Wife's secrets

[oneblueye]

My wife's secrets are her own and if she isn't inclined to divulge any of them that's her right. However--, I have a sense of curiousity that HAS TO BE SATISFIED!

 

[jharp]

After my mom passed away few months back I started thinking about few things that I either thought I saw or actually saw. My wife of 40 plus years is disabled and most days hurting like hell. We never had a real sex life mostly because of her having intra metriosis and most women have a lot of pain having sex. We got married young and I had in my brain that a wife and husband should fuck early and often, but that was not for us. I had a thought in my head that my wife was more interested in my brother that was 2 years than I was. I would catch them stealing a look or a smile here and there. When I started my own company I brought him on board to help and they would somehow end up on overseeing the same job. I will be the first to say that I am and have always been a jealous person when it comes to my wife. Even i understand that it's her life too and she's got rights too. Anyway after my brother passed away I thought she was a little too upset for it to be just a brother in law. In the pass 10 years since she's been disabled we lost her dad and mom and my mom and dad and her 2 brothers. As in all deaths secrets have a way of coming out and as I was there watching my wife interact with my other brothers i see her hugging my other brother with her hand on his hip. Same way that she was hugging me 10 minutes early and for the last couple of weeks of my mom life, she was going up and staying with her and my mom was staying with brother. So I got to thinking what they say about smoke and fire. So last month after watching a catfish episode i came up with a plan. I started a fake Facebook page as a black guy that had been in the military with her brother that had died. I sent her a message asking if she was so and so sister and to my amazement, she replied. As the days went by I would message her and my story was i was in rehab and only thing they would let have was Factbook. I would tell her story that her brother had told me and in fact he knew her brother in law that had passed away too. I started dropping hints that I knew certain things and eventually she started messaging me for I could her. We got pretty close as a chatt friends go. One day I asked her for a picture and she said no that she wasn't comfortable with that. Well I told her I had few secrets that I could tell her about her family that her brother had told me. She sent me a picture. So I started with few jaw droppers and she knew I was the real deal. Then I told her that I knew few things about her and her brother in law, which was my brother. I told her for that I need to see her in her underwear and she said they was nothing to tell. So I told her,you sure? Then I ask her about a certain place, I got my picture. We talked about a week everyday and she got a lot of family secrets that she never knew and I found out that she has been fucking around early in our marriage. She even asked to see a picture of my dick and she has always told me that black guy's didn't appeal to her. So now what do I do with my information that I thought I wanted to know? This is 100% true situation

After reading this and some of the replies here I'm going to say that you should divorce her. This woman lied to you, used you and then denied you a great sex life. And I bet she expected you to pay for everything and take care of her. You kept up your part of the bargain but she didn't. It doesn't matter if it was 40 years ago or 4 days ago. She has zero respect for you as a man and a Husband. Cut her lose and live the rest of your life in peace.

 

[jharp]

My wife's secrets are her own and if she isn't inclined to divulge any of them that's her right. However--, I have a sense of curiousity that HAS TO BE SATISFIED!

This kind of attitude just floors me every time. 'My Wife has a right to Privacy and I must respect her space...'

WTF....Seriously!?

What I've seen is that when a wife 'values her privacy' its usually because she's getting something strange on the side and wants to keep it on the downlow. Often from the Husband, who is usuala trusting, clueless fool. I've seen this so many times that it follows a pattern like a broken record.

Truth of the matter is, if you marry someone your rights to privacy from that person are pretty much over. You are both a team and should not be keeping secrets from each other. When one keeps secrets it creates suspicion and mistrust.

This is probably not going to be popular with the LIT crowd, but it is what it is.

 

[oneblueye]

YES FUCKN SERIOUSLY you fuckn asshole.
I'm neither helpless, hapless or clueless and I'M NEVER TRUSTING, not my wife, not ANY FUCKN BODY.
Ya got me junior!?
It doesn't matter what your SO's secrets are or are not just because you call them 'your's doesn't mean that you own and it certainly doesn't give you rights to their thoughts their body or anything else that they don't feel you should have.
It doesn't matter who you THINK you could possibly be... but ya aint shit sonny.

And I don't give a fuck, who thinks what, here.

