Wife sharing

[andyandy]

My wife has recently been hinting to the idea of having a threesome with another guy. She would like for me to watch her or participate with her (MFM). Has any husband ever allowed this or expierenced this? I am open to the idea although I want it to be a safe and fun enviroment. She has mentioned that she has fantazised about this for a long time butonly recently has told me. She really wants to expeirence this and I would like to know how I could do this for her. I want it to be a good expierence. Where can I go do this with her and how?

 

[SweetErika]

My wife has recently been hinting to the idea of having a threesome with another guy. She would like for me to watch her or participate with her (MFM).

As I'm sure you know, bringing others into the bedroom can really tax even the best relationships. You'll need to talk openly about this at a non-sexual time, deciding what you both want, need, fear, rules, should look for, etc. Then, when you're done, talk (communicate) some more. And then some more. This communication and planning can't take place over a couple of days, either...you need to give yourselves time to really talk, think, question, and be certain.

Has any husband ever allowed this or expierenced this?

Absolutely; a fair number of couples have threesomes, moresomes, and open relationships, including us. Our experiences (MFM, my hubby watching, MFFM, and me with other people alone) have been pretty positive, but that's because we had an extremely solid relationship, no jealousy or ego issues, and communicated before, during, and after. The other people have also been honest, trusted, and ones we didn't feel threatened by.

I'd caution you to be careful in thinking about 'allowing' or 'giving permission' though because that implies (no matter how subtly) that one person is giving in to the other or giving the other something, and that can be very problematic. The only way to do this is by mutual desire and decision. Perhaps you didn't mean it that way, but this is the type of thing I mean when I say you need to take plenty of time and examine thoughts, feelings, and words very closely.

She really wants to expeirence this and I would like to know how I could do this for her. I want it to be a good expierence. Where can I go do this with her and how?

I'm not really sure what you're asking here.

 

[gamer9643]

dont do it!

 

[silverwhisper]

andyandy: as erika noted, this can create very serious tensions in a relationship. even a great relationship can suffer strain from actually doing this.

i've done this when i was single and i was in a pretty unhealthy relationship back then. it was a spur of the moment thing and everybody involved later regretted it immensely, to the point of wishing it hadn't happened.

i did it when i was in a healthy relationship and while it didn't cause a problem for me, it did for the woman i was seeing. we invited a mutual friend into our bed and she later wished we hadn't, b/c she feels that love and sex should be exclusive.

i admire the fact that you want to help her realize the fantasy. if you're feeling this supportive, that's great, but ask her if she's thought through the ramifications on your relationship.

also, does she have somebody in mind for this? i would recommend either a mutual friend you trust if that's feasible.

ed

 

[Fellatio Lover]

I would advise against it. If you have one jealous bone(r) in your body you may come away from the experience with a bad feeling. That feeling may never go away. That's a hell of a price to pay for MAYBE an evening of temporary fun.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I would advise against it. If you have one jealous bone(r) in your body you may come away from the experience with a bad feeling. That feeling may never go away. That's a hell of a price to pay for MAYBE an evening of temporary fun.

That's why Erika said you have to do a lot of communicating before you do this. It's not for everyone, that's for sure. My wife and I couldn't do it. We've talked about it even though it's not something either of us has ever fantasizeda bout, and we determined that it just wasn't something either of us would be comfortable with.

If after you discuss this at length, cover all your angles and decide that you can handle all the possible ramifications, then maybe give it a try. Though It's not something that I'd be comfortable with, I won't council you against it, just council you to make sure you go in informed and with both eyes open.

EDIT: I have one more thought. Don't let your desire to fulfill your wife's fantasy force you into doing this if you aren't 100% sure. I can totally understand how powerful that desire is, but this is one place that you need to use extreme care. Adding another person to your relationship can have long term negative effects if you aren't 100% sure, and fulfilling a fantasy isn't worth that risk, regardless of how giving and selfless you want to be.

 

[FastFastr]

My wife has recently been hinting to the idea of having a threesome with another guy. She would like for me to watch her or participate with her (MFM). Has any husband ever allowed this or expierenced this? I am open to the idea although I want it to be a safe and fun enviroment. She has mentioned that she has fantazised about this for a long time butonly recently has told me. She really wants to expeirence this and I would like to know how I could do this for her. I want it to be a good expierence. Where can I go do this with her and how?

PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!

 

[Eilan]

dont do it!

