Why Women Love Good Boys...Even if They're Vampiric

[3113]

I thought we should explore this, as, after all, Twilight is as huge success as True Blood, and the one thing that can be said about Twilight is that the author has, more or less, sucked all the bad out of vampires (except for the "bad" vampires, of course ).

In Twilight (and this is as I understand it as I've not read it), the vampires are wonderful creatures that sparkle in the light and have golden eyes, don't kill or want to kill (the good ones), and don't ever drink human blood if they can avoid it. The "good" coven is led by a compassionate, Christian father-figure. When Edward (the lust object of so many female readers) falls for Bella, his one desire is to protect her. In fact, he agonizes over the fact that he might hurt her (Wuss!). Vampires are, more or less, angels--some on the side of good, others fallen, thus making the job of the good vamps to protect humans from those bad vamps.

So, clearly, female readers and viewers do not always fall for the "bad boy" over the "good boy." Literature, pop culture and movies are filled with "good boy" heroes that women have adored, including the more "human" kind like Jimmy Stewart and Tom Hanks. So there are ladies out there swooning and wishing for a knight in shining armor, good through and through...of course, they all seem to be teenaged girls.

Which allows us to turn the question (why do women always go for the bad boy?) around and ask: Why would any woman want a boy who is that good?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My personal theory is, men who are too nice and too good are probably sociopaths. And they often are, because sociopaths dont have an intuitive sense of where the lines are. Regular guys belch, fart, scratch, etc. cuz they kinda know how much their old lady will tolerate before she swats them on the nose. So the sociopath goes to extremes with manners and degeneracy.

Florence King said Southern men are all sociopaths (they are); she said a Southern man is courteous and friendly and polite until the moment he kills you.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Well, as I'm lesbian, I can't speak to the idea of being attracted to a 'good' boy, but I can speak to being attracted to a perceived 'good' girl. For me, I have always classified the kind of women I like as 'good-bad girls.' LOL. They embody all that is innocent and sweet outside--soap & water Ivory clean skin with soft eyes and soft charms. Underneath, however, there lies a depth of passion and sadness that makes them dynamic as lovers. The combination is irresistable for me. There is the fineness of subtlety and softness and an inner fire that only someone intimate with them would know about.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Well, as I'm lesbian, I can't speak to the idea of being attracted to a 'good' boy, but I can speak to being attracted to a perceived 'good' girl. For me, I have always classified the kind of women I like as 'good-bad girls.' LOL. They embody all that is innocent and sweet outside--soap & water Ivory clean skin with soft eyes and soft charms. Underneath, however, there lies a depth of passion and sadness that makes them dynamic as lovers. The combination is irresistable for me. There is the fineness of subtlety and softness and an inner fire that only someone intimate with them would know about.

That certainly would attract me!

 

[impressive]

Why would any woman want a boy who is that good?

When he looks like Palmer Joss from Contact:

http://knockedupcelebs.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/matthewmcconaughey2.jpg

Can't get much gooder than that character. I think I'd sell my first born for a roll in that hay.

 

[Liar]

Everybody wish to live a good story. A life less ordinary.

Good boys and bad boys are archetypes. Easy to fit into the formula script of an ideal diary.

I mean, who walks around dreaming of an average, easily forgettable bloke?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Everybody wish to live a good story. A life less ordinary.

Good boys and bad boys are archetypes. Easy to fit into the formula script of an ideal diary.

I mean, who walks around dreaming of an average, easily forgettable bloke?

Ah, that explains the lack of appeal for the 'odd', no archetype!

 

[slyc_willie]

When he looks like Palmer Joss from Contact:

Can't get much gooder than that character. I think I'd sell my first born for a roll in that hay.

I'm compelled to wonder why. Sure, he's a very attractive man, but that doesn't mean he would be any good in bed (Jodie Foster's character didn't seem all that impressed, anyway )

Is the attraction due to wanting to sample the "good stuff?"

. . . or to see if the hay would catch fire?

 

[Verdad]

My personal theory is, men who are too nice and too good are probably sociopaths. And they often are, because sociopaths dont have an intuitive sense of where the lines are. Regular guys belch, fart, scratch, etc. cuz they kinda know how much their old lady will tolerate before she swats them on the nose. So the sociopath goes to extremes with manners and degeneracy.

Ha! You're probably a bit tongue in cheek, but you still hit the nail on the head. As we've discussed in relation to bad boys, some abusers do have the bad boy appearance, complete with low impulse control, inability to follow the rules, and so on. Many, however, do not. Many are squeaky clean on the surface, even conspicuously so. When that eternal question crops up, "Why do women don't like good guys?" that is a part of the answer.

'Good guy', is for starters a serious misnomer. Were it to mean what it looks like it means, "a good person of the male variety", who on earth would object to it? Most people like good people; I certainly do. What's hidden behind the term 'good guy' is rarely about "kindness", "moral fiber", or other definitions of good, though.

At best, it's a shorthand for a shy, or introverted, or socially clumsy guy. For women who are very traditional and want the man to lead at all times and in all things, this is, admittedly, enough to be a deal breaker. Not for me, though, and not for many others. There are plenty of women who like this kind of good guy or who won't mind making the first move so long as there's something worthwhile to follow.