This kind of attitude just floors me every time. 'My Wife has a right to Privacy and I must respect her space...'

WTF....Seriously!?

What I've seen is that when a wife 'values her privacy' its usually because she's getting something strange on the side and wants to keep it on the downlow. Often from the Husband, who is usuala trusting, clueless fool. I've seen this so many times that it follows a pattern like a broken record.

Truth of the matter is, if you marry someone your rights to privacy from that person are pretty much over. You are both a team and should not be keeping secrets from each other. When one keeps secrets it creates suspicion and mistrust.

This is probably not going to be popular with the LIT crowd, but it is what it is.

 

[jharp]

YES FUCKN SERIOUSLY you fuckn asshole.
I'm neither helpless, hapless or clueless and I'M NEVER TRUSTING, not my wife, not ANY FUCKN BODY.
Ya got me junior!?
It doesn't matter what your SO's secrets are or are not just because you call them 'your's doesn't mean that you own and it certainly doesn't give you rights to their thoughts their body or anything else that they don't feel you should have.
It doesn't matter who you THINK you could possibly be... but ya aint shit sonny.

And I don't give a fuck, who thinks what, here.

Buhahahaha. Okay bub. Sure. Tell yourself that all you want.

 

[conoflex]

No matter what her past if you love her then that's that , before I met my wife I was crazy for a girl who was the biggest slut in town but when i saw her walking by I just seen a beautiful woman , I would have dated her in a heartbeat but her family moved away so it never happened , forget about thinking on your wife's past , if your biggest worry is she won't let you grab the back of her head when she is giving you head ,you have no worries ,enjoy life ,it's far too short as it is

 

[oneblueye]

Buhahahaha. Okay bub. Sure. Tell yourself that all you want.

go on and lie to yourself some more bitch, you know its true.
you never told your SO everything about you and your past...and with enough incentive someone in your life will prove it to ya.
And NOWHERE in the marriage contract does it say either or: partners are property of the other and to wit their secrets as well so suck ass kid.

 

[jharp]

go on and lie to yourself some more bitch, you know its true.
you never told your SO everything about you and your past...and with enough incentive someone in your life will prove it to ya.
And NOWHERE in the marriage contract does it say either or: partners are property of the other and to wit their secrets as well so suck ass kid.

Wow dude. I was just making an observation and you just flipped out. Clearly this bothers you more than you claim it does.

 

[policywank]

Sex and deceit are different things just as secrets and betrayal are different things. I agree with those that say her sexual past shouldn't matter, but if she has made a habit of deceiving I think that does matter. Likewise I think that lots of people have secrets for a variety of reasons which aren't necessarily problematic, but if someone is maintaining a secret so as to cover up a betrayal that is a problem.

I think that when the topic of cheating comes up we often confuse the issues. Sexual exclusivity or the absence thereof is a choice. It isn't intrinsically right or virtuous to be monogamous and it isn't intrinsically wrong or non-virtuous to be non-monogamous. But to betray someone and deceive them to cover up that betrayal is intrinsically wrong. Nobody should feel compelled to make any given commitment, but if they do make a commitment they should feel compelled to keep it.

People make mistakes. I did when I cheated. But I owned up to it and set things right. I now insist on maintaining my own sexual prerogative, but also realize that it is a fundamental obligation to be honest with my husband about it. How could he be expected to trust me otherwise?

 

[NewOldGuy77]

After reading this and some of the replies here I'm going to say that you should divorce her. This woman lied to you, used you and then denied you a great sex life. And I bet she expected you to pay for everything and take care of her. You kept up your part of the bargain but she didn't. It doesn't matter if it was 40 years ago or 4 days ago. She has zero respect for you as a man and a Husband. Cut her lose and live the rest of your life in peace.

She was laughing at you for 4 damned decades, bro. That's not love. Confront her, cut her loose, let her find someone else to be her caretaker.

 

[Freelee56]

Thought so at the time, now I'm not sure if I really wanted to know as much as I thought.

So can we see the pictures she sent?