Mostly good advice here, particularly Erika's. We can't tell you whether or not to do this because we know next to nothing about you and your wife's relationship. Even if you have a really healthy relationship to begin with, you just don't know how you'll react once the fantasy becomes reality.

Don't do it just to please her, because that can breed resentment. This is a decision that you have to make as a couple, and it's not a decision to be made lightly.

Not much I can add without echoing what others have said, except that my husband and I participated in a handful of MFM threesomes a little over a year ago. It's not something that we're interesting in doing now, though, even though it's still a hot fantasy for us.

 

[xfwas]

fantasy and reality......hmmm

 

[Snowman5933]

There are some serious issues to discuss before you jump into this.

1. Who will be the 3rd party? Are you going to pick a total stranger or someone you have an existing relationship with already? There are pros and cons for both. Regardless of who I picked I would demand a detailed sexual history.

2. How do you plan to protect your wife from STD's, STI's, pregnancy...etc? Is she going to use condoms (if so are they to be used for intercourse only...what about oral sex), is she on the pill or some other form of birth control? What if a condom breaks? These are some of the unpleasant things that may occur.

3. What if you start to feel uncomfortable at anytime during the experience? Will you tell her to stop and would she? What if she develops feelings for the 3rd party? How would you feel?

There are lots more questions that need to be answered before going through with something as serious as this. Your wife and yourself need to spend quite a few hours talking and answering questions again and again, before even thinking of this. It is not a decision to be taken lightly and deffinately not something to be decided in a day or two.

My SO and I have recently begun living out this fantasy, except it was my idea (I had fantasies of watching her be with another man). I knew from the start who I wanted the 3rd party to be (a really good friend of ours). We talked for a long time before discussing my idea with the 3rd party. When he finally got involved we talked in great detail for an even longer period of time. We all answered all the questions I posted above and then hundreds more. As everyone started to become more comfortable with the idea we started setting boundries for our fantasy. I was comfortable with allowing any sexual activity except for anal sex (my SO doesn't like it and I wanted the 3rd party to know that up front). Condoms must be worn at anytime a penis may contact her vagina...no exceptions to this rule would be tolerated. I must be present at all times...they can do whatever they want as long as I can watch. The last rule is the most important: anyone can stop this at anytime for any reason...no questions asked.

Our first experience was a couple weeks ago. My SO and I had talked about her spending the first night alone with him (I slept in the living room) to break the ice and hopefully relax everyone. She left the bedroom door open so I could watch as I wanted too. This experience was awkward for all of us. I got very uncomfortable and almost stopped the whole thing. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour in a hundred different directions. I felt like my heart was being ripped in half. It was very dark in the bedroom which made it very hard to tell what was happening. Let me tell you this...your mind will play serious tricks on you and can make things a thousand times worse than they really are. I finally got to sleep and awoke around 3-4 in the morning. My SO was asleep in the living room, so I woke her up. I told her how upset I had gotten and this made her upset because I didn't stop the experience like we had agreed. We talked in detail about what had happened in the bedroom and I started calming down. We eventually started getting really turned on and had great sex together. The next day we all talked out our feelings and made better plans for that night. That night we setup lots of candles in the bedroom, stripped the covers from the bed, and setup a bean bag chair beside the bed where I could watch and see everything. We all had 1 drink just to calm the nerves a little. It was amazing. I was not nervous, I did not get upset, I loved everything about it. My SO said that seeing me there made everything more intense in a good way.

We were able to get some really positive things out of our experience and may do it again with the same party. We haven't experienced any regrets or awkward feelings and everyone involved is really happy. I don't know if what I have said will help you, but talk to your partner and think it through.

Snowman

 

[Flea]

well me and my wife talked about it many times ... and finally went through with it for the first time a few years ago .. it isnt something we do all the time .. only when the mood hits the both of us .. but it is a great experience as long as it is something the both of you want .... having some worries when you first do it is a good thing ...

we mostly do it with friends ... not strangers .. but still use protection ...

 

[Quint]

I wanted to say thank you, Snowman, for sharing that story. It's not the side that usually gets told, and it's one of the most crucial, decisive parts: what actually happens the first time? It was an excellent perspective.

We will undoubtedly in our life get around to this. No excellent candidates at present, and it isn't such a pressing fantasy that we're actively putting ourselves out there on the market, but it is a thought that appeals to both of us. There is some awesome advice on this thread.

