is, it's a bit late to do that near the end, when you should be indicating what your poem is about relatively early. And, plus, I'm still not sure what the exact point you wanted to get across to the reader (other than the one spelled out in the title).

Maybe it's me. I don't know much, so take my critcisms with a few grains of salt.** Peace!

*"aspic"
**"sodium"

Star At Sunrise

 

[The Huntsman]

thank you

I must admit, I was a little taken aback by the swords 'n' sorcery comment. Magic was the furthest thing from my mind.

Thank you for the eff-word, critique: I will seek to replace it.

I am not a fan of profanity, and the inclusion of "each fucking time we hewed," came after the original poem was set down.
The "fucking" is copulation, rather than to set off the intensity of the specific "times that we hewed." The idea meant to be conveyed is that engaging in sex in the mindframe of "fucking," is in fact a savage use to put the blade to - it destroys the intimacy of the encounter, renders the act an axe-like labour, and compromises the structural integrity of both blade and blade-bearer.
I will work these lines. Thank you again!

As to Wishing Well:

are you familiar with the fable of the Princess and the Golden Ball? Where the frog when kissed becomes a prince?

I inverted the image. I darkened it. In the original tale, the Princess is willing to sacrifice herself, to trust blindly in the frog, to "make the leap" if you will. Therefore, when they come together at last, a transmutative Love is born. But only because both were willing to become one.

But I imagined two spirits of impure intention.
The one coming against the other, in the hope of enticing out a passionate response. But because neither are willing to give, the passion that bubbles up is also impure.

The poem says, quit while we're ahead. Save the patient, sever the limb. We can try again; but if we force it now, this gentle pool is boiling red.

Yes, I will participate in the future construction of poetry. I appreciate your second set of eyes, and the binding brain behind them. A pleasure, sir.

Ihmara

 

[Star At Sunrise]

No problem at all. I'm sure you will continue writing, and judging by the others opinions, you are on the right track. It will also be interesting to read your posts on these threads.

See yas!

 

[The Huntsman]

a question

I have been considering the statement that a poem's meaning should jump out at the reader.

I have to disagree.

I would make this distinction - the poem should immediately "mean" something, or stimulate the reader; albeit in a way they have yet to come to understand. But a cohesive comprehension might be many days, years, many readings in the future. And certainly, a poem once-scorned might resonate to the failing ear of old age, as it never could in youth.

I thumbed through one of the Norton Anthologies last night, to purposefully "lose" my bearings in a few poems.

I read the "Rime of the Ancient Mariner," and was soon quite lost. But the spirit was not lost, and the emotive center in me was not confused - yet explication would have been nearly impossible.

Do you have further thoughts?
Thanks,

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Do you think it is possible to enjoy a poem solely by the sonority of it's words?

I mean, none of us ever poses this question when we're talking about music, but is it possible to really be almost spell-bound by a poem on the merits of the clashing sounds of it's words, of it's rhytmic variations, even if the words carry no real meaning, or at least none YOU can depict?

Just a thought...

 

[The Huntsman]

Ye Poets Rejoice!

Yes,
there are poems as unobtrusive and as sweet as music. There are poems that may not be serious in theme, but resonate with the ear and comfort the mind like the rill-song of late evening water.

When I read Edgar Allen Poe, I find myself soothed. His poem "Annabelle Lee" is an excellent lyrical poem; and certainly "Ulalume" ranks as high or higher!

I am searching for an example, as I type......here is a decent example of simplicity and pleasant sound. This is from the Lord Tennyson: "The Eagle: A Fragment."
"He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
close to the sun in lonely lands,
ringed with the azure world, he stands.

"The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls:
he watches from his mountain walls,
and like a thunderbolt he falls."

I wanted to share this quote with everyone, from Percy Bysshe Shelley's "A Defence of Poetry." In this passage, he likens us poets to gods. A "hierophant" is a spiritual person who explains for others the sacred mysteries of Life.

"Poets are the hierophants of an unapprehended inspiration, the mirrors of the gigantic shadows which futility casts upon the present, the words which express what they understand not; the trumpets which sing to battle, and feel not what they inspire; the influence which is moved not, but moves. Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the World."

 

[Lauren Hynde]

"Poets are the hierophants of an unapprehended inspiration, the mirrors of the gigantic shadows which futility casts upon the present, the words which express what they understand not; the trumpets which sing to battle, and feel not what they inspire; the influence which is moved not, but moves. Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the World."

At this point, I would only like to broaden the scope in order to include the classical arts that have driven the world since the dawn of time: architecture, painture, sculpture, music, theatre, and whatever art forms I'm forgetting right now...

 

[The Huntsman]

semantics

I think that the "Poet" is figurative of the poetic spirit of the Artificer, whatever his or her medium.

Perhaps poem poets are as rare as carpenter poets, no?

Ihmara

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Right, don't mind me tonight, my brain is only working at 5%...

 

[karmadog]

Enjoying a poem based solely on the sonority of its words.

"Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."

I love "Jabberwocky", but who knows what the words mean?

All though I have to admit, despite Carrols's advice, I never shun the frumious Bandersnatch.