Why?

[Orlanth]

As some of you know, I have a online relition ship with a woman over in the states. And she will be coming over to Australia to be with me this August-September. Any way, she is married to an asshole. Who she will divorce as soon as she can. He is one of those guys which abuse and hit there wifes. For the 2 years that their been married he has hit and abuse her every single day. He takes his angure out on her.

Today he found out about our plans for August-September. And he hti her and really hurt her. I know he has the right to be mad at her, well he just found out his wife was havng an affear with me. But still that dose not give him the right to hit her.

Why do you think guys like this hit there wifes? I can't imagine my self doing it. Well, post your opinnions are what every please. I want to know other peoples thoughts on this.

 

[Mistress]

I have had abusive boyfriends. And I made a vowel to myself, the next time a guy lays his hands on me in harmful way without a good reason..I'll kill him. smiles
Seriously.....

 

[Orlanth]

If I could go to the states now, I would'nt kill him, I would do some very nasty things to him. He would have a life of sufering and he would wish to commite sucide which he would'nt be able to because he would not have arms, and legs to move.

In other words, don't mess with my girl!

 

[Xander]

I never understood, nor will I never understand why a husband/boyfirend ever would hit his wife/girlfriend.

It's so low. And makes me SO angry!!!

I'd die before i would ever do anything like that.

 

[Orlanth]

I never understood, nor will I never understand why a husband/boyfirend ever would hit his wife/girlfriend.

It's so low. And makes me SO angry!!!

I'd die before i would ever do anything like that.

I agree with you, and feel the same way.

 

[Angel]

I don't understand why women stay. I was beat on ONCE. I had a sprained rib, 2 black eyes a broken finger and more bruises than I can count....and after beaning him over the head with something hard and solid, I left.


(I'm not trying to sound insensitive, because I KNOW the psychological bullshit abusive men put the women through...but holy shit how many broken bones does it take to realize you need to get the fuck OUT?)

 

[Orlanth]

I don't understand why women stay. I was beat on ONCE. I had a sprained rib, 2 black eyes a broken finger and more bruises than I can count....and after beaning him over the head with something hard and solid, I left.


(I'm not trying to sound insensitive, because I KNOW the psychological bullshit abusive men put the women through...but holy shit how many broken bones does it take to realize you need to get the fuck OUT?)

She can't leave him till August, some bullshit with immigration, she is marrid to a amercian guy but she comes from Czech Republic, so she needs some stupid Green card before she can leave. Some times the law sucks.

 

[Angel]

Well other than that, doesn't she have any friends? Family? .... A Women's Shelter?

 

[Shelby]

I've been away for so long that I know I've missed all the "who's with who" stuff lately. I've no idea who you are speaking of, and I realize I'll be thrown to the sharks for what I'm about to say, but...


Be very careful. The knight in shining armour is a noble place to be. Until the fight starts. Then you bloody well better know why you are fighting.

Stats say that the person that you leave a relationship for never works. (It does. In a miniscule percentage. Someone here has the stats. Brandi? Blue?) Have you ever met her?

I am probably so far off my rocker that (well, can't think of how to finish that) but, she's been married for 2years and is being hit every day and he found out about you and she is comng to see you? You must have red flags also or you wouldn't have posted this. Hit every day? 2 years later?

 

[Angel]

Not only that, but make sure she's being straight with you about everything.

 

[Xander]

[B
She can't leave him till August, some bullshit with immigration, she is marrid to a amercian guy but she comes from Czech Republic, so she needs some stupid Green card before she can leave. Some times the law sucks. [/B]

macbeth. Please email me.

 

[Laurel]

I don't get it either. I was in the bookstore the other day and I passed by the wall of self-help books - "Men are from Mars..." type stuff - and I thought, HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT? Yes, finding a guy who you're compatible with isn't easy, but it's not rocket science. If he's an asshole, say good-bye! If she's a bitch, then hasta la vista baby! I can understand young people making mistakes, but when I see people my sister's age - women who have enough experience that they should KNOW better - continue to latch onto the most abusive, insecure assholes in Southern California, I just slap my head and roll my eyes...