 

[77Cobra]

Wife and I got into MFM threesomes a few years back and we both loved it.But I always participated.Don't know if I could just sit back and watch her do another guy.Loved the look on her face as she was filled with both of us and it really sparked her interest in sex and she became much more adventourous.

 

[jerryjakes01]

I am incredibly aroused by the fantasy of my wife enjoying herself with another man. We just recently introduced the fantasy part into our bedroom, where I play her fantasy. There are ground rules. I don't want the fantasy to be someone I know too well. Maybe someone at her work, a former professor, or an older man. It has spiced up our sex life beyond belief. Maybe someday we will get to the point of sharing!!!

 

[Kelstev]

Yeah, I remember when I hinted to my husband about having another man join us in bed. It made it easier to cheat on him with the guy I was having the affair with.

We are divorced now(which was what I wanted)... I have grown up and am no longer selfish...I have learned a few lessons.

Just wanted to let you know that there are other reasons why people will hint at having 3somes. Sometimes it isn't just about pleasing the other person or spicing up anything.

 

[joej]

It all looks like pretty good advise. You just have to make sure your ready. That old green monstor called "jealousy" can really tear you and your relationship up. When I was in my late 20's, my ex-wife and I tried the swinging thing and it destroyed our marriage.
Now I'm my early 40's and my new SO have done the swinging thing and we had a blast. I think it had more to do with my maturity level in both relationships.

Communication is the key. Talk it out and make sure it is something you are both ok with. If you have any doubts at all in your mind, don't do it. That green monstor is a bitch to deal with. I know first hand. Good luck with whatever choice you make.

 

[luckyseven]

i've done this when i was single and i was in a pretty unhealthy relationship back then. it was a spur of the moment thing and everybody involved later regretted it immensely, to the point of wishing it hadn't happened.

ed

Rather ashamedly I have to admit that my wife and I swapped with another couple we met on holiday one year. We didn’t set out to but we gelled the moment we met. We went everywhere together and as is often the case on holiday we began to flirt with each other especially after a few drinks. We each rented holiday homes that had secluded pools so we often called on each other and relaxed by the pool rather than go down to the public beach. It wasn’t long before we felt comfortable relaxing and sunbathing without clothes. The atmosphere was great and we would often stay the night at their holiday villa so as not to run the risk of getting caught drinking and driving.

Nudity was the norm and I have to admit that seeing another women nude and applying sun tan lotion to another man’s wife rather erotic as our hands often explored areas which would normally be off limits.

Well one thing led to another and on one barmy night we skinny dipped well into the early hours and soon wandering hands were at play. It wasn’t a surprise that our sexual desires took over. At the time having great sex with another woman for the first time since we were married was very erotic and satisfying. Probably in the knowledge that only a few feet away my wife was equally enjoying herself eased the guilt. The sex was amazing, seeing my wife having orgasmic pleasure with another guy was surprisingly arousing. We did things together we never imagined and at the time we both felt sexually liberated.

But when we drove home we realised that it was huge mistake and regretted that we gave into lust. How would the future unfold? Had we let infidelity genie out of the lamp and that we may never be able trust the other ever again. Even though we knowingly and willingly engaged in sex with another couple would the temptation of sleeping with someone else behind the other’s back of the in the future be too much to resist and thereby run the risk of ruining our marriage. So far so good but can I be totally certain my wife has remained faithful? And can I be certain that I can resist the temptation to stray? Only time will tell.

 

[interesteddad]

I thought it was normally the guy who wanted to try things like this.

My first affair was a disaster because i was not emotionally mature enough to fulfil the girl friend.

The longer i am married the more i can satisafy my wife

 

[Rashashea]

My Dh and I have enjoyed two FFM threesomes and they were great, BUT notice there is always a BUT.... I would really like to be with another man and my DH is very against it. There is a guy that flirts with me alot at his work and I have tried to talk him into it, but it makes my DH mad when I mention it. He says that when we talked about the FFM thing that the MMF was never mentioned and if he had known that was what I would want he would not have done the other. Have to admit it makes it very hard not to have an affair. I think when you cross certain bridges it makes it alot easier to cross ones you never would have thought about. Good Luck Though

 

[SweetErika]

But when we drove home we realised that it was huge mistake and regretted that we gave into lust. How would the future unfold? Had we let infidelity genie out of the lamp and that we may never be able trust the other ever again. Even though we knowingly and willingly engaged in sex with another couple would the temptation of sleeping with someone else behind the other’s back of the in the future be too much to resist and thereby run the risk of ruining our marriage. So far so good but can I be totally certain my wife has remained faithful? And can I be certain that I can resist the temptation to stray? Only time will tell.

