Wife has come out as bi

[Runbow]

.....

 

[Bluewatercpl]

So I hope this doesn’t break any rules, but this is a situation a friend of mine is in. He and his wife have been married for around fifteen years, both in their late 30s. She has had experiences with women before they were married, but as far as he knew they were just a boring straight couple.

She has recently told him that she identifies as bi, and is more attracted to women than men. But the way he told it, she said it in a offhanded way and was concentrating on something else so didn’t really get into it.
He came to me for advice, but I was kind of at a loss. I don’t even know if he should do anything? Maybe just leave it alone and see if she brings it up again. I think he wants to talk more about it, to learn more about how she feels, but doesn’t want to push her or make her uncomfortable. Any thoughts?

She said it in an offhand way because she was worried about his reaction. This has probably been something important to her for a long time. It’s great she shared it. In my book, he should be a very happy man. Also, they need to explore where this can go and what his involvement is in a MFF relationship. If he were my friend I would tell him to go to a clothing optional lifestyle friendly resort like Hedo in Jamaica or Desire in Cancun and let her explore her feelings with women. We know many couples where the women is more bi than guy and they have a great marriage That has lasted for decades.

 

[SissySalina]

From a sissy aspect the first thing is he needs to decide for himself how he really feels about her having relations with someone else. If he is truly OK with it then communication in a relationship is important and he should drop his own hint how he feels with it.
Hopefully that will spark a conversation on the subject.
Once they both talk and declare how they feel then they can decide how to proceed.

This is only a sissy's opinion.

 

[yukonnights]

I think 'Bluewatercpl' may be correct in why she spoke so casually.

I've been in such a situation, so my input is that your friend is hopefully educated and open minded on human sexuality. You didn't say if he is or isn't okay with this new turn. On the assumption he is understanding; The first thing to do is reassure her that he understands and wants to learn more. I would strongly advise against initiating any talk about him 'getting in on the action'. That will, or won't, happen based on what the two women want.

The most important thing for him to understand is that bisexuality is an innate part of the woman he loves. Hopefully, he will understand that denying her the freedom to satisfy her need is a lot like her saying she never wants to have sex with him again. The main goal, I would think, is to work out a way for her to have both him and her female friend.

I might mention; He might want to bring up the other woman's husband/boyfriend, etc. Doing this stuff behind a loved one's back is a roadmap to disaster for all involved.

Kudos to the wife who braved up and opened up about a very personal issue.

 

[klippert]

like a dude cumming out to his wife...she owes him, to answer all his questions.. is she a U haul Lesbian or digs have sex with women "offhand"..

 

[puppett]

so,
it probably means she has already met some one, she is either wanting to date, or is already cheating with.
a threesome probably is on his mind and hers to be guilt free.
he should contact a lawyer if she mentions a threesome. then enjoy the threesome and hope the lawyer is not needed.

I agree with what has been said by the pervious responders. What I feel needs to happen as soon as they can make it happen, is to block out some time and really sit and talk about what this means to THEIR marriage.
Is she hinting that she wants out of the marriage so she can feel guiltless when pursuing outer women?
Is your friend ok with any of this?
Is he willing to stay married but let her have her “girl time”, every now and then? If this is the case, they need to defile what “every now and then” means.
Is she wanting to bring another woman into their relationship?

There are so many unanswered questions here. I can understand that may be he was blindsided by this and wasn’t I. The right state of mind to process it all, but he needs to sit down and spend some time talking it over and what this truly means to the state of their marriage.

That’s my two cents worth on this subject, but I welcome any other comments agreeing or disagreeing with me.
Dee

 

[blade_rocknut]

I'm just gonna throw out personal anecdote; aka true story...albeit edited for brevity.

My ex wife realized around age 35 she was into women. I want 3 threatened; in fact encouraged it, as she assured me; no way would she want a relationship with a woman...just sexual experiences I couldn't give her.

She fell in love.

She then told me, she'd been a lesbian since she was 13, but covered it up and lived the straight life to make family happy....and that she hadn't loved me in a long time.

She was seeing a shrink, but refused to do couples therapy; claiming I'd sway the doc to see things my way. Not fishy at all.

The person with whom she was infatuated bailed, because she recognized the crazy.

My ex convinced all our friends to have sympathy on her; that she was the victim, having been forced to stay with a bad guy ( me) to maintain a facade of propriety. Total bullshit; we were quite comfortable with bucking familial expectations already, and I encouraged such dissent.

My ex wound up engaged to marry a horrible, unattractive ( by literally anyone's standards) malcontent lesbian woman who treated our kids as intruders in their own mother's home.

That fell through, and now she's with a narcissistic prick of a guy, for the last couple years.

Moral of the story? Mid life crises happen, and people do and say rash shit they later regret.

I'd never tell a person they shouldn't explore their sexuality; simply offering a word of caution. A person must be prepared for whatever comes next.