Why won't the past stay in the past?

[Just-Legal]

Why can't I stop thinking about something that happened nine years ago? Why does it still have this hold over me?

 

[fifty5]

Why can't I stop thinking about something that happened nine years ago? Why does it still have this hold over me?

Could be so many reasons, Helen, but clearly it had impact - and by the sound of it, was as welcome as the impact of a brick.

Luckily, good impacts also stick - I remember someone who helped me out quite a while back.

 

[Just-Legal]

Could be so many reasons, Helen, but clearly it had impact - and by the sound of it, was as welcome as the impact of a brick.

Luckily, good impacts also stick - I remember someone who helped me out quite a while back.

You're a love

Every time I think I've dealt with it, it comes back and slaps me in the face. I finally had enough strength to talk to the fiance about it. He's the first person I've ever told. And now I'm sat here chain smoking and trying not to cry. My head is a shed.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Why can't I stop thinking about something that happened nine years ago? Why does it still have this hold over me?

HAH! I still think about dumb things I did or said a half a century ago, or even longer. I mean even trivial things that were of little consequence then and are of even less now.

 

[angela146]

Why can't I stop thinking about something that happened nine years ago? Why does it still have this hold over me?

Things that have a strong emotional impact tend to be more heavily imprinted on the brain than things that have little emotional impact.

If the event was scary, painful, sad, hurtful, terrifying, humiliating etc., it will get baked into your memory pretty hard.

I have several hard memories that won't go away. My husband has been a comfort to me to help make me feel better.

If I may suggest, you might want to have your fiance "change your mood" after you tell him about a strong unpleasant memory. It doesn't even have to be done in a sexual way. For example, he could find some way of making you laugh hysterically.

If he can surround the bad feelings with good ones, it might help. That has worked for me over the years.

Hugs...

 

[ABSTRUSE]

The Wind Is My Mother: The Life and Teachings of A Native American Shaman, Bear Heart (Marcellus Williams) with Molly Larkin, page 110 - 115 Releasing and Relinquishing, ISBN 0-425-16160-9, Berkley Books, New York. Thanks Casey.


"...A witch doctor from South Africa told me how they catch monkeys there. They bore a hole in a pumpkin large enough to slip in a banana, then they reach through the hole with a spoon, clean out the inside, and drop in the banana. When a monkey comes around, he smells the banana inside the pumpkin, sticks his little forearm in there, feels around, grabs hold of that banana, and then he's stuck. His brain will not tell him to free his hand he's got to release that banana. He just hold on.
That's the way of a lot of human beings today - holding on to that banana for years. You haven't let go of your old hurts and disappointments. There are many, many things that happen in your life that you should have gotten rid of, but you're still holding on to them, you still have a big dialogue going on....

Now what happens? You are given a choice when you hold on to that banana. A choice either to let go or to blame that stupid old pumpkin: If it wasn't for that pumpkin, I'd be out there free."...

There are many, many ways to let go of our bananas, so to speak....

When you learn and say, "I did it," and you accept that fact, then you have dealt with something that's been nagging you for years and years and years. You have finally let go of the banana of that situation and it doesn't come and nag you all the time....

When you release AND relinquish, then you're okay. But if you just release, it will keep coming back, over and over and over to bug you. Relinquish if you really want to release."...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

HAH! I still think about dumb things I did or said a half a century ago, or even longer. I mean even trivial things that were of little consequence then and are of even less now.

'Struth! Not to mention those hurts and insults that people did to me before your parents were born, Helen. How could they possibly matter? But they won't go away except by my deliberately changing the mental subject.

 

[Boxlicker101]

The Wind Is My Mother: The Life and Teachings of A Native American Shaman, Bear Heart (Marcellus Williams) with Molly Larkin, page 110 - 115 Releasing and Relinquishing, ISBN 0-425-16160-9, Berkley Books, New York. Thanks Casey.


"...A witch doctor from South Africa told me how they catch monkeys there. They bore a hole in a pumpkin large enough to slip in a banana, then they reach through the hole with a spoon, clean out the inside, and drop in the banana. When a monkey comes around, he smells the banana inside the pumpkin, sticks his little forearm in there, feels around, grabs hold of that banana, and then he's stuck. His brain will not tell him to free his hand he's got to release that banana. He just hold on.
That's the way of a lot of human beings today - holding on to that banana for years. You haven't let go of your old hurts and disappointments. There are many, many things that happen in your life that you should have gotten rid of, but you're still holding on to them, you still have a big dialogue going on....

Now what happens? You are given a choice when you hold on to that banana. A choice either to let go or to blame that stupid old pumpkin: If it wasn't for that pumpkin, I'd be out there free."...

There are many, many ways to let go of our bananas, so to speak....