I know this is your experience, and I'm not discounting it. I suppose I am confused as to how you went from a mutual, consensual experience to "temptation to stray behind the other's back" though.

My husband and I have had a similar experience with another couple. We certainly questioned and feared it might change our relationship and have a negative impact. We've both really struggled with combating the notion that sex and/or love with others equals cheating (it doesn't...you can't cheat when your partner knows about and is fully supporting your activities, right?).

However, we felt positive about the fact that we had not been unfaithful at all; we made a mutual decision, supported each other, and acted together. We talked about what we enjoyed, and made decisions about what we would do in the future if we wanted to have other partners. The answer: complete honesty and communication... we committed to telling each other when the desire arose, talking about everything, and making a decision about it together. We committed to being faithful to the truth and upholding our vows to love, respect, support, be open, and do our damnedest to make it work.

So, my point is that I hope this experience you and your wife enjoyed won't be a source of guilt or fear in the future because it doesn't have to be. If having other partners isn't for you two, fine, but there are many ways to fulfill your desires AND your vows...you just have to be honest and communicate about it, rather than going behind each others' backs. We all should fear what will happen when we act without enough forethought, respect, communication, a solid foundation, or complete integrity, but when those bases are well covered, it has a lovely way of working out.

 

[SweetErika]

My Dh and I have enjoyed two FFM threesomes and they were great, BUT notice there is always a BUT.... I would really like to be with another man and my DH is very against it. There is a guy that flirts with me alot at his work and I have tried to talk him into it, but it makes my DH mad when I mention it. He says that when we talked about the FFM thing that the MMF was never mentioned and if he had known that was what I would want he would not have done the other. Have to admit it makes it very hard not to have an affair. I think when you cross certain bridges it makes it alot easier to cross ones you never would have thought about. Good Luck Though

Gotta love those double standards. What's the difference between bringing another woman or another man into the bedroom? Are his desires more valid than yours? (Those are the questions I'd be asking)

 

[luckyseven]

I know this is your experience, and I'm not discounting it. I suppose I am confused as to how you went from a mutual, consensual experience to "temptation to stray behind the other's back" though.

My husband and I have had a similar experience with another couple. We certainly questioned and feared it might change our relationship and have a negative impact. We've both really struggled with combating the notion that sex and/or love with others equals cheating (it doesn't...you can't cheat when your partner knows about and is fully supporting your activities, right?).

However, we felt positive about the fact that we had not been unfaithful at all; we made a mutual decision, supported each other, and acted together. We talked about what we enjoyed, and made decisions about what we would do in the future if we wanted to have other partners. The answer: complete honesty and communication... we committed to telling each other when the desire arose, talking about everything, and making a decision about it together. We committed to being faithful to the truth and upholding our vows to love, respect, support, be open, and do our damnedest to make it work.

So, my point is that I hope this experience you and your wife enjoyed won't be a source of guilt or fear in the future because it doesn't have to be. If having other partners isn't for you two, fine, but there are many ways to fulfill your desires AND your vows...you just have to be honest and communicate about it, rather than going behind each others' backs. We all should fear what will happen when we act without enough forethought, respect, communication, a solid foundation, or complete integrity, but when those bases are well covered, it has a lovely way of working out.

You make an interesting point in that the notion that sex with others does not equate to cheating when your partner knows about and fully supports your activities. We felt that it did and have subsequently felt guilt and fear about our relationship. If we were totally honest having other partners was something we did enjoy and would enjoy again in the future if we could be certain that jealousy would not tear us apart. But you have overcome this by your complete honesty and communication. Being committed to telling each other when the desire arises, talking about everything, and making a decision about it together is clearly something you have resolved but for us we still need to do. Being committed to being faithful to the truth and upholding your vows to love, respect, support, be open, and do your damnedest to make work is something that we should all aspire to.

 

[LaceyLoves]

I know this is your experience, and I'm not discounting it. I suppose I am confused as to how you went from a mutual, consensual experience to "temptation to stray behind the other's back" though.