Don't buy a fucking book. Here's all the advice you need: if he or she makes you feel bad about yourself, then end it. If he or she needles and bullies you, end it. If he or she hurts you physically, end it. If he or she does anything but make you feel wonderful and needed and loved - if you spend more than 50% of your time miserable because of things he or she does - then end it. There's nothing that breaks my heart more than to see people like my grandparents, sticking together out of habit not out of love, wasting 50-odd years of their lives with a partner they could care less about. Life's too damn short to not be picky about who you spend it with.

 

[Laurel]

Why do you think guys like this hit there wifes? I can't imagine my self doing it. Well, post your opinnions are what every please. I want to know other peoples thoughts on this.

I think you need to do everything you can to urge her to get out of that relationship ASAP. My heart would break if he flew into a rage and beat her to death before the paperwork comes through. That sounds harsh, but it does happen, and WAY too often. She needs help, and fast!

 

[Shelby]

I truly hope that one day you come back with your 5 kids and tell me that I know shit...

But sounds wrong to me.

 

[Orlanth]

Not only that, but make sure she's being straight with you about everything.

I know every thing. And she knows everything about me.,

 

[Kuddles]

People who abuse usually are victims of abuse themselves from their childhood by either their parents or adult authority figure. This doesn't make any excuses for their behavior but it usually stems from that.

Spousal abuse is a control issue. The abuser is a very likely a person with very low self esteem and can only feel powerful when he has his mate under subjection. The abuser must always be in control. When he feels his/her control slipping that's when the physical or mental abuse comes in. They rule by using their power and force.

There are women shelters that she can go to and they will help her out. Maybe, she could stay at one of these places until Sept./Oct. or whenever it is that she is to go to you.

 

[CoolCucumber]

In all of the times I've ever been mad at a girlfriend, I could never, and I do mean NEVER think of hitting her. I think of it this way...Would I want some asshole laying his hands on my sister? How about my mother? The answer is a resounding NO!
-CoolCucumber

 

[Laurel]

Be very careful. The knight in shining armour is a noble place to be. Until the fight starts. Then you bloody well better know why you are fighting.

True...he needs to stay out of the line of fire. SHE'S the one who needs to take action and get herself out of there. You definitely don't want to turn it into a tug-of-war with her in the middle and you and the hubby grabbing a leg. That won't help her or her kids.

 

[Orlanth]

In all of the times I've ever been mad at a girlfriend, I could never, and I do mean NEVER think of hitting her. I think of it this way...Would I want some asshole laying his hands on my sister? How about my mother? The answer is a resounding NO!
-CoolCucumber

I feel the same way.

 

[Orlanth]

I know she should leave him ASAP, but it is harder then you think. If she lives him, immigration will take he her back to Czech Republic, though I have suggusted moving in to a friends or even just going back to Czech Republic and come to me when she can. But she said if she goes back to Czech Republic, it will take ages to be able to get here.

 

[CreamyLady]

Control issues, usually. He feels little control over his own life, so he imposes it on his "loved" ones.

She shouldn't hang around in that house until August, though. She should get out.

 

[Orlanth]

She shouldn't hang around in that house until August, though. She should get out.

I know, I want her to leave him ASAP.

 

[CreamyLady]

Under the circumstances, can't she go to a shelter? Also, would the INS automatically deport her if she's being abused?

I'd wonder about that, and ask a lawyer.

 

[Orlanth]

Well, if she goes to a shallter or lives with a friend, her husband will file for divorce which the immigration will deport her back to Czech Republic.

 

[CreamyLady]

I think she needs to talk to a lawyer about this, and go to a shelter immediately. No one is going to punish her for trying to get out of an abusive marriage.

Seriously, this sounds a lot like her husband talking. She needs her own counsel.