When you learn and say, "I did it," and you accept that fact, then you have dealt with something that's been nagging you for years and years and years. You have finally let go of the banana of that situation and it doesn't come and nag you all the time....

When you release AND relinquish, then you're okay. But if you just release, it will keep coming back, over and over and over to bug you. Relinquish if you really want to release."...

This is kind of a crock, at least in my case. I'm not referring to wrongs that were done to me; I mean dumb things that I said or did. Anybody else who might have been around to notice these things has probably forgotten about them decades ago, because they were of so little consequences.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

This is kind of a crock, at least in my case. I'm not referring to wrongs that were done to me; I mean dumb things that I said or did. Anybody else who might have been around to notice these things has probably forgotten about them decades ago, because they were of so little consequences.

Let go of the banana Box.

 

[Stella_Omega]

We all do it. There's an episode that I remember from 1976-- makes me wince and cringe every time i think of it. It was my fault.

There is one from 1982 that makes me uncontrollably angry-- and one from the same year that makes me cry for helplessness. My sister still gets mad at me for something she says I did when I was thirteen-- that's thirty-five years ago!

 

[Just-Legal]

Its not so much what happened to me that bugs me, its the "what ifs" of what could have happened to others that bothers me.

I can't say much more without explaining the whole damn thing

 

[Misty_Morning]

Let go...it's hard to do, but if you don't it will consume you.

The past is just that... the past.

You can't go back and change things.

This is what I tell myself, either let go and live or give in and be miserable.

I choose to live.

 

[human_male]

HAH! I still think about dumb things I did or said a half a century ago, or even longer. I mean even trivial things that were of little consequence then and are of even less now.

Same here. Not half a century ago, but fifteen or more years. They just pop into my head a make me cringe. Just dumb little shit. It sucks.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Letting go isnt hard at all.

There are proven, effective techniques to extinguish phobias, and most debris/clutter from the past are phobic in nature.

USING YOUR BRAIN FOR A CHANGE by John Grinder & Richard Bandler includes the recipe for how to extinguish post-traumatic stress. It works. You should be able to find the recipe on-line.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://www2.hawaii.edu/~lady/archive/phobia-2.html

Here's an over-view of the technique. Check out the archive index for other helpful information

 

[gauchecritic]

You are who you are.

If you hadn't been born, you wouldn't be you.

If your mum didn't breastfeed you, you wouldn't be you.

If you didn't cry the first day of school, you wouldn't be you.

If that boy hadn't kissed you, you wouldn't be you.

If you passed your driving test on the third go instead of the fourth, you wouldn't be you.

If you'd sold that necklace (instead of buying it yourself), you wouldn't be you.

If you hadn't met him, you wouldn't be you.

If you hadn't met me, you wouldn't be you.

If you didn't have 'What ifs..' and 'I just wish...' you wouldn't be you.

Being you is a gift for everyone you meet. Making you is a gift from us all.

 

[fifty5]

If you hadn't been born, you wouldn't be you.

If your mum didn't breastfeed you, you wouldn't be you.

If you didn't cry the first day of school, you wouldn't be you.

If that boy hadn't kissed you, you wouldn't be you.

If you passed your driving test on the third go instead of the fourth, you wouldn't be you.

If you'd sold that necklace (instead of buying it yourself), you wouldn't be you.

If you hadn't met him, you wouldn't be you.

If you hadn't met me, you wouldn't be you.

If you didn't have 'What ifs..' and 'I just wish...' you wouldn't be you.

Being you is a gift for everyone you meet. Making you is a gift from us all.

What Gauche said!

 

[Guest]

If you hadn't been born, you wouldn't be you.

If your mum didn't breastfeed you, you wouldn't be you.

If you didn't cry the first day of school, you wouldn't be you.

If that boy hadn't kissed you, you wouldn't be you.

If you passed your driving test on the third go instead of the fourth, you wouldn't be you.

If you'd sold that necklace (instead of buying it yourself), you wouldn't be you.

If you hadn't met him, you wouldn't be you.

If you hadn't met me, you wouldn't be you.

If you didn't have 'What ifs..' and 'I just wish...' you wouldn't be you.

Being you is a gift for everyone you meet. Making you is a gift from us all.

beautiful.

true.

 

[impressive]

Every time I think I've dealt with it, it comes back and slaps me in the face.

I sooooooooo understand. The only advice I have is to confront it. Don't let it slink back into the shadows where it can pounce on you when your guard is down. Keep it in view and flip it the bird at every opportunity.

Things that have a strong emotional impact tend to be more heavily imprinted on the brain than things that have little emotional impact.

If the event was scary, painful, sad, hurtful, terrifying, humiliating etc., it will get baked into your memory pretty hard.