My husband and I have had a similar experience with another couple. We certainly questioned and feared it might change our relationship and have a negative impact. We've both really struggled with combating the notion that sex and/or love with others equals cheating (it doesn't...you can't cheat when your partner knows about and is fully supporting your activities, right?).

However, we felt positive about the fact that we had not been unfaithful at all; we made a mutual decision, supported each other, and acted together. We talked about what we enjoyed, and made decisions about what we would do in the future if we wanted to have other partners. The answer: complete honesty and communication... we committed to telling each other when the desire arose, talking about everything, and making a decision about it together. We committed to being faithful to the truth and upholding our vows to love, respect, support, be open, and do our damnedest to make it work.

So, my point is that I hope this experience you and your wife enjoyed won't be a source of guilt or fear in the future because it doesn't have to be. If having other partners isn't for you two, fine, but there are many ways to fulfill your desires AND your vows...you just have to be honest and communicate about it, rather than going behind each others' backs. We all should fear what will happen when we act without enough forethought, respect, communication, a solid foundation, or complete integrity, but when those bases are well covered, it has a lovely way of working out.

This is an outstanding post and I agree completely. Without getting into too much detail my relationship with my husband is very much like Erika describes. It isn't something for everyone and it takes a very strong relationship in all aspects for it to work I think. Communication being the ultimate key (as it should be in any relationship whether sharing other partners or not). Part of the reason ours has been so strong is that we did things with others while still dating and it continued to make our relationship stronger then. We fully intended to stop once we got married (figured we would have it out of our system, lol), but a few months after our wedding we both spoke of our desires to continue that lifestyle. While a bit hesitant that first time, just because it had been a few months and the whole idea that it might feel different just because we were married, through communication we found that it was something we both would continue to enjoy and we would continue to try new things as much as we could.

 

[Snowman5933]

Yeah, I remember when I hinted to my husband about having another man join us in bed. It made it easier to cheat on him with the guy I was having the affair with.

We are divorced now(which was what I wanted)... I have grown up and am no longer selfish...I have learned a few lessons.

Just wanted to let you know that there are other reasons why people will hint at having 3somes. Sometimes it isn't just about pleasing the other person or spicing up anything.

I guess this would be the worst case scenario. Make sure you have 100% trust in your SO before you go through with it.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I know this is your experience, and I'm not discounting it. I suppose I am confused as to how you went from a mutual, consensual experience to "temptation to stray behind the other's back" though.

My husband and I have had a similar experience with another couple. We certainly questioned and feared it might change our relationship and have a negative impact. We've both really struggled with combating the notion that sex and/or love with others equals cheating (it doesn't...you can't cheat when your partner knows about and is fully supporting your activities, right?).

However, we felt positive about the fact that we had not been unfaithful at all; we made a mutual decision, supported each other, and acted together. We talked about what we enjoyed, and made decisions about what we would do in the future if we wanted to have other partners. The answer: complete honesty and communication... we committed to telling each other when the desire arose, talking about everything, and making a decision about it together. We committed to being faithful to the truth and upholding our vows to love, respect, support, be open, and do our damnedest to make it work.

So, my point is that I hope this experience you and your wife enjoyed won't be a source of guilt or fear in the future because it doesn't have to be. If having other partners isn't for you two, fine, but there are many ways to fulfill your desires AND your vows...you just have to be honest and communicate about it, rather than going behind each others' backs. We all should fear what will happen when we act without enough forethought, respect, communication, a solid foundation, or complete integrity, but when those bases are well covered, it has a lovely way of working out.

Erika is right on the money, as usual. Honesty and communication are essential to this kind of lifestyle. I think it's pretty obvious by the fact that you both felt guilty that this may not be for you. I could be wrong of course, but for this discussion I'm going to assume that's the answer. If so, let the guilt go. You tried it, it wasn't for you, don't let the guilt you're both feeling ruin your relationship. It's over, and if nothing else, that guilt just shows how deep your love for each other is. That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing.

As for letting the infidelity genie out, if you feel guilty for doing it consensually, then why would it make it easier to do it nonconsensually? Fidelity is really about one thing, mutual respect. If you respect and love your partner enough not to hurt them, then you aren't going to cheat on them. Any sexual desire can be overcome if you want to stay monogamous with your spouse. Cheating is always a choice, a choice between being faithful to your spouse or satisfying your own desires. If you can't choose your spouse, then you should take a close look at your relationship, because there is something more serious wrong there than being turned on by other partners.