Wierd, unconventional, disturbing?

[Sigmund_Freud]

I've written some fairly successful stuff under another name. For some reason, it's getting harder to write that stuff -- it feels like I'm just churning it out.

This is a story chain where I have deliberately set out to break some narrative conventions and focus on details that are not normally paid attention to. I expect this to puzzle some.

Part 3 might even belong under Erotic Horror, I'm not sure, but your frank reactions to my (experimental) fiction are welcome. Part 3 is rather the climax, and I'm trying to decide where to take it all next.

Cordially,

Sigmund

The Training of Slave Girl Shana

 

[Sigmund_Freud]

oh dear.... can I offer anyone any bribes?

 

[babiesmiles]

I just read all the chapters of your story and I really liked them . Keep writing

 

[Lady Cassandra]

Feedback??

I'm not sure exactly what kind of feedback you are seeking, mate. The opinions espressed now are mine and mine alone.

At first I thought, "A.N. Roquelaure." Later I thought, "I want that machine..."

???
Cassie

 

[Sigmund_Freud]

I'm not sure exactly what kind of feedback you are seeking, mate. The opinions espressed now are mine and mine alone.

At first I thought, "A.N. Roquelaure." Later I thought, "I want that machine..."

???
Cassie

LOL - thank you, Lady Cassandra (M'Lady?). I didn't expect comparisons to Anne Rice, but I'm not complaining - that was appreciated.

I'm sorry, yes, I think perhaps I should have been more specific in what sort of feedback. I'll pose a few questions, and folks are welcome to address any of them.

1. The detail in part 1 is labourious - or at least writing it was - but does anyone perceive what effect I'm after? The Understudy seems to trying to create photographs of Shana without actually taking pictures, and the intended effect I had in writing this, was that it read like a kind of catalog, more than a story.

2. Frankly, in Part 3, I didn't expect anyone would want such a machine (! do tell, M'Lady), least of all Shana. Am I mining the Jungian shadow side of something here or is this no better than gratuitous nonconsentual detail? I think it's erotic, and I have yet to hear from anybody who didn't think so. I didn't expect that.

er, drat I'm late for work - 2 questions then.

Thank you again for indulgences!

 

[RoseMadder]

I've been meaning to post here for a few days to offer my feedback, but you know how it is!

I just wanted to say, I read all 4 chapters and really really enjoyed them. You've got a cracking story going on there. In each chapter there's something to keep the reader interested and keen to come back and find out what happens next. I can't wait to read Ch.5.

Ch.3 was certainly my favourite. Something about the mixture of Shana's fear and acceptence of what was happening was incredibly inthralling. I am completely at a loss to understand how you managed to convey so much of the story with so few words. The fact that a short string of the letter 'Aaa...' can say so much is amazing.

I wanted to add some thoughts to your questions below...

1. The detail in part 1 is labourious - or at least writing it was - but does anyone perceive what effect I'm after? The Understudy seems to trying to create photographs of Shana without actually taking pictures, and the intended effect I had in writing this, was that it read like a kind of catalog, more than a story.

I completely got the effect you were trying to create. I didn't find it labourious to read at all, but then I am such a detail whore! I love having the scene laid out for me.

2. Frankly, in Part 3, I didn't expect anyone would want such a machine (! do tell, M'Lady), least of all Shana. Am I mining the Jungian shadow side of something here or is this no better than gratuitous nonconsentual detail? I think it's erotic, and I have yet to hear from anybody who didn't think so. I didn't expect that.

I found it very erotic and strangely, although I know it was non-consentual, it didn't come across as upsetting. I have no idea why that should be? Perhaps because you had already introduced Shana as consenting to become a slave and as such, she was 'expecting' something like this to happen?

I have to say... Iwould also like one of these machines!

I hope you submit another chapter very soon.

Rose x

 

[Sigmund_Freud]

wow - thanks

Rose, that was wonderful to read! I know this forum isn't for back-patting, but don't stop!

Seriously, however, it was gratifying to see that my thoughts fuelling this story do not exist in a vacuum. In other words, I seem to be expressing an erotic impulse that is shared. I'm not the only one who found Shana's stretching erotic. And so I enjoy hearing all that.

Re: "Aaa." I have to say, I sat in front of my screen and tried and discarded maybe ten different combinations of letters before I settled on "Aaa." It was the closest I could come to giving you a word that sounded like what I was hearing in my head. Shana is opening and closing her mouth, as if to speak, but only once in a while does sound come out.

Oh -- there is one television show where you can see a female make pretty much the sound I'm hearing in my head. A long time ago, on a 1979 episode of "Battlestar Galactica" called "The Lost Planet of the Gods," a female colonial fighter pilot named Serena (played by Jayne Seymour!) is shot in the back during a cylon ambush. Her anguished lover, Apollo, frantically cradles her as she lays dying. He calls her name, but all Serena can answer with is "Aa! Aa-a!" Fade to commercial.

I was only a kid, but for some strange reason, as much as that scene really disturbed me, it also left me hard as a rock.

Anyway, this chapter 3 was banging around in my head for months before I wrote it, and I surprised myself with how turned on I was when adding all that detail.

Re: The Machine. Yeh, I was thinking this story could use some more machine. On the other hand, I don't want to write about what's already been explored. But durnit, I think I will.

Part 5 is done. I shall submit it forthwith. Anything you want to see happen to poor Shana?


xx Sigmund

 

[RoseMadder]

I'm glad you approve of my comments.

The story could definiately handle more machine in my (humble!) opinion. It will be interesting to see whether Shana starts to enjoy her sessions rather than fear them.

It's interesting isn't it that things we see or experience during childhood fuel our erotic desires later in life. Now i'm no psychologist, but presumably there's a whole host of books written containing research about that very subject. I myself working my own childhood experiences into my writing and although the experiences themselves were non-sexual, they still find their way into my erotic stories.

I haven't seen the 1979 version of Battlestar, but I watched the re-make and loved it. I think I will try and find the episode you are talking about.

Do you find it difficult to write things that you've had in your head for a while? I do, I seem to spend a long time planning storylines and plotting what happens, and then when I try to get it down on paper, I can't seem to do the pictures in my head justice. Any advice on how to get around that would be gratefully received!

Finally, I am desperate to find out what happens to Shana when she finally meets her master, but I am kind of looking forward to being teased a bit longer first! Can't wait to read Ch.5 asap!

Rose x

Ps: I'd also like to read other things you've written. You mentioned that you had submitted things under a different name, would you be willing to tell me where I can see more stuff by you? You could always PM me if you don't want it to be common knowledge.

 

[Sigmund_Freud]

Rose, I've PM'ed you...

Sigmund

 

[babiesmiles]

I read the new chapter as well . Very good .