 

[LeeKee]

After my mom passed away few months back I started thinking about few things that I either thought I saw or actually saw. My wife of 40 plus years is disabled and most days hurting like hell. We never had a real sex life mostly because of her having intra metriosis and most women have a lot of pain having sex. We got married young and I had in my brain that a wife and husband should fuck early and often, but that was not for us. I had a thought in my head that my wife was more interested in my brother that was 2 years than I was. I would catch them stealing a look or a smile here and there. When I started my own company I brought him on board to help and they would somehow end up on overseeing the same job. I will be the first to say that I am and have always been a jealous person when it comes to my wife. Even i understand that it's her life too and she's got rights too. Anyway after my brother passed away I thought she was a little too upset for it to be just a brother in law. In the pass 10 years since she's been disabled we lost her dad and mom and my mom and dad and her 2 brothers. As in all deaths secrets have a way of coming out and as I was there watching my wife interact with my other brothers i see her hugging my other brother with her hand on his hip. Same way that she was hugging me 10 minutes early and for the last couple of weeks of my mom life, she was going up and staying with her and my mom was staying with brother. So I got to thinking what they say about smoke and fire. So last month after watching a catfish episode i came up with a plan. I started a fake Facebook page as a black guy that had been in the military with her brother that had died. I sent her a message asking if she was so and so sister and to my amazement, she replied. As the days went by I would message her and my story was i was in rehab and only thing they would let have was Factbook. I would tell her story that her brother had told me and in fact he knew her brother in law that had passed away too. I started dropping hints that I knew certain things and eventually she started messaging me for I could her. We got pretty close as a chatt friends go. One day I asked her for a picture and she said no that she wasn't comfortable with that. Well I told her I had few secrets that I could tell her about her family that her brother had told me. She sent me a picture. So I started with few jaw droppers and she knew I was the real deal. Then I told her that I knew few things about her and her brother in law, which was my brother. I told her for that I need to see her in her underwear and she said they was nothing to tell. So I told her,you sure? Then I ask her about a certain place, I got my picture. We talked about a week everyday and she got a lot of family secrets that she never knew and I found out that she has been fucking around early in our marriage. She even asked to see a picture of my dick and she has always told me that black guy's didn't appeal to her. So now what do I do with my information that I thought I wanted to know? This is 100% true situation

I suspect very highly if I did something like this, I would find out more than I bargained for. I hope you can work it out. For me, i would do it just for Intel and confirm or deny earlier suspicions, but would stay with my wife.

 

[stiv837]

When my wife and I first started dating she told me she was a slut and not to fall in love with her, I didn't listen to her. She would tell me lot's of her sex life experiences and they turned me on. After we were married the stories stopped and the way she acted, one would think I married a virgin. After I caught her with another guy, she made a full confession about her many lovers she had been with during our marriage. This in turn led to an open marriage which worked really well for her, not so much for me. I have to admit her being with other men turns me on , but it has turned our marriage into a sexless one or at least it's sexless for me , has she has grown tired of me watching her with other's and no longer tells me about her lovers.

 

[jharp]

When my wife and I first started dating she told me she was a slut and not to fall in love with her, I didn't listen to her. She would tell me lot's of her sex life experiences and they turned me on. After we were married the stories stopped and the way she acted, one would think I married a virgin. After I caught her with another guy, she made a full confession about her many lovers she had been with during our marriage. This in turn led to an open marriage which worked really well for her, not so much for me. I have to admit her being with other men turns me on , but it has turned our marriage into a sexless one or at least it's sexless for me , has she has grown tired of me watching her with other's and no longer tells me about her lovers.

So...divorce her. I bet you're still paying the bills and she expects that support but isn't giving you the love and affection you need. Cur your losses.

 

[Justfantasies]

Something very similar happened to me with my first wife. A lot of men -- including me at the time -- think they can "keep up" with the wife in an open marriage. But they never can.

 

[stiv837]

Actually she makes more money than I do , so I'm not divorcing anybody.

 

[screwher]

I feel that my wife has a few secrets she’s still being coy about sharing with me. There was a period earlier into our marriage where she was cheating. She’s confessed to having been fucked by three different men during that time. I suspect there have been more. I would like to eventually know just how many and some details. But I understand that I may never know. And in a way I’m good with that too. I do find her infidelity hot!