More often, though, it's a shorthand for a particular passive-aggressive type with anger issues visible from the Moon, for all his attempts to conceal them behind 'niceness'. He's usually a failed macho, with as big a sense of male entitlement as the best of them, but some initial failure taught him to hide it. He resents 'having to be nice', lacks the confidence not to be, women notice this insincerity on a glance, and so he stews in a cycle of anger and rejection.

And then there's the worst possibility of all, as you describe. An honest to god abuser or psycho, who pays special attention to appearances because he's ever alert not to betray himself. A part of the appeal of the so-called bad boys might as well be that they at least make women sure they're not dealing with this kind.

(Will try to return to 3113's main topic later, though!)

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

VERDAD

I enjoy reading murder mysteries. I'm reading one where all the evidence points to a couple of very crazy & violent binge killers who spent years & years in maximum security detention (until a CareBear judge released them). But I suspect the real killer is a real estate lawyer. He's too nice and good.

 

[impressive]

I'm compelled to wonder why. Sure, he's a very attractive man, but that doesn't mean he would be any good in bed (Jodie Foster's character didn't seem all that impressed, anyway )

Is the attraction due to wanting to sample the "good stuff?"

. . . or to see if the hay would catch fire?

He doesn't have to be good in bed. He just has to be there (and, obviously, interested in the experience). I wanna rub myself all over something that pretty.

(I'll take Jodie Foster, too.)

 

[3113]

At best, it's a shorthand for a shy, or introverted, or socially clumsy guy.

But not in the original sense--though certainly in current pop culture this is true. I think "good guy" boils down to the self-sacrificing, challenge-meeting, gentleman-adventurer. Loyal to his king and kingdom (which are good and stand for all that is good); brave, chivalrous, noble. The one who when a desperate act is needed to save the day shouts out "I'll do it!"

The slayer of dragons, the only one who can defeat the dark lord, whether physically strong or weak, confident or not, he nevertheless is compelled to do right while saving orphans from fires and kittens from trees and taking umbrage at anyone disrespectful to a lady.

 

[smallgirl]

because he will take care of her, her needs are first, and she will know she is loved. isnt that what most women want? I do.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

But not in the original sense--though certainly in current pop culture this is true. I think "good guy" boils down to the self-sacrificing, challenge-meeting, gentleman-adventurer. Loyal to his king and kingdom (which are good and stand for all that is good); brave, chivalrous, noble. The one who when a desperate act is needed to save the day shouts out "I'll do it!"

The slayer of dragons, the only one who can defeat the dark lord, whether physically strong or weak, confident or not, he nevertheless is compelled to do right while saving orphans from fires and kittens from trees and taking umbrage at anyone disrespectful to a lady.

Or, at a lower socio/economic level, is the one who begins with "Something ought to be done about that", and later says "Someone really ought to do something about that" and finally throws up his hands in despair, shouting "Aw crap!", picks up an ax and does it.

Sometimes combat is inevitable, even when there is no hope of victory--or even of survival. Of such things are heroes made.

 

[Verdad]

But not in the original sense--though certainly in current pop culture this is true. I think "good guy" boils down to the self-sacrificing, challenge-meeting, gentleman-adventurer. Loyal to his king and kingdom (which are good and stand for all that is good); brave, chivalrous, noble. The one who when a desperate act is needed to save the day shouts out "I'll do it!"

The slayer of dragons, the only one who can defeat the dark lord, whether physically strong or weak, confident or not, he nevertheless is compelled to do right while saving orphans from fires and kittens from trees and taking umbrage at anyone disrespectful to a lady.

Agreed. I just liked James' post and had to respond. Outside of the peculiar context of that "Why do you women…?" question, 'good guy' is, of course, as you describe—the hero, the guy in white hat.

Funny enough, though, my definition of him would have been a bit different than yours. For instance,

Or, at a lower socio/economic level, is the one who begins with "Something ought to be done about that", and later says "Someone really ought to do something about that" and finally throws up his hands in despair, shouting "Aw crap!", picks up an ax and does it.

I totally loved this example. On a big scale or on a small scale, this seems to me like the essence of the good-guy hero. Where the rebel hero looks for trouble and burns with impatience to accomplish something great, the good-guy hero usually has his destiny thrust upon him. To my mind, he's not the guy who chases the dragons across the land. That would be the provenance of the bad-boy hero. Rather, he's the one who rises to the occasion when the dragon appears. Duty is the concept that distinguishes him, and loyalty as you said, as well as, in my opinion, the lack of flamboyance and histrionics that so often accompany the rebels. We love him because he does the right thing, and seems to do so for unselfish reasons. He satisfies our need to believe in a just and ordered world.

In your rendition, however, he sounds to me a bit too … eager, I guess, so I wonder if I'm on the right track. I wonder, for example, if all the incarnations of the 'monomyth' guy (e.g. Neo in Matrix) belong here, or that's just hero-hero and it's something more specific we're talking about here.