*nods* Angela is sexy, wise woman.

 

[christabelll]

I have more trauma and what ifs that I deal with as they arrives than any two humans should have to deal with let alone one...

There is a technique out there that Really trully works though it is seen as hogwash by a few... however the scientific evidence is mounting every day
and I just about feel out of my chair when the special that is coming up on one of the tv stations called "I can make you thin!" is covering this technique on National television for the grossly obese and even those who merely cant seem to lose that last forty pounds that stick around inspite of hours of exercise and 1000 calories or less a day!


http://www.emofree.com/

Check it out... and I am certified EFT1 myself if you wanna talk.

 

[Ǽltya]

I have more trauma and what ifs that I deal with as they arrives than any two humans should have to deal with let alone one...

There is a technique out there that Really trully works though it is seen as hogwash by a few... however the scientific evidence is mounting every day
and I just about feel out of my chair when the special that is coming up on one of the tv stations called "I can make you thin!" is covering this technique on National television for the grossly obese and even those who merely cant seem to lose that last forty pounds that stick around inspite of hours of exercise and 1000 calories or less a day!


http://www.emofree.com/

Check it out... and I am certified EFT1 myself if you wanna talk.

When I first read J-L's post, I thought "tapping". It hasn't been truly successful for me, but in anxious moments, it does relieve the heavy feeling in my chest.

and HUGS, J-L.

 

[LoquaciousLady]

Its not so much what happened to me that bugs me, its the "what ifs" of what could have happened to others that bothers me.

I can't say much more without explaining the whole damn thing

Ah, now this I can relate to. What ifs can drive you mad if you let them. You have to make a deliberate choice to let what ifs go.

I get the impression from what you say that what you're beating yourself up for is "crimes" against others that could have caused a lot of damage. First you're going to have to acknowledge your mistakes to yourself and then you need to let go of what might have happened. What did happen is fixed in time. Maybe it would help if you tried to make amends to those you feel you've wronged. If you're not in contact with them anymore you could just write letters and burn them.

Most importantly, learn from your mistakes and move forward.

 

[impressive]

When I first read J-L's post, I thought "tapping". It hasn't been truly successful for me, but in anxious moments, it does relieve the heavy feeling in my chest.

and HUGS, J-L.

Ah, I knew this sounded familiar! My son's massage therapist uses EFT as part of her arsenal.

 

[christabelll]

When I first read J-L's post, I thought "tapping". It hasn't been truly successful for me, but in anxious moments, it does relieve the heavy feeling in my chest.

and HUGS, J-L.

In my experience its because the right keys words were never found to fully release it.

On one particularly difficult issue - about body image - It took weeks for the particular trigger words and several episodes to come to emotional physical mental and yeah spiritual nil for me. THats not to say I am not still hard as hell on myself - but somethings are no longer attached to body image that were deeply painful at the time of occurance, but no longer form part of the subtext of my interraction with others.

I am still working through the layers on other more deeply wounded areas that have attached years of similar feelings to them. Very much like peeling an onion... the worst of its past - thank god - but yeah stuff still comes up.

I find that also when I just simply start tapping when I have flareups out of proportion to the situation, I find a few deeper things clinging to the underside of it. So I tap it down... Or I unconconsciously just start tapping right under my eye, usually the right. It helps and those who use it find it does help.

Be prepared for tears and broken sobbing be gentle when rage and guilt and sorrow flood and be prepared for phantom physical pain and momentary manifestation of outer injuries. But keep working eventually you feel so light and cleansed and in need of deep healing sleep. I find myself just serene after words - like I have become becalmed in the stormy seas of life. But thats me...

I am glad you find some releif darling---

And I hope that some one reading this will find it interesting enough to find out more ....

Kisses all Where there is life there is hope... even if we have to lose what helps identify us as "real" :whole: "normal" pack: "broken" ;crazy; "misfit" etc., what we've claimed and declared as our heritage of self. By changing our attractants and triggers we can change the timbre of our thoughts and emotional reactions. Its not about blame, guilt, recriminations, or litiginous results. Its about recognising what seethes beneath the surface of our waking thoughts. Its about repairing the Damage to the circuits of our "Electric" Being. And how we reforge connections without the hitches and gitches of emotional and physical woundings...

Another great thing to check out in relation to this - is a book by Ken (Kevin?) Dychtwald - The Body Mind... Fantastic book. Trully shows in the physicallity of self where our patterns of mental and structural wounds are.


Have a Wonderous day

 

[alyxen]

The gist of a few posts above has been to explain that all that has happened to you and that you have been through made you....well 'you'! So ask yourself this question. Are you happy with the person you are today? If you answer yes, then whatever this event is, is partly responsible for letting you be that person.

I hope talking about it with the fiance has helped!