 

[ReadyOne]

I've always wanted to know the (actually any) details about the first wife's affair while we were engaged and wed. All I'm sure of is his name and that he worked as a bus boy at the restaurant with her.

I'm 90% sure they were intimate before we met. I'm 50% sure they had a 3-way with his house mate; and if so, they did it several times.

I was sexually inexperienced; several months after the wedding she asked me to "eat her like xxx does" (note she used the present tense) then got an "Oh Shit" look on her face.

I was young and dumb and didn't want to divorce, so I just ask her for instructions re cunilingus. Later she told me they were through seeing each and asked me to let the incident die.

 

[Dusty753]

I suspect very highly if I did something like this, I would find out more than I bargained for. I hope you can work it out. For me, i would do it just for Intel and confirm or deny earlier suspicions, but would stay with my wife.

I will definitely stay with her because she is disabled now and where the heck is a 60yo guy going to go. I love her and have to take care of her, but I still don't trust her.

 

[agedmac]

Thought so at the time, now I'm not sure if I really wanted to know as much as I thought.

Yeah, reality often does not live up to the fantasy, so sometimes I'm happier just having the fantasy. Some 'reality' I know, well it's nice to have but generally it doesn't do well in sharing it. There's a woman I've known since we were both early teens. I know she had a torrid affair with her younger brother when he visited her in college (both of age). He gave me all the information one night drunk. I really enjoy knowing the story, but if I ever told her, it would ruin our friendship........but do I like to imagine having her naked on my bed as I enter her? Yep

 

[NewOldGuy77]

I will definitely stay with her because she is disabled now and where the heck is a 60yo guy going to go. I love her and have to take care of her, but I still don't trust her.

Where are you going to go? My 70-something-year-old widowed buddy just re-entered the dating scene and he’s laying pipe like an oil rig. She betrayed you, man, you don’t owe her anything!

 

[agedmac]

Where are you going to go? My 70-something-year-old widowed buddy just re-entered the dating scene and he’s laying pipe like an oil rig. She betrayed you, man, you don’t owe her anything!

Interesting. I have a very close friend who divorced his wife just last year. He's late 60s and in pretty good shape. He thought they had a good life, especially sexually, but his wife left him for a younger (50s) man and apparently they had been having sex for several years. Anyway, my friend went out on a date with a woman his age just recently. He admitted that she was 'eager' to get him in bed! and wasn't eager to try and make them exclusive. She has introduced him to several sex games together that he never knew existed. One of them was---bringing her best friend to his house late one night. He admitted that except in porn, he had very had a threesome and the two women loved doing each other almost as much as him. He discovered that he feels like he's a horny teenager (w/o all the fears).

 

[NewOldGuy77]

Interesting. I have a very close friend who divorced his wife just last year. He's late 60s and in pretty good shape. He thought they had a good life, especially sexually, but his wife left him for a younger (50s) man and apparently they had been having sex for several years. Anyway, my friend went out on a date with a woman his age just recently. He admitted that she was 'eager' to get him in bed! and wasn't eager to try and make them exclusive. She has introduced him to several sex games together that he never knew existed. One of them was---bringing her best friend to his house late one night. He admitted that except in porn, he had very had a threesome and the two women loved doing each other almost as much as him. He discovered that he feels like he's a horny teenager (w/o all the fears).

My guess would be it's all about supply and demand. Women tend to live longer, so older men are in short supply. I have another divorced friend from Detroit in his late 50s/early 60s, nice face but his body has the shape of a bowling ball. But he's got money, is super funny, really smart (does design work for Ford), and treats women well - his 'dance card' is always full!

 

[luckyseven]

Something very similar happened to me with my first wife. A lot of men -- including me at the time -- think they can "keep up" with the wife in an open marriage. But they never can.

Some of us learn the hard way - women have more capacity and opportunity

 

[drobert44]

Oh that's just ridiculous. If you are married then you're spouse is the most likely person to both understand your kinky past and to accept it as a part of your sexual chemistry that he/ she can share with you now. Trust me if I knew my 1st wife was Bi back then we would have had a FAR more adventurous and enjoyable sex life and marriage. She had REALLY good, and taste in women. Women that I'd be happy sharing her with.

Sounds like fun foreplay!